The scene unfolds in a forsaken warehouse. Mismatched chairs, scavenged from every thrift store within a 10-mile radius, are haphazardly arranged in rows throughout the cavernous space. A makeshift stage is constructed from crates, sporting a crude sign that reads:

"DOLLY'S VICTORY PRESS CONFERENCE!"

Confused reporters from all corners of sports media – from esteemed publications to obscure podcast hosts – grumble as they navigate the disorder, vying for a place to sit.

Flickering lights cast an eerie glow over the warehouse, amplifying its dreary ambience.

Near the entrance, we find Patel Gagendepp and Madame Maluna. They have been integral members of XWF Megastar Dolly Waters' entourage for the past six months. Patel, or "Gag," as he's affectionately known, is Dolly's devoted and unwavering assistant. A prodigious wrestling expert, Patel mysteriously entered Dolly's employ earlier in the year. Fiercely loyal, he venerates Dolly Waters, going to great lengths to serve her every demand.

"What is this freak planning now?" Patel murmurs with a hint of irritation, his words only audible to Maluna.

Madame Maluna smirked, tilting her head to scrutinize Patel from head to toe before responding in a curt tone, "I thought you'd know, dear. After all, you're her assistant."

"I haven't seen Dolly in weeks," Patel replied with a frustrated sigh. "The last time we crossed paths, I had machine guns aimed at my head by terrorists..."

Madame Maluna's response was a sly smirk and a tilt of her head, "It seems you survived that ordeal. Did she save you once more?"

"Save me? She almost got me killed... AGAIN. And for what? To give fifty million dollars to some dubious Bin Laden sympathizers in exchange for a treasure map? If anything, that was pointless. I presumed she'd perished during that wild-goose chase until I saw her wrestling at WarGames."

Patel was referring to Dolly’s scheme to unleash The Wishmonger — a fabled desert Djinn who has the power to grant three wishes to anyone who frees him from his lamp. Using the money she scammed from the MayDay 2 audience, Dolly purchased the map to The Wishmonger and led her WarGames team on an unusual and bungling journey to harness this mythical power. The results of this conquest were mixed, much like her team's performance in the actual WarGames match itself. But as Patel had come to learn with Dolly, it’s not always the immediate result of her schemes that mattered, but rather the repercussions that have gradually grown... unexplainably fruitful.

Madame Maluna cooed, "Oh, and what a performance that was!"

"What performance? WarGames?" Patel asked, clearly unimpressed.

"Of course WarGames!" Madame Maluna exclaimed. "She reminded me so much of my-” She caught herself mid-sentence and cleared her throat. "He...I'm sorry. What I was trying to say is this. Do you remember you told me of Dolly’s cunning, and crafty grandmother Misty, who was also a wrestler once?"

"Misty Waters? Yes. A wrestler, and a heartless, psychotic, murdering freak..." Patel responded coldly.

"But a brilliant wrestler nonetheless!" Madame Maluna exclaimed, clearly a fan of Misty's legend.

"Yes, and Adolph Hitler was a great orator..." Patel's tone was dark and brooding.

"Would you stop sounding so bleak, dear? All I’m saying is that the way in which Dolly fooled that gullible hack Jenny Myst into a roll-up pinfall, and followed up by eliminating the most accomplished, and perhaps most talented wrestler in that match, Dr. D’Ville, was an awe-inspiring sight to behold.”

“Yes. All of that awe. All of that inspiration. Only to watch her get plowed over by her own stable-mate Thunder Knuckles, and eliminated from the match," Patel retorted sarcastically.

"Well, I’m not so sure that some of the blame shouldn’t be levied against Dolly’s ‘friend’ Corey Smith. After all, where was the money he used to get Thunder Knuckles to lay down prior to Dolly being blindsided? If you ask me, it appeared as if Corey Smith didn’t want to share the spotlight with Dolly any longer than he had to...” Madame Maluna's unusual bias was evident as she spoke.

Patel scoffed and rolled his eyes at Madame Maluna’s comments.


