Date: May 5, 2014
Arena: Chesapeake Energy Arena
City: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma
The feed cuts in to Joey Styles sitting with Mark Flynn, who’s still in full body cast, at the announcer’s booth.
JOEY STYLES: "Ladies and Gentlemen welcome to another edition of Monday Night Madness. We have a full line-up of matches, all leading up to our huge tag team main event, two members of the Heyman Alliance, current European Champion Kendall Sawyer will be teaming up with Vellore Brommer to take on Gilmour Classic and The Imperial Eroticon. Any thoughts on what the viewers should expect this evening, Flynn?”
MARK FLYNN: “My doctor told me that if I smoke cigarettes, marijuana, crack cocaine, opium or horse blood, my favorite vice, the muscles in my back might fuse to the titanium rod that’s been surgically inserted to serve the function my spine once did back when it was present in my body.”
JOEY STYLES: “…I’m… I’m sorry to hear that, Mark.”
MARK FLYNN: “Don’t be, Joseph. I found out that alcohol has no negative side effects on my recovery slash never-ending pain that will last me the rest of my life until I’m granted the sweet release of death. I’m on an IV of Blue Moon and hopefully mixing these with my pain medication, the XWF audience will get to enjoy me projectile vomiting ten feet before the evening closes.”
JOEY STYLES: “…I’m sure I speak for the XWF at large when I say, we can’t wait for that.”
JOEY STYLES: "And now for our opening match of the night, a triple threat featuring three XWF rookies."
| Ace of Spades by Motorhead plays |
As Ace of Spades plays pyros start going off and after about 10 seconds Jerry Daniels makes his way to the ring.
Hawkins walks to the ring slowly, throws his hat into the audience. Once in ring, climbs the turnbuckle and flexes his arm muscles.
| The Swarm by You Me At Six plays |
'Destruction is imminent' is whispered as the theme begins. As the guitar begins, Joshua is seen, bouncing up and down ready to fight. He puts his hands up and cheers getting a mixed crowd reaction. The drum begins, and he begins slowly walking towards the ring, the whole time focused on the ring, and every now and then glancing very quickly far into the crowd. While he walks, his location, weight and name are announced. He slides under the first rope and takes off his 'Destruction is Imminent' tee-shirt. He looks around and when the 'Is the end of the world?' part begins, he raises his hands and smirks.
Jerry Daniels
- vs -
Joey Hawkins
- vs -
Joshua Peters
Standard Triple Threat |
The bell sounds and we are off. A spinning back fist catches Hawkins off guard and then a kick to Peters face sees Daniels with the upper hand. Daniels lifts Peters up by the hair and whips him to the ropes on the rebound Daniels takes Peters down with a belly to belly suplex.
As Daniels gets back up to his feet he turns around only to be meet with a spinebuster by Joey Hawkins. Hawkins stands overtop of Daniels to gloat.
Bad move.
Daniels lunges forward and puts Hawkins down with a double leg takedown.
JOEY STYLES: “That will teach the new guy to showboat.”
MARK FLYNN: “Hawkins blowing it as sure and as hard as he blew the LVWL title match he was against Jonathan Durnell seven years ago.”
JOEY STYLES: “Wait, did he win or lose that match?”
MARK FLYNN: “I don’t know. I fell asleep watching the tape and, when I woke up, I decided I’d never watch another LVWL match as long as I live.”
With Hawkins down Daniels takes the opportunity to deliver a few vicious kicks to his opponents head. Hawkins head smacks off the back of the mat with each kick. Peters kips up spins Daniels around and with a European Uppercut almost sends Daniel’s head up to the ceiling. A kneeling facebuster later and Daniels is sprawled out in the center of the ring.
Peters quickly moves over to the corner, ascends the turnbuckles and leaps off, landing a perfectly executed Frog Splash.
Peters hooks the leg for the cover…
1…
2…
JOEY STYLES: “Broken up by a diving Hawkins!”
