Red-X
- vs -
a 1994 Subaru Impreza WRX Anarchy Rules
Special Guest Referee: Robbie Bourbon
Bonus Stage
Doktor Trust
- vs -
Dillinger D'Marco Savage Rules
Singles
Red-X
- vs -
Link Rexx
- vs -
Jessalyn Hart
- vs -
Mad Dog Valley Savage Rules
Fatal Four Way
Brian Storm & Griffin MacAlister
- vs -
Jim Jimson & Thunder Knuckles Savage Rules
Special Guest Referee: A Wallaby
Millionaire's Tag Match
Standard Tag
Barney Green
- vs -
Boris Savage Rules
Risky Russian Razorwire Rumble
Deathmatch with Vodka soaked razor wire in place of ropes
Geri Miller
- vs -
Michael McBride
- vs -
Michael Archer Jr.
- vs -
Kieran Overton
- vs -
Phantom Panzer
- vs -
Estrella Luiz Savage Rules
Battle Royale
The Cavalry
- vs -
Scully Savage Rules
Singles
Mastermind
- vs -
James Raven 3 RPs 3K Word Limit
Singles
Big D
- vs -
Peter Gilmour Savage Rules
Xtreme Rules
Robert "The Omega" Main & "Chronic" Chris Page
- vs -
Shane & "The" Tristan Slater Savage Rules
Tag Team
Cage Match
The crowds of fans get to their seats and murmur in anticipation. Flames burst from the main stage and the lights around the rig flash rapidly; the Cunt Fest logo on the main X-Tron fading away into a video package of The Sick Cunts to "Down with the King."
Fuzz and Noah Jackson walk down the ramp, titles over their shoulders as the fans go crazy. Fuzz takes the lead bopping his head to the theme and acknowledging certain fans as Noah strolls behind him leading a "CUNT" chant. The pair head into the ring and hit up with a super-secret handshake before Fuzz raises his hand to cut the music. He looks around at the adoring sick cunts in the crowd before raising a mic, but the chants stay loud and he smiles instead of speaking for a few more seconds.
FUZZ: "G'DAY CUNTS!!!"
The crowd roar as Noah marks out with a huge grin. Fuzz thumbs his nose pacing the ring.
FUZZ: "Welcome everyone to THE SICKEST EVENT OF THE YEAR! The only XWF pay-per-view free from the hands of manipulative petty children. A show created by REAL wrestlers for TRUE fans; this is as much your moment as it is ours."
Fuzz places a hand over his heart with a huge shit-eating grin to cheers.
FUZZ: "Tonight, we make history. We show the world how SICK CUNTS do things. So, ARE YOU READY!?"
Huge pop.
FUZZ: "I SAID ARE YOU FUCKING READY!?!?"
Massive monster roar from the crowd. Fuzz nods his head, a fire in his chest. He slaps the mic into Noah's chest and throws an arm around Noah's shoulder as Jackson throws his head back with the mic.
"Down with the Kings" plays once more and the two throw their hands up as the first match graphic is shown.
“The following contest is for the XWF TELEVISION CHAMPIONSHIP…”
We fade pool side where a shallow three foot deep swimming pool has been dug with a referee in knee length swimming trunks with a referee’s tank top and black sunglasses.
“Introducing first the challenger… ATARA THEMIS!!
The arena lights dim and shift color casting the venue in a purple haze while simultaneously the ramp and stage lights turn pink. Hello Doves appears briefly on the X-tron in pink accompanied by Atara's voice saying the same over the arena PA right before Venus by Lady Gaga hits the speakers. The crowd goes apeshit crazy. Arena lights start to pulse in time with the music and multiple vertical streams of pyro erupt across the front of stage as Atara appears from backstage in a full grunge walk to centerstage right before the ramp. Posing for the camera, she blows a kiss before throwing off a silk robe to reveal her attire for the night.
ATARA steps into the pool waiting for the Champion.
“And her opponent…”
“About to make his way to the pool, he is the XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION NOAH JACKSON!”
The crowd pop as Noah Jackson strolls lazily from the back and basks in the glow of sick cunt energy washing over him. He slowly puts his right foot forward and glides down the ramp on his heelies, rhythmically raising and lowering pointed fingers to the sky as the crowd chants.
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
"CUNT!"
Noah makes a complete lap around the pool with the CUNT movement before unstrapping the TV Title and getting in the pool.
We are underway as ATARA blows Noah a kiss from across the pool which garners a smirk from NOAH as they start to walk towards the center of the pool where NOAH looks to lock up only to see ATARA ducks under and somewhat take a back waist lock only to start rubbing up and down NOAH’s chest before backing away. NOAH snickers as he turns around looking across the pool at ATARA. They walk around in the water before the actually lock up which see’s NOAH take ATARA into the water with a very “loose” fireman’s carry take over submerging ATARA’s body under water. NOAH struts around the pool when suddenly the crowd responds as VITA walks out pool side where she stands with her arms crossed across her chest staring a hole through NOAH who simply having a good time as NOAH freezes in place when noticing VITA. ATARA comes up from behind with a School Girl!
1!!!
2!!!!!!!
NOAH escapes the near as he’s now soaking wet as well. ATARA gets to gets to her feet in the pool blowing NOAH another kiss as he starts to get back to his feet. VITA looks on far from pleased as NOAH storms over towards ATARA who ducks a clothesline and as NOAH turns around he’s met by a back handed chop across the chest followed by a spinning heel kick taking NOAH down into the water! ATARA jumps on top of NOAH for the pin!
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!
THR………..
NOAH escapes the near fall as ATARA locks in a rear chin lock resting her chesticals across NOAH’s back. The referee is in position asking NOAH to surrender, which he refuses as ATARA cranks back on the rear chin lock forcing NOAH to start working his way back to his feet where he turns into the chin lock and lands a Side Suplex into the pool! NOAH gets back to his feet where he makes his way over to the side of the pool and climbs out where he waits for ATARA to starts getting up and he leaps back into the pool with a Missile Dropkick! NOAH looks to make the cover!
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!
THRE…
ATARA escapes the pinfall attempt.
NOAH gets to his feet where he reaches down picking ATARA out of the water. He scoops her up and slams her down into the water! NOAH waits for ATARA to get up when Noah rushes in with a lariat, but Atara ducks under and hooks the arm before locking in an abdominal stretch! Atara looks out to Vita who is keeping a close eye on every move she makes, and looking super sour about it. Atara winks at Vita before reaching down and grabbing a handful of Noah’s junk!
Fuzz: “Oh Jesus, Atara is just daring Vita to get involved here!”
Vita’s had enough!!
She runs and jumps into the pool, heading straight for Atara! Atara releases Noah, but had no time to react as Vita has already grabbed hold of her and flips her over her shoulder and into the water! Atara springs up out of the water, but Vita quickly pounces on her, grabbing her by the throat and pushing her head back underwater!!
Fuzz: “You know, normally I’d say let Vita do her thing, but we might want to get someone out here to break this up before Vita becomes a convicted murderer!”
Sure enough, no sooner than Fuzz said it, a group of event security rushes down to the ring to separate these women. A couple of big burly men grab Vita from behind and pull her off of Atara. She emerges from the water choking and gasping for air. Vita continues to throw wild punches and kicks while screaming what can only be described as erratic nonsense as she is dragged away from the pool area by security.
With Noah back on his feet, he looks more confused than anything as he’s trying to figure out what just happened. Atara on the other hand, now recovered from her near drowning, watches Vita get dragged away, and decides that this is a good opportunity for her to “get the last word in” so to speak. She rushes up to a distracted Noah and wraps her arms around his neck as she lays a deep passionate kiss on his unsuspecting lips!
Fuzz: “Atara Themis just kissed Noah! I’m not sure if I should be proud or worried because Vita looks like she could rip the world in two right now!”
Vita’s eyes grow like saucers!! She can’t believe what she’s seeing!!
Atara pulls her lips from Noah’s and looks out to Vita with a smirk.
Vita is so enraged that she finds the strength to shove both security guards off of her and rushes back towards the pool!!
Fuzz: “I bet Atara is regretting doing that now!”
Vita jumps into the pool again, and the two women immediately find themselves exchanging blows! Vita’s carry a little more weight behind them than Atara’s thanks to all of the steroids that she’s been ingesting as of late, and it shows as Atara is eventually stunned by a big right hand and stammers back as a result. Vita moves in, grabbing an arm, twisting it as she moves behind Atara, and then tries to use brute force to shove her into the water face first, but it’s Noah that grabs Vita and pulls her off of Atara this time!
Fuzz: “Oh man, you should have just stayed out of it Noah…”
The two argue for a moment before Security scops up Vita once more and drags her out of the pool.
NOAH spins around where he avoids a shot from ATARA and delivers the DOWN THUNDER! NOAH makes the cover!
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
DING… DING… DING…
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER AND STILL XWF TELEVISION CHAMPION
"The Hardest Worker in the XWF"
NOAH JACKSON[/cuntevent]
FUZZ: “Proud of you, son.”
[We cut to the back, where we see Brian O'Haire sitting in a dressing room, the camera pans round to see him staring into a Mirror. The mirror shows the reflection of Zeebo.]
Brian O'Haire : A few short weeks ago, the internal torment that I battle every single day finally became what it needed to be. I recognised my past. And prioritised my future. I looked to the future and embraced the spirit of Zeebo which is now within me. I embraced the evil. The Violence. The hunger to hurt. I succumbed to the demons of my past driving me to a better and more prosperous future. I became who I knew I needed to be. I became Zeebo. We called out the entire XWF. No one answered. So, tonight. We answer for them.
[The camera cuts to the reflection of Zeebo who has a demonic smile]
Zeebo :
Ring a ring a roses
Assaults with red noses.
The XWF are chicken shit cocks.
We called them out,
we heard nowt.
So now we'll make it happen ourselves.
People of the XWF, we are heart broken that no one wanted to come and play with us. I suspect it's because while people thought they could get the better of Brian O'Haire, rightfully or wrongfully, there's a degree of fear about what Zeebo actually brings to the table. And it makes me ever so sad.
[Zeebo fakes sobbing which turns into psychotic laughter]
Oh, XWF. Why didn't you accept the call? I had such fun games to play here at cuntfest. There's so many wild, whacky and fun games that have been put together, I had a real hoot arranged, and no one wanted to play. We had matches played out in a cage. We had matches where ladders were involved! Hell, so many ladders that we could call people Morons and members of the Church of Jesus Christ and Ladder Day Saints. We have Vodka Galore. But, no one wanted to play with me. So, tonight, I take the game to you XWF.
You missed out on the Circus of Chaos match. A match where Zeebo could have shown you just what WE are capable of. It's got EVERYTHING you could want. Joy...Humor...Laughter....Sorrow....Pain...Blood.... Demise.
You could have just accepted this, but instead you have brought it further than it needed to be. Someone is going to get seriously hurt.
Its time.
-----
(Later in the evening, after Boris' match)
Boris is backstage resting after his gruelling contest earlier this evening. He rubs some ointment onto a barbed wire wound and winces, then swigs vodka straight from the bottle.
Boris : That's the chronic, blin.
There's a knock on the door it swings open.
Zeebo cycles in on a unicycle and stops just infront of Boris.
Zeebo clambers down off his unicycles and just stands staring at Boris.
Zeebo's face has a demented, forced smile on it that looks rather disturbing.
Boris : Uh?
Zeebo chuckles and points at Boris.
He then picks up the unicycle and swings it across the face of Boris knocking him clean out.
Zeebo produces a bottle of "Clownka", a clear liquid and feeds it into Boris.
Pulling a horn from his clown trousers, he honks it.
-honk honk-
He then mounts Boris and punches him repeatedly on the face.
A lifeless Boris is then picked up by Zeebo and he walks out the room with Boris slumped over his shoulder.
Zeebo :
Lets go Blin,
We've got places to see,
A game for just you and me.
A place of happiness,
a place to open your eyes.
A place you can meet your demise.
He carries Boris out of the dressing room as the segment ends.
The entire stadium goes black as the song begins. Slowly, the X-Tron begins to show scarce, glowing embers, the light of each one illuminating smoke growing at the entrance of the ramp. As the song continues, more embers are seen until a large fire is displayed on the screen. The ramp then glows Ned's famous blue, revealing a silhouette in the smoke. Slowly stepping from the fog is none other then Notorious Ned Kaye. He stops for a moment, calming himself in front of the clamoring crowd. He lifts an arm, eyeing the stands to watch the many audience members who follow suit. With a single smile, he drops his arm and rushes towards the ring, slipping in from under the bottom rope, picking himself up immediately.
Fuzz walks down the ramp and gets into the ring where he has to give his X-treme Championship to the referee.
NOAH: “Well my broadcast partner just left to go have his match, GET EM CUNT!”
THEO: “And it looks like I’m here filling his place.”
NOAH: “JESUS! When the fuck did you get here?”
THEO: “I literally just sat down when Fuzz left.”
NOAH: “We need to install a fucking bell on you or something. Jesus…”
DING! DING! DING!
The X-Treme Championship is on the line in this singles match as Ned and Fuzz circle around the ring. Fuzz moves toward the center of the ring with his hand stretched up for a test of strength. Ned moves towards him and interlocks fingers with him.
Before drilling him with a kick to the midsection. Ned releases his hand before rolling through with a quick roll-up!
ONE…
TWO….
TH-NO!
THEO: “Really?! Fuzz almost lost to a roll-up on his own show?!”
NOAH: “Fuzz hates that shit.”
Fuzz rolls out of the roll-up and instantly throws a big right hand that catches Ned on the chin. Fuzz is throwing crazy haymakers showing irritation after nearly being pinned so early. Fuzz connects with a few before missing a big right hand that Ned quickly takes him out at the knees with a leg sweep! Ned hits the ropes and comes back before leaping into the air with a double knee strike driving both down into his midsection.
Fuzz clutches his ribs where one of the knees made contact. Ned quickly drops a series of stomps to that exposed area before climbing to the top rope. He points down at Fuzz before leaping off!
Double Stomp aimed right at the ribs!
But Fuzz manages to roll out of the way and get to the ropes. Ned rolls through after landing and rushes towards Fuzz with a bicycle kick that Fuzz manages to duck underneath as Ned finds himself hung up on the top rope. Fuzz takes a step back before falling and taking out the one knee that isn’t draped over the top rope! Ned crumples like old tissue paper as Fuzz quickly grabs his head and wraps his arm around the head and wrenches back!
NOAH: “THE DREAMWEAVER! NIGHT NIGHT NEDDY BOY!”
THEO: “Won’t you stop?”
The dragon sleeper is locked in as Ned is pretty close to the ropes. He reaches out, but Fuzz rolls towards the center pulling Ned with him. Ned manages to stop the roll and redirect the weight pushing Fuzz’s shoulders to the mat!
ONE…
But Fuzz pulls himself out of the pin, still clutching the neck of Ned backwards in a tight embrace. Ned is fading for a moment, but then he kicks himself up driving a knee right into face of Fuzz!
He doesn’t release the hold!
But Ned drives a second knee into the nose of Fuzz forcing him to relinquish the hold!
The two lay there in a heap for a moment before Ned moves towards the ropes and begins pulling himself up to his feet. Fuzz staggers to his feet as well as the two begin trading punches back and forth. Fuzz goes for a big wind-up punch, but Ned ducks the shot and comes back with a superkick! Only Fuzz catches the kick and whirls him around before decking him with an uppercut! Fuzz pulls Ned between his legs before hoisting him up!
Bucklebomb!
NOAH: “That’s the move that retired Sting! Ned kind of reminds me of Sting, actually.”
THEO: “How so?”
NOAH: “He’s a cuck who wears make-up."
Ned falls to the mat after slamming into the corner turnbuckle as Fuzz goes over to him and hooks his legs!
ONE…
TWO…
KICKOUT! Ned managed to get his shoulder off the mat at the last second.
Fuzz grabs Ned by his long locks and lifts him up before just SLAPPING the taste out of his mouth. Fuzz kicks him in the gut before turning him over into the rolling of the dice position. He grits his teeth, but Ned slips out of his hold and hits the ropes behind him. Fuzz turns around just in time to feel two boots find purchase on his chin for a dropkick! Fuzz slams back into the ropes before slinging back towards Ned who catches him with a bicycle kick dotting Fuzz right on his chin!
Fuzz slams to the mat as Ned climbs to the apron. He begins making a motion with his hand beckoning Fuzz to get to his feet. Fuzz staggers upwards as Ned springs off the top rope with a cartwheel motion before hooking the head of Fuzz and driving him downwards into a headscissors takedown!
THEO: “The Disciplinary Action! Looks like Ned is getting ready to end this match.”
NOAH: “NO! Get up you cunt! You can’t lose to THAT head of hair!”
Ned goes for the cover!
ONE…
TWO…
THREE!
NO! Fuzz got his foot on the bottom rope just at the last second!
NOAH: “Oh thank God…”
Ned gets to his feet and makes a motion with his arms signaling the end of the match as he climbs to the top rope. He’s once again beckoning for Fuzz to get to his feet as Fuzz slowly rises to his knees.
THEN RUSHES TOWARDS THE CORNER!
Fuzz’s possum playing seemed to have worked as Ned is caught on the top rope as Fuzz nails him with a stiff set of punches before hooking and turning Ned around for a certain position.
THE SUPER AFTERTHOUGHT!
But they fall outside of the ring!
Both men hit the floor outside of the ring with a huge thud! The referee looks stunned as does the rest of the audience sound.
“HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT! HOLY SHIT!”
THEO: “Don’t you guys have a tag team match later?”
Noah just makes incomprehensible sounds in response.
ONE… The referee begins his count
TWO…
THREE…
FOUR… Fuzz begins to stir, but Ned is seemingly out cold.
FIVE… Fuzz puts his hands on the ring apron.
SIX… Fuzz reaches towards the center of the ring.
SEVEN… Fuzz pulls himself into the ring with a roll.
EIGHT… Ned still isn’t moving!
NINE…
THEO: “Well this is going to be a shame.”
NOAH: “I’m just glad it’s fucking over…”
TE- NED ROLLS BACK INTO THE RING!
Fuzz is irate! He grabs Ned and begins just pummeling him with punches and knee strikes and hitting him with anything and everything he can at the moment. He grabs Ned and yanks him up to his feet before whipping him into the corner. He rushes towards him with a big boot, but Ned dodges out of the way as Fuzz finds himself caught there. Ned takes him out at the knee in similar fashion to earlier!
Ned climbs to the top rope quickly and motions for Fuzz to stand up once more. He does and Ned leaps only to get caught by a huge uppercut to the gut! Ned falls to his knees as hooks his head and yanks him around and over into…
THE AFTERTHOUGHT!
Fuzz covers him!
ONE…
TWO…
THREEE!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER AND STILL XTREME CHAMPION
"The Afterthought"
FUZZ[/cuntevent]
NOAH: "YES! Way to go, dad!"
Cent backstage getting made up for his match. Genevieve Tate is putting the final touches on Centurion's make-up as his daughter Nellie fastens the dress in the back.
Suddenly there’s a knock at the door. Before anyone has a chance to answer, Roman burst through the door wearing a strapless purple dress.
Roman: “Hey, um… Mind if I come in for a minute?”
Centurion: “If you’re here to try and convince me that I’m your dad, I’m telling you now kid, I’m not.”
Roman: “Yeah, no, I heard. I did want to talk to you about that, but I also wanted to let you know that Dad or not, you seem like a good guy, and I thought it was pretty cool how Fuzz and his gang tried to embarrass you, but instead you just owned it. So I’m wearing this dress tonight to show my support!”
Centurion: “Well, I appreciate that I guess.”
Roman: “So uh, mind if I ask?”
Centurion: “How do I know that I couldn’t be your father?”
