It's obvious you have a wide vocabulary and can use it well to describe scenes and character interactions. The pictures are also a nice touch and you use them in the right places to give a better visual to the reader.

I will make a suggestion that in your original post for this thread, that you mention something about wanting feedback. When I clicked on this post off the main page rather than a link that led me to the OOC sub forum first. I was unable to see your secondary subject line that was asking for feedback and initially got confused until I clicked back to the OOC sub forum and saw it.