Theo Pryce is sat in a fairly large office at XWF HQ; the wall to his right is windowed showing an amazing view of the [REDACTED] skyline. Theo tends to some paperwork at his desk as a buzz from the intercom sounds and a woman's voice comes over.

RECEPTIONIST: "Mr. Pryce, Fuzz and Noah Jackson are here to see you."

Theo drops his pen and places a hand on a temple while tapping his fingers across the mahogany desk with the other. He presses on the intercom.

THEO: "One moment."

Theo roots around in a drawer to receive some paracetamol; he pops two tablets out and throws them into his mouth before grabbing a glass of whisky and washing it down. He returns to the intercom.

THEO: "Send them in."

The door bursts open and Fuzz and Noah enter, Jackson carrying a large boombox which blasts their theme.



Both Sick Cunts are wearing shades as they walk almost in slow-motion towards the two leather seats opposite Theo. Fuzz is carrying his briefcase and wearing the Xtreme Title as Noah holds the boombox over his shoulder and the TV title grasped in his spare hand. Theo blinks slowly watching them come to take a seat. Noah fumbles with the boombox in his chair trying to turn it off but to no avail, RUN DMC blasting from the speakers. Fuzz leans over and points out the button which Noah confuses and the two argue under the loud music. Finally, Noah manages to hit the eject button and the cassette pops out, silencing the rap music. Noah slowly places the boombox beside him and the two Cunts smile at Theo.

NOAH: "G'day, cunt."

FUZZ: "Theodore."

Fuzz says with a nod of his head. Pryce gives a short sigh.

THEO: "What do you want?"

Fuzz removes his aviators and leans forward with his fingers pressed together. Noah gets distracted with those balls that clang together which is in like every important person's office.

FUZZ: "We're here to talk about Cunt-Fest, specifically what kind of matches everyone will be involved in."

Theo leans over and takes the office toy away from Noah who sits back in a huff.

THEO: "Wonderful just what I needed.. Look, myself and the management team and have placed people in the matches accordingly." Theo reaches into a drawer to pull out a laminated page which he places on the desk. "You obviously have your matches on there too. So, you want to just go down the card and you can suggest match types?"

Fuzz sits back with a grin.

FUZZ: "Sounds good."

THEO: "Great, so opening will be the Television match."

Noah removes his sunglasses and interrupts Pryce.

NOAH: "Hold the fuckin' phone, cunt. Why am I opening?"

THEO: "To give you as much of a break before the Tag Title match as you can, assuming you keep the TV title. We can have you on before the Tags if you want to be a moron? Would you like to be a moron?"

Noah folds his arms in a sulk.

NOAH: "Fair dinkum."

THEO: "I'll take that as a no. As I was saying, it's you versus Atara Themis. What stip would you like?"

NOAH: "Have it in a swimming pool."

THEO: "You want to fight while swimming?"

NOAH: "No, cunt! Like shallow water." Noah begins a paddling motion with his arms. "Around ankle-high, maybe shin on the deep end."

Noah stops and sits back as Fuzz watches.

FUZZ: "Why where you doing a swimming motion for such little water?"

Noah gives a shrug and gets a little annoyed.

NOAH: "Listen the match was from this movie called Lionheart? It was Atara's idea."

THEO: "So she offered to wrestle half-naked in water?"

NOAH: "Yes."

FUZZ: "Suuuuuuure."

NOAH: "She did! I didn't come up with it! Vita would kick my arse if I did."

Theo writes down on the page with a marker.

THEO: "If the hot chick that Vinnie can't stop talking about wants to wrestle in a pool then we'll let her wrestle in a pool." Theo looks up from the page with a somewhat serious tone. "Will she be wearing a bikini?"

Fuzz looks at Noah.

FUZZ: "Will she?"

Noah glances at them both.

NOAH: "NO! Well, she can wear whatever she wants I'm wearing my usual attire. Maybe some water wings. Safety first!"

