http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=17380&pid=79143#pid79143




First RP in years. Still dusting the cobwebs off. All feedback welcome

I thought it was a really good opening piece, dude. I enjoyed the narrative style, only suggestion I would probably make is to color-code your RPs to dress them up a bit and make them easier to read. Apart from that, great start and look forward to seeing what you can do here

Colour coding like Sane said, other than that and a few small med errors I saw. Most people won't notice them, but I did. They don't hurt scores, it's just something I always notice. You'll do good, doe.

All My Wins!


Hank Lane
Ezekiel
Dimallisher
caliban
Levi Storm
Michael McBride
Mandii Rider
Mastermind/Jasmine
Matt Damon
Joey Hawkins
Mark Flynn
Maria Brink
Adam Cabana
Gary, of the Mafia Men
Vincent, of the Mafia Men
Randalf, of the Mafia Men
Zak Misery
Ariel Knight
He's not really a knight
More like a walking vagina.
Michael McBride, again.
Vinnie Lane
Mastermind, again
Gator
Ezekiel, again.
Ghost Tank
Aerial Knight, twice.
Justin Sane
Jack. TP Mummy!
Steve Kesslar.
Woe
Joey Hawkins. I'm done with that bitch.
Ferrari Punk. Told ya.
Caroline O'Hara Burchill
Ally Callaway
Lane, again. That's three lanes on my list.
Ruben Mitchell. Pussy.
Shane
raYne
Goat faced bitch
CM Punk, the dickless pussy

Thanks guys. Much appreciated. I assure you they will get snazzier as I continue. Starting with some color.