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X-treme Wrestling Federation » XWF OOC » Out Of Character (OOC) Board
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Feedback wanted! Been so long
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Ghost Tank Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
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(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#1
07-28-2019, 04:35 PM

Yes, yes. However, it's been so goddamn long, I'm wondering how I did since I feel like I'm very fucking rusty. Any pointers are welcome.

Return

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Tony Santos Offline
Santos Glares at You



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#2
07-28-2019, 05:09 PM

You seemed angry, and I fucking loved it. Awesome return promo, man! I can't wait to see more from you.

September 2013 and May 2019 Star of the Month
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Ghost Tank (07-28-2019)
Ghost Tank Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#3
07-28-2019, 05:56 PM

Thanks man. I hope I can live up to the expectation.

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drezdin5788 Offline
T.D.O>



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#4
07-28-2019, 06:17 PM

You dum sum biatch. Its about time you came back.

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NOW BE MY BITCH ASS HOLE!!!!!!!!!!
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Ghost Tank (07-28-2019)
Corey Smith Offline
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#5
07-28-2019, 06:19 PM

I'll take a crack at it. Welcome back.

First off, I liked how totally insane this was. The fucking bear (which I honestly don't know the backstory on admittedly I've only followed you intermittently), the jumping down and breaking both your legs and walking it off. I liked the repeated allusions to the color green. Color often goes unplayed with in writing, myself included, and I think having an almost "color motif" is pretty neat. That imagery immediately played out in my head, meaning you did something right for sure. "Mind vagina" is now a term that has entered by lexicon so kudos for that, lol. I'm down with over the top and nutso.

However, and I know this will seem hypocritical given what I just said, but sometimes less can be more. Avoid try-hardedness in your writing. Show, don't tell. Don't tell the world your nuts, show them. I know you did that too, but some parts of this, like the "screams" part seemed a little bleh to me. Also, try to vary your language up a bit, sometimes you repeated words in consecutive sentences which isn't a cardinal sin, but in this case I think a little diversity would have suited your purposes. I think you are also one of those people who would benefit from a little explainer box at the start of your promo giving some history, unless of course you want people to come in cold and be shocked by the pure strangeness of it all.

All in all, welcome back. Stay crazy, show more don't tell, and maybe fill us in on the backstory a bit.

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drezdin5788 Offline
T.D.O>



XWF FanBase:
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(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#6
07-28-2019, 11:20 PM

Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.

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NOW BE MY BITCH ASS HOLE!!!!!!!!!!
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Darius Xavier Offline
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#7
07-29-2019, 01:58 AM

(07-28-2019, 11:20 PM)drezdin5788 Said: Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.

Drez what are you smoking? There was absolutely nothing wrong with Lux's feedback.

He gave Tank a run down on what he felt Tank did well and in what he felt Tank misfired on. He didn't do it in any kind of condescending way, it was right to the point. That's exactly what feedback should be.

Getting feedback from people is worthless if they aren't honest with you.
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Corey Smith Offline
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#8
07-29-2019, 03:22 AM

(07-28-2019, 11:20 PM)drezdin5788 Said: Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.

Generally when people ask for feedback, they are also asking for what they can improve on. If Tank just wanted people to slob his knob, he would have said so.

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Centurion Offline
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#9
07-29-2019, 03:35 AM

Dont mind Drez. He thought Tank was one of those lady Twitch streamers he's obsessed with.

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XWF Record - 214-100-9
XWF All Time Wins Record Holder
Official XWF Legend
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8x XWF Canadian Champion (Record for most Canadian Title reigns)
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5x XWF Tag Team Champion
2x XWF United States Champion
Inaugural XWF IDL Champion 
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1x XWF King of Massacre
1x XWF Stable Champion
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XWF Star Of The Month - December 2019
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Ghost Tank Offline
Registered but either hasn't added self to a roster yet or doesn't RP



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#10
07-29-2019, 09:16 AM

(07-29-2019, 03:22 AM)Lux Said:
(07-28-2019, 11:20 PM)drezdin5788 Said: Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.