Their private conversation came to an abrupt end as a low rumble resonated throughout the warehouse, and the stage curtains began to sway without a breeze. From a cheap Bluetooth speaker on the stage, Pomp and Circumstance began to blare, while an unseen smoke machine filled the room for an epic effect that left the media members gagging for air.

Suddenly, Dolly Waters emerged from behind the curtain, the hood of her black gypsy robe covering her blonde hair. She oozed a pretentious mystery that might well be reserved for the likes of Corey Smith or even ALIAS. Delusional as she may be, Dolly was unwavering in her quest to prove that she’s every bit as capable of tickling the unquenchable thirst of wrestling fans for dense subplots shrouded with complex narrative strands.

Patel has never looked more annoyed. His face sliding into his hands as if he’s too embarrassed, or ashamed, to watch what's unfolding on stage. But sort of like a horrible car crash on the side of the road, or the tragedy of a lost make-shift submarine on the news, Patel can’t help but to peek at Dolly through the cracks of his fingers.

Afterall, that cheerful irony that Maluna was alluding to about Corey Smith sharing the spotlight with Dolly?

It had to be the purpose of this media gathering… because in just a week's time, Dolly Waters would be competing against Smith, and Raion Kido, with the most prestigious prize in all of professional wrestling on the line; The XWF Universal Championship.

By the Divine…

Dolly stands in front of a makeshift podium on the stage, her eyes closed, her fingertips touching her forehead as professional wrestling’s self-proclaimed Gypsy Queen channels messages from her “spirit guides”. After some deep breathing, and a moment of silence behind the continued low sound quality of Pomp and Circumstance buzzing from the bluetooth speaker, Dolly’s eyes burst open.

She throws her arms out and and twiddles her fingers in the air,

VICTORY…

Dolly smirks,

IS MINE!

The crowd gasps, as a barrage of camera flashes engulf the stage.

Still in the back of the warehouse, Patel’s hands have fallen from his face under the weight of his jaw dropping. Malune on the other hand, has her hands linked together a radiant smile bursting from her face,

Before we begin, I’d like to thank everyone here tonight.

The members of the media who have gathered to document this most important moment in history, as I, Dolly Waters accept the christening from the Divine as your NEW XWF Universal Champion!

The confused murmuring from the audience evolves into a pounding roar.

”What is she doing?” Patel nudges Maluna, who doesn’t answer, but somehow smiles even harder,

As you can see… Dolly motions her hands around the forsaken warehouse, the makeshift stage, and the like, ...we spared no expense fer’ such a monumental moment.

”No, she spent all of her money on a fucking useless treasure map.”Patel editorializes to Maluna, who scowls and shushes him,

It was the least we could do after achieving such an important victory, to show thanks, and gratitude for this divinely guided path the Dolly Universe has been walking for the last six months.

And though the path at times was foggy, and met with scrutiny, doubt and cyncism…

Victory, my loves…

Dolly produces something from her sleeve, an item that’s become a trademark of her new divinely inspired brand of wrestling,



...was always in the cards.

The Chariot tarot card. The very card that Madame Maluna pulled on Dolly when the two first met all those months ago.

Control. Willpower. Success. Action. Determination.

Those are just a few of the key meanings associated with this card. But on a deeper level, Maluna pointed out that in an astrological sense, the year 2023 is “The Year Of The Chariot”, due to its correlation with the number seven. She even went as far as to proclaim that Dolly embodied the spirit of this card, given her zodiac placement as an ascendant Cancerian.

Rightfully, none of this made sense to Patel, who groans out in reaction to Dolly producing this card on stage, while Maluna appears to be crying tears of joy.

And victory ain’t the end, my loves, no… MY victory is but the beginning! The beginning of what will be the most successful, entertaining, and divine era of XWF wrestling.

No more swaths of focus-group manufactured wrestlers, all having their hands held by management as they try to sell the XWF fans what they think they need.

NO!

No more unjustified pushes to the top of the card for generic poster-children who haven’t even a shred of true character in their core.

No more circus acts, cliche’ gimmicks, and phony heroes!

