IDK if it's worthy of QOTM, but I sure would like to see the Ding Dong Twinzz replaced already!


Anyway, this tickled me because of TK's IRL hate of this move!


"Thunder Knuckles hates the catapult maneuver. Absolutely. When we first started partnering up, we were going over what would be a cool finisher, and I was thinking a slingshot into something, and he immediately, sharply, and without hesitation said ‘oh fuck no, we’re not, fuck the slingshot, that move is stupid’. I had to agree, it didn’t make sense whatsoever, but hey, he’s also the master of the foot DDT, so I definitely know he’s onto some strategy I don’t and can’t fathom. Like, I do a ton of crazy ass signature, one of a kind Bobby Bourbon shit in that ring, but I sure as fuck am baffled how to deliver a Thunder Strike correctly and at this point, I’m afraid to ask. Sorry TK. I will perform the catapult toehold on you at March Madness 4, in Tokyo, in front of everybody for all creation, from Earth to whatever hereafter we’ve visited, and sweet work continuing the time travel stuff, it seems cool. I remember when we did it and it was minty fresh." - Bobby Bourbon - HELLFIRE

(03-26-2022, 02:13 PM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: Let's go where?

I didn't really wanna do the Nazi one is all. I would LOVE if folks gave me suggestions more often though!

That's what small-dicked motherfuckers say! - TK

Unless you’re not even trying, everyone is mediocre by default - it takes the best of us to rise. And here’s the part that should give you pause - that’s where you’ve chosen to stay. Everyone can claim they’re the underdog when the odds are against them, just to have an easy excuse when they lose. - Raion Kido

LINKY

Veeter Valenteener -

Quote:"Well I don't need SOFT, Corey Smith!" Intentional? "I need HARD!" ...wut... "ROCK HARD!" Goddamnit Sar, this is YOUR fault! "THE HARDEST! Because Sar isn't going to bat an eye if I go over a LIMP retiree unless I'm the one who makes you limp! And the world knows I'm totally capable of making a guy go limp!" 🤦‍♂️

The goddamn emoji killed me.

10/10 would recommend.

RP: Bite Of Passage
Link: http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=43275

---

*One Time XWF Heavy Metalweight Champion*
*One Time Owner Of Gabe Reno's Man Pussy*

I grace you all with my angelic voice with my rendition of, as Mastermind called it, Monster by Emnimem and RiahannAa.

- Dick Powers.

Bobby’s arm tenses as he squeezes Theo’s nutsack, by the way, but that’s just what’s going on in the scene, not that sweet, sweet word count fluff, the fluff you need, the fluff you crave. Theo is getting no fluff, his balls are in a vice, and that vice is Bobby’s right hand. Theo’s eyes widen, like he’s a fat kid being squeezed into a roller coaster seat by a bored looking twenty-something. Like my eyes. I am large and must need squeezing into roller coaster seats. The employees always look so satisfied to press all their might into my chest and bend it to contort to the safety standards of the machine I’m sitting in and not my chest itself. Tumbili at Kings Dominion is fucking baller. Word count happened. Theo is in for a roller coaster ride.

My testicles!


Word Count Is Important - Bobby Bourbon

Quote:Will I get the deal done, will me and Tommy trade places
I know you love defeat, that's what you think third base is

-Charlie's 24/7 Rap Battle vs Tommy Wish

Got a good chuckle out of me. Well done.

it's been forever, i have a new suggestion of what atara themis-raven said last warfare



Atty:

"I want to apologize to the XWF fans for not having done this sooner, for not letting you be apart of the Relentless celebrations, but in my defense between motherhood, wifedom, and just normal Atty day to day, I've been a little preoccupied handing out L's to the 24/7 challengers so I reached out to my sister's here to make sure this goes off without a hitch."

"The reason I'm out here we all know is that at last Warfare Gary Goth issued his little challenge with his what if's and his self projections and everyone wants to know my response. Well.....Goth....after some thought, mulling over all the scenarios you brought up my response... "

Dramatic Pause.

"My response is....."

"What If....what if..."

"What If Your Mom had swallowed?"

fucking anything please i want a new qotm i love dick powers but it's been months lol

Charlie wants to stare at Atty gifs. Help him.

I didn't see the Atty one he posted on 10/27 - I'll use it!