Hawkins yanks Peters up and delivers a serious of devastating moves…
Punch to the head…
Kick to the stomach…
Low blow…
MARK FLYNN: “I’m certain that was illegal. Both in the ring and in a court of law.”
JOEY STYLES: “The official might not have caught it.”
MARK FLYNN: “Fun fact: The XWF requires that all officials have a maximum of 20/80 vision and be legally blind to avoid liability in case of fault.”
Facebuster!!!
And now it’s Hawkins turn for a pin…
1…
2…
KICKOUT!!!
No help needed as Peters kicks out with relative ease.
Peters and Hawkins both get up to their feet just in time to see Daniels charging at them. Hawkins is taken out with a clothesline but Peters is able to sidestep at the last second and avoid what would have been a double clothesline.
Daniels is back up but not for long, a spinning side slam by Peters and then an elbow drop to the forehead gives Peters a slight advantage.
But not for long.
A spear by Hawkins that almost sends Peters through the canvas.
JOEY STYLES: “Peters got swatted like a fly!”
MARK FLYNN: “Peters’ ‘insane aerial skills’ finally pays off. Watching him to get crushed inwards like a black hole is the first time he’s been entertaining this entire match.”
Hawkins quickly get’s back up…
SUPERKICK!!!
A superkick by Daniels and Hawkins is left stumbling…
Daniels runs to the ropes and on the rebound…
SHINNING WIZARD!!!
JOEY STYLES: “Hawkins might think he’s back in Vegas after that kick…”
Daniels with the cover…
1…
2…
3!!
Suddenly the lights dim down and familiar silhouette of Ozymandias appears on the screen.
OZYMANDIAS: "Good evening fans of the XWF. It is with great pleasure that I announce to you, that next week right here on Madness the XWF will host it's very first wedding. Gilmour Classic will be marrying Maria Brink, lead singer of the band In This Moment. And as an added bonus we will have a special guest to officiate the wedding. But I don't want to spoil the surprise tonight. Tune in next week for one of the greatest events in XWF history."
Ozymandias disappears from the screen and the camera cuts back to Joey Styles.
JOEY STYLES: "What was that about? The XWF has been getting cryptic messages and video's for a few weeks now. Someone is coming back but we have no idea who? Some have been speculating that it's you Mark, King of the Mid Carders."
MARK FLYNN: "... Yup, Joseph. I’m the big returning superstar. I came back getting paid 24 thousand dollars a year as a color commentator, slightly less than the manager of a gas station…”
JOEY STYLES: "Okay..."
MARK FLYNN: "…so I could tease returning to the ring WHILE CONFINED TO A WHEELCHAIR. I’M SURE FLYNN’S BIG PLAN IS TO SHOCK THE WORLD BY BECOMING THE FIRST XWF CHAMPION DEAD FROM THE NECK DOWN.”
JOEY STYLES: "Okay, Mark, I’m really sorry. I didn’t mea-"
MARK FLYNN: “GO FUCK YOURSELF, STYLES!”
| Guren no Yumiya (Shingeki no Kyojin 1st Opening) plays |
The arena is dark and the audience are silent as they await to see Ace Eagles, as the song starts letting it run for a bit. As soon as it gets the chorus, Ace Eagles pops out of the Entrance tunnel spitting out some water looking around at the crowd. As he walks down the ramp, walking looking like he has a purpose walking all around the outside of the ring before leaping onto the apron gets a mouthful of water as he throws away the bottle of water.
| Country Boy Can Survive by Hank Williams JR plays |
Waylon comes out, takes some Beechnut tobacco and puts a dip in points at his opponent then wipes his hands on his overalls and spits the tobacco all down the ramp.
Ace Eagles
- vs -
Waylon
Standard One Fall
|
The poor man's Joe Dirt doesn't even wait for the bell, he goes right at Ace Eagles with a tackle and then a few mounted punches.
DING DING DING!!
JOEY STYLES: "And now the match is officially underway not that that matters for Waylon."