We’ll no longer accept being told that someone is great as a matter of opinion from some stupid podcaster, licking their fingertips and testing the wind every month, rather greatness shall be defined by the bar we’ve set. How does one respond when they’re at their lowest? Do they carry on pretending that virtue is some scripted quest manufactured in a Hollywood studio because: “Derp-derp, good guys, redemption, derp-derp”?

Or do they fight?

Do they suffer?

Do they stop at NOTHING to impose their will upon the world through sheer force and determination?

For I have now proven that true victory comes not from just being in the struggle, but from crushing the struggle. Hexing the struggle. Cheating the struggle. Scheming, lying, stealing, doing WHATEVER IT TAKES TO WIN!

Veins are popping from Dolly’s neck, spit flinging from her lips as her inspired, yet delusional oratory receives a mixed feedback from the audience of media members.

Seven long years ago I made my debut in professional wrestling. And despite the mass swell of fandom that surrounded me, I was met with mockery, and laughter from my peers. Treated like some cheap prop by XWF management. They sat idly by and watched as a promising young star was made a spectacle by the sick and twisted fantasies of men on the roster they still protect and push til’ this day.

For seven years I tried doing things the “right way”, the way we’re told redemption is achieved.
The boring, banal, commonplace script that everyone of those fake pieces of trash in the locker room tries following because they think the bosses will pat them on the head for their efforts.

And yet what I have proven now that I’ve flipped said script?

In six months… Tag Championship Gold, Television Championship Gold, victories over legends, and victories over these “hot”, “fresh” stars who the podcasters proclaim as future legends ALL THE SAME! And now, I am…

Dolly flings open her robe, and pulls from her waist



The most hideous looking championship belt the world has ever seen.

YER’ NEW UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!

The audience comes unglued from their seats as they all rush the stage with digital recorders, and cellphone streams, begging Dolly to answer for her delusional rant.

Most of the media didn’t know what to expect from this abruptly scheduled meeting with the Waters camp. By the setup of this dilapidated warehouse, it’s safe to say that many of them assumed that this meeting would be some marketing scheme involving her third-eye-chakra tea. Perhaps she was taking her business public to get some extra cash flow from potential shareholders. From the looks of things, she really needed it. And of course the Universal Title match was a big story, but many considered Dolly an afterthought. Sure, maybe she’d talk some trash, but could she really say anything to convince people that she had a chance of winning? It’s doubtful. So for her to stand up here today, and proclaim, not just that she’s winning, but that she’s already won? Well..

”She’s insane, what is she doing?

Patel growls at Maluna,

”She’s manifesting the victory, dear.”

”Manifesting my ass! She’s making a fool of herself, and when she loses she’ll never recover from this!”

”I find it interesting…”

”What? That our girl is claiming she’s won a match that hasn’t even happened yet?”

”No, I find your lack of faith interesting, especially considering everything a person like yourself has witnessed.”

Patel looks thrown off by this comment, as he glares at Maluna

”what are you-”

”-come now.”

But Maluna cuts him off,

”Let’s go to the stage so we can be near her… we both know ‘our girl’ is full of surprises.”

Dolly is humoring the audience as Patel and Maluna make their way to the stage,

Ain’t it the best looking Championship belt you’ve ever seen?

Dolly gleefully proclaims to one of the media members, while pulling up the white gold plate casted in an image of her face next to her own flesh. Dolly laughs and moves back to the podium,

Now hold tight everyone, and remember all good things come with Dolly’s Divine Timing: Now available at Madame Maluna’s Metaphysical Megastore….

I’ll be happy to answer yer’ questions in a moment, but first, I’d be remiss, and an ungrateful servant of the Divine guidance of the universe if I didn’t pay thanks to the many who were instrumental in seeing me achieve this most deserving victory:

For starters, a big thanks to Raion Kido is in order, for being one of the most vulnerable, beatable, and overall weakest Universal Champions of the modern era of XWF wrestling.