Fuzz shakes his head as Theo mutters under his breath.

THEO: "With her safety would be my least concern." He looks back to the pair and speaks again in a normal tone. "Okay next will be the Xtreme Title, Fuzz?"

Fuzz places a leg over his knee.

FUZZ: "Nothing fancy, just a good ol' fashioned wrasslin' match. Not everything has to be so Xtreme."

Noah scoffs.

NOAH: "Not everything has to be Xtreme said by the Xtreme Champion in the Xtreme Wrestling Federation." He tuts before clicking and pointing a finger at Theo. "Make it an inferno match!"

Fuzz lowers Noah's arm.

FUZZ: "No, NO! Just a straight-up singles match."

Theo jots that down.

NOAH: "Oh c'mon! We could have had like a water and fire dynamic, like we're elemental cunts!"

FUZZ: "Noah, your country is literally on fire, no way I'm fighting in a ring of fire on top of that."

THEO: "Next match." The two turn back to Theo. "Red-X versus..."

NOAH: "A 1994 Subaru Impreza WRX." Fuzz and Theo look to Noah who looks to both of them in turn. "What?"

THEO: "How would that work?"

"You ever play Street Fighter II and get to the bonus stage where you punch up some cunt's car? Yeah, that but the car can fight back... Book it."

Noah taps a finger on the desk as Theo stares at him.

THEO: "Fine but he needs to be in a real match too or else we're gonna get an earful... Next match we have Doktor Trust versus Dillinger D'Marco." Fuzz and Noah just shrug. Pryce sighs once more. "What match you want them in?"

FUZZ: "We have to do every match? I don't know or care about these two."

NOAH: "Yeah, just skip it, cunt."

Theo raises his hands a little going back to the page.

THEO: "Okay... Next, we have a triple threat with Link Rexx, Jessalyn Hart and Mad Dog Valley, I suppose we could fit Red-X in here to to fill-"

FUZZ & NOAH: "SKIP!"

NOAH: "This GM shit fucking tanks. Do you enjoy doing this, cunt?"

THEO: "Right now, no. Next match... Brian Storm & Griffin MacAlister versus Jim Jimson & Thunder Knuckles."

The two ponder.

FUZZ: "TK's a good guy, we should do something nice for him. Probably involving xbux."

NOAH: "Big fan by the ring, blows xbux throughout the match."

Fuzz thinks.

FUZZ: "No, that would probably make him lose as he'll be picking them up instead of wrestling but I like where your head is at. We need the xbux to be motivation or a prize."

Noah messes the back of his hair.

NOAH: "How about the winners earn the equivalent of the shit cunts hospital bills?"

FUZZ: "So the more damage the winner's do to their opponents, the bigger payday they get? Yeah, I think that will work."

THEO: "One convoluted match added, I wonder how many more we'll get?"

NOAH: "Well with good ol' fashion wrasslin over here not as many as I hoped."

Fuzz gives a chuckle.

THEO: "Next Barney Green versus Boris."

Noah can barely contain his excitement.

NOAH: "OH! A RISKY RUSSIAN RAZORWIRE RUMBLE!"

Jackson smiles like an idiot.

FUZZ: "What the fuck even is that?"

Noah shrugs.

NOAH: "I dunno, but it sounds gnarly!"

THEO: "We'll work on the small details but we'll get you your Ris- ... Your dumb shit. Next, another four-way, skip?" Theo looks to the nodding pair before writing something back down. "The Calvary versus Scully."

Noah goes to speak but Fuzz stops him.

FUZZ: "How about another singles so we don't have a clusterfuck of a show?"

Theo nods as Noah shakes his head.

NOAH: "I think I'm sensing a pattern here."

THEO: "James Raven versus Mastermind?"

NOAH: "Oh fuck me, that is gonna be the dullest shit on the fucking card. Dad, you gotta make this one interesting."

