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Unknown Soldier · (09-25-2019)

A camera moves down a dark long hallway making its way forward with the lone light at the top of its lens illuminating its way forward. Further and further and onward it goes for an obscenely long amount of time as the long narrow hallway goes on and on and on. Eventually, it opens up to a large open area where a conglomeration of little stores pop out with their numerous entrances and it now becomes obvious that this is the inside of a mall. GAP, American Eagle, Hollister, and any and all of your typical cookie-cutter type mall stores are spread out in a circle. All with their lights out. All abandoned and left desolate in the darkness as it is obviously far past closing hours and not a single soul seems to be moving around in the shadows or making even the slightest bit of sound.

All of a sudden, off in the distance, a light flickers for a few seconds and then turns on completely. This catches the camera's attention as it pans onwards towards the source of the neon sign illuminating the storefront. The lights inside the store also turn on now and as the camera comes up to the scene it is obvious that some-ONE or some-THING is stirring inside of the Hot Topic! Is it a group of employees coming in early to prepare for the coming of the Halloween season? Nope! It's Unknown Soldier making out with one of the mannequins dressed in a Harley Quinn costume. He turns around to speak to the camera with lipstick completely covering his entire face.

"I just finished watching Robert Main's most recent promo and I'm pretty sure I caught some lyrics to some 'My Chemical Romance' song somewhere in there, but I wasn't sure because my vagina still didn't start crying like a woman walking next to Peter Gilmour. I had to stop myself and start to wonder and figure out if I was really listening to someone try to cut a promo, or if I was instead watching a ninth-grade emo kid step up to read his poems he ripped off of Edgar Allan Poe in his high school theatre class! I seriously didn't think I was going to be seeing THIS much pussy type of behavior from him. Just kill yourself, Robert, you practically already did with that recent piece of pathetic poop you just put out. That's why I decided to shoot my next scene here inside this Hot Topic so I can get a sad depressed little emo bitch like you to pay attention!

After I got done watching the thing in its entirety, I had a sudden urge of wanting to go to my room, put on some music by The Cure, and slit my wrists and cry myself to sleep! Is this really what this guy is going to throw at me? Seriously?!?! I knew I was going to be right in the most recent promo that I cut, that he was going to come out here and produce to us all this whole' self-righteous scene' about overcoming all these obstacles and fighting all these demons he's got bottled up in his past in order to overcome the ultimate evil. But I didn't realize that his demons in his closets are actually as something as sad and pathetic as fucking depression!! Stop acting like some little puppy love-struck little bitch boy who just lost his first teenage girlfriend!"

Soldier slaps the Universal title belt hanging off his deformed demon dick as hard as he can! Spanking it savagely possibly pretending that it actually is some hot teenagers little ass.

"I mean, you're such a bitch you can't even tell your friend to stop fucking your sister and ripping you off financially and won't pay you any rent. Are you running a motel over at the Robert Main household or a fucking free hostel where Apex runs a gang bang train on your poor sister's tight little asshole? You even got Drew sitting at your bedside and calling out to him like that scene at the end of Lord of the Rings with a couple of gay hobbits. That must be why explaining your depression to us is more like listening to Bob Ross describe the colors of a fucking rainbow. That's right my little SATAN! loving sadomasochists, depression is like a rainbow for Robert Main, but what he didn't realize is at the end of it is a sick and demented SATAN! worshipping psychopath and not his pot of gold."

From around his waist Soldier grabs the Universal Championship, the title that Peter and he designed a few weeks ago at the True Value with ten dollars. Random pieces of occult jewelry attached are hanging off the end of it. Pirate engravings are also drawn all over the faceplate and around its strap. He then tosses the belt over his head as if shooting a hook shot in a basketball game and the belt lands next to a disco ball and a bunch of lava lamps sitting in a corner. All of them are on and illuminating a haunting glow over the title's reflection as on it's front faceplate now glows lighting up with all colors of the rainbow.

"Did he seriously try to downplay my recent Xtreme title reign by giving me a slow golf clap and act like everyone was praising me for it? No, you fucking nitwit, nobody applauded that at all except for you in some type of ironic thing you think you so cleverly thought of but are not paying enough attention to even know what the fuck you're talking about! Do you pay attention at all? Have you watched any of my promos recently? Because it seems like you're just going into some soliloquy every time that you come out here trapped inside your own little bubble of stupidity and hypocrisy.