From Buster Glove's "You're Not On The List"

Big bull balls, they drag me down
Level Up Wrestling, is underground.
Vegas sucks, I hate this town.
Do the right thing, burn it down.
Call me Buster, call me dead.
Dorito crumbs, all in my bed.
I shaved my balls, I shaved my head.
Goose shit green, bank statement red.

This was my dream, this and ice cream
Always wanted just, to be on TV
P-90-X, and break some necks
Then I learned how, to count to three
Strippers smokin’ weed, in my hall
But they work here, does and bucks,
I can’t beat Vaughn, tried way too long
Even punched him, in the nuts.

Wake up Sunday, everybody punch me.
I’m still hungry, time to work
I’m not funny, make less money
Then single mothers paid to twerk
Red-alert, your mom’s a jerk
check out my website, we got merch.
It’ll blow your mind, and bottom line
You’ll get laid, before the second verse.

C-C-P-E, let’s get high
Let’s get Pepsi, let’s get fries.
Have a two-piece, leg and a thigh
Not too spicy, don’t wanna die
I got Wi-Fi, internet
Heavyweight, X-dub-F
I eat L’s, I got bad breath
I break hearts, cardiac arrest.

[chorus]

Is it chickens, or is it ducks
When I get booked, I fuck shit up
When I want does, I get bucks
I don’t like snakes and Chris Page sucks.

Is it chickens, or is it ducks
When I get booked, I fuck shit up
When I want does, I get bucks
I don’t like snakes and Chris Page sucks.

[end chorus]

You ain’t gonna pin me, you ain’t gonna sub me
you ain't gonna kiss me, you ain't gonna hug me
snug as a bug, in a rug on drugs
just do something, please just love me
I don't wanna go, to my match Sunday
Or the day after, please don’t judge me
You can cheat me, you can hurt me
You can push me, please just rub me.

It’s Christmas time, I feel all right
Scored some Oreo’s, do a line
Finn’s got my back, Finn’s got my side
We wanna get our ass kicked on prime time
I'm like hello…I'm like hi
do you wanna hive five, do you wanna die
do you wanna throw up, do you wanna cry
do you want to try me, do you want pie?

I got a mission, Names on a list
And I don’t dance, and I don’t fish
Donny, X, Peter, Chris
Merry Christmas, go eat shit
I lost to X, made me bitter
Lost to Peter, even quicker
He beat me twice, and I want liquor
I got my junk stuck in my zipper.

I play the horns, the horns of death
I just want gold, and I’m obsessed
I’ll crush your soul, I’ll take your breath
You wanna go, just be my guest
I’m not alone, the voice in my head
Tells me I’m handsome and great in bed
Who need money, who needs friends
I count lights on E-S-P-N

[chorus]

Is it chickens, or is it ducks
When I get booked, I fuck shit up
When I want does, I get bucks
I don’t like snakes and Chris Page sucks.

Is it chickens, or is it ducks
When I get booked, I fuck shit up
When I want does, I get bucks
I don’t like snakes and Chris Page sucks.

[end chorus]

[Outro Music]

And if you don’t know... now you know…
Represent, Santa Claus… ninja.
Merry Christmas to all… and to all a good night…

“PETER VAUGHN. First Appearance Date: Relentless Night 3! September 26th, 2021! Remember that night, Vaughn-o? THE OCW INVASION OF XWF! Vaughn, Riddle & Cashe AND Bam Miller AMBUSH Universal Champion Alias!”

…

“I mean, okay, that turned out to be a MASSIVE failure. Most of you got fired from OCW weeks later under…” Finger quotes. “mysterious circumstances.”

The creature leans in with a hand hiding his mouth.

“*cough*Budget cuts*cough*…”

“Thank God SUCCESS™ Theo showed up, ready to sign all you unemployed losers to XWF contracts, huh, Vaughnerino? Say what you will about Theo, but he fought off a ‘takeover’ single-handedly. And that ‘single hand’ only had to sign three checks.”

The shape giggles


-Flynn

https://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=45465

(01-31-2023, 05:24 PM)Dolly Waters Said: “PETER VAUGHN. First Appearance Date: Relentless Night 3! September 26th, 2021! Remember that night, Vaughn-o? THE OCW INVASION OF XWF! Vaughn, Riddle & Cashe AND Bam Miller AMBUSH Universal Champion Alias!”