Roman: “Yeah man, because when my mom said that my dad was an XWF wrestler, you were the first guy that stood out. You’ve gotta admit, we have some very similar features…”
Centurion: Large teeth and perfect hair are not unique features. Listen kid, if there's any advice you take from me, it's this - go home. You're only setting yourself up for heartbreak. Even if you do find your dad...you may not like what you discover.
'X Gonna Give it to Ya" hits, and the audience gives a mixed reaction. The lights are overcome with a dark, blood red hue. The X-Tron is hijacked, static quickly invading the screen... The lights around the ring are cut off, and the fans are left in silent bewilderment.... The Tron is now overcome by a big, flashing, crimson cross. The voice of DMX fills the speakers.
"You against me, me against you,
Whatever, whenever, What the fuck you gon' do?
... I've been doin' this for nineteen years,
Wanna fight me? Fight these tears."
The fans eventually begin taking out their cell phones to snap pictures... before ALL of the lights are cut out. Then?? Amongst the sea of darkness, the Tron lights up with a cryptic message --
The XWF Galaxy is truly beginning to come unglued... A spotlight shines in the middle of the ring, where none other than 'red-x' himself is standing center stage holding his trademark black baseball bat. red-x drops the bat next to the corner post, and climbs upon the top turnbuckle, lifting his arms in an 'X'... the song slowly fades as the x-man prepares for war..
The 1994 Subaru Impreza drives up to meet his opponent.
[cuntevent]Red-X
- vs -
a 1994 Subaru Impreza WRX Special Guest Referee: Robbie Bourbon
Bonus Stage[/cuntevent]
Robbie Bourbon stands in between both the car and Red-X, he moves to X and checks every limb for any hidden weapons, once Bourbon deems him safe he moves over to the Subaru to perform a full maintenance check. Oil, tire pressure, even wiper fluid! Bourbon spends a good twenty minutes making sure the WRX is road legal, once done he gives a thumbs up to a huge cheer!
NOAH: "Fuck me, bout time, cunt."
FUZZ: "I appreciate Robbie's dedication. It's always good to make sure your car is good on the road."
NOAH: "Wear a seatbelt, kids."
DING!
DING!
DING!
And Red-X starts the match with a front bumper and headlight tie-up; Red tries to force the car back but the Subaru's emergency brake is too strong and it won't budge! Red-X breaks the hold and goes for a spinning heel kick! Which misses as Red's foot goes over the hood.
NOAH: "Great dodge from the Subaru!"
Red-X slams both hands down in an axe-handle and causes a nasty dent in the hood which gets a grimace from the crowd. He then throws a knee into a headlight which smashes it to pieces! Red grabs the broken plastic and begins to grind the pieces onto the windshield! The crowd go wild!
"YOU SICK FUCK! YOU SICK FUCK! YOU SICK FUCK!"
Red-X throws the pieces against the car and spits on the glass.
FUZZ: "What disrespect from Red-X!"
Red moves to the front of the car again and smashes a foot down on the bumper, ripping the sick paint job away. Red throws a heavy foot down and the hood pops up instantly, knocking Red-X back!
NOAH: "What an uppercut from the Subbie!"
Red rubs his jaw and jams his hand into the engine of the car, ripping away wires at random!
NOAH: "Fucking hell! I think I'm gonna be sick!"
FUZZ: "Red-X is ripping the guts out of this fine automobile! The horror! THE HORROR!"
Red-X's hand are covered in fluid as he taunts to the turning crowd. He motions to end things and grabs the car and begins to lift! HE'S GONNA SUPLEX THE FUCKING CAR!!!
FUZZ: "Can he do it!? CAN HE BEAT A STATIONARY VEHICLE!?"
The weight is too much and the car drops down...
AND ROLLS FORWARD!
THE SUBARU HAS PINNED RED-X TO THE GROUND!!!
ROBBIE BOURBON SLIDES IN, CHECKING THE SHOULDERS BEFORE COUNTING!
Bourbon opens the driver's side door to celebrate the winner as La Cucaracha plays and Noah's voice plays, adding insult to injury.
YOU JUST LOST TO AN INANIMATE FUCKING OBJECT!
Doktor Trust makes his way to the ring as Roger Miller's King of the Road plays. He gets inside and waits for his opponent.
Dillinger D'Marco's music plays and he makes his way to the ring.
[cuntevent]Doktor Trust
- vs -
Dillinger D'Marco Singles[/cuntevent]
DING!
DING!
DING!
Dillinger D’Marco rushes across the ring immediately, lunging at Docktor Trust and landing a running knee strike! D’Marco follows up with a forearm smash to the face of Trust, backing him into the corner! Dillinger hits a dropkick that slams Trust into the turnbuckle and drops him to the canvas, the crowd cheering as D’Marco climbs through the ropes to the apron and then climbs the turnbuckle to the top!
FUZZ: Dillinger D’Marco is taking to the air...
NOAH: Crash and burn!
FUZZ: Why?
NOAH: I don’t know. It would be funny?
FUZZ: Fair enough.
Dillinger D’Marco leaps off the top rope with a flying body splash, but Docktor Trust has it scouted and rolls out of the way. D’Marco hits the mat hard, rolling around in pain.
NOAH: HA HA! See?!
FUZZ: … yeah, you were right.
Trust climbs back to his feet and grabs hold of D’Marco, dragging him up before scoop slamming him back to the canvas. Trust drags D’Marco up again and irish whips him into the ropes, catching him on the rebound with a belly to belly suplex! Trust crawls over to Dillinger and makes a cover, the referee sliding in to make the count!
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Dillinger! D’Marco squirms out from underneath the much bigger Docktor Trust and rolls back to his feet, holding onto the ropes for balance. Docktor Trust charges him looking for a big boot, but Dillinger drops to the mat and pulls the top rope down with him! Docktor Trust tumbles over the top and falls to the ground outside the ring! The fans love it, leaping to their feet and jumping excitedly in the desert! D’Marco quickly climbs to the top of the ringpost again, and sizes up Trust before taking to the air again!
D’Marco connects! He hits a diving elbow drop, spiking Docktor Trust to the ground just as he was trying to climb to his feet! D’Marco pops up quickly and grabs the ring apron, desperately stomping on the downed Docktor! The crowd cheers loudly at first, but as the stomping continues their enthusiasm fades. Trust is barely moving. This is getting scary…
FUZZ: Hmmmm. Someone may want to step in here.
NOAH: Nah. That cunt will not be missed.
Finally D’Marco steps away from Trust who twitches slightly on the ground. Dillinger needed a way to even the odds against the much bigger man, and it seems like he found it. He turns out to the fans and spreads his arms wide, cocky. He doesn’t realize that Docktor Trust is climbing slowly back to his feet behind him! He grabs D’Marco and whips him around, hard into the ringpost!
CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!!!!
FUZZ: That just busted Dillinger open!
Trust rolls D’Marco back into the ring, and then rolls slowly in behind him. Both men lay exhausted on the canvas for a good thirty seconds, sucking wind as the crowd anxiously awaits one of them to capitalize on the moment. Dillinger grabs the ropes and begins dragging himself slowly to his feet, just as Docktor Trust rolls to his hands and knees. The crowd begins to build, cheering wildly for the two men to re-engage!
NOAH: They’re both back on their feet now!
The two charge at each other, Trust goes for a lariat but Dillinger duck under, hooks an arm and twists around!
END GAME!
Dillinger drops Trust with a Rock Bottom and covers!
1
...
2
....
3!!!!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER
"The Demi-God"
DILLINGER D'MARCO[/cuntevent]
NOAH: "Thank fuck that shit's over."
Fuzz wakes up.
FUZZ: "Huh what!? Is it Boris versus Barney next?"
NOAH: "Nah, cunt, we're a long way off some fun."
We return to see Zeebo outside what appears to be a circus big top. Boris still slumped over his shoulder. Boris is stirring a little as Zeebo walks into the large tent and flings Boris down to the ground in the middle of the performance ring.
Zeebo : Ahhhh Boris, My vodka guzzling chum. Why why why didn't anyone accept the challenge? Why didn't anyone let me show off my wares? Why did you have to become the one to experience it? The XWF have thrown you under the bus Bor-bor, No one was Russian to help you were they? You have no friends. The XWF could have stopped this, but instead my little kremlin gremlin, they've let you suffer the sorrow and torment that someone else should have had. I hope you've had enough vodka to numb your senses. This, is going to be another kind of experience for you tonight.
[Boris kind of groans on the ground and Zeebo picks him up and walks him gingerly over to a wheel that's on a board. It is one of the boards where they throw knifes at a willing assistant.]
Zeebo : Ladies and jellyfish, I bring you the first attraction of our cavalcade, the wheel of dooooooooooooooooooooom.
[Zeebo secures Boris to the wheel and sets it in motion, he claps and demonic organ music plays, almost like old timey circus music. Zeebo walks backwards a few paces and places a blindfold over his eyes. He produces a knife and raises it to his mouth and licks it. He then raises it above his head and hurls it towards Boris. It slams onto the board just inbetween the legs of the largely lifeless Boris. Zeebo throws the blindfold off and strides his way over to the spinning wheel and grabs a baseball bat which has been left beside the wheel. He strikes Boris repeatedly on the face with every revolution of the wheel. With every strike Zeebo laughs more and more before eventually stopping when Boris' face becomes a crimson mask. Zeebo unstraps Boris and he slumps to the floor.]
Zeebo : Borybaby, that was just the first act in tonight's performance. There's more to come for you!!
[Zeebo picks up Boris and carries him over the other side of the performance ring. ]
Zeebo :Boys and girls! Zeebo's super circus proudly gives to you, Boris the stupdenous, incredible, daring, HIGH WIRE DIVING ACT!!!!
[A trapeze lowers and Zeebo secures the sedated Boris to the swing, and also secures himself. The swing lifts and takes Zeebo and Boris to the top of the big top where there is a platform. right at the bottom of the floor there is a pool of Water.]
Zeebo : My fabulous fabulous fans! Lets hear it for the DEATH DIVE!
[The demonic music shuts off, and a spotlight flicks on focusing on the two men. Zeebo puts Boris into a tombstone position and jumps off the high platform. Laughing maniacally on the way down. They splash into the pool creating a huge splashback of Water! no one emerges for a few moments, then Zeebo does first. He hoists himself to the edge....]
Zeebo :whooopsie doodle! I think I forgot something..... Silly mee!!!!
[He flips back into the water and retrieves Boris and flips him out of the pool. Boris slumps again down to the performance ring and coughs and splutters with the water which he has obviously ingested]
Zeebo : And nowwwww.. THE PIECE DE RESISTANCE! THE MAN O' FLAMES! Ladies and Gentlemen, our little Soviet Superstar will be set alight! can he make it across the ring in one piece as he becomes a fireball of fury!!!! Lets have a look!!!!
[Zeebo hops over to Boris, and grabs a nearby jerry can and pours fluid over him.]
Zeebo : hehehe!! That's STRONG! Wooooooffft.....
[Boris flinches as this is poured all over him]
Zeebo : And now, for the grand finale!
[Zeebo lights a match, laughs maniacally. Then stops and stares at it. It continues to burn, as a single spotlight focuses on the stirring Boris, and Zeebo. Zeebo then extinquishes the match and throws it to the ground. He bounces over to Boris, mounts him and gets right in his face.Smiling, but going right in, almost nose to nose.]
Zeebo : Consider this your warning. BLIN. I don't blame you. I blame your colleagues. Your friends in the XWF who could have heeded the call to let me play. Yet, they hung YOU, yes YOU out to Dry Boris. YOU Could have avoided the pain, sorrow and torment that WE, Brian and I suffer. You could have been the star attraction and watched from afar, but instead, the inconsiderate buffons of the XWF decided that YOU, YES YOU should be my first victim. Do you accept that Boris? Do you think that's fair on you? I don't I think that's very fair at all. Especially for someone with clear alcoholism and mental health issues. Shame on them! To quote Greta, HOW DARE THEY. I actually want to help you. I want to recruit you. I want to use your pain to educate others.
[Suddenly a bearded lady atop an elephant struts into shot and approaches Boris and Zeebo. The bearded lady is wearing a striped top, akin to a referee top]
Zeebo : OOooooh! Silly me! I forgot this was a match!!
[Zeebo pins Boris, and the bearded lady bounds down from the elephant. And counts the pin
1
2
3!]
Zeebo : Yay! Yay! Yay!!! I wiiiiin! I winnn! Whooohooo!!! And now, with that done, and my piece said. I have to ask you Are you game?
Do you want to play Boris?
The solution is here,
The solution is now.
[Zeebo places a T-shirt down next to him. It reads "The Solution". The show cuts to commercial]
'X Gonna Give it to Ya" hits, and the audience gives a mixed reaction. The lights are overcome with a dark, blood red hue. The X-Tron is hijacked, static quickly invading the screen... The lights around the ring are cut off, and the fans are left in silent bewilderment.... The Tron is now overcome by a big, flashing, crimson cross. The voice of DMX fills the speakers.
"You against me, me against you,
Whatever, whenever, What the fuck you gon' do?
... I've been doin' this for nineteen years,
Wanna fight me? Fight these tears."
The fans eventually begin taking out their cell phones to snap pictures... before ALL of the lights are cut out. Then?? Amongst the sea of darkness, the Tron lights up with a cryptic message --
The XWF Galaxy is truly beginning to come unglued... A spotlight shines in the middle of the ring, where none other than 'red-x' himself is standing center stage holding his trademark black baseball bat. red-x drops the bat next to the corner post, and climbs upon the top turnbuckle, lifting his arms in an 'X'... the song slowly fades as the x-man prepares for war..
Link Rexx makes his way to the ring.
The words NEVER...BE...SILENT!!! appear on the screen as the song starts. Lights go out Stobe lights at the top of the ramp illuminate the silhouette of Jessalyn. The lights come on to her facing the facing the ring. She runs down the ramp, without stopping she makes her way into the ring.
Mad Dog Valley makes his way to the ring.
[cuntevent]Red-X
- vs -
Link Rexx
- vs -
Jessalyn Hart
- vs -
Mad Dog Valley Fatal Four Way[/cuntevent]
The referee calls for the bell, and the match is underway.
FUZZ: "Here we go, yawn....
All 4 wrestlers stand in their respective corners looking at one another, and waiting for someone to make the first move. Jessalyn Hart seems to be the one to make the first move, as she heads to the middle of the ring. Now Mad Dog Valley seems to be moving, but suddenly Red X runs towards Link Rexx and takes one leap into the air and hits Link Rexx with a FLYING CROSS BODY, that takes them both down.
Red X goes for a quick cover.....
1.......
2.......
Broken up by Jessalyn Hart.
FUZZ: "Did Jessalyn really think that Red-X was going to get a 3 count this early in this match? Please."
NOAH: "She couldn't take any chances because the cunt could have really lost that 3 count, he hasn't done much at all promo wise...."
Jessalyn grabs Red X, and sends him running towards Mad Dog Valley. Mad Dog Valley attempts a lariat, a lame one at that, but Red X ducks underneath it. Mad Dog Valley turns around, is grabbed by Red X, and Red X executes X MARX DA SPOT a.k.a SPIKE DDT.
NOAH: "Wow I was going to see what a lazy cunt was Mad Dog Valley using a very lazy attempt of a lariat, but that X Marx Da Spot really was something to behold,"
FUZZ: "Are you serious?"
NOAH: "Of course I'm serious Dad,"
Meanwhile with Red-X taking on Mad Dog Valley, Jessalyn Hart has Link Rexx up on his feet, and she executes ENZGUIRI. She is then back up on her feet, and grabs Link and sends him running into the corner where he goes crashing into the corner post. Jessalyn follows up with a DROP KICK, that sends Link flying out over the corner post onto the floor below.
Jessalyn turns around to see Red-X just making the cover on Mad Dog Valley.
1.........
2........
Broken up by Jessalyn Hart.
Jessalyn once again grabs Red-X and pulls him to his feet, and gives him a slap.
NOAH: "I felt that from here, it was well worth it for the cunt,"
FUZZ: "This match is going from strength to strength.... not,"
Red-X slaps Jessalyn back, and the crowd goes "oooooooooohhhhhhhhh".
NOAH: "What a cunt of a shot that was, why Red X why?"
Jessalyn once again slaps Red X back, and follows up with a HIGH KICK TO THE HEAD AND THE BODY. Red X goes down. Meanwhile Mad Dog Valley has come around from his attack, and is just behind Jessalyn and grabs her, and her rolls her up into a small package.
1...........
2.............
Kick out
Jessalyn quickly gets out of the break and gets up, only to be hit from behind with an AX HANDLE SMASH from a recovered Link Rexx.
NOAH: "Things are moving way too fast. These cunts should just slow down,"
FUZZ: "Of course this match should be slowed down by these idiots."
Jessalyn stumbles forward into Mad Dog Valley, and he hits her with a better LARIAT this time. Down goes Jessalyn, and she rolls towards the ropes.
Mad Dog Valley and Link Rexx walk up to each other and look at one another quite hard. Suddenly from out of nowhere Red-X hits the both of them with a FLYING CROSS BODY that sends all three to the ropes.
Jessalyn gets to her feet, grabs Link Rexx, and helps him to his feet, and sends him flying over the ropes out of the ring, to the floor below. She then grabs Mad Dog Valley, and does the same thing, helping him to his feet, sending him over the ropes, out of the ring, to the floor below. He lands on top of Link Rexx.
NOAH: "It seems like Jessalyn has had enough,"
FUZZ: "It looks that way doesn't it,"
Jessalyn turns around to see Red-X up on his feet, and looking at her smiling. It's just the two of them in the ring at that very moment, waiting for something to happen. They walk towards one another with both starting to trash talk.
Suddenly Red X grabs Jessalyn and places her in a head lock, no, she escapes that move, and places Red X into a head lock. No he escapes that move, and grabs Jessalyn and tries to whip her towards the corner, but she holds her ground. She tries to whip Red X into the corner, but he holds his ground and goes into a quick schoolboy!
Comes in riding a clydesdale with a corncob pipe in his mouth, twirling a lasso high above his head. He rides the horse down the ramp and around the ring, back to the end of the ramp, jumps off, smacks the horse in the ass and the horse runs up the ramp, returning to its place backstage. Then Brian tosses his lasso in a corner and rolls into the ring under the bottom rope, gets up and waits for the fight to start.
Griffin emerges from the entrance; eyes set straight ahead, he marches to the ring without much attention or emotion shown towards the crowd. Climbing the steel steps, he then takes his place within the ring and awaits his opponent's arrival.
A giant pinecone is lowered from the rafters. Thunder Knuckles and Jim “the Jim” Jimson stroll out of the back unitedly and climb aboard the pinecone. As the pinecone makes its way down to the ring, fraudulent xbux rain down to the crowd. Thunder Knuckles points and laughs at the people picking them up. Prepare to be entertained!
[cuntevent]Brian Storm & Griffin MacAlister
- vs -
Jim Jimson & Thunder Knuckles Special Guest Referee: A Wallaby
Millionaire's Tag Match
Standard Tag[/cuntevent]
The bell sounds, which startles the damn wallaby. It jumps out of the ring and starts attacking a woman at ringside, seriously injuring her face and stealing the hot dog her son was eating. The woman is on the ground screaming with her face bloodied as the wallaby just pummels her with his feet and gorges itself on the frankfurter while that dumb kid sobs.
FUZZ: “This common?”
NOAH: “Yeah mate, all the time. Probably shouldn’t have used a wallaby, to be fair.”
FUZZ: “That was YOUR idea!”
NOAH: “You’re the parent!”
Several members of the Official XWF Animal Wrangling Department arrive on the scene with tranquilizers and nets, but one tranqs one of the others and when they throw the net the wallaby hops off, making the net land on the kid. The kid is REALLY upset now, and the mom probably needs some serious surgery.
Oh, in the ring Griffin has been pretty much outclassing Jim Jimson this whole time. Thunder Knuckles has started taking bets from people near ringside on whether or not the wallaby kills someone. Brian Storm is… just staring. At nothing, really. Kinda off-putting.