Fuzz clasps his hands together and places two index fingers against his lips as he murmurs to himself. He points them both at Theo before speaking.

FUZZ: "Standard singles."

Noah throws his hands up as Theo continues.

THEO: "Got it. Big D versus Peter Gilmour?"

NOAH: "Right before Dad wants to take us back to the 1940s, how about with these two cunts we have like an 'I Quit' match but the opponent has to like stamp down on the other's dick a certain amount for some reason."

Theo narrows his gaze at Noah.

FUZZ: "So you basically want a cock and ball torture match for these two?"

NOAH: "Yeah, more or less."

FUZZ: "... Yeah sure, fuck those cunts."

Fuzz and Noah fist bump before tuning to Theo.

THEO: "How about just an Xtreme Rules."

Theo jots it down as the pair flip out.

NOAH: "Nah that's cooked! Fuck you, cunt."

FUZZ: "Yeah this is OUR show, you can't just change this up on the fly."

Theo raises his voice a little pointing at the two.

THEO: "Okay first, YOU TWO are changing this up on the fly and secondly I'm not having cock and ball torture be on a pay-per-view called C-Fest. Kids watch our shows. Probably..."

The two go quiet.

FUZZ: "Cunt-Fest, it's called Cunt-Fest."

THEO: "I know what it's called and it's a dumbfuck name."

NOAH: "... Say Cunt-Fest."

THEO: "NO! Fuck the both of you! I have a million things to do today so can we move on?"

NOAH: "Fuck off, cunt. You don't have shit, name all the things you have to do."

Theo bites his lip staring a hole at Noah, Fuzz intervenes.

FUZZ: "Noah, Theo obviously is having his time of the month and didn't want to make it obvious that he's ruined his favorite pair of panties."

Noah leans back with an understanding 'ah' and the Sick Cunts look to Theo, a vein barely busting from his temple.

THEO: "You both suck dick, if you died tomorrow I would honestly feel nothing except drunk from all the alcohol I would consume in celebration."

An awkward silence.

NOAH: "That is very rude."

THEO: "... Main & Page vesus & The Hired Gun."

FUZZ: "Jesus, does this shit ever end with these guys?"

NOAH: "We can make it end. Give Shane a gun!"

Theo rubs the bridge of his nose.

FUZZ: "Now Noah, let's not do that... If Shane just so happens to find a gun, well, then he finds a gun!"

THEO: "Okay so let's say standard tag and brush aside the possible planned triple homicide. Hart Title match, Centurion versus Vita Valenteen."

NOAH: "I think Vita should pick the stip for this match, it's only fair."

FUZZ: "That's a very kind thought, Noah, I agree."

Somewhat pleased Theo begins to write that down.

NOAH: "But Centurion has to wear a dress for the whole match."

Theo slowly raises his head.

FUZZ: "Oh yeah totally!"

They look to Pryce who seems very, very tired.

FUZZ & NOAH: "Book it!"

Theo cracks his neck with a turn.

THEO: "Universal Title match, The Engineer versus Robbie Bourbon."

NOAH: "Eh who gives a shit, TLC."

Fuzz lightly taps Noah's chest.

FUZZ: "Y'know I was gonna say standard singles but yeah, TLC could actually be fun to see."

THEO: "Great, that went smoother than I thought... And finally, the main event."

FUZZ: "Woah, the Tag Title match is the main event? I'm not sure about that, our own pay-per-view and we're headlining it? I think the Universal should go last, I am extremely humble after all."

Fuzz smiles kindly as Noah stares at him with a raised eyebrow before snapping his attention to Theo.

NOAH: "I'm fucking not I want in the main event!"

Theo looks to Fuzz who just shrugs.

THEO: "Okay, main event you two versus Sarah Lachlan."

NOAH: "It's Lacklan."

THEO: "I could not care less... Lachlan and Kenzi Grey. Fuzz, you want a standard tag match?"

FUZZ: "Helldome."