Waylon grabs Eagles by the hair and pulls him towards the corner of the ring. Waylon props Eagles up in a seated position...backs away to the opposite corner, makes a picture frame motion with his hands and then charges...
BRONCO BUSTER!!!
Waylon is thrusting his crotch into Eagles face for all it's worth.
JOEY STYLES: "Oho! How embarrassing for Ace Eagles! What a show, eh, Flynn?"
MARK FLYNN: "Sorry. I have to tell you this is simultaneously forcing me through a harrowing flashback to my teenage years wrestling in Borneo and also getting me oddly sexually aroused. This is hot stuff.”
JOEY STYLES: "…Both of the people in the ring are men, Mark.”
MARK FLYNN: "Yeah, one’s humping the other in the face for minutes while the other is helpless in front of a crowd several thousand people, both wearing tights while I’m in a full body cast. This sex crime is arousing to me and the weird part is their GENDER, Joseph. Maybe think before you talk, you homophobe bigot Puerto Rican piece of shit.”
JOEY STYLES: "…I’m… I’m not Puer-.”
MARK FLYNN: "Go drink a barrel of rum, Puerto Rico’s number one export, you alcoholic stereotyping Island Trash.”
After a few minutes, yes minutes of this Waylon finally falls backwards off of his opponent, completely winded from the ordeal.
Waylon is on his back breathing heavy, Eagles is in the corner, his head slumped over with a possible broken neck.
Waylon finally rolls over, stumbles over to Eagles and yanks him to his feet...
JOEY STYLES: “Powerbomb!!!”
With Eagles down Waylon kneels down next to him, he takes some beechnut tobacco out of his back pocket and puts a chew in his mouth. He then slowly pulls Eagles up to his feet. Eagle's opens his eyes only to have Waylon's dip spit hit him square in the face. Eagles grabs at his eyes trying to get the combination of saliva and tobacco out of his eyes but to no avail...
Waylon completes the move he calls Hillbilly Deluxe with a STUNNER!!!
He goes for the cover...
1...
2...
3!!
| "Last of The Real" by Stone Sour plays |
"Last of The Real" by Stone Sour begins it's first few plodding guitar chords. As the drums kick in, John Brown comes strutting from the back out onto the stage. He stands center stage for a moment, simply looking around the arena, with a sly smirk on his lips. He kneels down on the stage as the lights dim, leaving only a spotlight beaming down onto him, arms spread and head bowed. He pulls up onto one knee, raising his head, stroking his beard a few times before popping to his feet and beginning a light, but brisk walk to the ringside area. He largely ignores anything the crowd yells at him, nose stuck in the air, indicating he is above them. As he reaches ringside he finally pauses, outstretching his arms and yelling "Bow your fucking heads!" to the audience. He walks to the steel steps at the left side ring post and jumps up to the top step. He quickly climbs into the ring, between the top two types and climbs onto the closest turnbuckle. Arms outstretched again, he simply looks out at the audience with a mixed look of disgust for them and an air of arrogance about how much better he is than them. His pose on the second rope can't be described as anything less than looking messianic. He slowly lowers his arms and climbs down, before making his way to the farthest corner and leaning back, waiting.
| Do You Smell It by Jim Johnson plays |
John Brown
- vs -
The Rock
Standard One Fall
|
Music plays. The Rock enters.
John Brown grabs The Rock by the neck and locks it in. He runs up the turnbuckle and turns the hold into a swinging bulldog. Quickly back to his yet Brown brings The Rock up with him and a quick snap suplex.
JOEY STYLES: “The match hasn’t even started yet. The bell hasn’t rung and John Brown already begins a vicious assault!”
MARK FLYNN: "The Rock is a eight-time world champion. I’m sure he’s got this under control.”
JOEY STYLES: “Are you even watching this? The Rock is getting decimated! John Brown is putting a clinic on him, how can you think he’s in control?”