Nobody praised my recent Xtreme title reign and I never came out here and acted like it was important. Because it wasn't! I mean, once again this guy is so fucking clueless and pays attention to other menial things rather than the task at hand. PEOPLE WERE IMPRESSED WITH ME CASHING IN ON YOU, ya fuckin' moron! Ya know, the thing you haven't even acknowledged until just the other day for an entire month. You're absolutely right, all I did was kick out of a few pins and fight every single competitor that came my way for two weeks.

Defending the title 24 hours a day and seven days a week, just a mere two days after coming back to the XWF. In the meantime, you were out walking around at the fair sharing a fucking funnel cake with your boy toy Drew! One time we got to see you in your bedroom crying and pounding off while that boyfriend of yours banged your kid sister at your home aka Robert Main's 'house of hostel whores and free hotel'!

Now I think it's obvious here that he's not paying any attention at all whatsoever, otherwise, he would know that I was scheduled to defend the Xtreme title at XX against Michael Graves, but instead, I cashed in on him and it became a Universal title match. Robert Main isn't very smart, and clearly doesn't pay attention to the rules or he would know that you can't hold two singles titles at the same time. So I lost the title in fourteen days because I became the Universal Champion. If anything, that's got to be the best way to go out as Xtreme Champion when you think about it? What else was I supposed to do?" (Soldier shrugs throwing his hands up with a shit-eating grin on his face)

If it weren't for you and your butt buddy 'Jizz Rag James Raven' interfering in Peter's match he would have been the Xtreme champion. The minor bump in the road to my MASTER! evil plans is to have Peter as the Xtreme Champion ruling the XWF with me once again! He will get his revenge one day soon. Oh yes, he fucking will!"

Robert Main circa 11/3/2017 Said:"My life and my admitted walking with the Devil is no gimmick! It's reality! A reality you will soon be living in first hand!"

"I never wanted you to walk with me at all Robert. I merely wanted you to dance for me like my little puppet on a string. Cut that 'self-righteous' promo like I told you to. Be a good little puppet and keep dancing for me, my little bitch! Explain this to me, Robert? If I'm just playing a gimmick, then what the hell does this sentence mean that you said years ago? Are you fucking stupid or a hypocrite or both? If I'm playing a gimmick then it's certainly something you tried to rip off years ago, BY YOUR OWN WORDS THAT COME OUT OF YOUR MOUTH!!

Why is it conveniently a reality for you so many years ago, but then you hypocritically claim it to be a gimmick for me just now? Do you know what I think? I think the real reason here is because I actually AM in league with SATAN! and this whole entire time it has been YOU who have been playing a gimmick trying to pretend. A TRUE BELIEVER, don't you think Robert, someone like me who has been worshipping HIM! forever and not since just 2012! My praise for mine MASTER! has been since the conception of my birth and is a complete reality for me in all of mine existence.

While you were so busy FINDING YOUR FAITH, I've known where my allegiances have lain all along! I have and always will walk with the dark ONE! in the shadows and I have been saying it since the day I was born. Hail SATAN! Just because I haven't been around lately, doesn't mean the dark lord isn't ALWAYS watching and he's certainly paid a close eye on you! I know all about you Robert so don't try to keep any secrets from me or the rest of these people I'm embarrassing you in front of.

I want you to go out there at Relentless at the Hard Rock Stadium in Miami, and I want you to put on that big happy gimmick on that you so much think that we are a part of and pretend like this is all just a dream and we’re all dressed up playing pretend. A performance that the two of us are putting on in front of millions of people at the behest of some HIGHER POWER! In the meantime, you know, here, in reality, I'll be sipping on the sweet side of your neck while inserting myself inside of you and producing that count of six hundred and sixty mother fuckin' six while pinning you to the mat!"

(09-21-2019, 12:18 PM)Robert "The Omega" Main Said: "Or the fact that you cashed in when I was least expecting it. If you want to call yourself the Champion, by all means, go ahead. But look at how you got it for a second. How is that a credible way of winning a major Championship? A hit and run? Really? We all thought you were better than that Soldier."