Theo and Noah look to him.

THEO: "A what?"

FUZZ: "Helldome... The match will take place in a large steel dome, think Thunderdome from Mad Max. An arsenal of weapons will litter the area, I'm talking chairs, bats, fucking flails... Shit even C4 and acid! Anything is legal but that's in the broadcast sense of the word, of course, there's more... It's a relic from a bygone era that only a handful of legends have survived; honestly, looking back I can see why it was banned but man, this will be incredible. Four people enter, two Sick Cunts leave..."

Noah and Theo stare at Fuzz who smiles to himself, reminiscing to the days of old. Noah looks to Theo.

NOAH: "That's fucking ripper, we're doing that."

THEO: "Great! We're done, thank you and fuck off."

Fuzz and Noah stand to their feet collecting their things.

FUZZ: "Always a pleasure, Theodore."

THEO: "Fuck yourself."

As The Sick Cunts stand, Noah snaps the tape back into the boombox.

THEO: "Oh hey Fuzz I almost forgot."

Theo reaches into his desk drawer and pulls out a sheet of paper and holds it up in the air as Fuzz turns around. Noah pauses in place as Fuzz approaches Theo's desk.

FUZZ: "What is this?"

THEO: "What does it look like? It's the brackets."

Theo responds as Fuzz reaches forward and yanks the sheet of paper out of his hands.

FUZZ: "Man fuck you. This is the March Madness Brackets from 1994."

Noah points at the paper.

NOAH: "It says NBA too."

Fuzz rattles the sheet, staring daggers at Theo.

THEO: "You never said which brackets you wanted. You just shouted a thousand times "Where's the brackets." Well....here they are. And you should thank me too. It took a lot of time and energy for my secretary to find those."

FUZZ: "Fuck you and your secretary. You know this isn't what I was talking about. Where are the real brackets?"

THEO: "Up your mothers box now get the fuck out I got a shareholders meeting to prep for. Oh and by the way, you two nancies are on commentary for the show. So rest up those voice boxes."

Fuzz and Noah look to one another and decide to save their breath. Noah hits the boombox again and "Down with the King" plays again as The Sick Cunts leave and the scene fades to black.

---

OOC Note: If you opted in but don't see your name discussed above, we didn't forget about you we just haven't finalized your booking yet but I promise you will be booked.

Boris has been to Chernobyl enough times to know how to fight in match of death

looks like big D is getting a BIG BEATDOWN ;-)

is it Xtreme rules or not? doesnt matter ill cripple him

SUCK... MY... DICK!

3X Star of the Month
Former 3x Hart Champion
Former 13X Xtreme Champion
Former 6X Tag Champion
Former 2X Trios Champion
Former 2x Heavy Metal Weight Champion
Former Universal Champion

"May the best man win, Scully."

Let's see if I can get Harrison Page to be my manager for this thing...

Mastermind, they called you boring.

“You sure about that James?....... Nah you’re right. He’s boring as fuck. I honestly don’t know what Noah and I could do to make that match entertaining. If you’ve got any ideas let me know.”

You pulled an aging legend out of the woods to inject some magic; you’ve done everything you can do. It’s a page straight out of my own booking notes.

Falls count anywhere might not hurt either.

If a swimming pool match is good enough for Noah and Atari, then it's good enough for me and Centurion!

""May the best man win, you say? I say the same back at ya, Calvary. The whole of the XWF roster will be rooting for ya.

I used to be a superhero by the way. I was the sidekick of Guppy Parsh. True fact."

(01-11-2020, 09:27 AM)Vita Frickin Valenteen Said: If a swimming pool match is good enough for Noah and Atari, then it's good enough for me and Centurion!

Sweet! Maybe after we can have a tag team Chicken match in the pool. TV Title Match contestants vs Hart Champion Match contestants....