MARK FLYNN: "Honestly, Joseph? I’m kind of tuning out right now. I’m still kind of stuck on that vicious groin to mouth assault in the last match. I think it’s going to end up in my dreams tonight.”
JOEY STYLES: “You mean nightmares?”
MARK FLYNN: “I meant what I said.”
The Rock rolls out of the ring to avoid another move however the plan backfires as Brown leaps over the ropes and hits The Rock with a suicide dive. Both men are down having connected with the hard floor. The ref begins counting both men out...
1...
2...
3...
4...
Brown is the first man up. He grabs The Rock by the head and tosses him into the ring steps. The steps go flying as The Rock's shoulders crash into them.
5...
6...
Brown grabs the Rock by the head and slams it into the ring post not once but twice...
7...
8...
Brown now tosses The Rock back into the ring and slides back in himself ending the refs count.
John Brown walks around for a second, playing to the crowd, he does so long enough that The Rock is able to make it up to one knee only to get cracked with a high knee right to the side of the skull.
The Rock flops backwards into the center of the ring but Brown doesn't stop.
He brings The Rock back upto his feet...
ROCK BOTTOM!!!
JOEY STYLES: "By God it's a Rock Bottom for The Rock."
MARK FLYNN: "Wow. I stalked the XWF Champion while assuming the identity of an Italian DJ from the 90s to break his 20 match undefeated streak. And that still seems cold to me."
Brown doesn't even bother with a pin, instead opting to pick The Rock up by his neck... and just like that....
GOD IS DEAD!!! (GTS)
John Brown reaches down, pulls off The Rock's arm band and places it onto his left arm.
He then stands atop The Rock's body, kicks The Rock's arms in, grabs the arm band, yanks it off and tosses it into the crowd...
You know the rest...
PEOPLES ELBOW!!!
JOEY STYLES: "I…wow…."
MARK FLYNN: "The ring is officially an arctic wasteland. The medical team is waiting at ringside to treat The Rock for frostbite. After this match,there may not be enough daylight for John Brown may not be able to make it to the back. He may have to cut open The Rock and crawl inside of him for warmth."
JOEY STYLES: "I get it, Mark. This is cold stuff.”
MARK FLYNN: "Personal aside, were I able to feel anything from the waist down, this calculated planned, flawlessly executed humiliation of a former world champion might actually give me wood."
JOEY STYLES: "TMI, Mark. God damn it, TMI.”
John Brown places his boot ontop of The Rock's chest and the ref makes the count...
1...
2...
3!!!
John sits back on his knees beside Rocky, drawing in a deep breathe, as he recovers from the match. Before his music can even really begin, he calls for a microphone. He chuckles at the booing audience as the first free chords of his music dies down.
JOHN BROWN: Do you get it now? Do you understand what is going on now?
The crowd responds with more boos as John converts himself to the Indian-style sitting position he sat in the ring in last week.
JOHN BROWN: First of all, referee...get this piece of trash out of my ring.
The referee helps a still slightly unconscious Rock up, calling for more assistance as he aids him out of the ring. John watches with a grin, wiping the sweat from the top of his head, before returning his attention to the audience.
JOHN BROWN: That's much better. Now, for those of you who don't know...I am John Brown. I am the greatest professional wrestler walking this planet today. I say it, because I do what I did tonight. I come through those ropes, no matter my opponent, and I PROVE it. Whether it's Chris Acid, David Michaels, El Toro...Jon Plex, Kendall Sawyer, Brock Lesnar, Hollywood Hogan, or Dwayne. Whether it's XWF, XWA, CWA, GCW...it doesn't really matter. It never has, and it never will. I've told you all that your reckoning has arrived. I told you that this company would never be the same. What you saw tonight was only a prelude. There is more in store.
John runs a hand across the top of his head, feeling where his hair use to be. A light, scattered "El Toro" chant breaks out, acknowledging John's old tag team partner as a member of The Original Prankstaz.