Back to the real action, that fucking wallaby is on a tear, racing up the steps in the audience. One of the animal wrangles gets close behind him but eats some wallaby feet when it back kicks him, sending him tumbling back down the steps and taking out his partner who was behind him. Medics help the mom to her feet and ohhhhhh man it looks like she lost an ear. She is definitely going to sue the XWF over this, but luckily we have some pretty awesome lawyers. Really this is Fuzz and Noah’s fault. They booked, promoted, designed, and even trademarked the show, after all. The XWF just allowed it. Reconstructive surgery costs a lot of money.
Oh look, Roman’s here! Guess he’s going to take over officiating duties since… oh god damn it there’s Ari Silverstein. Why are these two always trying to outdo each other? It’s really lame and distracting. Also, Jimson might have jammed a thumb into Griffin’s anus to break a submission hold? Is that allowed? Whatever.
FUZZ: “Big thrust kick!”
NOAH: “From Jim?”
FUZZ: “No, dummy, the wallaby! He’s made his way to the handicapped seating and just knocked some waterhead right out of his wheelchair!”
NOAH: “Krikey!”
FUZZ: “You guys really say that!?!?!?”
A whole bunch of special needs audience members are getting in the faces of the animal wranglers now, and the wallaby is just spreading chaos around the arena. It drops a big duke right in the walkway and one of the wranglers slips on it, making him crash into an autistic kid. The kid’s parents are now beating the absolute tarnish off of that animal wrangler.
Thunder Knuckles tagged in a few minutes ago but who cares, look at that wallaby! It’s out in the halls, attacking popcorn vendors… I think it’s rabid! Do wallabies get rabies? Is there rabies in Australia? Man I don’t know but it just bit a BIG chunk out of that cotton candy guy’s cheek. He is SCREAMING.
Two animal wranglers corner the wallaby near the restrooms, and one levels his tranquilizer gun for the perfect shot. Just at that moment though a woman carrying a baby comes out of the family bathroom! The tranquilizer dart slams into the baby! Oh man, there’s no WAY that thing survives! The wallaby escapes back into the crowd in the confusion, slamming the other animal wrangler against a wall and knocking him out.
In the ring, Griffin MacAlister gets body slammed or something.
Anyway, the wallaby runs across the laps of a row of audience members, and it’s just pissing everywhere as it goes. Either it’s some sort of self defense mechanism or this is just a really incontinent wallaby. A big black dude at the end of the row isn’t having that shit so he stands up socks the wallaby right in the jaw, but this wallaby is on PCP or just watched all the Rocky movies or something because he shakes it right off and drops the guy with a big double wallaby kick. The guy hit his head on the steps and it looks like he’s hurt pretty bad. No one has actually died yet though, so Thunder Knuckles is looking kind of worried about his money. He starts trying to parlay but no one’s buying that trash.
FUZZ: “Fifty on that kid going into cardiac arrest.”
NOAH: “Dad!”
FUZZ: “What??? Easy money.”
The wallaby is back at ringside and a bunch of wranglers and other officials are racing around trying to catch it. You could probably play “Yakety Sax” here and get a good idea of what it looks like. Thunder Knuckles kicks out at two. The wallaby ends up ripping a huge part of the ring apron’s skirting off, and then is wiggles under the ring. A few wranglers try to follow it, and then a lot of screams can be heard coming from underneath of there. Even worse, after a second or two, it goes quiet.
The wallaby comes out the other side of the ring with a lot of blood in its fur and now he’s got the tranquilizer gun! Good thing he has no idea how to OH SHIT he just shot an old woman in the eye with it. Reversal by Jimson. The wallaby leaps onto one of the officials and is going to town on him, everyone can hear bones cracking as the wallaby is jumping up and down on that poor man. Carl. He only had six months left until he got to retire with full pension, too. Jesus Christ.
In the ring, Ari and Roman have gotten themselves into a little shoving match, I guess they can’t agree on who the real ref is. Brian Storm has still not entered the match. When did Thunder Knuckles get a black eye? Meh. Look at the friggin’ wallaby go! Uh oh! The wallaby is up on the apron! He’s getting back in the ring! The crowd is giving this wallaby the biggest pop of the night so far, and he’s just running in circles with.. Oh, Griffin’s grabbed him and… eek.
***CRACK***
Griffin MacAlister broke the wallaby’s neck. I have never seen so many children cry at the same time. Thunder Knuckles, Brian Storm, and Jim Jimson are all just shaking their heads at Griffin now, as if asking him, what the fuck was that? Now there’s a dead wallaby in the ring. Ari just cold cocked Roman and I think Roman is out cold.
FUZZ: “Well at least someone is getting that gross thing out of the ring.”
NOAH: “The wallaby? Papa, I’m so sad…”
FUZZ: “What no, not that thing, I meant Brian Storm. Knucks just knocked him off the apron!”
It looks like things might calm down now, and there’s probably already been a hell of a match going on all this time but no one is ever going to remember that with all the cool wallaby stuff that went on. Jimson and Knuckles are working like a well oiled machine right now, and Griffin is wearing down. It looks like TK and Jim are setting up some sort of double team move to end this thing and… what the heck?
Up on the X-Tron, the face of Vinnie Lane pops up with his usual goofy smile and a custom made C*NT FEST bandanna on his head.
VINNIE: “Hey dudes! Hey, listen! Knuckles! I was thinking and stuff and… you know what dude? You’re totally right! I owe you that money. I just was being stubborn and trying to prove a point and… man, I’m sorry. But anyway. Here’s the thing. I’m gonna transfer every single X-Buk I owe you into your account right now! I wanted you to get to see it!”
Thunder Knuckles looks giddy in the ring, leaving Jimson and Griffin behind as he stares at the tron in a hypnotized haze.
VINNIE: “Here we go!”
Vinnie holds up his cell phone and it shows Thunder Knuckles’ account balance in XBUX. He presses a button to transfer the funds over, but oops! It looks like he hit the wrong one! Now it shows TK’s balance as zero!
VINNIE: “What the… oh no dude! What happened? That’s not what I meant to do, dude! Holy crud! Where did all the Bux go???”
NOAH: "What a baby dicked cunt."
Thunder Knuckles is having a full panic attack now, crying and shaking in the ring. Jimson loses track of Griffin and Griff tags in Brian Storm! Finally! Storm enters the ring with a slow, ponderous gait.
VINNIE: “Dude! I WILL fix this! I swear! I’m gonna go look into the XWF accounting with JJ and see what I can do. By the way, dude, Brian’s like RIGHT behind you.”
The tron goes black and TK turns around, then gets mauled by Brian Storm. Storm is an unstoppable wrecking machine on Thunder Knuckles, just beating him and beating him and beating him some more. Jimson tries to interfere but then he catches some hands as well.
Words really can’t do the level of carnage and ferocity that Brian Storm is unleashing on Jimson and Knuckles justice, so why even bother, honestly. Just try to picture Tokyo after Godzilla shows up, but translate that into physical beatings administered on two men by one larger man. I genuinely had no idea Brian Storm was such a beast, I mean, he is just tossing those two around. This match is going to be over real soon unless Jimson or TK think of something fast, no one can withstand this kind of brutality.
Brian Storm drops Jimson in a big slam, then repeats the process on Knuckles, dropping him on top of Jimson’s body. Brian Storm is a man among boys in the ring right now. Griffin MacAlister wants to be tagged in though, so Storm obliges. Griffin smiles and enters the ring, and reaches down and grabs Thunder Knuckles…
Thunder Knuckles rolls Griffin up in a small package!
1!
2!!
3!!!
FUZZ: “Holy shit!”
NOAH: “I know! Brian Storm is really good!”
FUZZ: “Thunder Knuckles and Jim Jimson pick up the victory! Wow!”
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNERS
"The X-bux and Jim connection"
Thunder Knuckles & Jim Jimson[/cuntevent]
"Like A Prayer" by Madonna starts to play through out the arena as fans start to cheer slightly. A black Jeep, driven by John Lauriniaits, appears at the top of the ramp slowly driving forward as we see Barney Green standing in the back waving the Irish Flag. The jeep stops and Green leaps out of it. He waves the flag one last time and places it back into the Jeep. He walks down the ramp and high fives a couple fans. He then gets into the ring, and waits.
Boris makes his way to the ring, and is ready.
[cuntevent]Barney Green
- vs -
Boris Risky Russian Razorwire Rumble
Deathmatch with Vodka soaked razor wire in place of ropes[/cuntevent]
DING!
DING!
DING!
At the opening bell, Barney turns and looks at the intimidating razor wire that’s wrapped around the ring. He gulps, knowing the sort of pain that this match is going to cause him, and turns back towards his opponent. Boris, on the other hand, wastes no time after the bell and rushes across the ring with a flying forearm that smashes Barney in the jaw and stumbles him! Barney regains his balance before falling backwards into the razorwire and lunges forward for a heavy lariat, but Boris is too quick on his feet! He rolls away and Barney Green whiffs with his big shot and collapses to his hands and knees!
NOAH: I’ll bet that’s a familiar position for him, with the kind of girls he takes out, right dad?
FUZZ: Well, anyone who had more than a minute in the “how long before t-girls are referenced” pool loses. Sorry.
Before Barney can get up Boris drills him in the temple with a knee and drops him flat on his back! What a brutal headshot! Boris pounces on Barney for the early cover! The referee slides into position!
ONE!
T-
Kick out! Barney gets a shoulder up early and rolls Boris off of him! Both men climb to their feet, Barney adjusting his eyepatch on the way up and clearly getting annoyed with Boris. Boris does a little Russian jig, which the crowd thoroughly enjoys. Boris lunges at Barney again but this time Green is ready for it and catches him on the way in, smashing him to the mat with a spine buster in the corner! The crowd quiets quickly as Boris is squashed like a bug beneath Barney’s girth.
NOAH: Boris is lucky Barney’s lost all that weight!
FUZZ: Whatever. He still looks like he’s 400 pounds.
NOAH: What a sloppy cunt!
FUZZ: I can tell you stories about sloppy cu- never mind there are probably children watching.
Barney makes sure to cover Boris’ shoulders and the referee begins to count!
ONE!
TW-
Boris kicks out and manages to wriggle his way out from underneath Barney (no easy feat) and retreats back to his side of the ring to regroup! Barney stands and begins to walk slowly towards Boris, who desperately grabs Barney’s wrist and tries to Irish whip him into the razorwire ropes! Barney doesn’t budge, then counters and whips Boris the opposite way!
FUZZ: Boris manages to baseball slide under the bottom strand of wire and out of the ring!
NOAH: No way can Barney roll out to the floor without cutting himself.
Barney seems to recognize this and stands in the middle of the ring, motioning for Boris to come back in and fight him.
NOAH: Cowardly cunt! Bleed for us!!
FUZZ: You want to see a bloody cunt?
NOAH: Dad! Please! You already said there were children watching!
Boris begins to fish around underneath the ring, looking for something underneath the ring skirt. The crowd looks on in anticipation! Will it be a chair? A baseball bat maybe? Instead the crowd erupts when Boris produces a case of cheap Russian vodka and begins hurling plastic bottles into the ring! One of the bottles cracks Barney across the head and leaves him stunned just long enough for Boris to slide back into the ring and take the upper hand with a nice dropkick! Barney goes down to one knee, and Boris quickly bulldogs him to the mat and rolls him over for the cover!
ONE!
TW-
NOAH: Did Boris really think he was going to win with a bulldog?
FUZZ: It’s only Barney. You can win with anything, young padawan.
Barney tosses Boris off of him and climbs to his feet, enraged. Boris stands at the edge of the ring and sees Barney charging him like a wounded animal! Barney lunges and Boris leapfrogs over him, sending Barney Green plunging into the razor wire!
BARNEY: FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!
Blood splashes down on the canvas as Barney gets stuck in the barbs and edges, the razor wire tearing at his flesh as he struggles desperately. The crowd groans audibly at the gruesome sight, but Boris quickly hits his Slav Squat and poses sending them into a frenzy!
FUZZ: Boris really has the crowd behind him here.
Barney begins to pull himself free from the razor wire, yelping in agony with each movement. Boris picks up one of the vodka bottles and takes a deep swig, waiting until Barney gets back to his feet and turns around!
NOAH: OH SHIT! He blows a mist of vodka into Barneys open wounds!
Barney Green tightens up as the alcohol soaks into his lacerations, and Boris grabs ahold of him and tries to drag him down to the canvas! Barney does his best to counter, and stay on his feet!
FUZZ: "GREEN DREAM!!!"
Barney locks in a loose cross-arm chicken wing but Boris fights back!
NOAH: "CHEEK BREEK!!!"
But Boris gets his own in and the two struggle on their feet as the two row back and forth and...
BORIS GETS GREEN TO THE MAT!!!
AND!
BARNEY TAPS! BARNEY TAPS!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER
"The Patron Saint of Vodka"
BORIS[/cuntevent]
Geri Miller makes her way down the ramp and into the ring.
Michael McBride's music plays and Michael makes his way out from the back. He walks straight to the ring, and gets inside.
Re-Education(Through Labor) by Rise Against plays on the sound system and the rookie that is Michael Archer Junior made his way from the back to the ramp. He walks straight down to the ring and gets inside.
Beast by Puppy plays over the sound system as there's massive amount of boos when Kieran Overton walks out as he screams on top of his lungs with his hands in the air on top of the ramp, wearing shorts, shirt, gloves and boots before walking down as he ignores each one of the fans before he goes up the steps and goes over the top rope and places his hand on his left arm, basically not giving a damn about them before he turns to anger, while he goes to sit in the corner, waiting for his opponent to come to the ring.
He slowly walks out as the lights dim. Then they light up on the ramp only, and he walks out and as he walks along the lit ramp, blood seemingly follows his every step, coating the ramp. As he reaches the ring, the ring is lit up and before he enters, and as he steps foot inside the squared circle, the effect rushes from all four corners. After a minute, he throws his arms out fast upwards, and the lights brighten as bloodied confetti shoots out and into the crowd.
Estrella Lulz's music plays and she makes her way to the ring.
[cuntevent]Geri Miller
- vs -
Michael McBride
- vs -
Michael Archer Jr.
- vs -
Kieran Overton
- vs -
Phantom Panzer
- vs -
Estrella Luiz Battle Royale[/cuntevent]
FUZZ: “Well this should be fun.”
NOAH: “It’s a battle royale with the only rules being that you must eliminate your opponents by sending them over the top rope and having both feet touch the floor.”
FUZZ: “I think these fuckers know what a battle royale is.”
NOAH: “…I just always wanted to say that, okay?”
DING! DING! DING!
The match begins as all hell breaks loose! All six combatants are throwing hands left and right trying to throw each other out. Panzer nails Overton with a huge double axe handle to the back before dumping him over the top rope! But he lands on the apron. Panzer charges him before catching a kneelift between the ropes.
Geri Miller is being pushed towards the ropes where she’s teetering on being thrown over by Estrella Luiz! Michael Archer comes over and helps dump Geri Miller over the top rope where she’s hanging by her arms as he feet dangle! Luiz begins fiddling with the fingertips on the ropes as Archer turns around to see Michael McBride there.
Michael rushes towards him before being lifted right over the top rope and lands on the apron. Archer staggers to the side before turning to see Michael running down the side of the apron with a hellacious clothesline!
CELTIC CLOTHESLINE!
FUZZ: “Damn! McBride nearly took off the head of Archer with that move!”
NOAH: “But lookout McBitch!”
Archer is knocked to the ground inside of the ring as McBride looks satisfied on his work before his eyes turn to look towards the oncoming train that is Estrella Luiz! She rushes towards McBride and leaps over the top rope! McBride catches her in his arms on the apron with a confused expression on his face before spotting another issue.
Phantom Panzer is rushing towards him with a huge charging shoulder through the ropes sending both McBride and Estrella Luiz to the outside and to the floor.
Michael McBride’s legs hit the ground, but Estrella is still standing on top of him using him as a launching pad!
[cuntevent]ELIMINATED: Michael McBride[/cuntevent]
NOAH: “Damn. I was pulling for McBitch.”
FUZZ: “Estrella seems to find herself in an… unusual situation.”
Estrella leaps towards the apron and manages to get onto it before looking up to see the foot of Kieran Overton smacking her in the face and sending her flying back into the barricade with her feet touching the floor.
[cuntevent]ELIMINATED: Estrella Luiz[/cuntevent]
Kieran and Phanton Panzer both stop what they’re doing and look at each other before they’re ambushed from behind by Geri Miller who dropkicks both of them sending them into the ropes. They both stop what they’re doing and turn back to Geri. The two of them charge and nail a double clothesline knocking Geri to the mat.
Panzer grabs Geri up and wraps her up in a full nelson. Kieran smirks before drilling two shots to the ribs followed by a big kick. He pulls Geri in before leaping over her with a flipping piledriver!
THE DESTRUCTIVE DRIVER!
FUZZ: “Look at these tough guys. Double teaming a much smaller lady.”
NOAH: “Something tells me it’s not their first time.”
FUZZ: “………”
NOAH: “Wha-OH! Yeah I meant that too.”
Geri Miller looks out of it as Phantom Panzer lifts her up over his head in a gorilla press before moving towards the ropes and chunking her small frame as far as he can! She lands with a thud on the guardrail where she lands perfectly!
Phantom looks confused as she still hasn’t touched the ground at all. But as he’s looking in shock, Kieran runs up behind him, hooks his trunks and sends him flying over the top rope to the floor below with both feet touching!
[cuntevent]ELIMINATED: Phantom Panzer[/cuntevent]
Kieran Overton turns around to see Michael Archer Jr. who is back to his feet after the clothesline and rushes towards him. He begins drilling kicks into him in the corner before turning to see Geri still laying across the guard rail. Phantom is still at ringside and grabs her to attempt to pull her off. The referees are breaking them up as Geri gets to her feet on the guard rail.
SHE LEAPS!
She hooks the head of Phantom and swings him around until she can reach out and grab the ropes. She pulls herself away while kicking Panzer in the face to escape onto the apron. The referees pull Phantom away. Geri stands up only to find Kieran there with a handful of her hair. He runs her towards the corner and slams her head against the ringpost. She staggers there as she falls to her knees. Kieran is whipped around by Michael Archer who dots his chin with a superkick!
Kieran is out on his feet for a moment before Archer nails a dropkick sending him out onto the apron beside Geri! He gets to his feet and ducks another dropkick from Archer!
But then he gets nailed by a low blow on the outside as Geri is smirking. She staggers backwards as Archer gets back to his feet and nails a superkick blasting Kieran off the apron and to the floor!
[cuntevent]ELIMINATED: Kieran Overton[/cuntevent]
FUZZ: “I guess they got their comeuppance.”
NOAH: “Inadvertently, Geri helped eliminate both of those two.”
FUZZ: “Nothing more scary than a woman working the strings behind the puppets.”
Then there was two. Michael Archer climbs onto the turnbuckle and grabs Geri from behind by her hair. She yells in surprise for a moment before reaching up and nailing a Pele kick! She nearly falls from the apron as a result, but she steadies herself. She takes a few steps back as Archer is stunned on the top rope before rushing towards him and leaping up! She hooks his head for a hurricanrana, but Archer grips the top rope as Geri flips forward falling flat on the apron. She slowly stands up holding her abdomen as Archer leaps into the ring reaching out for her head!
X MARKS THE SPOT!
FUZZ: “FUCK!”
NOAH: “That came out of nowhere!”
FUZZ: “I can’t fucking stand you sometimes.”
The RKO drapes her neck across the top rope as she’s shot backwards out of a cannon from the impact!
[cuntevent]ELIMINATED: Geri Miller[/cuntevent]
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER
"Bullseye"
MICHAEL ARCHER JR.[/cuntevent]
A solitary spotlight appears on the left hand stage of the entrance way illuminating a Hall of Legends podium that until now no one knew was there. It's not long before James Raven appears.