"It's about time you finally wanted to come out of the closet and talk about my cash in on you. It's only been the talk of the town by everyone in the XWF except for you ironically? That's the fear you keep alluding to everyone else has of me except for you, except your actions would show completely otherwise and just about everyone who is anyone can see that! You seem to have the wool pulled over your eyes, but that's pretty convenient for you to just brush that under the rug until now. Everyone here remembers it because of how awesome and epic it was, but a lot of people don't remember exactly how you won the title, do they now, Robert? SATAN! has been watching always and I'm going to expose to everyone your long lost secret.

You know, since it was soooo long ago and ALMOST the longest of all time. Stopped short by yours fuckin' truly! Is anyone interested in the story of how Robert Main became Universal Champion? Anyone! Yes, I'm sure everyone would like to gather round, grab a chair, and have a seat and let ol' Solja' Boy tell you a little tale of a time long ago. So long ago that Robert Main may have even forgotten about it, or he wouldn't have made such hypocritical remarks to me about the means of how I cashed in on him. You see, the late great Engineer was just diagnosed with cancer, and he was to do battle to defend his Universal Championship against our clueless and hypocritical little friend known as Robert Main.

Despite just finding out he had cancer he was still able to vanquish and defeat our pathetic moron Robert Main here in front of his son Joachim. It was a glorious moment for both Engy and his family! That was until our hypocritical little bitch Robert Main here decided to ruin it by CASHING IN HIS BRIEFCASE! After the match had already finished? That's right Engy beat him, but afterward, I guess Robert here couldn't handle the decision and decided to throw a temper tantrum by beating both Engy (an already battered and bruised man diagnosed with FUCKING CANCER) and his son to a bloody pulp with a steel chair, then pin him and become Universal Champion after a title match he lost to Engy just moments previously.

That's right, I guess the proper way to cash in a briefcase folks is to first lose the match, AND THEN, since he knew he couldn't beat Engy in a fair contest, he had to sneak in and beat poor little cancer boy with a chair and his harmless and defenseless poor kid as well. That's your fucking knight in shining armor, Steve Jason! That's your golden boy role model XWF! You know what it really is, the mother fucking definition of a hypocrite! At least I'm here giving you a rematch for the Universal Title after cashing in on you. You took advantage of a man you KNEW you couldn't beat fairly, because you've lost to him many times before, and you finally knew that he wouldn't come back for revenge because he had FUCKING CANCER!"

Footage via Wednesday Night Warfare 12/8/18 Said:Briefcase. Bobby gasps out. The ref looks confused. Bobby shakes him. I'M CASHING IN RIGHT FUCKING NOW! Bobby roars. The ref looks stunned, and then he numbly shakes his head "yes". Bobby then turns to the ringside area and shoves the timekeeper out of his seat, snapping up the steel folding chair.

Back in the ring, Joachim is still celebrating with The Engineer.

He doesn't even see it coming.

The Omega rolls into the ring with the chair behind the champ, and drills him in the back of the head with the chair. Engy falls out of Joachim's arms. Joachim looks up at Bobby, shocked, and he gets nailed with a chair shot to the skull too! Buffer books it out of dodge at this carnage. Bobby allows himself a brief moment to look longingly at the Universal Championship, before refocusing his gaze on Engy. Then, like a man possessed, he unloads on him with chair shot after chair shot! Each one echoing like thunder before a shocked audience. 10 shots. 20 shots. Bobby's out of his fucking mind! Engy is completely still. There is no life.

Bobby drops down for the cover. The ref rolls in.

"That's how a REAL man cashes in a briefcase. That's how a REAL man becomes Universal Champion folks. I can't believe I'm actually going to say this because it goes against everything I stand for but seems to be an appropriate time for this... but jesus H. fucking christ Robert Main, you have got to be kidding me! He says I won the title because of a loophole? Well then I’m beginning to wonder if this dipshit even knows how to tie his shoes! A real man doesn't come out here in front of everybody and announce this is going to be his last match after proclaiming over and over again when he was the champion that he was going to be the longest of all time. A real man comes out here and tells me what a horrible villain I have been, and promises to right his wrong and eventually outlast Engy's streak by reclaiming the title and starting the streak all over again.