Without Raion ‘tripping-over-his-own-ego’ Kido, allowing podcast idiots to overstate his capability, he might’ve been smart enough to try and manipulate his way into contests more favorable for a longer championship run.

So thank you, Raion, again, for thinking that yer’ shit doesn’t stink. For believing that anamorphic identities have been cool in professional wrestling since the 80s. Did you know we had a wolf girl among our ranks not too long ago? She couldn’t quite sink her teeth in either, so don’t let me forget to thank you for only paying attention to yourself and the XWF post the Cryin’-Lion era. Without you being such a self-centered, self-important dope, who knows? Maybe SAGA would’ve flourished, and you would’ve actually picked up some pointers from those wrestlers in the group who were better than you. The ones that you pushed aside so you could play leader in Theo Pryce’s sandbox.

I don’t think I can remember a former Universal Champion-

-which is exactly what you are now, even if you don’t realize it yet-

-who had such a mass of wrestlers beating down their door to get a shot at the gold. Hell, probably not since Peter Gilmour’s beloved reign. And you know why? Because like ol’ Gilly, yer’ a guaranteed win, Kido. A thoughtless, self-absorbed jerk-off, who never changes their style. You’ve been scouted to the fullest. Yer’ even weak enough that Corey Smith wanted a shot, and that guy has been afraid to pursue the Universal Title for years. He could’ve had a shot, against Page, against ALIAS, against Caedus, but for people like Corey, the thought of losing on that type of stage scares the shit out of em’, but Corey ain’t scared of you, is he Kido? So also, thanks for being vulnerable enough to lure that bloodsucker back into the championship picture… I guess. But truly, Kido, without you, my victory never would’ve been possible.

Yer’ the perfect type of prototypical, carbon-copy, corporate-sponsored, Pryce-pet-project, puddle of doo-doo to be made an example of as I usher the XWF into a new era Divinety. 

Oh, and speaking of dog shit…

I also owe thanks to the laundry list of mindless NPC wrestlers who’ve all parrotted the same AI generated sentiments about Dolly Waters this year. This list includes, but is not limited to:

Isaiah King
Angelica Vaughn
Doctor Louis D’Ville
And
Jenny Myst

And funny enough, they're all people I’ve defeated! THIS YEAR! So thanks guys, fer’ constantly misrepresenting my divine abilities. Afterall, do you really think some scumbag like Theo Pryce booked me in this match because he wants me to win? Nah, he tests the air just like everyone else, and figures I’d be a perfect fall girl to protect Kido’s inevitable loss.

So thank you Theo Pryce!

I know! That’s probably the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you, but you truly do deserve it.

And last but not least, a big thank you is owed to Corey Smith.

Without you showing everyone that just ANYONE can barge back into the XWF, at any time and be handed a Universal Championship shot after being defeated in WarGames, then heck! I might not even be here right now.

Without you, Corey, I could’ve never booked you against the wrestler formerly known as ALIAS at MayDay2!

Thus building yer’ stock back up in the eyes of, you guessed it, all of those mindless dopes in XWF management, and in the media. Which seems to be the very win that has everyone clamoring for you to take the place as the new top-Lion. And thank you fer’ getting the job done by the way, and proving that beating ALIAS ain’t exactly -beating- ALIAS anymore, ya know? Afterall, Kido did it, and we’ve all sure had a fun time smacking that guy around.

Thank you fer’ Coreytopia.

Thank you fer’ the WarGames effort.

Thank you fer’ letting me get you exactly where you needed to be for Dolly’s Divine Timing to come to fruition, when I swooped in and STOLE the Universal Championship right out of yer’ hands.

Thank you, Corey… fer’ being my best friend.

-the scene fades on the lovely smile of Dolly Waters. But fear not, we'll return right back to this exact moment in time as we continue watching Dolly manifest her inevitable, long awaited, Universal Championship win-

3x XTreme Champion
2x Tag Team Champion (w/ Vita Valenteen, w/ Charlie Nickles)
2x Hart Champion
2x Television Champion

3x Star Of The Month
August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory

my loves:
[spoiler]