NOAH: So that's why that was there.
FUZZ: Oh hell fucking no.
Raven steps to the microphone to the delight of the crowd.
JAMES RAVEN: Here we are again at another XWF Pay Per View to induct another member of the Shane era into the XWF Hall of...
FUZZ: Fuck that. This ain't happening on MY SHOW!!!
Fuzz shouts towards Raven as he walks towards the podium from his seat at the announcers table.
FUZZ: You've already made a mockery of the Hall of Legends but inducting second rate stars like Theo Pryce into a group that consists of true greats like Steve Jason and Cyren, you aren't going to soil my show by adding some asshole like Peter Gilmour. Not here! Not tonight! Now get the fuck off my stage.
Raven steps away from the podium and stands nose to nose with Fuzz before folding the papers he had in his hand and stuffing them into his inner coat pocket and then walking off the stage.
NOAH: You go Dad!
As the music kicks up, The Calvary can be spotted in the corner of the arena with his chest puffed out. He flies down to the ring before slowly descending onto a turnbuckle where he gives out a mighty bellow. He pounds his chest before stepping down into the ring and cracking his knuckles.
Suddenly the arena lights go red and "Angels Fall" by Breaking Benjamin blares out of the P.A System. After about 40 seconds The Scull Meister finally steps out on to stage. He looks around at the XWF Galaxy in attendence and smirks. The chorus of boos fill the arena in disapproval of Skull, he shrugs it off and slowly walks down the ramp, ignoring them. He stops at the bottom of the ramp and smirks once again at the crowd. He then raises his fists in the air as the boos become louder. He walks up the steps and walks along the ring apron. He turns to look at the fans whilst slowly moving both hands from his face to the floor, gesturing "A look at me" type taunt, before raising the title once again. Scully enters through the middle rope and into the ring. Skull walks over to the far turn buckle and climbs to the top. He holds his hands in the air, making sure the title is there for everyone to see and then does his "Look at me" taunt. The Scully Meister spins himself round and chills on the turnbuckle with his arms folded. His music fades out.
[cuntevent]The Cavalry
- vs -
Scully Singles[/cuntevent]
The bell rings to start the match.
FUZZ: "Well this should be an interesting match!"
NOAH: "These two cunts show rock the house down. Scully can sometimes be hit or miss, but he surely has his focus on."
Calvary takes a step towards Scully, but suddenly Scully comes running at Calvary and he doesn't know what to do. Instead he waits for the impact.
But just as Calvary braces for a hit, Scully stops and starts laughing at him.
FUZZ: "What's the joke?"
NOAH: "Who fucking cares!"
Suddenly Scully lashes out and hits Calvary with a left and right and then a straight jab, making Calvary stumble backwards.
NOAH: "The cunt should have seen that coming,"
Scully follows up by grabbing Calvary and tries to whip him towards the ropes, but somehow Calvary reverses the move, and hits Scully with a HEAD BUTT. Now it's Scully's turn to stumble backwards.
FUZZ: "What do you say of that move then? That he should have seen that reverse move coming?"
NOAH: "Mmmmmm. Who fucking knows."
Calvary grabs Scully and sends him running into the corner. Scully manages to stop himself before he gets to the corner. He stops and turns and looks at Calvary. He gives him the 'come on come get me' signal.
NOAH: "That cunt has some big fucking balls to do that sort of thing to Calvary."
FUZZ: "Lets see if the idiot Calvary takes the bait,"
Calvary just smiles and steps backwards.
FUZZ: "See no fucking balls."
NOAH: "You just called him an idiot if he took the bait, clearly the cunt knows what he is doing,"
FUZZ: "I said 'lets see if the idiot Calvary takes the bait,' and he didn't. He still an idiot,"
NOAH: "Yes you're right, sorry Dad."
Scully stomps his feet as he's not getting his way. Now it's Calvary's turn to smile. But this forces Scully into more anger, and he goes running at Calvary and attempts to deliver a clothesline, but Calvary ducks under the move, and waits for Scully to move by, before he stands up, and waits for Scully to turn around. But he gets a shock, as Scully does turn around but manages to hit Calvary with a DROP KICK.
Calgary goes flying to the other side of the ring, and rebounds off of the ropes, and Scully follows up with a HURRICARANA. Scully goes for a quick cover.
1.........
2...........
Kick out.
NOAH: "Clearly the cunt was always going to kick out of that, but some very good ring work by Scully though."
FUZZ: "Clearly not enough to put him away,"
Scully gets back to his feet, and helps Calvary back to his. Scully sets Calvary up for a DDT, and connects with it.
Once again Scully gets back to his feet, and then helps Calvary back to his. He tries to set Calvary up for a SWINGING NECKBREAKER, but Calvary somehow manages to stop Scully, by kneeing Scully in his stomach. This breaks the hold that Scully has on Calvary.
Calvary starts hitting Scully with some really heavy punches, the combination forces Scully to stumble backwards and is dazed for a second. Calvary sees his chance and he runs towards the ropes, rebounds off of them, and heads back to Scully, who still looks dazed from the combination of the punches, and Calvary SPEARS Scully.
FUZZ: "Spear!!!! The idiot Calvary just speared Scully who was on top of this match."
NOAH: "What a great Spear!!!!! I didn't see that coming, what a clever cunt pulling that one out of nowhere."
Calvary gets up and looks down at Scully, who is grabbing his stomach. He helps Scully to his feet.
Calvary then delivers a SNAP GERMAN SUPLEX, He goes in for the cover once he connects with it.
1......
2......
KICK OUT.
FUZZ: "Predictably Scully fucking kicks out."
NOAH: "This is turning out to be a good match. I'm quite surprised."
FUZZ: "Are you really?"
NOAH: "Yes Dad I am, it's not a snoozefest by two boring cunts,"
FUZZ: "Well once again you are right,"
Calvary gets back to his feet. He pulls Scully up, and sends him running into the corner, where he crashes into the corner post so hard, that Scully grabs his chest as he stumbles backwards.
Calvary slowly walks up to Scully, making sure he can't really try to reverse a move.
He grabs Scully, and pulls him into him, and delivers a GORILLA PRESS SLAM, but he's not finished there, as he pulls Scully to the corner, but not too close. He quickly starts climbing the corner post.
FUZZ: "He's not going to try something stupid? Clearly he is a...."
NOAH: "Stupid cunt,"
Calvary holds himself on the top of the corner post, and waits for Scully to start moving, which he starts to do and then Calvary executes A SPLASH FROM THE TOP OF THE CORNER
FUZZ: "Wow he connected with it, what a......."
NOAH: "Lucky cunt,"
Calvary quickly gets to his feet, and pulls a stunned Scully back to his. Calvary delivers JUSTICE, RIGHTEOUSNESS, AND DUE PROCESS (a.k.a a series of strikes, with a punch to the gut, an uppercut, and then a CLOTHESLINE FROM HELL. The fans go beserk.
FUZZ: "Wow."
NOAH: "Yeah wow,"
Calvary starts smiling at the downed Scully, and then pulls his body back towards where he wants him near the corner, and he heads back to the corner post, where he starts to climb.
NOAH: "What's this Cunt's Finishing Move again Dad?"
FUZZ: "It says in my notes, The Crusade?"
NOAH: "Wait a minute, you have notes?"
FUZZ: "Clearly, why, don't you,"
NOAH: "No I go off my memory,"
FUZZ: "Clearly you have had too many bumps and bruises lately, your memory is shocking,"
NOAH: "That's true.... I'll give you that,"
MEANWHILE..... Calvary is at the top of the Corner Post, and looks down at Scully. He's ready to execute THE CRUSADE..............
AND...
HE HITS IT!!!
1
...
2
....
3!!!!!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER
"The Ultra"
CAVALRY[/cuntevent]
The lights go out in the Arena, and the fans go crazy, and when they come back on, Mastermind is seen sitting on top of the corner post. The fans go crazy as he lifts his arms in the air, and then he jumps down and waits.
The entire arena slowly fades to black as the audience excitedly awaits the entrance of "The Peoples GOAT". The drum beat and guitar solo start and a series of white and blue spotlights come up and pan the crowd. Mike Shinodas voice is heard on the speakers singing.
“Now here we go for the hundredth time, hand grenade pins in every line, throw ‘em up and let something shine, going out of my fucking mind… filthy mouth, no excuse, find a new place to hang this noose, string me up from atop these roofs, high and tight so I wont get loose.”
By now the fans are going wild and cheering as the spotlights slowly make their way to the top of the entrance ramp where a dim fog begins to form.
“Truth is you can stop and stare, rub myself out and no one cares, dug the trench out and lay down there with a shovel up, out of reach somewhere… yeah, someone pouring in, make it a dirt glass floor again, say your prayers and stomp it out when they bring that chorus in.”
The spotlights come together as one, and the fog fills the top of the ramp until the downbeat hits and a major blue and silver pyrotechnic display goes off and the rest of the arena lights turn up to full. When the smoke clears James Raven is seen on top of the ramp, his hands thrown up over his head and a huge smile on his face.
“I BLEED IT OUT!!! Diggin’ deeper just to throw it away, I BLEED IT OUT!!!”
James makes his way down the ramp, high fiving fans and posing for pictures with several of them until he reaches the base of the ramp. Then, he pauses for a few seconds and sprints for the ring, diving in under the bottom rope and sliding in to the center of the mat on his hands and knees. He poses for a second, then gets up and runs for the turnbuckle, climbing up and posing yet again for the fans before doing a 360 degree spin off and doing the same on the opposite turnbuckle. As his music fades out he stretches in his corner, and then waits for either his opponents entrance or the starting bell.
[cuntevent]Mastermind
- vs -
James Raven Singles[/cuntevent]
DING!
DING!
DING!
The crowd is on their feet before these two superstars even lock up, applauding loudly for the two longtime staples of the XWF roster! Mastermind twists his neck slightly, rolling his shoulders and taking a step towards the middle of the mat, ready for Raven. James stands still, a half grin on his face as he eyes the larger man. Slowly, The People’s G.O.A.T. lifts a single fist in the air and the Australian crowd erupts.
“RA-VEN!”
“RA-VEN!”
“RA-VEN”
NOAH: What an arrogant cunt.
FUZZ: He’s sending a message. Mastermind is a kiwi, and James is from halfway around the world, but he wants to let Mastermind know that this is still Raven territory. It’s a veteran move.
Mastermind doesn’t seem to notice, or care. He continues to stare coldly at the XWF Legend until Raven finally lowers his fist and steps towards the center of the mat as well. James and Mastermind begin to circle each other slowly before finally tying up! There’s a loud pop from the fans as the action begins, Raven tries to irish whip Mastermind into the ropes but Mastermind remains anchored in place. Mastermind ties Raven up quickly and tries to lock in an abdominal stretch, but Raven circles out quickly and wags his finger in Masterminds face. He’s not going to be caught that easily!
Mastermind lunges to wrap Raven up again but Raven drops to a knee and slides around to the side of Mastermind, then leg sweeps the kiwi down to the mat! Mastermind tries to pop back up but Raven is already atop him, using his jiu jitsu skills to leap straight into the mount position! Mastermind struggles, but Raven begins working to lock in a triangle choke! Mastermind swings a wild punch up at James, but it’s caught! Raven transitions to a triangle armbar, and Mastermind is already in deep trouble here!
Raven rolls to his back, but Mastermind powerfully breaks out of the submission and scrambles to his feet while gasping for a breath. James rolls to his knees, grinning again and gesturing to Mastermind that he was “this close” to tapping out.
NOAH: This one was nearly over before it began.
FUZZ: There are weaknesses in Raven’s game, but his submissions aren’t one of them. He’s a legitimately world class black belt.
Before Raven can stand Mastermind throws a heavy big boot that smashes into James’ face and drops him flat on his back! Mastermind drops a standing elbow, and hooks Ravens leg for the cover!
ONE!
T-
James gets a shoulder up quickly, but Mastermind hammers him with several powerful right hands before flattening him out and trying another cover!
ONE!
TWO!
Raven gets his shoulder up again! He wraps an arm around Masterminds head and uses the leverage to roll Mastermind over, winding up on top of the kiwi! Raven refuses to let go of Masterminds neck and transitions his arms into position for a d’arce choke! Raven begins to squeeze and Mastermind fights the hands, trying to break the grip…
… but…
… he can’t get free!
… his hand hovers over the mat!
Mastermind gets a foot draped over the bottom rope, and the referee forces James to release the submission. Raven gets to his feet slowly, shaking his head in frustration as he knows he was once again just seconds away from tapping out his opponent! Mastermind climbs slowly to his feet, turning to stare Raven down coldly.
FUZZ: Mastermind doesn’t seem to like how thoroughly he’s been handled on the ground. He charges Raven!
Mastermind hits James with a powerful shoulder block, and Raven stumbles back into the ropes! Mastermind wraps James up and tosses him with a German suplex! Raven skids across the mat and comes to a halt in the corner. Mastermind pounces atop him and pins his shoulders down to the mat, the referee sliding into position for the count!
ONE!
TWO!
Raven gets a shoulder up off the mat and shoves Mastermind off of him. Mastermind climbs quickly to his feet and drags Raven up, then jumps up in the air for his patented RKO! Raven counters and shoves Mastermind over the top rope and out of the ring as soon as his feet are off the canvas!
NOAH: Did Mastermind really just try to hit Raven with a ‘Flight of the Raven’?
FUZZ: Essentially.
NOAH: Mastermind never ceases to amaze me.
Mastermind crawls over to the ring apron and begins to pull himself up to his feet, but Raven slingshots himself off of the far ropes and baseball slides underneath the bottom rope and blasts Mastermind back into the fan barricade! The Australian fans explode as Mastermind collapses to the ground once more, Raven posing in front of him with a wide grin. Mastermind lunges at Ravens waist and tackles him to the ground, climbing to a mounted position and beginning to rain hammerfists and elbows down on James! Raven covers up but still eats a few powerful shots!
FUZZ: Raven is split open!
NOAH: That last elbow caught him right on the eyebrow! Raven is spurting blood everywhere!
Mastermind continues to pummel Raven like a man possessed, but Raven bucks and knocks Mastermind off balance! Raven is able to slip out from underneath Mastermind and get back to his feet, blood dripping down his face as the referee urges both men to bring the action back inside the ring! Mastermind senses opportunity and rushes in again, but Raven ducks underneath a clothesline and trips Mastermind face first into the ring post!
CLAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANG!
Mastermind falls to his knees, clutching his nose and mouth as blood begins to seep through his fingers.
NOAH: Mastermind has been busted open too! This is fantastic!
Raven grabs Mastermind and rolls him under the rope and back into the ring! James slides in behind him and both men stand up and square off, their faces bloody messes! They tie up, Mastermind trying to circle behind Raven! He does! He tries to lock in the Mind Sleeper, his patented sleeper hold… but…
NOAH: Raven jumps into the air!
FUZZ: Flight of the Raven!
Mastermind looks like he’s out cold! The Australian fans leap to their feet with a roar as James crawls atop Mastermind and points a finger to the sky, making the count along with the referee.
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER:
"The People's G.O.A.T."
JAMES RAVEN[/cuntevent]
James Raven stands slowly, wiping the blood from his face and allowing the referee to lift his hand high to the delight of the crowd. James makes his way to the corner of the ring and climbs up to the middle rope, posing for the fans and grinning from ear to ear before exiting the ring and making his way over to his girlfriend Betsy Granger who's been watching from the front row. He gives her a kiss, several fans around them trying to snap photos on their cell phones, and tells her he'll meet her after he gets cleaned up.
NOAH: These cunts are going to make me throw up.
FUZZ: Absolutely.
James Raven gives an appreciative wave to the fans, then makes his way backstage and we slowly fade out.
X-Men Theme" by Powerglove begins to play over the PA system, as the fans give a mixed reaction. After a moment, Big D walks out from behind the curtain and puts his arms in the air, before making his way down the aisle.
FUZZ: "Folks, we'd like to apologize in advance for this match."
NOAH: "Well, had that cunt, Theo, allowed our ORIGINAL stipulation, the fans might have something more entertaining to watch!"
Big D approaches the ring and pulls himself onto the apron by the middle rope. He slams the crowd for a second, taking in the moment, before climbing in. D walks over to one of the corners and climbs up, posing for the fans as they show him how they feel.
The lights in the arena dim, then go to full black. We then see fire emiting from the ramp after a bell tolls a few times. We then hear "SUCK MY DICK" blast from the PA and the crows begins to go ape shit. "FUCK EVERYBODY" by Steel Panther begins to kick in as res strobe lights and lasers hit the stage. We see Peter Gilmour appear on the stage, looking around as he bobs his head to the music. As soon as the chorus kicks in we see Peter start singing into the camera saying, "EVERYBODY CAN SUCK MY DICK!"
NOAH: "It's only fitting that we made the entrance look like a closet for this match so Gilly can finally come out of it. Now he can finally suck a dick instead of just asking and embrace having a cunt. Tis' Cunt-Fest after all."
He heads to the ring and then gets in normally. Peter then throws his hands up in an "X" pose as fire and fireworks go off above the ring in the same manner. Big D stares Gilly down as he turns and faces his opponent.
FUZZ: "This is the first time these two have met one on one, not that anyone cares."
NOAH: "Hey now! I bet those two cunts do!"
[cuntevent]Big D
- vs -
Peter Gilmour Xtreme Rules[/cuntevent]
As Noah laughs at his wittiness, the ref checks on both competitors as they circle the ring, eyes locked on each other. He then backs away from them and calls for the bell.
NOAH: "I really hope they're not about to make out like the gay cunts they are!"
FUZZ: "You and me both. That'd be just a little bit worse than watching them wrestle!.......... Not that there's anything wrong with that.
Peter Gilmour and Big D lock up in the center, with Gilly quickly overtaking D with a Headlock. Big D lifts Gilmour's arm above his head and escapes behind him, locking his arms around Gilly's waste. Before D can attempt anything, Peter pulls them both to the ropes and grabs on but the ref refuses to break the hold due to the Xtreme Rules stipulation. Gilly holds on for dear life as Big D attempts a German Suplex multiple times, to no avail.
FUZZ: "Little D is REALLY trying to take advantage of Gilly."
NOAH: "It's an Xtreme match, lube IS legal."
Peter Gilmour elbows the side of Big D's head, but D shakes it off and holds on. Gilly then attempts a second elbow, but Big D ducks. The force of Gilmour's missed elbow causes him to turn around, ending up face to face with his opponent. D takes advantage of this, wrapping his arms around Gilly's back and hitting a Belly to Belly Suplex. Big D wastes no time, bringing his opponent back to his feet and whipping him to the ropes. On the rebound, Gilmour ducks D's Clothesline and greets him with a Spinning Leg Kick that sends him to the mat. Gilly covers, but Big D immediately shoves him off.
FUZZ: "Dammit, I was hoping the suffering would end."
NOAH: "No shit! These cunts are putting me to sleep!"
Gilmour pops up and delivers a couple quick stomps to Big D, who ignores them and stands up. Peter swings at his opponent, but Big D catches his arm and drags him down in an attempted Big D Face Cruncher. Gilly uses all his might to prevent this, grabbing his right arm and pulling it towards himself. Doing the only thing he can, Gilmour delivers a vicious headbutt to the side of Big D's head. D won't let go, causing Gilly to bash his skull against his opponent's over and over again until he's finally forced to let go. Peter collapses on the mat, laughing with blood trickling from his forehead. Big D tries to get up, but he ends up dropping to a knee.
FUZZ: "That's probably the first time Gilly's ever used his head!"
NOAH: "Which one?"
FUZZ: "Either."