…

“I mean, okay, that turned out to be a MASSIVE failure. Most of you got fired from OCW weeks later under…” Finger quotes. “mysterious circumstances.”

The creature leans in with a hand hiding his mouth.

“*cough*Budget cuts*cough*…”

“Thank God SUCCESS™ Theo showed up, ready to sign all you unemployed losers to XWF contracts, huh, Vaughnerino? Say what you will about Theo, but he fought off a ‘takeover’ single-handedly. And that ‘single hand’ only had to sign three checks.”

The shape giggles


-Flynn

https://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=45465

"Hey, Misfit Dipshits! Why'd you steal Barney!?!"

"Let me guess? Because YOU SUCK!?! Like really suck! Lead by a man whose only claim to fame in the last, what? Year? Two years? Who's keeping track? Seems that guy's on vacation too! Point is, when your superior is a guy whose only remarkable moment in recent memory is shitting the bed against a monkey man with a brain the size of a pebble, you're pretty much left being undeniably the least talented nincompoop in a sea of Misfits."

"Well, except for maybe "The Hunteress", God bless her fucking heart!"

There is a moment of fondness for Scarlet's illiterate ass, but it quickly passes without so much as a single crude comment about her body.
- Gravy
https://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=45543

This is single-handedly the greatest opening to a trash talk portion I have ever seen.

Holder of the most wins in the XWF (Mostly house shows)

Holder of the most draws in XWF (All on Anarchy)

Winner of Sickest Cunt of the Year 2020

Winner of Greatest Wrestler who ever lived 2022

Holder of the world's rarest pog collection (Valued at $200)

Owner of Ned Kaye's cat that Ned named Deepthroat for some weird reason

Voted most feared man by Centurion (Twice!)

Matter oh fact, the first time I ever choked the old one-eyed monster out was in this very outhouse when I found my Daddy’s playboy stashed under a stack of Field & Stream. What do ya expect a young man to do when he lays eyes on Claudia Schiffer in all her natural glory?

- "Mad Dog" Mark Wright

...We could use some fresh quotes...

(06-11-2023, 04:56 PM)Dionysus Said: ...We could use some fresh quotes...

Make a suggestion man, someone had to have said something that tickled your fancy

"So, I ask him where he’s been, what he’s been up to. Apparently, after that righteous bender of a party in Tokyo where he was jamming with BABY METAL-"

What?

It was in one of Sar’s promos.

Oh, that’s why I don’t know what she’s talking about. LOL!

"-he ended up having some coked-out exchange with Gravy. He spouted something about the two of them challenging the Thugs for the Madness Gemini Championships as the team ‘RoboCock,’ but I tried to not listen too much. Eventually, I got him to stop yammering about stuff I don’t care about, gave him some crap about how terrible he’s been eating and how he drinks too much-"

….you can drink too much?

Leap of Faith, Part II: The Rule of Two

(06-11-2023, 06:44 PM)Bobby Bourbon Said:

(06-11-2023, 04:56 PM)Dionysus Said: ...We could use some fresh quotes...

Make a suggestion man, someone had to have said something that tickled your fancy

Oh, I meant on the front page. Can't control that one. XD

(06-14-2023, 01:47 PM)Dionysus Said:

(06-11-2023, 06:44 PM)Bobby Bourbon Said:

(06-11-2023, 04:56 PM)Dionysus Said: ...We could use some fresh quotes...

Make a suggestion man, someone had to have said something that tickled your fancy

Oh, I meant on the front page. Can't control that one. XD

I don't understand. The one on the front page gets changed every so often and those changes come when someone actually suggests a good one to replace it. Ergo, make a suggestion, it could take the place of the one on the front page. That's how this works.

(06-15-2023, 07:50 AM)Bobby Bourbon Said:

(06-14-2023, 01:47 PM)Dionysus Said:

(06-11-2023, 06:44 PM)Bobby Bourbon Said: Make a suggestion man, someone had to have said something that tickled your fancy

Oh, I meant on the front page. Can't control that one. XD

I don't understand. The one on the front page gets changed every so often and those changes come when someone actually suggests a good one to replace it. Ergo, make a suggestion, it could take the place of the one on the front page. That's how this works.

Aaaaah, I thought they rotated monthly or something.