(01-11-2020, 12:56 PM)Atara Themis Said:

(01-11-2020, 09:27 AM)Vita Frickin Valenteen Said: If a swimming pool match is good enough for Noah and Atari, then it's good enough for me and Centurion!

Sweet! Maybe after we can have a tag team Chicken match in the pool. TV Title Match contestants vs Hart Champion Match contestants....

I’ll watch and touch myself.

... because of Noah and Cent of course.

(01-11-2020, 02:26 PM)James Raven Said:

(01-11-2020, 12:56 PM)Atara Themis Said:

(01-11-2020, 09:27 AM)Vita Frickin Valenteen Said: If a swimming pool match is good enough for Noah and Atari, then it's good enough for me and Centurion!

Sweet! Maybe after we can have a tag team Chicken match in the pool. TV Title Match contestants vs Hart Champion Match contestants....

I’ll watch and touch myself.

... because of Noah and Cent of course.

"I'll help you!"

No. No you won’t, you wretched spirit.

(01-11-2020, 02:33 PM)James Raven Said: No. No you won’t, you wretched spirit.

"What? You don't want a handjob from a fuckin' clown? Am I a joke to you? It'd be just like the fat ICP chicks you most likely nailed in your youth, you old cunt."

I know that once or twice a year someone lets you out of your box, and you like to run around acting like you’re spitting venom instead of just flapping your gums... but sit back down and shut up.

You don’t get to use ICP as an insult when you walk around in the same face paint as the dude that blew Violent J in the portapotty.

(01-11-2020, 02:51 PM)James Raven Said: I know that once or twice a year someone lets you out of your box, and you like to run around acting like you’re spitting venom instead of just flapping your gums... but sit back down and shut up.

You don’t get to use ICP as an insult when you walk around in the same face paint as the dude that blew Violent J in the portapotty.

"His dick was actually pretty clean, if you don't mind the bumps from his getting the herp. You, however, look like someone tried so fucking hard to look like Ryan Reynolds, that when he succeeded, he still couldn't get that popularity he wanted, and decided to slum around in this fucking shit hole, hoping one of the female wrestlers would finally look at your dick and say "Awww, it looks like a baby molerat stood up! So cute!" So hey, we both look like fucking rejects, don't we?"

I know how hard you worked in formulating that response, and all it did was show everyone that you’re lazy and you’re trash.

Good day, Broken Oswald Syphilis.

(01-11-2020, 03:25 PM)James Raven Said: I know how hard you worked in formulating that response, and all it did was show everyone that you’re lazy and you’re trash.

Good day, Broken Oswald Syphilis.

"Why do people mention that Broken fuck? He makes no fucking marking here. I'm literally a separate entity, and I literally mean an entity. I've saved this fucking universe and ya'll should be bow down and Gilmour me. Y'know, suck my dick. I'm trying to make new idioms. I'm thinking "James'ing" is when some old fuck thinks he's smart and tries so hard to fuck with me for no reason, after I offered a hand, job. It's pretty specific as you can see."

I said good day.

It really is a good day, isn't it? Thanks for noticing! Coming back makes me feel good, y'know? Glad you can see I'm in a good mood and having a good day!

Just put your hand on his dick and stop asking for permission already. It's not like anyone can stop you.

(01-11-2020, 07:38 PM)Shane <img src="https://i.imgur.com/pUgtAVa.gif"> Said: Just put your hand on his dick and stop asking for permission already. It's not like anyone can stop you.

"Even the all powerful would rather ask for permission than to force shit on people. I'll only give ya a tug if you don't mind the mug. As pretty as I am, y'know?"

$20 says Panzer doesn't even know how to give a handy or his arm gets tired after five minutes.

(01-11-2020, 08:06 PM)Robbie Bourbon Said: $20 says Panzer doesn't even know how to give a handy or his arm gets tired after five minutes.

"Bitch, I'm like that fucking F1s masturbation tool for dudes. Just put your dick in my hand and feel the love I'll give to your dick like I'm seekin' the NUT."