Both men get to their feet and meet in the center of the ring. Peter Gilmour swings a right at Big D, who blocks and retaliates with one of his own. After connecting with the first, D swings again but Gilly blocks this one. Gilmour fires back and Big D ducks, picking his opponent up from behind, and spinning him in a Dan Slam attempt. Peter escapes in mid-air and goes for a Gilly Cutter, but Big D shoves him halfway across the ring. The two of them stare off as the fans cheer the exciting exchange.
NOAH: "Why is this another standard singles bullshit?"
Noah tosses a can of Victoria Bitter into the ring, catching both Big D and Gilly off-guard.
NOAH: "Hit the cunt with that!"
FUZZ: "Which one?"
NOAH: "Either!"
Big D and Peter Gilmour look towards the announce table, throwing their arms up. D, the closest one to the can, picks it up and tosses it into the crowd to a roar of cheers. Gilly takes advantage of this and Clotheslines him from behind.
NOAH: "Serves the cunt right! This is CUNT-fest, not SNOOZE-fest!"
FUZZ: "I'm also pretty sure that was your last VB."
NOAH: "CUUUUUNT!!!!!"
Gilly drops an Elbow onto his downed opponent, before getting up and hitting another one. He then grabs Big D by the hair and drags him to his feet. Peter Irish Whips his opponent, but rather then send him to the other side, he pulls back D back and greets him with a knee to the gut. Gilmour then attempts to actually whip Big D to the other side, but it gets reversed. On the rebound, Big D hits an earthshattering Spinebuster to Gilly. D gathers himself for a moment before standing up.
NOAH: "Oh my cunt this is boring!!!!.........."
FUZZ: "Noah, what are you?............"
We see Noah stand up and turn around to the little kid behind him. Without any remorse, he reaches over and steals the child's chair before heading to the ring.
FUZZ: "Great, now I gotta hear THAT all night."
As Big D makes it to his feet, Noah climbs up onto the apron and offers him the chair. D looks confused, as Noah smiles and holds it out for him. Rather than take it, Big D flips Noah off and turns around....................ONLY TO BE MET WITH A GILLY CUTTER!!!!!! Peter Gilmour covers as Noah points and laughs at D.
FUZZ: "Gilly takes advantage of Big D's stupidity and it almost pays off."
Peter Gilmour gets to a knee and sees Noah standing there with the chair. Both looks at it, then smiles and offers it to Gilly who walks over and takes it. As he heads back to Big D, Noah hops down and heads back to commentary. Gilmour raises the chair and brings it down hard on D's back, causing him to scream out in agony.
NOAH: "The fans are gonna thank me for that!"
FUZZ: "Well there's certainly nothing boring about Big D in pain."
Gilmour smacks Big D's spine once again, before stopping for a moment. He then walks over and sets the dazed D up in a sitting position, before taking a few steps back. Gilly motions towards his crotch, followed by the chair, as the fans go nuts. Peter rushes at Big D, putting the chair between his legs and thrusting it forward into D's face.
FUZZ: "Holy shit! That was a Dick to the Face, with a chair!"
NOAH: "More like CUNT to the face! We all know Gilly just had a fleshy patch there."
Big D's head crashes against the mat as blood drips from his nose. Peter Gilmour grabs the chair and covers, putting it over his opponent's face.
A frustrated Gilmour gets up and sets the chair down. He then grabs Big D and pulls him over to it, placing his head between his legs. Gilly attempts a Package Piledriver, but D won't go up, fighting back two attempts. On the third one, Big D flips Peter over his back before grabbing the chair. Gilly quickly recovers and charges at D but gets cracked on the skull with the steel chair. Blood gushes out of his forehead as he collapses to the mat. Big D covers.
FUZZ: "It's kind of crazy how much the introduction of a chair changes the entire complexity of a match."
NOAH: "Well said, dad. I know you're proud of me."
Big D takes a second to get up, worn down from his opponent's barrage of attacks. Once on his feet, D takes a step forward before falling to the mat and slowly rolling outside the ring. He uses the apron to hold himself up with one arm, while lifting up the ring skirt with the other. Big D searches for a moment before reaching in and pulling out a Kendo Stick. As he turns around, Gilly comes flying through the ropes, but Big D steps back and nails him in the head with the weapon. Gilmour's body goes limp and hangs on the second rope. Big D drops the stick and climbs onto the apron, before dragging his opponent between the ropes. Gilly drops to his knees in the apron, as Big D approaches him. Out of nowhere, Peter Gilmour hits a Low Blow on his opponent, dropping HIM to his knees. Gilly then puts D's head between his legs and lifts him up in Package Piledriver position. He then hits the DEATHSTRIKE to Big D, dropping his head on the apron. Unfortunately for Gilly, though, D rolls off to the outside.
FUZZ: "Gilly can't win the match here!"
NOAH: "The cunt's so bad he can't even win when it's practically handed to him!"
Peter Gilmour gets down and tries to pick up Big D, but he completely ragdolls and falls against the barricade. Gilly looks at him, gleaming with confidence, before kicking D's head into the barricade. Gilmour laughs, before turning his attention to under the ring. It doesn't take long for him to find what he was looking for, as he drags a table out to a roar from the crowd. Gilly picks it up and slides it in the ring, as Big D just barely moves on the outside. Peter follows the table in and begins to set it up in front of a corner. Once he's finished, Gilmour climbs back out and helps Big D to his feet. With a sudden burst of energy, D charges at Gilly and sends him, back first, against the ring.
FUZZ: "Big Dumbass using a last ditch effort to keep this match going. Thank God it's gotten better since Noah's intervention."
NOAH: "The Sick Cunts make everything better, even matches between two shits!"
Big D struggles to stand, but manages, as he brings Gilly up and gets into German Suplex position. D looks at the barricade behind him, before hoisting his opponent up and tossing him, neck first, against it. Peter rolls around in pain, grabbing his neck. Big D lifts him up and tosses him into the ring, before sliding in and covering.
FUZZ: "Last second kick out by Gilly, who doesn't look like he had any clue where he is."
NOAH: "Well he better learn! He's at Cuntfest, any sick cunt knows that!"
Big D signals it's all over before getting up and bringing Peter Gilmour with him. He walks him over to the table and hoists him up for a Dan Slam attempt. As Big D goes to spin Gilly around, he manages to slip out and go for a Gilly Cutter, but D shoves him away. Peter quickly recovers and goes to Kick Big D, but he ducks and slips behind Gilly, allowing him to hit a surprise Dan Slam!!!! Big D covers.
FUZZ: "Big Douchebag can't seem to put Gilly away. This is just sad."
A frustrated Big D gets up and walks over to Gilmour's legs, lifting them up. Big D spreads Gilly's legs and starts stomping him in the crotch over and over again.
NOAH: "YES!!!!! THIS is what I wanted out if this match!!!!"
FUZZ: "Thankfully for us, after that, Gilly won't be doing any reproducing."
NOAH: "Like he was before?! For all we know the cunt's still a virgin!"
FUZZ: "I'm sure he's paid for sex a time or thirty in his life."
Big D signals for ANOTHER Dan Slam, before going to grab Gilly. As D hoists his opponent up, Peter grabs the chair from before and cracks Big D in the head with it, causing him to drop Gilmour. Both men lay on the ground for a second, Gilly grabbing his nuts in pain. He then gets up, walks over to Big D, and stomps on HIS crotch in the exact same manner D did to him.
FUZZ: "Ask for dick stomping and you got it, Noah! These two idiots will be pissing blood for a week!"
Peter Gilmour look at the table, as if something were missing, before climbing outside of the ring and looking under it. He takes his time, as Big D writhes around in pain on the mat. Eventually, Gilly pulls out two items that send the fans into a frenzy: lighter fluid and, of course, a grill lighter. He hurries back into the ring, as Big D gets to a knee, and kicks him in the face. With D down once again, Gilmour begins to squirt the fluid onto the table, spreading it evenly.
NOAH: "Remember when Big Cunt lit the ropes on fire? Looks like its his turn!"
FUZZ: "Is it possible for that face to get any uglier? We're about to find out!"
After applying a satisfying amount, Gilly tosses the can of fluid aside and holds the lighter in the air. Before he can touch it to the table, however, Big D Schoolboys him for a cover.
Peter Gilmour rolls out of Big D's pin, getting to his feet. He attempts a Clothesline, but Big D ducks it and picks up the chair. D shoves the chair into Gilly's gut, causing him to bend over, following it up with a shot on the back. Big D then looks over to the lighter on the ground, before picking it up, and lighting it. He turns to the table and sets it on fire, causing the crowd to cheer with anticipation.
FUZZ: "We might see the end of Gilly right here!"
NOAH: "Thank Cunt! If Big Depression can take himself out, as well, that'd be a win for the company!"
Big D walks over to his opponent and drags him over to the corner nearest the table. D climbs onto the second rope, pulling Gilly up with him, before swinging his legs onto the outside part. Before Big D can do anything, Peter Gilmour starts delivering elbows go the side of D's head.
FUZZ: "I'm waiting for them both to fall on their heads and kill the few brain cells they have left."
NOAH: "I don't think the cunts had any to begin with."
Peter Gilmour wraps his arms around Big D's head, before going to jump forward.
Big D catches Gilly in mid-air and drags him back over to the turnbuckles. Then he hoists Gilly up and jumps, spinning him around for a Dan Slam through the table!!!! The fans go crazy as Gilmour twitches with shock, as Big D drapes his arm over him.
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER
"Stoned Cold"
BIG D[/cuntevent]
NOAH: "Holy shit! This is proof that Cuntfest is a magical event! Big Cunt gets his first win of the year!"
FUZZ: "And, thanks to you, it wasn't too bad for a match, either."
NOAH: "I love you, too, dad."
Big D rolls to the outside of the ring, using the apron to hold himself up. He makes his way towards the aisle, breathing heavily, but with a smile on his. D limps up the ramp, giving fives to fans as he does. Big D stops at the top and turns around, raising his arms in victory before turning and walking to the back.
Suddenly the house lights dim to darkness as white strobe lights flicker above the ring. The crowd responds with a huge ovation as the STEEL CAGE starts to lower from the rafters high atop the arena. Camera’s switch various angles as the mesh of the unforgiving steel can be seen. The Steel Cage encloses the squared circle with the bottom of the Cage coming to rest on the ring apron before the music suddenly cuts and the strobe lights stop which leaves the arena in pitch darkness. The crowd responds by getting louder and louder before the house lights suddenly come back up.
”The following Tag Team contest will be contested inside a STEEL CAGE… The only way you can win this match is by pinfall, submission or is BOTH members of a team escape the Cage…”
”Introducing first, about to make his way to the ring…. He hails from Miami, Florida, he is “THE” TRISTAN SLATER!
The crowd responds with a mixed reception from the crowd as its clear Tristan has his fans but also has his detractors. THE Tristan Slater saunters with a smirk on his face as he certainly appears to be ready and eager to get to the Steel Cage. THE Tristan Slater makes his way up the steel step where he enters the Steel Cage through the Cage door.
”His tag team partner, about to make his way to the ring… “SHAMELESS” SHANE !”
The crowd boos loudly as SHANE explodes down the ramp with streamers attached to his upper arms with his face painted incredibly similar to that of the Ultimate Warrior as he runs around the ring before up the steel steps and into the Cage where he starts frantically shaking the top ring rope.
The crowd ERUPTS!
”Introducing their opponents; first about to make his way to the Cage… He is ROBERT “THE OMEGA” MAIN!
ROBERT walks out to the top of the ramp garnering a rock star like ovation from this sold out crowd as his eyes are locked on both and Slater who eagerly await his arrival. ROBERT stands at the top of the ramp shaking his head at the duo…
The crowd breaks into a massively loud, mixed ovation seemingly a 50/50 split.
”His partner, about to make his way to the Cage, he is “CHRONIC” CHRIS PAGE!”
CHRIS walks out to the top of the ramp dressed in jeans, black steal toe combat boots and has a roll of athletic tape he’s using to tape up his right fist as he walks past ROBERT towards the ring.
ROBERT starts to walk down the ramp behind CHRIS. CHRIS tears the tape and tosses it into the crowd and as he reaches ringside he waits for MAIN to walk past him and make his way up the steel steps where he enters the Steel Cage. CHRIS reaches into the front left pocket of his jeans where he pulls out a new padlock with two keys before reaching under the ring where retrieves a chain!
CHRIS makes his way up the step to the Cage door where he enters the Cage before closing the door and chaining it shut before locking it with the padlock. MAIN steps through the ropes followed by PAGE. CHRIS dangles the keys out before throwing them out into the lower bowl of the arena!
[cuntevent]Robert "The Omega" Main & "Chronic" Chris Page
- vs -
Shane & "The" Tristan Slater Tag Team
Cage Match[/cuntevent]
DING… DING… DING….
Immediately all hell breaks loose with and PAGE pairing off with a heated exchange of right hand while SLATER and MAIN are trading blows of their own and the crowd is on fire with the exchange.
and PAGE throw shot for shot as does MAIN and SLATER before we see SLATER gouge MAIN in the eyes before turning and blind siding PAGE who is getting the better of . SLATER turns and comes across the ring booting MAIN in the midsection before driving him back into a neutral corner. Across the ring SHANE takes advantage with a thrust to the throat of PAGE before hurling PAGE back into a set of buckles. Back across the ring SLATER lays in some stiff chops across the chest of MAIN while across the ring SHANE drives PAGE head first repeatedly into the top turnbuckle.
turns and calls out towards SLATER and with a head nod they look to whip PAGE and MAIN towards each other only to see both men reverse and its and SLATER that bounce off each other where SLATER is decked and knocked to the mat with a stiff right hand while is dropped where he stands with a Superkick from MAIN! The crowd roars in approval as PAGE and MAIN lock eyes and nod their heads towards each other.
CHRIS reaches down picking SLATER up off the mat as MAIN watches on as we see CHRIS take SLATER and run him across the ring sending him crashing face first off the steel cage! ROBERT starts to laugh at PAGE as he reaches down picking up off the mat where he runs him across the ring and hurls him face first off the cage to a louder ovation. CHRIS shakes his head back and forth as he picks SLATER up off the mat where he takes a back waist lock and delivers a German Release Suplex! MAIN throws his index finger out shaking it at PAGE before reaching down picking up off the mat where he takes a front waist lock and delivers an overhead release belly to belly suplex!
MAIN and PAGE stare each other down once again as the crowd erupts.
MAIN goes to pick up off the mat only to be met with a low blow! Across the ring PAGE picks SLATER up and drives his face into the Cage before he starts to rake it back and forth across the mesh of the steel until comes up behind PAGE yanking him back by the hair. PAGE turns inward throwing a hard right hand to the ribs of followed by a second and then a third which causes to break his grasp but buys him enough time for SLATER to chop block the right knee out from under PAGE!
SHANE and SLATER immediately make their way over to MAIN and start stomping away at him on the mat keeping him at bay before they shift attention towards PAGE and jump on him with kicks to the chest and knee that SLATER just cut out from under him! picks both legs of PAGE up off the mat before stomping down on his nuts! SLATER cuts MAIN off as he tries to get to his feet. TRISTAN locks in a front face lock before snapping off a suplex on MAIN. drops down to the mat and starts choking away at PAGE with both hands across the neck while SLATER is shown running towards the ropes where he spring boards off the middle rope delivering a leg drop across the throat of MAIN! SLATER makes the first cover of the contest as the referee inside the Cage makes the count.
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!!
THR……
MAIN kicks out to a pop from the crowd as we see SLATER not wasting any time as he tee’s off with right hands to the forehead of MAIN while across the ring continues to choke away at PAGE before leaning down and biting into his forehead!
reaches his feet where he picks PAGE up and now it’s PAGE who is introduce face first into the Cage and it’s who starts grinding PAGE’s face across the mesh of the steel in an attempt to bust him over while we see SLATER with MAIN as he looks to deliver his Glorious Flip Piledriver! MAIN counters with a back body drop before coming up behind SHANE and locking in a Full Nelson before bringing out towards the center of the ring where he hoists him up in the air and drives him down into the mat with a OMEGA SUPLEX with a bridge!
1!!!
2!!!!!
THRE……..
SLATER breaks the cover just as SHANE was kicking out of the near fall. MAIN is the first to his feet followed by SLATER who swings with a right hand only to have it blocked and countered with a hard right from MAIN that rocks SLATER backwards towards the ropes. MAIN explodes towards him only to have SLATER seemingly Stun Gun MAIN into the side of the Cage! Across the ring we see CHRIS start pulling himself to his feet and as he does SLATER take notice and charges forward towards PAGE who ducks his head and elevates SLATER into the side of the Cage with a back body drop that sends SLATER sliding down the side of the Cage in between the ropes and the Cage itself! is reaching a vertical base where he staggers towards PAGE swinging with a right hand that CHRIS ducks out of the way of while taking a back waist lock where a German Suplex is delivered! PAGE rolls through not releasing his grasp as a second one is delivered! He rolls through picking both himself and SHANE up off the mat where a third German Suplex is delivered! He refuses to break his grasp as he rolls through picking SHANE up off the mat where a fourth German Suplex is delivered! The crowd responds favorably as CHRIS rolls through picking himself and SHANE up off the time with a fifth and final Release German Suplex is delivered which brings massive reception from the crowd as CHRIS works his way back to his feet.
PAGE walks over helping MAIN the rest of the way to his feet while we see SLATER getting to a vertical base between the ropes and the Cage. MAIN charges towards SLATER delivering a Stinger Splash into SLATER which crushes him between ROBERT’s body and the Steel Cage! CHRIS is shown reaches down picking SHANE up off the mat only to have a white powder thrown into his eyes via ! PAGE backs away as baby powder is all over his face as he swings wildly at thin air. works his way the res t of his way to his feet where he kicks PAGE in the right knee that was clipped out from under him earlier and drops PAGE to one knee for to follow up with a spike DDT into the mat! SHANE pops back up to his feet as MAIN lands a second Splash on to SLATER crunching him into the Cage a second time! MAIN turns around to see coming forward looking to punt him in the nut only to see ROBERT catch the foot of garnering a huge ovation from the crowd. He shakes his index finger at as SHANE hops around on one foot before ROBERT spins SHANE around before catching him in a Cobra Clutch where he delivers a Cobra Clutch Suplex violently driving down into the mat where he makes the cover hooking the near leg.
1!!!
2!!!
THRE…..
SLATER dives on top of MAIN breaking the pinfall attempt to a gasp from the crowd. SLATER struggles to get to his feet but does so where he’s met with several hard right hands by MAIN where he’s taken back into the ropes and shot across the ring, SLATER bounces off the far side ducking under a heavy clothesline attempt from MAIN which sends SLATER bouncing off the near side and dropping MAIN with a Springboard GILMOUR CUTTER! All four men are down in the ring when suddenly the crowd starts to roar with massively loud boo’s when PETER GILMOUR comes trotting down the ramp with a pair of bolt cutters in his right hand that’s got held up on display. GILMOUR reaches ringside where the official at the Cage door tries to wave him off only to find himself on the receiving end of a GILMOUR CUTTER! PETER gets back to his feet as he scream down at the fallen official, “SUCK MY DICK!” before he turns his attention to the chain that’s got the door secured before taking several seconds but finally cutting the lock and removing the chain which allows him to open the door of the Cage!
GILMOUR goes under the ring pulling out a steel chair while inside the Cage we see SLATER to his feet as well as MAIN as they trade right hands as we see GILMOUR make his way into the Cage with the chair in hand as he comes up behind MAIN cracking him across the back! GILMOUR spins MAIN around where he delivers a GILMOUR CUTTER to MAIN! SLATER reaches down picking up the chair as we see PAGE start to push his self up off the mat and back to his feet where his face displays white powder. SLATER jabs PAGE in the midsection with the chair which doubles him over only to see SLATER waffle PAGE across the back with a vile shot that drops PAGE to the mat. GILMOUR steps through the ropes and out the Cage door where he is back down to the floor and going back under the ring where he pulls out a table before taking it towards the opening of the Cage door and manages to slide it into the ring under the bottom rope and through the door. He goes back under the ring a second time where a Ladder is pulled out from GILMOUR. GILMOUR takes the Ladder to the open door and slides it into the ring as well. In the ring SLATER measures MAIN who is working his way to his feet and as he stands up SLATER dents the chair over the head of MAIN busting ROBERT wide open as he crumbles to the mat. The crowd roars with loud boos as SLATER holds the steel chair high in the air while we see SHANE pulling himself back to his feet.