(06-15-2023, 03:45 PM)Dionysus Said:

(06-15-2023, 07:50 AM)Bobby Bourbon Said:

(06-14-2023, 01:47 PM)Dionysus Said: Oh, I meant on the front page. Can't control that one. XD

I don't understand. The one on the front page gets changed every so often and those changes come when someone actually suggests a good one to replace it. Ergo, make a suggestion, it could take the place of the one on the front page. That's how this works.

Aaaaah, I thought they rotated monthly or something.

Yeah what Bobby said is accurate. If someone suggests something good we throw it on the front page or if the GM's see something they like while reading we might throw it up there.

HOW TO BUILD A STADIUM

STEP 1: PLANS
You need to have plans in order to make a stadium.

[Image: ?uuid=9a3edaa3-5d17-51ad-81e2-8cd57f5269...height=550]

STEP 2: BUY LAND

In order to build a stadium you need to buy land to construct the stadium.

[Image: eyJidWNrZXQiOiJjb250ZW50Lmhzd3N0YXRpYy5j...ZpZiJ9fQ==]


STEP 3: POUR THE CONCRETE TO FORM YOUR FOUNDATIONS

[Image: Concrete_Slab_Cost_Main-650x433.jpg]

Once you have your plans and brought a piece of land now you must pour the concrete to begin the foundations of building a stadium.


STEP 4: BUILD WALLS

[Image: Load-Bearing-wall-700x525.jpg]

Once you've started the foundations you need to start building the walls.



STEP 5: SET UP THE SEATING

[Image: 84604478_3006600306069138_74909071230023...e=64B47504]

After you made plans, brought a piece of land, poured the concrete, and started building your stadium, then you must start placing seating so that people can come and watch.



FINAL STEP: SET UP YOUR RING

[Image: Ebikes-2022-09-19T125101.093-1080x720.jpg.webp]

Once you have gone through all 5 steps, then you must place your wrestling ring in the stadium, and allow people to come to either watch or practice.


-mastermind

(06-28-2023, 02:37 AM)Bobby Bourbon Said: Tired of not being able to blow out all your birthday candles?

We see a woman attempt to blow out birthday candles, but cough, then throw her hands up in frustration.

Worried about bad actors in your area?

The poor woman is seen walking to her car when a group of kids run up and throw eggs at her, causing her to throw her hands up in frustration.

Tired of not being able to kill the fat guy in Jurassic Park?

Actor Wayne Knight sits in the driver's seat of a jeep looking really disdainful, shaking his head in shame at the same poor lady from earlier, who huffs then throws her hands up in frustration.

Hi, I’m Bobby Bourbon, and we at BourbCo have the solution for you. The mist gland only occurs in 0.043% of the population, but now you too can undergo the latest in body modification, developing your own poison mist glands!

The helpless bitch from earlier smiles. All her prayers have been answered by crass commercialism.

It's easy! First, agitate the special solution in a microwave, getting the radiation really singing! Then, inject the formula! It's so simple a baby can do it!

NOTE: DIY Mist Gland Kit should not be used by anyone under the age of 12.

And that's not all, but they come in a full array of colors! Green mist, red mist, black mist, orange mist, taupe mist, aubergine mist, blue mist, navy blue mist, royal blue mist, yellow mist, and more, each with accompanying effects when blasted into an enemy's face!

The now empowered woman rubs her mist glands, loading them up, then spews a healthy beige mist right at Wayne Knight. She turns and smiles at the camera, a beige drool dripping from her maw, her teeth deep, deep beige.

That's right, for the low price of 30 low monthly payments of $49.99, you too can have a poison mist gland! That's not all! Call today, and we'll send you the brand new design of the DIY Mist Gland Kit!

Wayne Knight looks super curious, which makes sense, the beige mist piques curiosity.

It's a suppository!

WOW!

-Bobby Bourbon, DIY Mist Gland Kit.

That's right. The entire thing should be quote of the moment.