JOHN BROWN: There is a storm on the horizon for XWF. Many of you will not take heed to my warning. I understand I'm falling upon deaf ears as I speak. I advise you to pay attention...fore once the storm gathers and begins...it will be too late. Do not fear, because I intend to lead those wise enough to follow me down the path of purity, where you will soon come to realize that we are the Gods hurling the lightening bolts from the heavens. The thunder clashes are the sound of our feet marching in unison. The rain is merely to wash away the filth and the sins of those left out in the cold. The strong wind, slowly twisting into a funnel cloud, soon to become a fierce tornado tearing through anything in it's path, is the force of our voices in unison chanting what you will undoubtedly hear for a long time to come, and hopefully come to realize: "I am better than you, because I am Straight Edge. I am better than you because I do not drink. I am better than you because I do not smoke. I am better than you because I do not do drugs. I am Straight Edge because I am better than you.
John Brown, just like last week, sits the microphone on the mat and exits the ring as "Last of The Real" by Stone Sour blasts throughout the arena.
| World Ablaze by Killswitch Engage plays |
Music plays and Tommy Gunn comes out. He makes a shooting gesture with his thumb, fore and middle fingers to various people in the crowd before getting in the ring.
Frodo walks down to the ring accompanied by his two kids, Joseph-Gordon, Katie and his manager Crack. As Frodo walks down he waves at the crowd as if he were royalty. Once in the ring he removes his hoodie, hands it to Katie and climbs the turnbuckles pumping the crowd up. If they seem unimpressed Katie just shoots them a smile, their hearts melt, and they cheer.
| World Ablaze by Killswitch Engage plays |
Music plays and Tommy Gunn comes out. He makes a shooting gesture with his thumb, fore and middle fingers to various people in the crowd before getting in the ring.
Frodo walks down to the ring accompanied by his two kids, Joseph-Gordon, Katie and his manager Crack. As Frodo walks down he waves at the crowd as if he were royalty. Once in the ring he removes his hoodie, hands it to Katie and climbs the turnbuckles pumping the crowd up. If they seem unimpressed Katie just shoots them a smile, their hearts melt, and they cheer.
JOEY STYLES: "A touching family display.”
MARK FLYNN: "Yup. Nothing better for a family than professional wrestling. Ask the Von Erichs. Or the Guerreros.”
JOEY STYLES: "All right.”
MARK FLYNN: “Or Jake the Snake’s daughter. Or blacklisted sore loser. Or the Kennedys.”
JOEY STYLES: "I think the aud-… The Kennedys?”
MARK FLYNN: “Yup. The assassin wasn’t Lee Harvey Oswald, it was Haystack Calhoun. Gave him a piledriver on top of the car. The official on the grassy knoll made the three count. The perfect assassination.”
Tommy Gunn
- vs -
Frodo Smackins
X-treme Hell In A Cell |
The demonic steel structure known as Hell in a Cell is lowered as Tommy Gunn and Frodo Smackins wait patiently inside. It's always an eerie feeling when you're watching it slowly lower itself over you. There are also weapons scattered around the ring to remind us that this is an X-Treme Rules contest. The weapons include several steel chairs and a table that's already been set up. Once the cage is in place the referee gives the signal and match is on!
JOEY STYLES: “Two incredibly talented XWF superstars taking it to each other here, Mark. And in an X-Treme Hell in a Cell match!”
MARK FLYNN: "Yup. A fully grown man named Tommy Gunn taking on a midget in a steel cage while his family watches outside. Something you can only see if you buy a ticket to an XWF event or have a connection to the internet and are into some really weird specific pornography.”
JOEY STYLES: “Actually, Frodo isn’t a midget. He’s 5 and a half feet tall.”
MARK FLYNN: “To-may-to. To-mah-to.”
Tommy approaches the center of the ring, expecting Frodo to do the same, but instead Frodo slides under the ropes and to the outside. Frodo then goes under the ring and pulls out a Staff of Gandalf. Okay, not the actual Gandalf staff but it's pretty fuckin' simiilar in size. Frodo walks back inside of the ring and does a wide swing with the staff in Tommy's direction, creating a gap between them.
