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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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Feedback wanted! "American Beauty"
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ElizaThorne
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#1
10-31-2016, 10:26 PM

I posted my first RP, titled "American Beauty" yesterday to a pretty astounding positive reaction (thank you all so much!) but as I re-read it, it didn't feel quite right for reasons I can't quite put my finger on.

I'm curious if anyone else has caught the same thing and can put it into words better than I can, or just has any other bits of feedback to give.

Link below:

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=25380
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[-] The following 1 user Likes ElizaThorne's post:
Misty Waters (11-01-2016)
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#2
11-01-2016, 02:03 AM

I really enjoyed it
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[-] The following 1 user Likes Misty Waters's post:
(11-01-2016)
Misty Waters Offline
Always.


XWF FanBase:
The IWC
(gets varying reactions in the arenas, but will be worshiped like a god and defended until the end by internet fans; literally has thousands of online dorks logging on to complain anytime they lose a match or don't get pushed right)
 XWF Roster Page
Joined: Tue Sep 13 2016
Posts: 804
378,131
Likes Given: 2,454
Likes Received: 1,200 in 408 posts
Hates Given: 110
Hates Received: 39 in 38 posts
Hates Given: 110
Hates Received: 39 in 38 posts
Reputation: 89
X-Bux: ✘1,131,876
#3
11-01-2016, 02:22 AM

But without re reading it, I think there were some areas where it kind of drifted between 3rd and first person narration. Maybe I'm wrong, but either way, still very good. I'll go back and read it again later
2x KWA Unified Southern Glory Champion
6x KWA Middleweight Champion
4x KWA Tag Team Champion
1x XWF XTreme Champion


-Dumb Dolly records that no one cares about-

3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
3x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory
Hate Post Like Post
[-] The following 1 user Likes Misty Waters's post:
(11-01-2016)




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