Out on the floor GILMOUR pulls out several more chairs and tosses them in the ring followed by a couple of kendo sticks before GILMOUR walks up the steps to and enters the Cage through the door where he closes it behind him. SLATER tosses his chair to the mat as he reaches down picking PAGE up off the mat. TRISTAN holds PAGE by both arms as he instructs GILMOUR who has a Kendo Stick in his hand. GILMOUR takes a baseball like cut with the Kendo Stick cracking PAGE in the ribs! GILMOUR takes a step back before coming forward with a second shot to the ribs while we see SHANE reach down and pick a bloody ROBERT MAIN up off the mat where he holds him by both arms. GILMOUR cracks PAGE over the skull with the Kendo Stick as we see SLATER release his grasp and send PAGE falling to the mat below. GILMOUR shifts his attention towards MAIN who’s held by . SLATER is shown with his back turned as he chokes PAGE with his right boot across his throat while we see GILMOUR measure a restrained MAIN and as he swings for the fences MAIN is able to escape and it’s GILMOUR who cracks SHANE over the skull with the Kendo Stick to a thunderous ovation from the crowd and as GILMOUR spins around he walks into the DEAD MAN’S HAND from MAIN! falls back into the ropes as we see MAIN come up behind SLATER spinning him around where he plants a boot to the midsection before driving him down into the mat with an Implant DDT to a roar from the crowd!
MAIN gets back to a vertical base where he sees all the weapons that GILMOUR has brought into the ring before snatching SHANE and locking in a front face lock before he pulls out towards the center of the ring and delivers a snap suplex to on to the Ladder! The crowd pops as BIG D is shown sprinting down to the ring where he enters the Cage and immediately snatches GILMOUR up off the mat and takes him towards the Cage door where he hurls him through the ropes and out to the floor before following GILMOUR out. MAIN looks towards BIG D and gives him a head nod as the outside official has recovered and closes the door to the Cage. BIG D takes GILMOUR back up the ramp disappearing behind the curtain leaving us back at two on two. MAIN picks up the Kendo Sticks as we see CHRIS PAGE using the ropes to pull himself back to a vertical base. He gathers his footing before turning around where ROBERT tosses him one of the Kendo Sticks! SHANE is shown rolling off the Ladder and pushing himself up to all fours while across the ring we see SLATER standing back to a vertical base where he walks into a vicious Kendo Stick shot to the ribs by PAGE while MAIN laces across the back!! SLATER is doubled over for PAGE to cracks the Kendo Stick across SLATER’s spine sending SLATER falling back down to the mat as MAIN starts unloading with shot after shot to ’s exposed back while PAGE starts doing the same thing to SLATER! The crowd is on fire as MAIN and PAGE are wearing out their respective opponents with Kendo Sticks with each man breaking the sticks over and SLATER’s back. MAIN and PAGE hoist up the handles of the Kendo Sticks to a thunderous ovation from the crowd. The ovation grows as MAIN nudges PAGE and motions for the Cage Door. We see ROBERT and PAGE start to walk towards the door to the Cage where they step through the ropes and to the ring apron. MAIN is the first to walk out the door and down the steps to the floor!
PAGE looks back into the ring as he steps through the door where he sees to both knees where he flips PAGE off with both fingers. CHRIS shakes his head before stepping back through the door and into the ring closing the door behind him as he steps back through the ropes and makes his way over to where he kicks him in the sternum knocking him back to the mat. PAGE takes a mount position on his arch rival before hammering down with vicious right hands to the face! CHRIS then starts choking with both hands across his throat as he starts to squeeze the life out from him while we see SLATER start to negotiate his way back to his feet where he staggers forward towards the pile of plunder and snatches a Steel Chair. MAIN is quick to re-enter the Cage and as SLATER looks to Pearl Harbor PAGE from behind MAIN snatches the chair away from SLATER and as SLATER spins around MAIN jabs him in the ribs with the chair before cracking him across the back! PAGE gets to his feet where he picks up off the mat and hurls him through the ropes, through the cage door and out to the floor! PAGE steps through the ropes and exits the Cage his self as both feet touch the floor.
PAGE takes by both legs before falling backwards and catapulting SHANE into the Cage!! In the ring MAIN drops the chair as he’s met with a low blow from SLATER! Out on the floor SHANE is picked up off the floor and taken around the Cage towards the announcers table and we see CHRIS drive SHANE face first off the GERMAN announce table! The outside referee closes the Cage door as SLATER starts working his way back to his feet where he picks up the Ladder and lays it across MAIN’s body before bouncing off the ropes where he delivers a Rolling Thunder on to the Ladder smashing it into the body of MAIN! Out on the floor we see CHRIS starting to scale the side of the Cage as SHANE lays across the German announce table! CHRIS climbs half way up the side of the Cage where he’s able to turn himself around and look down at before jumping off the Cage with an elbow drop that finds nothing but the German Announce table as SHANE rolls out of the way sending CHRIS crashing and burning!
In the ring SLATER moves the Ladder off the top of MAIN and makes a cover on the former Universal Champion.
1!!!!
2!!!!!
THRE……….
MAIN kicks out to a roar from the crowd as SLATER now starts hammering away at the bloody face of ROBERT as we see SHANE staggering back around the Cage and as he comes back towards the door he reaches under the ring where he pulls out a thick chain of his own and a pad lock of his own! walks up the steps to and re-enters the Cage where he shuts the door behind him and pad locks it shut from the inside with his lock and chain! It’s now and SLATER locked inside the Cage with ROBERT MAIN completely isolated. reaches down picking up one of the steel chairs as he instructs SLATER to picks MAIN up off the mat. SLATER reaches down picking ROBERT up off the mat where he sends him towards who blasts ROBERT over the skull with an unprotected chair shot to the skull! MAIN crumbles to the mat like a sack of potatoes. SHANE holds up the chair drawing massive boos from the crowd as he laughs to at the situation.
SLATER is shown opening up the legs of the Table where he flips it over and sets it up in the center of the ring.
SHANE sees what TRISTAN is doing and proceeds to pick ROBERT up off the mat where he lays him across the Table as we see TRISTAN start to climb the nearest set of buckles before scaling the side of the Cage. SHANE clobbers MAIN with the chair across the chest as he lays on the Table buying SLATER time to scale the Cage and climb up to the top of the Cage! TRISTAN looks down at ROBERT as SHANE waves him on. TRISTAN takes a deep breath before leaping off the top of the Cage with a Shooting Star Press only to see MAIN roll off the table and it’s SLATER who crashes and burns through the empty table drawing a thunderous “HOLY SHIT” chant from the crowd!
SHANE measures MAIN and as ROBERT starts to work his way to his feet SHANE charges forward swinging the Chair at MAIN who ducks out of the way and catches with a right hand to the jaw knocking the chair from his hand and staggering backwards and it’s who comes forward with a clothesline attempt that ROBERT ducks out of the way off before catching SHANE with a Superkick! SHANE collapses to the mat with MAIN falling down on top of him.
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!
THRE…..
pops a shoulder up off the mat to a massive gasp from the crowd. We see ROBERT starting to inch his way towards SLATER who’s still laid out in the ruble of the broken table! The crowd gets louder and louder the closer and closer ROBERT gets and finally ROBERT drapes an arm over the chest of SLATER!
1!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!
THRE….
manages to gouge the eyes of the referee stopping the fatal and final three count from being made to massively loud boos from the crowd. Out on the floor CHRIS is crawling back towards the CAGE as he starts to pull himself up off the floor using the Cage itself for leverage. In the ring and MAIN reach their knees and start trading right hands! SLATER slowly starts to stir as we see CHRIS back to his feet staggering around the ring towards the Cage door. He reaches the door and tries to open it when reality sets in that it’s been locked shut. MAIN and SHANE continue throwing blows until SHANE manages a quick throat punch to the Adam’s apple of MAIN while we see SLATER pushing himself up off the mat. TRISTAN reaches his feet where he picks up MAIN from behind and holds his arms in place for who reaches his feet and starts unloading with hard right hands to the defenseless MAIN. PAGE starts CLIMBING the Cage to a thunderous ovation from the crowd! CHRIS reaches the top of the Cage where he stands up getting his footing underneath him before sailing off the top of the Cage with a flying cross body block down on top of , MAIN and SLATER taking all four men down to a massive ovation from the crowd!! All four men are down with PAGE the first to get to his feet followed by ! PAGE drives a boot into the midsection of SHANE before taking him and smashing him face first into the Cage only to start raking his face across the mesh of the steel which opens up in the process. CHRIS brings SHANE back out towards the center of the ring where he positions ’s head between PAGE’s legs and under hooks both the arms of where he hoists SHANE up in the air while turning him and driving him down face and chest first into the mat with a thunderous PAGE PLANT! The roof explodes as PAGE crawls into the cover hooking the near leg and as the official in the ring finally recovers from the eye gouge and makes a count!
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!!
THRE……
The crowd gasps as TRISTAN SLATER lunges on top of PAGE breaking the cover at the last possible moment!
MAIN is back in a neutral corner as we see SLATER pull PAGE to his feet where he swings wildly with a right hand that PAGE avoids and counters with a SPINBUSTER slam to SLATER! CHRIS looks towards MAIN calling for the Elbow drop! MAIN pulls himself to his feet where he steps up to the middle turnbuckle before sizing SLATER up and driving in the ICE PICK elbow drop across the sternum! MAIN makes the cover hooking the near leg!
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!
THRE………..
SLATER kicks out to another massive gasp from the crowd as a bloody MAIN cut his eyes towards PAGE who nods his head. CHRIS picks up the Ladder and rests it against the turnbuckles as ROBERT is shown working his way back to his feet. CHRIS comes forward as he and ROBERT reach down and pick SLATER up off the mat where the run SLATER across the ring and send him smashing face and body first off the Ladder! PAGE turns his attention back towards as he comes over and reaches down for him he’s met with a low blow! MAIN has SLATER up and delivers the DEAD MAN’S HAND to a huge pop from the crowd as he is shown making a cover.
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!
THRE……..
yanks MAIN off the cover garnering a massive gasp from the crowd!
works his way to his feet where he picks MAIN up and hurls him into the Ladder with MAIN’s back bouncing off the Ladder itself as he staggers forward and into a boot to the midsection followed by a swinging neck breaker on to a chair! PAGE starts to stir as does SLATER who is pushing himself up off the mat and as he reaches his feet he comes forward catching PAGE with his GLORIOUS FLIP PILEDRIVER spiking PAGE head first into the canvass! SLATER makes the cover managing to hook the near leg.
1!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!
THRE……………
PAGE kicks out to a thunderous ovation from the crowd as we see SHANE and SLATER each questioning the count of the referee who shows them both two fingers. Simultaneously SHANE and SLATER snatch each side of the official before running him towards the side of the Cage where they hurl him face first into the Cage! The official bounces off the Cage and crumbles to the mat as the crowd roars with loud boos intently at and SLATER as they stand over the helpless official before SLATER stomps down on top of him for good measure. SLATER calls for to lay CHRIS out near the Ladder that’s leaning back against the buckles. TRISTAN is shown getting behind the Ladder and climbing up the turnbuckles where he stands on the top rope. SHANE drapes PAGE across the ring near the Ladder for SLATER to ride the Ladder down on top of PAGE crushing his sternum in the process with the Ladder!
turns his attention towards MAIN where he starts putting the boots to him. SLATER is back to his feet where he calls out for SHANE and motions to the Cage which SHANE answers with a head nod. SLATER turns his back and walks towards the Cage where he climbs up the ropes and starts to scale the Cage. is shown taunting the crowd as we as taunting PAGE and MAIN while we see SLATER climb to the top of the Cage and climb over the top before starting to climb down the side of the Cage. In the ring starts to walk towards the opposite side of the Cage as we see SLATER drop from the Cage landing on the floor. The crowd boos intently as SHANE starts to climb up the ropes when suddenly they begin to cheer as ROBERT MAIN begins to stir and starts working his way up to his feet where he sees SHANE scaling the side of the Cage. MAIN goes after and starts climbing up the Cage after him! SHANE climbs to the top of the Cage where he climbs over the top of the Cage and starts to climb down only to have MAIN come over the top of the Cage snatching two handfuls of ’s hair! SHANE’s legs are kicking in the air as MAIN has a death grip on SHANE’s locks! In the ring we see CHRIS PAGE start to get back to his feet where he sees ROBERT pulling SHANE back up over the top of the Cage where MAIN locks on to a front face lock! CHRIS quickly pulls the Ladder and kicks the chairs out of the way as ROBERT suplerplexes SHANE from the top of the Cage down to the mat to a thunderous “HOLY SHIT” chant! ROBERT and SHANE lay on the mat as CHRIS looks on before looking out at the floor where SLATER stands in shock. PAGE quickly makes his way towards as SLATER immediately starts to scale the side of the Cage, CHRIS picks up off the mat where he positions him and delivers a PAGE PLANT! PAGE rolls over making the cover as SLATER nears the top of the Cage!
1!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!
THRE….
SLATER crashes down on top of PAGE and from the top of the Cage breaking the referee’s count! The crowd is on fire as all four men are down with SLATER slowly starting to pushes himself up to a vertical base only to have ROBERT MAIN spin him around as he’s back in the mix and deliver the DEAD MAN’s HAND! MAIN makes the cover!!
1!!!!!!
2!!!!!!!!!!!
3!!!!!!!!!!!!
DING…. DING…. DING….
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNERS
"The Alliance"
ROBERT MAIN & CHRIS PAGE[/cuntevent]
The Cage starts to raise from around the ring as CHRIS PAGE and ROBERT MAIN have their arms raised in victory following a brutal Steel Cage confrontation with SHANE and THE TRISTAN SLATER. SHANE and SLATER are shown rolling out to the floor as PAGE and MAIN now turn and go face to face. CHRIS is shown saying something to ROBERT but it’s not heard by the cameras as ROBERT is shown saying something back towards PAGE. CHRIS extends his hand out towards MAIN who looks down at it before looking back at PAGE. MAIN reaches out shaking the hand of CHRIS PAGE as the two men then exit the ring together and start making the walk back up the ramp.
Centurion is seen back in the gorilla position awaiting his entrance music to begin when all of a sudden the camera man accidentally zooms in so close to Centurion's extremely focused expression and clunks him right in the head!
Cameraman: Doh! Sorry about that, bub!
SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!
Oh shit! The cameraman was Shane ! He just slapped Centurion right across the face so hard you could hear it echo throughout the entire arena!
Shane quickly turns and runs through a crowd of random backstage hands and vanishes before Centurion can even think of giving chase. From the far distance we hear Shane screaming something about 30k over and over again.
Cent rubs his cheek and turns his head around to receive another…
SLAP!!!!!!!!!!!!
As Noah Jackson runs past him in a full sprint down the ramp towards the commentator’s booth.
NOAH: “See you in the match, cunt!”
Cent’s face is bright red as he tries to calm himself.
The opening riff of "Hart Attack" blast over the PA as the crowd breaks out into a mixed reaction that's more negative than not. VV walks out onto the stage and and postures for the crowd, soaking up their jeers as if it's the ultimate sign of support. She makes her way down the ramp, ignoring the outreached hands of any fans she still has along the way. VV the heads up to the outside of the ring, and gets inside and waits.
Centurion walks down to the ring with the Hart Title proudly placed over his shoulder. He jumps into the ring and looks ready to go.
FUZZ: “Well, when we asked Vita to book this match, I didn’t realize she would do this kind of shit.”
NOAH: “What do you mean?! My baby made the most interesting match for the entire night! Centurion either LOSES his title to a girl in an arm-wrestling match OR he beats a girl in arm wrestling. It’s perfect!”
FUZZ: “Okay, that’s fucking brilliant.”
DING! DING! DING!
The bell sounds as these two combatants are inside of the ring, but there’s nothing else inside of the ring except for stand in the center of the ring with two handholds set-up for this arm wrestling match. Centurion looks a little uncomfortable in his dress as he’s pulling at the sides of it. Vita Valenteen walks around the ring as if she’s part of a fashion show while pointing at Centurion. The crowd is eating up every bit of it.
She finally stops her mockery and steps up to the arm wrestling stand and wraps a hand around the handhold and readies her right hand with a wicked grin on her face. Centurion steps up to the handhold and grabs the handhold. He begins to stretch towards Vita.
But he recoils.
Centurion takes a step back as he’s clutching his leg as if he’s had a spasm.
FUZZ: “Oh look, Centurion has injured himself already!”
NOAH: “What a fucking fake. He’s hamming all of this up, the cunt.”
Vita notices this too as Centurion begins doing some stretches to loosen himself up. Vita walks over and stands in front of him and begins doing the same stretches in a mocking way. Centurion stands up and walks back over to the pedestal and locks himself in. Vita smiles at him and locks herself onto the pedestal as well. She reaches forward to grab his hand, but Centurion recoils quickly clutching at his hand as if it’s now spasming.
FUZZ: “Hahahahaha, what a cunt.”
NOAH: “He better get his shit together!”
Vita’s smile has now faded as Centurion is really massaging his working hand with his other. He walks over to the referee and points at the hand as now the referee is massaging his hand. He smiles before shaking his hand. He walks back to the podium as Vita is shaking her head in disbelief.
Their hands finally lock up as Centurion is gritting his teeth. Vita has a smug smirk on her face as the two are tied up. The referee comes up and places his hands on both of theirs telling them the oh-so-obvious rules of arm wrestling. They both nod as the referee releases his hands.
The arm-wrestling match begins as the two begin pushing towards the other side with all they have in them. For a few seconds the lockup is locked in the center, but slowly it begins moving in favor of Centurion whose gritting teeth has transformed into a sinister smile. He’s inching towards the finish line!
But Vita is not out! She cries out as she begins pulling the hand back towards the center! Once there, she cries out again as she begins slowly pulling the hand of Centurion back towards the podium! Vita is really taking over here as she’s about to win!
But Centurion decks her!
She slumps down, but she pushes the podium away as they both release their hold of it. Both combatants are now standing in the center of the ring clutching hands as they look momentarily confused. Vita looks at the mat and begins pulling Centurion down to the floor as if getting ready to slam his hand onto the mat.
FUZZ: “Well this got out of hand quickly. Is she trying to pin his hand to the floor instead of the podium?”
NOAH: “That’s my girl! She’s so creative.”
FUZZ: “I don’t know the specifics of arm wrestling, but I guess that would work.”
Centurion is resisting like a bitch so Vita changes her stance and nails an arm slamming Centurion against the mat bringing him down to her level. Centurion rolls up, having not had his arm wrestling arm touch the ground, before nailing Vita with a kick right to the gut followed up quickly by an Olympic Slam!
1000 MILE SLAM!
Centurion nails the move and grabs Vita’s hand and begins pushing it towards the mat. Valenteen is pushing back with all of her weight from a prone position. She rolls back onto her bridge before kipping up with the aid of Centurion. She kicks him right in the balls!
Centurion falls to his knees in obvious pain as Vita backs up a half step before drilling him with a huge superkick that knocks him to the mat. She grabs his hand and uses her own body to try and force it down to the mat. Centurion is struggling holding her weight up, but he manages to get a big right hand up and catch her on the chin! Vita staggers backwards as Centurion uses the moment to push off the mat.
Both are now standing as they both are throwing wild lefts with their rights locked in a tight contest. Vita nails one before leaning back with her head. Centurion seems to see what is going on and does the same.
HEADBUTT!
DOUBLE HEADBUTT!