You KNEW if I went first, I could take advantage of the situation, so you had to make it JUST complicated enough that the average Connect 4er couldn't cheat the system. And then you did everything in your power to make it so that YOU could! No weapons. No B.O.B. Angelica Vaughn doesn't use weapons, nor does she have the backing of B.O.B. All I hear is the TV Champion's scared and has to make shit up in order to keep her Title! I'm surprised you didn't ban wrestling moves, at this rate. Hell, you even made it so we have to run back and forth like it's some kind of marathon! Gee, I wonder............ out of the two of us, who's in better shape to do sprints in the middle of a match? Talk about a Champion's advantage! You wanna make having a dick illegal, too, while we're at it? Joke's on you! I'd just chop it off and get it reattached after the match is over; THAT'S how much winning this belt means to me!"



https://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=46634

Flynn side-eyes Irwin, before nodding. ”Nah. Theo’s clean.”

…Irwin squints… His whole face goes through a cycle of every expression at once. Confusion. Confoundment. Joy. Terror.

”...Sir… Last month, you LITERALLY said Theo was paying someone to paint the lines of your parking spot at XWF HQ a quarter-inch smaller every month, so you’d think you were getting bad at parking.”

Flynn scoffs. ”I mean… Well, Yes, he’s definitely doing that.”

i gave all of my fans my email address before last Anarchy and it was rogerscoolemailaddress@gmail.com and through that i received a lovely letter from a fan of mine who is a Nigerien prince and he said to me please help me Roger i am in exile and need to wire you 600,069 American dollars which is almost 500,000 quid and if you don't give me your bank account details now the money will be stolen by the forces of evil and given to people who blow up schools and kill zebras and like brussel sprouts so pretty please give me your bank account details and then the schools won't get blown up and the zebras won't die and the brussel sprouts won't be eaten and so of course i gave him my bank account details because it is what Elmer would have wanted and soon enough i had almost 500,000 quid in my bank account and now my new friend Prince Ibrahim is sleeping on my couch and i offered him my bed because he is royalty and he said no thank you it would be against my people's beliefs and so then we got to talking about the current political crisis unfolding in Niger and my dearest father who was over for a sunday roast said 'whoa I thought you said you were from Nigeria' and Prince Ibrahim just laughed and said 'no you silly goose i said i was Nigerien what else do you think you would call someone from Niger?' and we all agreed that was a very good point.


https://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=46781

 

From Lost In The Dark by Ned Kaye:

“You tear into so many people with juvenile little tangents because that’s all you really have. You’ve denied yourself the opportunity to grow and kicked the can so far down the street that you can only hope to stumble into a championship reign from time to time. You did the number one thing most addicts do, you sacrificed later for now. And as much as I could mock you over it or look down on you, I can’t. Because there was a time when I did, too. It took time for me to find myself. I didn’t try to outsource my self-growth, I faced it head on and now I hold the most important piece of gold in professional wrestling. But this belt doesn’t mean anything in a vacuum. You held the Television Title, Dolly, but you weren’t a champion. Your reign was as short-lived as your attention span and it spiraled you into this downpour of failure. And now, again, you’re relying on fate. Content to watch the flow of time rather than stand defiant in the rapids, looking at Walmart branded Tarot cards and Quija boards. Cheap and plastic versions of culture for a woman who’s become a counterfeit version of herself. Dollar-store Waters, wasting away in the bargain bin as her value shrinks. You’re the insufferable opposite of “just happy to be here.” You’re miserable and you won’t fucking leave.”

From Spencer Adams's A Humble Knee (March Madness)

"Hello, World.

My name is Push and I’ve come to shove Prince Adeyami’s head so far into the fucking Earth that he has to ask the Mole People for advice. Unfortunately, Mole People don’t talk and a sad sack “Where do I go from here?” is bound to fall on deaf ears while I’m busy on the surface, doing a celebratory griddy several miles above your inverted bag of bones like the hours were ticking down on your stay in the Nutty Putty Cave Inn. You could’ve walked in here with a roar and instead, you’re going into that ring borking like a doofy lap dog. It’s silence when compared to what we SHOULD be seeing from you."

I’m no longer going to give a damn about what the marks think of me. You've never faced me as a true villain, and it's time I become one in your story.

I'm not going to let you feel happiness. I'm not going to let you feel safe. I'm going to take away everything that makes you confident in yourself, and turn you into a sniveling, weeping mess that no one will truly love.

Safety, love, adoration, respect.

All of these things are going to be taken from you in our match. You have never faced true evil in this fed, and it shows, because you never...

Shut.

The.

Fuck.

Up.

Everything is coming out at our match. From thumbtacks to vehicles. I will perforate and eviscerate you, until all that's left is a shell of a man.


-Mr. Oz