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+--- Thread: Feedback Request: Been so long (/showthread.php?tid=34251)
Been so long - Ghost Tank - 07-28-2019
Yes, yes. However, it's been so goddamn long, I'm wondering how I did since I feel like I'm very fucking rusty. Any pointers are welcome.
Return
Been so long - Tony Santos - 07-28-2019
You seemed angry, and I fucking loved it. Awesome return promo, man! I can't wait to see more from you.
re:Been so long - Ghost Tank - 07-28-2019
Thanks man. I hope I can live up to the expectation.
Been so long - drezdin5788 - 07-28-2019
You dum sum biatch. Its about time you came back.
Been so long - Corey Smith - 07-28-2019
I'll take a crack at it. Welcome back.
First off, I liked how totally insane this was. The fucking bear (which I honestly don't know the backstory on admittedly I've only followed you intermittently), the jumping down and breaking both your legs and walking it off. I liked the repeated allusions to the color green. Color often goes unplayed with in writing, myself included, and I think having an almost "color motif" is pretty neat. That imagery immediately played out in my head, meaning you did something right for sure. "Mind vagina" is now a term that has entered by lexicon so kudos for that, lol. I'm down with over the top and nutso.
However, and I know this will seem hypocritical given what I just said, but sometimes less can be more. Avoid try-hardedness in your writing. Show, don't tell. Don't tell the world your nuts, show them. I know you did that too, but some parts of this, like the "screams" part seemed a little bleh to me. Also, try to vary your language up a bit, sometimes you repeated words in consecutive sentences which isn't a cardinal sin, but in this case I think a little diversity would have suited your purposes. I think you are also one of those people who would benefit from a little explainer box at the start of your promo giving some history, unless of course you want people to come in cold and be shocked by the pure strangeness of it all.
All in all, welcome back. Stay crazy, show more don't tell, and maybe fill us in on the backstory a bit.
Been so long - drezdin5788 - 07-28-2019
Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.
re:Been so long - Darius Xavier - 07-29-2019
(07-28-2019, 11:20 PM)drezdin5788 Said: Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.
Drez what are you smoking? There was absolutely nothing wrong with Lux's feedback.
He gave Tank a run down on what he felt Tank did well and in what he felt Tank misfired on. He didn't do it in any kind of condescending way, it was right to the point. That's exactly what feedback should be.
Getting feedback from people is worthless if they aren't honest with you.
re:Been so long - Corey Smith - 07-29-2019
(07-28-2019, 11:20 PM)drezdin5788 Said: Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.
Generally when people ask for feedback, they are also asking for what they can improve on. If Tank just wanted people to slob his knob, he would have said so.
Been so long - Centurion - 07-29-2019
Dont mind Drez. He thought Tank was one of those lady Twitch streamers he's obsessed with.
re:Been so long - Ghost Tank - 07-29-2019
(07-29-2019, 03:22 AM)Lux Said:(07-28-2019, 11:20 PM)drezdin5788 Said: Dude, that was a low blow. Yeah im sure he didn't mind that but come on. I mean excuuuuuuuse him for not being perfect in his return(promo), its been a long ass time since the last cut him some slack. Besides, neve ever asked for what you just did. Relax.
If Tank just wanted people to slob his knob, he would have said so.
I mean, I'm not opposed to the idea.
In all honestly, Drez, thank you for your words, but I did ask for feedback, and he did give me legit criticism. He even prefaced by saying what he did like about the promo.
So, my friend, don't worry about if someone smack talks me OOC when I ask for feedback, I'll defend myself.
Legitimate criticism, however, is appreciated, and doesn't warrant the kind of response you gave, dude. So, calm thine tits, Drez, it's fine.
re:Been so long - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 07-29-2019
YOU FUCKING GUYS BETTER LEAVE DREZDIN ALONE
re:Been so long - Ghost Tank - 07-29-2019
(07-29-2019, 10:21 AM)"Loverboy" Vinnie Lane Said: YOU FUCKING GUYS BETTER LEAVE DREZDIN ALONE
YEAH!
re:Been so long - drezdin5788 - 07-29-2019
(07-29-2019, 03:35 AM)Centurion Said: Dont mind Drez. He thought Tank was one of those lady Twitch streamers he's obsessed with.Fuck you dickless vagina. You weren't relivent then and you sure as hell aint now. Your stupid ass hasnt even done shit your decrepit ass return. You stupid on of mistake child.
And daruis, gt didn't ask for the criticism puta, you know that, and two, two middle fingers
Vinny boss, you and i gotta talk............In private.
Been so long - Darius Xavier - 07-30-2019
Drez I appreciate your unwavering commitment to your character but this is an OOC section to try and keep the insults to a minimum. Also, I think you should take a look in a dictionary for what "Feedback" means because it's not what you think it means.
re:Been so long - "Loverboy" Vinnie Lane - 07-30-2019
Darius I swear to god if you hurt his feelings...
re:Been so long - Centurion - 07-30-2019
(07-29-2019, 08:18 PM)drezdin5788 Said:(07-29-2019, 03:35 AM)Centurion Said: Dont mind Drez. He thought Tank was one of those lady Twitch streamers he's obsessed with.Fuck you dickless vagina. You weren't relivent then and you sure as hell aint now. Your stupid ass hasnt even done shit your decrepit ass return. You stupid on of mistake child.
And daruis, gt didn't ask for the criticism puta, you know that, and two, two middle fingers
Vinny boss, you and i gotta talk............In private.
We're a few slurs away from becoming a 4chan thread.
Been so long - drezdin5788 - 07-30-2019
Vinny STOP DEFENDING ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!
re:Been so long - drezdin5788 - 07-30-2019
(07-30-2019, 02:50 AM)Darius Xavier Said: Drez I appreciate your unwavering commitment to your character but this is an OOC section to try and keep the insults to a minimum. Also, I think you should take a look in a dictionary for what "Feedback" means because it's not what you think it means.Nope