We return 20 minutes later in front of the creepy fan's house. The man is parked in the driveway with Kevin Steen still unconscious in the passenger seat.
Guy: Alright, Kevin, my name is Pat, but you can call me by my wrestling name: Owen Octavious Carter. Oh shit, you're still unconscious, aren't you?
Owen Octavious Carter slaps Kevin Steen in the face a couple of times to confirm that he is still knocked out.
Guy: Damn, I can't just leave you out here all alone. You're Kevin Steen! What if someone steals you from me?That's it, it's time to put my strength training to work. Good thing I practiced this scenario on my life-size Kevin Steen doll.
Owen Octavious Carter opens Kevin Steen's door and begins to run through the situation like a pro. He throws big Kev' over his shoulder into a fireman's carry. With his free hand, Owen smacks Kevin's ass and squeezes it a couple of times. This is basically every ROH fan's dream right now. Owen gets carried away though, and he accidentally DROPS KEVIN STEEN! Holy fuck, the back of Kevin's head hit the damn hood of the car!
Guy: Fuck! Shit! I'm so sorry, Kevin Steen! Damn it, I shouldn't have been acting so gay, like an ROH fan. DAMN IT!
Owen Octavious Carter tries to pick Kevin Steen back up but he's not able to muster the strength for it. It's not quite the same when he has to pick up the 300 pounder off of the ground. He has to resort to dragging Kevin by the legs instead. All the while, Owen is apologizing to Kevin for dropping him. Once OOC has Kevin inside, he puts him in bed.
Several weeks later we see Kevin begin to stir around in bed.
Dark thoughts shuffle through Kevin Steen's mind as he lays in bed.
Dark, EVIL thoughts...
You can't kill what you didn't create...
I am TRUE EVIL!
I DONG worship the DEVIL!
ROSE SMITH IS NOT A MAN!
I'm not fat!!!
Chicken Parm
CUNT!
;)
out
milady
!
DEMONS
WICKED LAUGHTER
wet panties
Your worst nightmare!
But I must digress--
AAAAHH!
Kevin Steen wakes up from his nightmarish slumber. He's confused after having endured the Peter Gilmour highlight reel in his sleep. He's not even sure who he is. He begins to panic.
Kevin Steen: Where... where am I? What's happening?!
For a brief moment, Kevin might have remember who he was. He thought to himself that it might have all been a nightmare and nothing more. That thought quickly fades away though as something begins to take over from within his body. Something... EVIL. No, something TRULY EVIL and WICKED!
That's when it happens...
He's Gilmourphing!
Kevin Steen: FUCK SHIT PISS SID FEDER CUNT XTREEEME EVIL. AAAAAAAAUGH!
Kevin Steen begins to undergo some kind of transformation right in front of us. He's on the bed convulsing as his eyes roll to the back of his head. His back arches up as his body forces out a wicked laughter and a series of winks. It's like watching a werewolf take formation before our very eyes! It's like he's possessed by wicked Gilmouric spirits.
Kevin Steen: FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT TRUE EVIL . FUCK SHIT PISS CUNT. FUCK SHIT PISS. FUCK SHIT. FUCK. I digress... CUNT PISS SHIT FUCK. CUNT PISS SHIT. SID FEDER CUNT PISS. CUNT. !
The ritual concludes with a final wink from Kevin Steen; a wink that all XWF fans recognize. It's at the this moment when Kevin turns into someone-- or something...
Kevin Steen: I am true evil! Where is my sexy fiance? My fiance Jennifer Johnson. !
Kevin Steen laughs wickedly, just like Peter Gilmour.
We hear a familiar voice coming from the other room. It's the creepy voice of that obsessed fan who abducted Kevin Steen in the parking lot.
The overly attached Kevin Steen fan walks into the room to calm Kevin Steen down.
Kevin Steen: Where am I? Who are you?!
Guy: Relax, Gilmour. It's me, your manager Owen Octavious Carter!
Kevin SteenGilmour Classic: My what? Who? How come I don't remember you? Why do I feel so weird? I'm Gilmour?
Guy: OOC: Gilmour, you've suffered a case of amnesia! Or something... You've been knocked out for a good 30 days, maybe longer! We've had to give you chicken parm through a feeding tube. A really big fucking feeding tube.
Gilmour Classic: I've been out of action this whole time?
OOC: Yes, and the fans have been longing for your return. Right now, there is an impostor Gilmour running around. He's pretending to be you! He's telling people that you lost weight over some "vacation," and that he is now you. But here you are in true Gilmour form. I'm sorry-- TRUE EVIL form. Now, you need to go take your life back before it's too late!
Gilmour Classic: So there is this other guy running around pretending to be me... is he good at least?
OOC: At pretending to be Gilmour? Eh, sorta. He's studied you real hard. He must have followed your career very closely. It's okay though because I'm going to coach you... like I always do of course. I'm your manager! Remember?
Gilmour Classic: Right, fuck those . I'm taking back my spot in the company! Take me to my sexy fiance Jane Johnson. I want to speak with mi'lady.
OOC: Sure, sure. Not a problem. Ummm... JESSICA! Come in here, please!
A muscular, blonde thing enters the room. We must assume that it's female, but it looks quite manly-- just how Gilmour likes them. OOC reintroduces Jessica to Gilmour, winking at Jessica while he does it.
OOC: Jessica, your FIANCE is dying to see you. Do you think you can comfort GILMOUR since he is your FIANCE?
Jessica: Yes, Owen. Please leave and let us spend some time together.
OOC: No problem, you guys have some catching up to do.
Gilmour Classic: And while you're away, I want you to bring me footage of this FAKE Gilmour running around trying to be me. I'm gonna get to the bottom of this!
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