It's the normal regular neighborhood deli. Or a Publix if you live in the south. A woman walks in with a huge garish purse and waits in line. Once at the counter, she expresses that she would like a ham sandwich. The boy, all of sixteen and working his first job, smiles, knowing what he has to do. He pulls out two slices of fresh pumpernickel. On one, he carefully smears a fire roasted pepper aioli, then lays a handsome amount of ham on top of it. On the other slice, a smear of guacamole, paper thin slices of red onion, and a pair of juicy slices of beefsteak tomato. The boy puts both halves together, and like a phoenix rising from the ashes, a Ham Sandwich is prepared. The boy takes the sandwich over to a cash register, where the woman pulls a wallet from her ostentatious purse, and then pulls out a plastic card, credit or debit is none of your business. She boops it to a sensor, the boy smiles, hands her the receipt, and her ham sandwich. She puts the card back into her wallet, the wallet back into her purse, along with the receipt and none other than the ham sandwich.

As she steps through the door to the outside world, a hoodlum makes a break for it, and snags the ridiculous fuchsia and sea-foam green pleather handbag right from the woman's shoulders! The thief makes a break for it, but two noble chaps decide today is their day to be a white knight. The thief realizes he's got company on his trail, so he leaps and grabs a low hanging fire escape ladder. Pulling himself up, one of his pursuers gives up, being too hefty to make the leap. The other realizes what is happening and leaps as well, grabbing the fire escape! The purse snatcher is already several flights of stairs up, and gives pause to make a surprised face at the lone man still chasing him! The thief darts up the fire escape and out of view onto the rooftop itself! The man chasing him finally gets to the roof, and glances around, not seeing him anywhere! The thief makes his move, a daring leap from the roof to another! He barely makes it to the other side, and the man chasing him will not even attempt the jump. The thief rushes into a nearby access door and makes his way to the street level, and to another building. Once hidden away on another roof, the thief checks inside the garish purse.

The wallet was no good to him, no. All the plastic cards inside by now were cancelled and dead. Flabbergasted, he notices a ham sandwich, and in his frustration, he throws it over the edge of the roof, where it just happens to land on a mattress being hauled in the bed of a pickup truck. The ham sandwich continues it's magical journey as the truck continues across town. Traffic is dense, especially this time of day, and the truck has a tougher time maneuvering through tight spaces due to it's sheer size. Eventually, a seagull flies in and grabs the ham sandwich.

Meanwhile, in a park not far from here, Mark Flynn is laying down on a nice blanket, enjoying the early summer air. Around him people on bicycles, people walking, all sorts of people all getting a chance to go outdoors for a moment. The sun is shining and Mark closes his eyes for just a moment. It was at this moment, though, that a seagull gave up on the burdensome ham sandwich it was stowing, and dropped it, where it landed gently and harmlessly on Mark Flynn's chest.

Ironically, and unfortunately, there's an XWF referee here, but I'm not writing a story explaining that, no sirree.

1...


2...

...Flynn wakes up from his park nap, due to the loud thumping of the official's pin counting! As a panic reflex, he lifts a shoulder off the ground before assessing the situation!

Who's on top of him! A wrestler looking to prove himself? Yet another AI robot? Tommy Wish?!?

...

...Nope, it's another goddamn ham sandwich.

Flynn glares at the official, who is currently counting on his park blanket.

"...Dennis."

"...Yes, Mister Flynn?"

"Walk me through your reasoning here. Why the FUCK do you keep counting when ham sandwiches land on me?"

...

"W-w-well... You're the X-Treme champion. The title is always up for grabs."

"Certainly, Dennis. Anyone could pin me at any time..."

...

"Any... ONE. Any PERSON could pin me to become the X-Treme champion."

...

"Dennis. Look in your heart and answer me this. Is a HAM SANDWICH a person?"

...

"No, sir. But, it was ontop of you. My job is to count when something is on top of you."

"Dennis. I can't sleep with blankets because you keep counting when I use them."

"I can't drive with a FUCKING SEATBELT ON because you START COUNTING WHEN I WEAR ONE."

"Last week, at a deli, you started counting and I almost lost the belt, because I had a goddamn CRUMB FROM A REUBEN SANDWICH LAND ON MY SHIRT, DENNIS."

...

"DO YOU THINK A FLECK OF PASTRAMI SHOULD BE THE GODDAMN X-TREME CHAMPION?!?"

...

"If it's on your chest for three seconds?"

...

"Yes."

WHAM! Flynn tugs his park blanket from under Dennis's legs, Dennis tumbles onto his back, completely flummoxed.

"I'm leaving, Dennis. You've ruined my park day."

As he said, Flynn rolls up his blanket and walks away.

...

.....

Dennis picks up and eats the ham sandwich.