Both combatants slump to the mat with their arms still raised above the mat.
FUZZ: “I don’t know how they did it, but I’m fucking gripped into an arm-wrestling match!”
NOAH: “It’s because of Vita. Definitely not that fucking dinosaur, Cellulite.”
Both Vita and Centurion roll onto their stomachs with their elbows pressed down onto the mat. Vita begins to push towards the mat, but then Centurion manages to make a bit of a comeback!
He slowly begins pushing towards the mat, but Vita sees it going that way! She throws a left hand that Centurion catches. He looks at her with a grin before NAILING her with a headbutt! He grabs her hand forcefully before…
SLAMMING IT DOWN TO THE MAT!
The bell sounds and it’s over with!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER AND STILL HART CHAMPION
"The King of Harts"
CENTURION![/cuntevent]
NOAH: "That cheating piece of dog shit! THAT CUNT'S ON THE JUICE!"
The crowd cheering drowns out Noah's choice words as Centurion flips off the commentator's booth with a wide smile.
Backstage, we see Anarchy star and one handed wrestler EDWARD standing in the shadows of a broom closet. He peers out into the hallway, looking for something, or someone. After a few minutes, he sees his target. A man in a dress slowly walks down the hallway past the closet. Immediately, EDWARD rushes out of the closet and slams the man against the wall of the hallway. He furiously lays shots into his victims head as he screams at him.
EDWARD: YOU TOOK EDWARD'S HAND! EDWARD TAKE YOUR ARM!
EDWARD takes his victims arm and puts it on the ground. EDWARD stands up and looks break his arm…
When he's blindsided! By Centurion! Centurion and EDWARD exchange punches, and Centurion is able to get EDWARD on the ground. Centurion looks to inflict more damage, but EDWARD is able to kick Centurion in the stomach and scurry off down the hallway.
Centurion looks next to him to the man EDWARD assaulted, and it's none other than Roman! Roman looks shocked to see his...dad? Maybe? But before he can say anything, Centurion walks away, leaving Roman to tend for himself.
The lights in the arena go blue.
The XTron displays static, which slowly gives way to the word "MOTHERFUCKER" and the crowd starts to go ballistic. As the opening sounds to Orangutan permeate throughout the arena, slowly walking out onto the entrance ramp is Robbie Bourbon. He stops, surveys the whole of the arena, raises his fists at 45 degree angles, and continues his deliberate plod towards the chamber. Robbie climbs the steps, then raises his fists at 45 degree angles. The lights go back to normal and the music stops. The XWF Universe in attendance, becoming hooligans, all chant in unison:
The arena goes antiseptic white, almost blindingly so, as the odd opening notes to “Desire” hit. The main screen goes black though with nothing but the words “run engineer.exe” on them in blood red lettering that looks like computer code. Suddenly, that gives way to a strange inverted triangle, a brief flash of the words “Vox Aeterna”, and then as the music starts to kick into higher gear the Engineer appears at the top of the ramp as the bright white light starts to get pock marked with specks of red that race over the crowd. The main screen intersperses shots of The Engineer in action in the ring, cut with red lines of computer code, that strange triangle mark, and the words “Vox Aeterna” flashing like a subliminal message.
The Engineer walks calmly to the ring his title slung over his shoulder. He will usually be wearing black lipstick, a trace of red or black eyeliner, and his curly hair will be pulled back from his scalp.
Fuzz: “Here we go, it’s time to see a fat bastard go up against so creepy weird shit.”
Noah: “Yeah it’s a battle of freakshows for the Universal Championship”
Fuzz: “It should be a fucking crazy match thanks to the stipulation we added.”
Noah: “Man, we’re good. TLC will at least make this watchable.”
DING! DING! DING!
The Universal Championship is attached by a hook from the ceiling and slowly begins to rise as the bell rings. Robbie Bourbon looks up at the championship he once held with admiration and a longing. The Engineer just watches him like a shark watches its prey. Robbie’s eyes finally revert down to his opponent, but The Engineer has struck! A running knee strike catches Robbie off guard forcing him back a step! The Engineer quickly rushes towards him and drives another one up into the face of Robbie! Bourbon grabs the top rope as he’s being buffeted back from the blows. The Engineer rushes towards him once more…
But Robbie catches him!
Robbie Bourbon grabs the champion and dumps him over his shoulder onto the apron. Robbie staggers away as The Engineer catches the top rope to avoid falling. Bourbon turns to see The Engineer on the apron before rushing towards him and shouldering him off the apron into the barricade. Robbie steps between the ropes and steps off to where The Engineer is leaning up against the barricade. Robbie grabs The Engineer, but he nails a quick double kick to the side of Robbie’s knee. Robbie staggers back before rushing Engineer with a huge bearhug wrapping him up. He runs into the steel post before turning and nailing an Oklahoma slam!
HONESTLY BRUTAL!
Fuzz: “The number one contender is really pushing The Engineer early on.”
Noah: “Do you think he has it in him to win tonight?”
Fuzz: “We’ll find out.”
The Challenger stands up looking at his fallen foe before reaching underneath the ring and pulling out a table. The crowd pops as Robbie looks around before reaching underneath and pulling out…
A second table!
The crowd pops again as Robbie reaches underneath and pulls out a…
THIRD TABLE!
Noah: “That’s a lot of wood.”
Fuzz: “I think that every morning.”
Noah: “You’re a sick cunt, you know that?”
Robbie begins to set one up as he notices The Engineer slowly getting to his feet. He walks over to him, but The Engineer lashes out with a huge roundhouse kick followed quickly by two kicks to the side of Robbie’s knee! This stops Robbie enough for The Engineer to stagger away and grab a nearby ladder that is leaned up against the barricade. He grabs it up and rushes it towards Robbie who catches the shot right to the midsection!
The Engineer lifts it up with a smirk upon his face before ramming it again into Robbie. Robbie staggers back as the champion slides the ladder into the ring. Engy slides into the ring and begins to set up the ladder when he notices Robbie sliding a table into the ring. The Engineer begins to climb slowly keeping an eye on Robbie who…
Begins setting up the table?
The Engineer even seems confused by it as both men are watching each other as they continue their task. Robbie kicks out the legs for the table and sets it up just as The Engineer reaches the top rung of the ladder. He shrugs and reaches up!
Fuzz: “Is that fat piece of shit really just going to let Engy win the title with out a fight?!”
Noah: “Maybe Robbie isn’t as smart as… well maybe he’s just dumb as shit.”
He’s almost touching the title!
But Robbie pushes the ladder over as The Engineer falls onto the top rope on his stomach! The impact sends him sprawling back into the ring towards Robbie who catches him and sends him flying over the top rope to the floor outside of the ring. Robbie rolls out of the ring and resumes his duties setting up tables on the outside of the ring. He grabs one table and kicks the legs out before setting it up along the side of the ring. He grabs the third table and begins looking around before setting it up.
On top of the second table!
Noah: “I haven’t seen this much interior decorating since I had cable.”
Fuzz: “You mean since Vita made you watch H&G?”
Noah: “…look at that sneaky Engy!”
Robbie nods at his work before seeing that The Engineer has slid into the ring with another ladder. Bourbon slides back into the ring, but just as he gets up, The Engineer rushes him with the ladder and drives it right into the knee of Robbie who falls to the mat. The Champion drops that ladder on Robbie before moving back to the original and setting it back up. He begins to climb.
The Champion slowly makes his way to the top of the ladder with each step agonizingly slow for the audience watching along. He gets to the top with a grin before reaching up.
His fingertips touch the title!
CRACK!
Fuzz: “FUCK!”
Noah: “His fucking nose!”
His nose is MASHED by the impact of a ladder being cracked right into it! The Engineer’s hands fling to his nose in obvious pain before another shot from the ladder knocks him off the top of the ladder! Robbie quickly sets up the ladder alongside the first having two standing up there. He grabs the Champion and pulls him between his legs before moving towards the table standing in the ring. He lifts up The Engineer before turning and running towards the ropes…
ROBBIEBOMB!
THROUGH THE TWO TABLES ON THE OUTSIDE OF THE RING!
Noah: “I don’t remember seeing that on H&G!”
Fuzz: “Fucking cunt watching H&G.”
Noah: “I… you know what fine. I LIKE Property Brothers, okay?”
The tables explode in a monstrous fashion as nothing but wooden debris is shown with The Engineer having faded from view underneath the crashed tables. The Challenger smiles at the carnage before turning his attention for the first time to the ladders. He slowly begins to climb up the rungs although with a slowed pace with him favoring his left knee. He’s almost to the top!
Robbie reaches the top and begins reaching up for the title!
His fingers touch the title!
BUT THE LIGHTS GO OUT!
Fuzz: “Tell me you checked the generators before the show.”
Noah: “…we have generators?”
They return only a second later, but The Engineer is wrapped around the ankle of Robbie hanging upside down with black blood pouring from the busted nose of the champion! The Engineer’s eyes are squeezed shut as he’s viciously wrenching away on the ankle and knee of Robbie. Robbie is trying to reach up, but the pain and weight is too much to bear. He tries to kick The Engineer off, but it’s to no avail. He realizes he has only one choice.
Robbie leaps off the ladder driving The Engineer down to the mat with a brutal stomp! The stomp connects as The Engineer is laid out prone, but Robbie’s knee is compromised as he staggers towards the ropes. He rolls out of the ring and reaches underneath the ring before finding…
A steel chair!
Fuzz: “And here’s the C for TLC.”
Noah: “Oh phew. I thought they were going to forget about that. Can’t have a TL match. These fans want the C!”
He slides back into the ring and begins sizing up The Engineer who is barely moving. He lifts up the chair to strike, but The Engineer rolls out of the way at the last second. The Engineer folds upwards in eerie fashion before Robbie swings again with the chair.
MORTE NOIRE!
The black mass roundhouse came out of nowhere, but it smashes the steel chair into the face of Robbie who falls to a knee after one leg being compromised. The Engineer rolls through before swinging his leg with hellacious velocity!
VOX AETERNA!
Fuzz: “What a fucking brutal combination.”
Noah: “He’s going to be hearing ringing for months after that combo.”
The Buzzsaw kick nails Robbie right across the jaw as his body slumps backwards as he’s out of it! The Engineer stands back up slowly before climbing up the ladder with labored steps each time. He reaches up and seems to be pulling himself up on nothing more than instinct. He reaches the top and reaches up.
His hands touch the title.
He’s reaching around the back to detach it…
CHAIR TO THE BACK!
The Engineer groans in pain at the impact before turning to see Robbie barely able to stand! Robbie begins climbing up the ladder set up near The Engineer, but The Engineer is kicking at him furiously trying to keep him away. Robbie catches on leg and slams it against the ladder. He continues climbing before grabbing The Champion around the throat! The Engineer is trying to bite, claw, and punch his way out, but Robbie turns around backwards before headbutting The Engineer right on the nose with that black blood spreading to Robbie’s face. He grabs him by the throat and leaps!
SUPER EMC SQUARED THROUGH THE TABLE!
Fuzz: “Robbie is going to do it!”
Noah: “That fat bastard is going to win the title again!?!”
Both men crash through the table with that hellacious move!
They lay there for a solid minute before Robbie slowly rises and staggers backwards. He looks towards the ladders and grabs one before chunking it out of the ring. He moves back to the other and begins climbing at a labored pace even slower than The Engineer! He makes his way to the top as he reaches up!
His fingertips reaching out!
He’s touching the title!
Robbie reaches around and begins to pull on the strap!
CRACK!
A steel chair shot to the back of his knee stops him! The Engineer is standing with his eyes wild in nature! He quickly climbs up to the other side and makes it to the top where he swings with the steel chair!
CRACK!
Robbie just stops.
CRACK!
Another shot, but Robbie just glares at The Engineer!
CRACK!
CRACK!
CRACK!
These shots are having no effect on The Challenger! The Engineer looks shocked!
Fuzz: “I think Robbie did some cocaine before the match.”
Noah: “He’s a hungry boy! He’s just eating all of these shots with no sign of wear!”
BLACK BLOOD!
The Engineer just spat his disgusting black blood right into the eyes of Robbie Bourbon who cries out in surprise and pain! The Champion grins with none of his teeth being visible through the black coating of his mouth. He rears the steel chair up!
CRACK!
With not being able to see the shot, Robbie seems to take the full effect of the chair shot as he falls backwards…
OUT OF THE RING!
Fuzz: “See ya Robbie.”
Noah: “OH shit. HE KILLED ROBBIE!”
The Engineer seems satisfied as he throws the chair away and reaches up.
HE REMOVES THE TITLE!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNER AND STILL UNIVERSAL CHAMPION
THE ENGINEER[/cuntevent]
'Down with the King' by Run DMC plays and from the back steps Noah Jackson and Fuzz, they both make their way to the ring where they wait for their opponents.
The lights flicker in the arena as “Burn” by The Cure begins to play. Kenzi and Sarah Selena Lacklan walk out together. The sound of a screeching hawk is heard throughout the arena as the two execute their signature fist bump. An explosion of pyro erupts as the pair head down to the ring together.
The four competitors stand in the ring, each of them looking around at the ominous structure that surrounds them. The dome looks cobbled together with everything from chain link to razor wire to railroad spikes, jagged edges gleaming under the lights and sharp rust covered points intimidating the combatants. Small metal platforms are scattered around the inside of the dome wall, offering small perches for anyone willing to risk their bodies to climb to them. Breifcases and black cloth bags are strung to the links of the cell as well, each containing different weapons and implements of destruction.
RAVEN: Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Hell Dome!
THEO: The main event of CuntFest, with the tag team championships on the line. Thank you all for joining us, Theo Pryce alongside James Raven, taking over the commentary desk as Fuzz and Noah are ready to go to war against Kenzi and Sarah Grey-Lacklan!
RAVEN: They may think that they’re ready, but they aren’t. The Hell Dome is a different sort of beast. None of them are prepared for this shit.
THEO: Hasn’t Fuzz been in a couple of these before?
RAVEN: So? No two Hell Domes are the same. The structure of this one is already different from any that I ever saw.
The two teams finally stop studying the cage around them and return their focus to each other, beginning to circle on the mat. Suddenly Fuzz takes off, sliding out of the ring and running to the edge of the cage, beginning to climb the structure as quickly as he can. Kenzi and Sarah look surprised, and Noah lunges quickly! He flattens Kenzi with clothesline and turns to Sarah with several right hands, but Sarah is able to counter and circle away before throwing a crescent kick that catches Noah right on the side of the head and drops him in a heap! Sarah turns to look at Fuzz, who has reached one of the small platforms, and balances precariously on it before reaching for a small black cloth bag and untying it from the strand of razorwire it’s fastened to. He opens the bag and finds a pair of brass knuckles inside. Shrugging, he tosses them down to the floor and reaches for another bag.
Kenzi is back on her feet, and tells Sarah that they should take this opportunity to team up on Noah. Sarah glances at Fuzz, then joins Kenzi in lifting Noah up to his feet.
RAVEN: A stalling double suplex from the 5’2” Mafia!
Noah goes down hard again, but Kenzi and Sarah quickly drag him up to his feet again and irish whip him into the corner where they both swarm on him with several punches and backhand chops. Noah tries to cover up, but Sarah grabs him in a muay thai clinch and begins firing brutal knees at his face!
THEO: Good lord, Jackson is getting bludgeoned!
Fuzz frees the second bag and opens it up, finding a heavy pipe inside. He feels its weight in his hands and shrugs his shoulders before winding up and hurling it towards the ring with all his might and an accuracy that makes Chicago Bears fans wonder if he can play quarterback.
THUUUUUUUUUUUNK!
The pipe drills Sarah in the back, stunning her long enough for Noah to break free of the clinch and roll to the floor outside the ring. Sarah whips around to look at Fuzz, her eyes blood red and filled with fury! Without hesitation she leaves Kenzi alone in the ring and makes her way to the floor, walking to the wall of the dome and beginning to climb up towards Fuzz.
RAVEN: Fuzz sees Sarah coming and it looks like he’s going to climb to a higher platform. What a fucking pussy…
THEO: I thought you and Fuzz were on good terms?
RAVEN: Yeah, so did I. So the fuck did I…
Kenzi watches Sarah and Fuzz climbing the side of the Hell Dome, but chooses to chase after Noah. She slides out of the ring to join him on the floor, but as soon as she does Noah grabs her by the hair and drives her skull hard off the ring apron and rolls her back inside! Noah digs underneath the ring skirt and pulls out…
THEO: Lighting tubes! Noah has two lighting tubes!
Noah twirls the two tubes around confidently before sliding into the ring and urging Kenzi to get back to her feet.
RAVEN: That cunt thinks he’s in Star Wars! He’s swinging them like lightsabers!
Kenzie Grey-Lacklan climbs slowly to her feet, clutching her head. Noah winds up and-
SMAAAAASH!
He breaks the first lighting tube across the side of her head, crystalline shards of glass exploding around her face as she drops to a single knee!
SMAAAAASH!
Noah smashes the second lighting tube over Kenzies back, then drops a leg across the back of her neck and bounces her off the mat! Noah pops to his feet and pumps his fist, the Australian crowd cheering wildly for him.
Fuzz has reached his second platform, but he looks unsteady standing on it. Sarah Lacklan begins to move from the first platform to the second, but before Fuzz can plan his next route the platform breaks away from the wall! Fuzz grabs desperately for the chain link to catch himself, but it’s too late! He plummets down to the floor, a good fifteen foot drop, and lands flat on his back! The crowd gasps, and Noah sees it happen from the ring!
NOAH: Dad!
Noah sprints away from Kenzi Grey-Lacklan and slides out of the ring, getting to Fuzz’s side and trying to get him back on his feet.
THEO: What happened there?
RAVEN: I think that platform was partially fastened to the structure with glass. It couldn’t hold once someone was standing on it.
Noah gets Fuzz up, but we see for the first time there’s a jagged slash across the palm of Fuzz’s hand. Noah looks repulsed by the wound and looks up at where the platform had been, indeed seeing chunks of glass still attached to the chain link and piping… and dripping with Fuzz’s blood…
Sarah Grey Lacklan has pulled a case of her own from the side of the Hell Dome, finding a sheet of metal inside. She looks at it curiously, then leaps off the platform with a cross body and uses the metal sheet as a battering ram to take out both of the Sick Cunts!
RAVEN: Holy shit!
Fuzz and Noah are both sprawled out as Kenzi makes her way out of the ring and helps Sarah to her feet. Together they lift the Sick Cunts and hurl them back into the ring, sliding in after them. Kenzi hooks Noahs leg and Sarah climbs atop the bloody Fuzz. The referee slides into position, counting both attempts simultaneously.
ONE!
TWO!
Kickout by Fuzz! Kickout by Noah! The 5’ 2” Mafia stand up and retreat to the far side of the ring, planning their strategy. Fuzz drags himself through the glass shards from the broken light tubes, his bloody palm staining the canvas each time he plants it down. He reaches the ropes and pulls himself up slowly, turning to face Sarah and Kenzi and flipping them both middle fingers as the blood drips down his wrist!
THEO: Come on, Raven. Don’t pretend you don’t love this guy.
Kenzi charges Fuzz and is countered with a back body drop over the top rope, and she tumbles awkwardly to the floor! Sarah isn’t impressed and advances coldly towards the XWF Legend. As Sarah and Fuzz lock up in the ring, Noah sneaks onto the outside and digs under the ring.
THEO: What's that little shit doing?
RAVEN: Probably going to find his uncle or something.
Noah grabs something he like revealing an IKEA flat pack for a table. Noah stands up with his hands on his hips and looks at the pack at looks back at the ring seeing Fuzz gaining control over the lock-up. Noah rips open the packaging and picks up the instructions in one hand while taking the components and setting them aside; Kenzi Grey glances over from the far side of the floor and notices Noah is up to something. As Fuzz drives a knee into Lacklan's nose and goes to the ropes she rebounds with a hip attack and knocks Fuzz to the ground, Kenzi sees this as an opportune moment to distract Noah and goes around to the ring to see him quickly attaching a leg to the lovely oak furniture.