Let me also just point out how idiotic you sound when you call me a mid-carder trying to get over, while also acknowledging my accolades and failing to notice that I'm in the top ten wrestlers of all time. I've had my secretary look up a conglomeration of all the insults you sling at people and anyone who's watched any of you and your promos knows you like to use this simplistic and stupid jab at people with a constant tone of superiority over your competition that isn't named 'ccp'. Well, this may come as a bit of a shock to you, but, just because you and this shitty wrestler from some shitty fed are the only ones in the main event for the past few months doesn't mean that everybody else is a fucking mid-carder you stupid meathead. It means you like to fight the same no-name shit bag wrestler over and over again because you know that you can beat him and he's easy. Kind of like what Engy would have been able to do to you had he not got FUCKING CANCER and died!

I'm the place holder for him to take back the Universal Championship for himself again, he says? What he doesn't realize, except for maybe in his own subconscious by spending time at the fair, is that he's been nothing but a sideshow until the court jester showed back up and took his place at center stage in the main circle at the circus once again. When Shane

brought me here in 2012 and took control of the XWF, we both started making a mockery and shitting all over the wrestling federation of the past that so many loved and cherished since 1999. Ask any of these 'so-called' legends and they'll simply just puke at the sound of his name.

When they all came back for their XX reunion show I was quick to put them all back in their place and remind them that this little shit-scapade is going to continue and I'm the main star of the scat show. Just as I've always been since the day I walked into the XWF. This is about WAY more for me then just some Universal title match like it is for you Robert, this is me making an example out of all of them by using you as their whipping boy. Literally and figuratively."

Soldier pulls a long leather whip from out of his pants and cracks it in the air, and then cracks it across the faceplate of the Universal Championship still sitting in the corner by the lava lamps and disco ball.

"You've been playing in my little mud puddle this entire time Robert, and you don't even know it. I'm finally back to turn that mud you were playing in far too long into a pile of fucking feces and ultimate filth once again! Paying too much attention to the past and being depressed about it is everything that's going to result in the failure of your future. Your paying so much attention to your past that you're praying to some shitty wrestler that you beat 666 times already in some random church and asking for his help. That's fine, no problem, everyone who is anyone knows that there is a shrine to SATAN! in the back office of every Hot Topic. Hail SATAN!"

Soldier makes his way towards the back office and the camera follows closely behind. When he arrives inside, the camera reveals a room that acts like any normal back-office type scene with a simple desk with a chair and old desktop computer sitting on top of it. Soldier sits down in the chair and starts slamming down the number six over and over and over again on the computer until eventually a latch pops and a hissing sound is heard. A long circular stairway making its way underground beneath the desk appears as a series of levers and switches open to reveal this hidden path. A secret lair is hidden beneath the Hot Topic as the camera follow Soldier as he makes his way down the stairs. Once again, for an obscenely long amount of time, we head downwards just the same as the obnoxiously long hallway when we first arrived.

Finally, at the bottom of the staircase, we come to a scene of complete terror and debauchery as a giant circle of fire engulfs an inverted pentagram painted in blood on the ground which is miles and miles of sand stretching out far over the horizon. The scene opens up to complete chaos as this shrine is deposited in the middle of an enormous opening that stretches endlessly above and out in the sky. A volcano erupting in the background as some nightgaunts fly menacingly up in the sky above. Their giant dark wings and sharp cloven hooves give them a definitive comparison to the evil cousin of the unicorn.

The screaming and wailing of tortured souls echoing in the background and getting louder as both Soldier and the camera make their way to the evil shrine. Soldier leans over and kisses the camera, in which it immediately drops to the ground, revealing that it had been floating around aimlessly with no human being holding it. As it falls to the ground and stops abruptly it still stays on. Filming Soldier directing a symphony of destruction as he maestro's in the sky to a response of exploding volcanoes and fire dancing in a river of blood in the background. Playing as a Mickey Mouse in Fantasia he eventually directs a ball of fire to crash into the unmanned camera laying on the ground. Fizzling and cutting out the footage that was just being broadcast....

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode ROBERT MAIN RAPES HIMSELF?!?!
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