The scene opens to a press conference room with a large brown podium on stage. The room is filled with press as the newest addition to the XWF roster, Brodie Tyler, walks on stage. He is not dressed for a press conference at all. He is wearing his ring attire, a little homage to the Big Boss Man complete with black flak vest. He puts his hands on the podium and puts his greasy lips to the microphone. Water and grease drip from his black hair giving off the impression that he attempted to shower, but it didn't go well.




"You know it's downright poetic that my upbringing has brought me to this place. As a kid I used to worship the guys that got into the squared circle. I used to look up to guys like John Gambino, Fuzz, Shane and I might be crazy enough to say that the old drunk Cyren inspired me."




The press laugh at the last comment and hands go up for questions. He points to someone in the audience with much apathy.




Reporter: Of those men, who do you consider to be your biggest inspiration?




"There's that word, inspiration. You have new guys come in and out of that revolving door located next to Brown's former offices and every single time they enter that door they say the same thing I've just said. Then you all applaud them because for some reason we hero worship those who hero worship. We suck the dicks of the little guys who suck the dicks of the bigger guys who in turn suck the dicks of the corpses in the ground. You know what that says about humanity? Huh? You have the answer? You with the bow tie from his mother's closet? No, you have no answer? How about you with the big tits?"



No answer.




"You don't know?"



He pauses and we can see his eyes go up on down. He licks his lips.



"Wanna meet me in my hotel later?"



A sound of disgust can be heard from the audience.




"I'll take that as a yes. "



He cracks his neck in a disgusting manner as he continues his speech.



"It says that all humanity has become is a society of cock suckers. Cock suckers only want one thing out of the cock they suck...approval. You all want to that dick to cum in your face because that's the acknowledgement that you've done a fantastic job. Work the shaft, cup the balls...whatever gets you the goods. So we do this and every new guy does it hoping that when they get backstage their acknowledgement of their cock sucking may help them get to the path of having their own cocks sucked by people higher on the totem pole than you wretched lot. Media and promotions and jizz and cum and cocks and balls and BULLSHIT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"





His body twitches as the last of this speech turns into psychotic babble and yelling. He clears his throat and fixes his invisible tie.




"We're wrestlers. We like blood. We like mayhem. We like destruction. We should be the elite who put on a show for the masses. Make them cheer for us. Make them boo us. But, in today's game, we focus too much on getting ourselves off. I'm here to tell you that I am different from the rest. I stand tall in that ring until you're left in a pile on the mat and instead of guzzling my cum, you'll be choking on your own teeth. I don't have time to drop names, I only have time to drop dames. RHYMES!! RHYMES!! ALL THE FUCKING TIMES!!!"



He pauses and takes note of the response he is getting from the press. They seem frightened of his behavior. His expression never changes from that of his lunatic stare.




"What? You scared? You worried? Another crazy bitch for the XWF?"





His face changes to that of the biggest smile anyone has ever seen. Such white teeth, such sparkle.





"I'm not crazy. I'm just happy. Growing up on the streets teaches you a lot of things. Find the silver linings. Smile. That's what I do. You're the ones who label me. So go ahead, write your article, show off the footage."





He gets the grandest idea he's ever had and the smile somehow grows wider.




"Here's your headline!"





He stretches out his arms and points out the words as if they are on a marquee.





"Lunatic Wrestler berates the media! No, that's no good. Crazy Mandingo runs train on us! No, not that. COCKS COCKS AND MORE COCKS!!! BRODIE TYLER FUCKS US WITH THE KNOWLEDGE THAT HIS DICK IS IN OUR MOUTHS!!! WHAT COULD IT POSSIBLE TASTE LIKE!!!!!!!"





He looks down at the media who are all in shock. He smiles and pushes the podium over. He clears his throat and adjusts his invisible tie. Brodie lays down on his stomach and puts his mouth up to the downed microphone.





"No further questions, please."





He jumps up and smiles. He waves to the audience and walks off stage.

"MY EYES MUST BE ON FIRE!! You two are driving me to the point of murder. It's like talking to children. But, go ahead, let this little vignette turn into a pissing contest between the two of you. GO AHEAD and push everyone further and further from this place. If you need me I'll be in the back counting down the days until you both meet your end, because only then can the XWF truly be at peace. I'd rather take a thousand HOLOCAUSTS if it meant I'd never hear the name Gilmour again."

Awesomeness Achieved


1x XWF (World) Champion


1x XWF Tag Champion (with Frodo)


1x XWF X-treme Champion


16x XWF Heavymetal Weight Champion (UFO / Ark)


Two Month Long UFO/ARK/HMW Title Reigns


Longest (personal) Reign 11/12/14 - 12/18/14


Reigning Bra And Panties King


Donkey punched your mother!


Banged Rose Smith Repeatedly


Seriously Brah I Did


Said it was the best she ever had


And she could feel it in her spine


Scorpin Master!


AAOOOOOOOOWW!!!


I'm pinning the Witch Doctor So Hard Right Now


Would you pin me?


I'd pin me.





#DickToFaces