THEO: Oh it's a BJURSTA! I have one of them at home, a great table.
Noah scratches his head as Kenzi comes over and kneels down asking Noah something.
NOAH: It's all in Swedish, cunt! How am I supposed to know what goes where!?
Kenzi shakes her head and begins to help assemble the table with Noah. Meanwhile, in the ring the action continues. Lacklan hits the ropes and goes for a high dropkick but Fuzz sidesteps and throws Sar down onto the mat; Fuzz goes for a huge stomp but Sar rolls out of the way and quickly gets to her feet she throws a knee but it's caught and Fuzz knocks Sar's jaw loose with a heavy right; Fuzz goes to advance but Sarah knocks Fuzz away with a perfect Pele kick! The Afterthought hits his chest on the second rope and catches his breath before wondering what the fuck Noah and Kenzi are up to. Lacklan runs the ropes almost looking to go for a 619 but stops dead as she double-takes looking at the pair on the outside. She throws her hands up asking what and why and the two on the outside hold up a finger each asking for another minute. Fuzz rolls his eyes and throws an elbow into Sar's stomach and the two continue their brawl.
Kenzi holds the fourth and final leg of the table steady as Noah tries to find the last screw, getting increasingly frustrated with the Swedish design. He growls to himself looking around on the outside on all fours before going under the ring and searching some more, after a minute or two Noah returns with the screw in hand and holds it aloft like a trophy the crowd pop!
And the Kenzi sends him crashing through the table she finished with a brutal German suplex!
RAVEN: Poor cunt didn't even have time to admire his handiwork.
Noah lies winded in the debris of the BJURSTA as Kenzi dusts her hands and returns to the ring to help Sarah in her brawl with Fuzz just as…
THE AFTERTHOUGHT!
Fuzz hits Sarah Lacklan with his elevated roll of the dice, and Lacklan is sprawled out! Kenzi looks furious and leaps on Fuzz’s back before he can make a cover, locking in a sleeper hold! Fuzz tries to shake her off but with no luck! Eventually Fuzz drops to a knee and Kenzi lets go of the sleeper, transitioning to an armbar and flattening Fuzz out on the canvas.
THEO: Fuzz is trying to escape! He’s locked in!
RAVEN: Kenzi has great submissions, she’s trained at my MMA gym in the past. She just might pull this off!
Fuzz manages to roll over and pin Kenzi’s shoulders to the mat!
ONE!
TWO!
Kenzi is forced to let go of the submission to kick out, just as Noah Jackson climbs from the shards of the broken IKEA table and to the ring apron. He begins to climb to the top rope, but notices a small button on top of the ringpost.
NOAH: What the shit is this?
Noah hits the button, and a womans voice can be heard over the speakers.
”FLAMETHROWERS ENGAGED!”
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!
A jet of flame shoots out from the turnbuckle and across the ring, stopping just short of Fuzz and Kenzi. Fuzz turns to look at Noah, who just shrugs his shoulders apologetically.
THEO: … I didn’t see that coming.
RAVEN: It’s a Hell Dome, Theo. You thought there’d be no fire?
Kenzi is back on her feet and Fuzz tries to drag her over to the turnbuckle, lining her up in front of the newly discovered flamethrower. He yells for Noah to hit the button again and torch Kenzi, but Sarah Lacklan is up and charges behind Fuzz with the pipe he threw at her earlier in the match! She leaps at the back of Fuzz’s legs and drives it into the back of his knee, and Fuzz topples over dragging Kenzi to the mat as Noah hits the button!
”FLAMETHROWERS ENGAGED!”
WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOSHHHHHH!
The burst of flame shoots harmlessly over the heads of Sarah, Kenzi and Fuzz, the Australian crowd screaming wildly at the carnage. Fuzz tries to crawl out from underneath Kenzi and Sarah, but they’re both pummeling him wildly. Noah drops from the turnbuckle to help, but Fuzz points up at the black bags still hanging from the sides of the dome.
FUZZ: Noah! Go find it!
Noah nods his head and reluctantly leaves Fuzz to battle the 5’ 2” Mafia alone. Noah runs across the floor to the side of the dome and begins climbing the chain link and razor wire structure.
THEO: What the hell is Fuzz sending Noah to look for?
RAVEN: No idea.
Noah moves quickly, ripping several cloth bags open and dropping their contents to the floor. He finds a baseball bat, he finds a kendo stick, he finds hundreds of thumbtacks… each time he shakes his head furiously and swings desperately to the next bag.
Fuzz does his best to fight off Kenzi and Sarah, but at this point they have the deck stacks in their favor. They drag Fuzz up to his feet before hitting a double superkick that flips the Legend head over heels! Kenzi pounces on Fuzz for the pin!
ONE!
TWO!
THRE-
Kickout by Fuzz!
Kenzi lifts Fuzz up to his knees. Sarah hooks Fuzz up from behind.
RAVEN: THE ABYSS!
Sarah Grey-Lacklan pins Fuzz!
THEO: This could be it!
ONE!
TWO!
THR-
Fuzz kicks out again! Somehow!
NOAH: DAD! I found it!
Fuzz, Sarah and Kenzi all look up at Noah who has reached nearly the top of the dome. In one hand he holds a black cloth bag, in the other…
RAVEN: It’s a hypodermic needle! Noah has one of Fuzz’s needles!
Noah hurls himself from the roof of the Hell Dome, plummeting towards the ring like a suicide bomber…
Noah falls…
… and falls…
… and falls...
Before smashing into Kenzi! Noah and Sarah go down in a heap, and both look like they might be out cold! The needle skids across the mat and Fuzz lunges for it, rolling quickly to his feet with his signature weapon in hand. Sarah looks for the “ONE HIT WONDER” Supergirl punch, but Fuzz sidesteps and…
THEO: He plunges the needle into Sarah's arm!
Sarah looks at Fuzz, horrified, and tries to pursue him. Fuzz backpedals and Sarah quickly gets woozy on her feet and drops to a knee.
RAVEN: The Afterthought! Fuzz hits Sarah with the Afterthought!
Fuzz makes the cover!
ONE!
TWO!
THREE!
[cuntevent]YOUR WINNERS AND NEW TAG TEAM CHAMPIONS
"The Sick Cunts"
FUZZ & NOAH JACKSON[/cuntevent]
The Australian crowd explodes, the referee quickly unlocking the Hell Dome door and retrieving the tag team title belts from ringside. He brings them in handing one to Fuzz and draping one over the still motionless body of Noah Jackson. Sarah and Kenzi Grey Lacklan are both laying flat, and only Fuzz manages to sit up... blank and cold eyes staring straight into the hard camera before he lifts the belt up over his head.
THEO: What a night for the Sick Cunts...
RAVEN: Sure. I can't wait to see who emerges to kick their heads off their bodies...
THEO: Uh... right. That's all for CuntFest ladies and gentlemen, thank you for tuning in... and we'll see you next time.
The faintest of grins appears on Fuzz's face.
FADE OUT
[cuntevent]A very special thank you to all those who sent in segments, wrote matches and helped in general.
Big D
Chris Page
The Calvary
Fuzz
Noah Jackson
SBW
James Raven
Vinnie Lane
Theo Pryce
Shane
Zeebo
Vita Valenteen
And to all those that RPed for this event.
[/cuntevent]
"Hey, at least I wasn't first or second. Right in the middle. Like an Oreo, except it's those blonde cookie ones but in the middle it's a bloodied and cum covered birthday cake filling."
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Chris Page
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP
XWF FanBase: Very random (heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)
(Where is my roster page?)
Joined: Thu Apr 25 2019
Posts: 426
843,734
Likes Given: 503
Likes Received: 1,232 in 340 posts
Hates Given: 35
Hates Received: 87 in 68 posts
Hates Given: 35
Hates Received: 87 in 68 posts
Reputation:
99 X-Bux: ✘17,448
Shane and company can go sit the fuck down. Now we're looking at you, Sink Cunts.
- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former
With Robert "The Omega" Main
XWF World Heavyweight Champion
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(01-27-2020, 09:30 AM)Calvary Said: OOC: Awesome show! It was a fun read top to bottom.
“It was a valiant effort, Scully, and hopefully we shall meet again one day.”
" I am not happy with my performance, personally I can do a hell of a lot better.
You can stick your commiserations... And you're still a speedo, wearing nerd!"
OOC: Congrats on your victory. I wasn't happy with my rps and knew I'd lost. You're a great writer, your story is top notch. I failed on that side of things. You deserved the W.
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(01-27-2020, 08:25 AM)Noah Jackson Said: "Sink Cunts is a bathroom accessory store in Canberra. We're the Sick Cunts, remember the name."
"Also, cunt, did you not see what we did there? Why you and Main have fallen to piss breaks, me and dad are killing it. Learn your fucking place."
Your names is whatever I want to be and I’m in my lane homie. Put those newly won titles on the line or shut the fuck up.
- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former
With Robert "The Omega" Main
XWF World Heavyweight Champion
“Damn Page, you’d think you were first in line or something. Well here’s a fucking newsflash for you, you’re not. If you think I’m going to allow you to bully your way into a title match you must have me mistaken as some weak fuck who bends to others.”
“No I’m not going to grant you and that fucking mouth breather a shot at OUR titles. Earn it, or better yet why don’t you go beg James for a shot like you did to “earn” a spot in the Hall Of Legends. Piss off you stupid ignorant fuck.”
Banner Made By: @reinventiongfx
The following 3 users Like Shawn Warstein's post:3 users Like Shawn Warstein's post Calvary (01-27-2020), Theo Pryce (01-27-2020), Vita Frickin Valenteen (01-27-2020)
Chris Page
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP
XWF FanBase: Very random (heel alignment but liked by many; has earned respect despite breaking the rules often)
(Where is my roster page?)
Joined: Thu Apr 25 2019
Posts: 426
843,734
Likes Given: 503
Likes Received: 1,232 in 340 posts
Hates Given: 35
Hates Received: 87 in 68 posts
Hates Given: 35
Hates Received: 87 in 68 posts
Reputation:
99 X-Bux: ✘17,448
Keep lending me more ammunition to take you down with because this will certainly be referenced. No begging needed, funny what documented conversations will truly show. Good to know you still don't have a pair either. A legitimate challenge was laid out which you've refused. Good job. Now go deal with the HUNDREDS of other teams that are knocking at your door; oh wait, there's only Raven and Shank.
No qualms in earning it either... how many tag teams are actually here again?
(01-27-2020, 11:31 AM)Fuzz Said: “Damn Page, you’d think you were first in line or something. Well here’s a fucking newsflash for you, you’re not. If you think I’m going to allow you to bully your way into a title match you must have me mistaken as some weak fuck who bends to others.”
“No I’m not going to grant you and that fucking mouth breather a shot at OUR titles. Earn it, or better yet why don’t you go beg James for a shot like you did to “earn” a spot in the Hall Of Legends. Piss off you stupid ignorant fuck.”
- HALL OF LEGENDS 2019
- 2019 Heel of the Year
- 2019 Locker Room Leader of the Year
- 2019 Feud of the Year w. Robert Main (you’re welcome)
- Former
With Robert "The Omega" Main
XWF World Heavyweight Champion
Im don't like being the guy to say I told you so, but I did a quadruple backflip into a reverse Canadian crusher, but you guys were too busy trying to contain the wallaby, but I'm just putting it out there, what do you think would happen if a kangaroo was out there instead of one of those inbred, autistic wallabies were out there?
Also, Peta and World Wildlife Federation are going to be breathing down the XWFs neck for years because you killed an animal on live tv.
The relatives of Jim Jimson Jimmy Jimson
Jim Johnson
James Jimson
J. Jonah Jimson
Jimmy Jimmy
Jimbo Jimson
Jimbo Baggins
Jackenhoffer Jiminez
Jimmy Jimmerson
Jim Jimbo
James (Jim) J. Jimson
Jim Jimseruno
Jim Jackstiener
Jericho
Jimmy Jim
Jim of the Nine Eastern Stars of Terrafourn
Jim Jaghofferson
Jimbo
Jim "James 'Jim' Jimson" Jimson
Jimmy Jimbo Jimbob
Pinecone Jimson
Jimdick Jagoffboy
James Jimson
Jim Jimpin
John Jameson
Jim McJimbiongbong
Jim Jimjimjimjimjimjimjimjim
Jiminson
Jimothy
Big Daddy Meat Jimson
Tiny Daddy Meat Jimson
Jim Jopson
Jimbo Jimmy Jam
Jimbo Jimsmith (formerly a Doctor)
Jim Jimmy the Jim Jimmerson
Jim Jimpegmyassrawohbabyohbabyohbaby
Jimmy Jim Jimmer Jimbosen Jiminez the dolphin rapper
Jim Jim Jim Jimson Son Son
Jim Jon Un
Tangy Tangerine
Animal Jim
Jimbo Jimson Chang
Jimbo Jimson the Chang
Jimbo Jimson Jang
Hey
You wanna see my cool new banner
Well.....
Here it is
What... you don't like it
Well I tried my best you fucking piece of shit you don't have to make fun of it you little bitch
You thought something was down here huh. Well, you must be pretty dumb. Maybe you should go check-up in the text for the pins
During all Business Enquires please refer to Mr. Jimson as "Small Daddy Meat Jimson" to assure business professionalism.
oh wait
they got rid of the Heavymetalweight championship because appartenly they hate fun at XWF headquaters smh shaking my head rn
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Luckily this was just SPONSORED by the XWF! I already gave PETA Fuzz's home phone number.
Yeah, he still has a landline, of course he does.
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“Come on Page, since when have I ever ducked out of challenge? I was merely stating that you have done nothing to make claims at a title I fought to get. Yet your EGO, which is somehow larger than mine, won’t allow it so that people get to enjoy things.”
“Instead you feel it’s necessary to pop in and steal the spotlight for yourself. Congrats on me giving you ammo, but let’s also not forget I have ammo against you as well. Don’t think you’re the only person to remember things from the past as well.”
“If you ever earn your shot, we will be ready and willing. Until that day arrives, please just shut the fuck up.”
Banner Made By: @reinventiongfx
The following 1 user Likes Shawn Warstein's post:1 user Likes Shawn Warstein's post Vita Frickin Valenteen (01-27-2020)
"Yeah! I killed that wallaby, dead! Sorry, Brian. I know you're a lover of animals but it had to be done. You can't trust most macropods, they can become a real menace... with exception to the quokka, those are just adorable. Anyway, we didn't need another wallaby, running amok in the XWF, befriending gms. Once was enough. For the record, I did not kill the previous wallaby. It simply mysteriously vanished one day, without a trace."
"Look at the time, I should probably be getting to the hospital. Naaah. I'm just fuckin' with y'all. I'm going to smoke this blunt right quick though."
Produces a blunt, fires it up and walks off smoking it. Griffin does have a slight limp though, so there was damage done. Much like in baseball or various other sporting events, he's choosing to walk it off. Only with a blunt! Cause well, he's a pothead.
OOC - Nice work on the show, it was masterfully written and very entertaining. Congrats TK and JJ. It was a real slice. Lets do it again sometime.
Title History
3x X-Treme Champion
1x (and 1st ever) North Korean Champion (Now the Television Title/X-Bux Championship)
1x Tag Team Champion (Longest reigning tag team champion @273 days. 231 w/Sebastian Duke and 42 solo)
The following 1 user Likes Griffin MacAlister's post:1 user Likes Griffin MacAlister's post Jim "the Jim" Jimson (01-27-2020)
1x Anarchy Champion
1x Xtreme Champion
2x Television Champion
1x Lord Of Violence (March 2022)
2x Tag Team Champion
2x Freestyle Champion
3x Heavy Metalweight Champion
1x Federweight Champion
24/7 Briefcase Winner - March 2019
2019 Tweener Of The Year
(01-27-2020, 07:26 AM)CCP Said: Shane and company can go sit the fuck down. Now we're looking at you, Sink Cunts.
A monitor is playing some of the post-PPV banter as Shane is in the back and the swelling has fully kicked in all over his face from the beatings he received, as well as multiple Page Plants from CCP. One of Shane's eyes is swollen shut in such a way that the clamped eyelid almost resembles a miniature smile, and the blood seeping through almost looks like lipstick on it. Why is the camera zooming in on it??
A trainer is tending to Shane's wounds as he states, "I've been sitting, Page... baby sitting. I'm the one in charge of keeping you and Main away from ANY titles anytime in the near future, you piece-o-fuckin' shit! I think it's pretty clear I've done just that since the moment I returned, and coincidentally neither of you have held a championship since I snapped my fingers and issued the command for Main to be stripped last year!"
"Hell, I'll even throw my own name and history under the bus if it means further illustrating how UNDESERVING you are of title shots..."
(01-27-2020, 11:31 AM)Fuzz Said: “Damn Page, you’d think you were first in line or something. Well here’s a fucking newsflash for you, you’re not.”
"Exhibit A: Fuzz has a point here, CCP... I mean, since when does getting a win over Shane put you in ANY title contention? My official career in-ring record is something like 3 wins and 35 losses. Good job! HAHAHAHA!!! Uuuuuhhhggghh, oooh..." Shane laughed just a tad bit too hard there and it caused his head to begin pounding...
The trainer seems curious about something...
Trainer: "You know, with how banged up you are, I'm still in shock you were able to carry out that attack on Centurion literally the moment your match ended. When you made it back here to me, you looked like death warmed over."
Shane has trouble processing that comment... "I... what? I did what???"
Trainer: "You attacked Centurion immediately after your match ended. The cameras went from showing CCP and Main celebrating, straight to Centurion in the back being attacked by you. It was almost inhuman. Somehow, you even had time to pose as a cameraman so he didn't see you coming."
"Holy......... fucking......... shit.........." ...It's all coming back to him now. He remembers temporarily no-selling because he was so eager to collect that $30k Vita and Thunder Knuckles offered in exchange for a hard slap to Centurion's face!
"Holy shit I actually did it! Fuckin' A!" – The realization aroused Shane on every level. "I'm fuckin' A M A Z I N G ."
The trainer asks Shane to lean his head back so he can try and scoop all the nasty ass blood and snots out of Shane's swollen nose.
"I wonder if TK already made the deposit. I know I can count on him to pay up ASAP..." ...Uh oh.
TK is dealing with some BS right now, but consider yourself paid!!
1x Anarchy Champion
1x Xtreme Champion
2x Television Champion
1x Lord Of Violence (March 2022)
2x Tag Team Champion
2x Freestyle Champion
3x Heavy Metalweight Champion
1x Federweight Champion
24/7 Briefcase Winner - March 2019
2019 Tweener Of The Year
those 3 cunts are going to die.. shane.. engy.. tristan.. lets fuck them up!
SUCK... MY... DICK!
3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
Former Weight Of Metal Champion
WINNER - Race Across The Everglades in the Slav Cruiser 9000!
2020 XWF Games Tug Of War Gold Medalist
Both Won And Lost The Quarantine Battle Royal
Successfully Contracted Coronavirus
The following 1 user Likes Boris's post:1 user Likes Boris's post Zeebo (01-28-2020)
“Shane, I’m pretty sure he doesn’t even know. Just ignore it and move on with your day. Your time is worth more than to think about his ramblings right now.”
but since fuzz opened his vagina and his bastard son wants an ass kicking.. how bout we end everyone!
SUCK... MY... DICK!
3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
“ Calm the fuck down there needle dick. First off, how dare you sir! Second of all, Noah and I have accomplished more in two months than you have in two years. You’ve had your shot at me, and you failed harder than you did the tenth grade.”
there was weak talent who took you on. and wasnt I in the final 3 with you and some other shmuck? you're very lucky to even get out of that chamber..
soon.. all you ever had will come to an end..
SUCK... MY... DICK!
3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion
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