If Tank just wanted people to slob his knob, he would have said so.

I mean, I'm not opposed to the idea.

In all honestly, Drez, thank you for your words, but I did ask for feedback, and he did give me legit criticism. He even prefaced by saying what he did like about the promo.

So, my friend, don't worry about if someone smack talks me OOC when I ask for feedback, I'll defend myself.

Legitimate criticism, however, is appreciated, and doesn't warrant the kind of response you gave, dude. So, calm thine tits, Drez, it's fine.

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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Offline
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*********
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#11
07-29-2019, 10:21 AM

YOU FUCKING GUYS BETTER LEAVE DREZDIN ALONE

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Ghost Tank (07-29-2019)
Ghost Tank Offline
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XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#12
07-29-2019, 10:59 AM

(07-29-2019, 10:21 AM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: YOU FUCKING GUYS BETTER LEAVE DREZDIN ALONE

YEAH!

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drezdin5788 Offline
T.D.O>



XWF FanBase:
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(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#13
07-29-2019, 08:18 PM

(07-29-2019, 03:35 AM)Centurion Said: Dont mind Drez. He thought Tank was one of those lady Twitch streamers he's obsessed with.
Fuck you dickless vagina. You weren't relivent then and you sure as hell aint now. Your stupid ass hasnt even done shit your decrepit ass return. You stupid on of mistake child.

And daruis, gt didn't ask for the criticism puta, you know that, and two, two middle fingers

Vinny boss, you and i gotta talk............In private.

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#14
07-30-2019, 02:50 AM

Drez I appreciate your unwavering commitment to your character but this is an OOC section to try and keep the insults to a minimum. Also, I think you should take a look in a dictionary for what "Feedback" means because it's not what you think it means.
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"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Offline
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#15
07-30-2019, 04:56 AM

Darius I swear to god if you hurt his feelings...

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Ghost Tank (07-30-2019)
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#16
07-30-2019, 06:48 AM

(07-29-2019, 08:18 PM)drezdin5788 Said:
(07-29-2019, 03:35 AM)Centurion Said: Dont mind Drez. He thought Tank was one of those lady Twitch streamers he's obsessed with.
Fuck you dickless vagina. You weren't relivent then and you sure as hell aint now. Your stupid ass hasnt even done shit your decrepit ass return. You stupid on of mistake child.

And daruis, gt didn't ask for the criticism puta, you know that, and two, two middle fingers

Vinny boss, you and i gotta talk............In private.

We're a few slurs away from becoming a 4chan thread.

[Image: UdLSPlv.png]
XWF Record - 214-100-9
XWF All Time Wins Record Holder
Official XWF Legend
3x XWF Anarchy Champion
3x XWF World Champion
8x XWF Canadian Champion (Record for most Canadian Title reigns)
1x XWF Hart Champion
6x XWF X-Treme Champion
5x XWF Tag Team Champion
2x XWF United States Champion
Inaugural XWF IDL Champion 
1x XWF King of Anarchy
1x XWF King of Massacre
1x XWF Stable Champion
XWF Star Of The Month - May 2007
XWF Star Of The Month - July 2009
XWF Star Of The Month - December 2019
XWF Star Of The Month - December 2021
XWF Holiday Battle Royal Winner - 2007

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drezdin5788 Offline
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XWF FanBase:
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(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#17
07-30-2019, 08:30 AM

Vinny STOP DEFENDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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drezdin5788 Offline
T.D.O>



XWF FanBase:
Hardcore, psycho fans

(cheered for breaking rules and bones; excessively violent; creative with weapons)


#18
07-30-2019, 08:31 AM

(07-30-2019, 02:50 AM)Darius Xavier Said: Drez I appreciate your unwavering commitment to your character but this is an OOC section to try and keep the insults to a minimum. Also, I think you should take a look in a dictionary for what "Feedback" means because it's not what you think it means.
Nope

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