Frodo keeps swinging it until he has Tommy cornered. Frodo then takes the staff and whacks Tommy in the crotch! Tommy tumbles through the ropes in pain as Frodo follows him to the outside. Frodo throws down the walking stick and begins to punch down on Tommy. Frodo then throws Tommy face-first into the cage wall. Frodo takes Tommy by the hair and rakes his face into the steel mesh. Frodo pulls Tommy up, gives him a uppercut, followed by a hip toss. Frodo stays in control with some more punches. He throws Tommy into the steps and goes under the ring for a second time. This time he pulls out... a sock full of butter because that's what Frodo likes to use apparently.
MARK FLYNN: "Yeah, all right. Fine.”
Frodo swings the sock of butter like a flail. He smacks Tommy in the face with it, and of course the sock of butter has no effect. Why would it? Frodo looks down at the sock like he can't believe that it didn't work. Tommy kicks Frodo in the chest and gives him a side slam. Tommy throws Frodo inside the ring. On the way in, Tommy comes across a trash can under the ring. Tommy dents the side of the trash can after smashing Frodo over the head with it. He then throws Frodo into the ropes and hits him with a side walk slam onto the trash can!
JOEY STYLES: “And the trash can is compacted!”
MARK FLYNN: "Watching little people get beat up is hilarious.”
JOEY STYLES: “True statement, Mark.”
MARK FLYNN: "And also, effective legal defense when accused of assault by a little person. Take that one home with you, Joseph.”
Tommy pins Frodo.
1...
2...
KICK OUT!!!
Tommy disposes of the flattened trash can which might as well be a cooking sheet at this point. Tommy climbs to the top rope. He jumps off to attack Frodo, but Frodo counters with an uppercut! Excellent move, and now Frodo with the pin.
1...
2...
KICK OUT!!!
Frodo picks up Tommy with a headlock, and punches him in the face. Frodo hops up on the second rope and hits Tommy with a knee drop followed by another pin attempt.
1...
2...
KICK OUT!!!
Frodo applies another headlock and this time drags Tommy to the outside. He throws Tommy into the steel steps, and Tommy slams knees-first into them. Frodo then hops onto the apron, climbs to the top rope, and flies at Tommy for a dragonrana, but Tommy catches Frodo and reverses the move into a powerbomb! Frodo looks dead now. Tommy slowly scoops up the dwarf and shoves him into the ring. Tommy crawls inside with his bad knees and pins Frodo.
1...
2...
DWARF FOOT ON THE ROPE!
JOEY STYLES: “That was close.”
MARK FLYNN: “Excellent ring awareness being exhibited by Frodo Smackins.”
JOEY STYLES: “HAH! You could say wrestlers of his caliber come in short su-.”
MARK FLYNN: “Just shut the fuck up, Joseph.”
Mounted punches now by Tommy on Frodo. Tommy throws Frodo into the corner and hits him with a corner splash, also known as the Target Locked. Frodo stumbles forward and Tommy goes to him with the Head Shot (Superman Punch), but Frodo ducks out of the way and drop kicks Tommy in the knee. Frodo climbs up to the second rope and waits for Tommy to recover. Frodo then flies off the second rope and hits Tommy with a spear! Pin by Frodo.
1...
2...
KICK OUT!!!
Frodo throws Tommy into the ropes. He attempts a calf kick, but Tommy catches his legs and swings him neck-first into the turnbuckle. Tommy then kicks Frodo out of the ring. Tommy positions himself on the apron and attempts a flying knee on Frodo, but Frodo side steps and Tommy crashes into cage. Frodo picks up a steel chair and hits Tommy in the knees with it. Frodo then nails Tommy with the Shayouken! (jumping uppercut) to knock Tommy out. Frodo pulls Tommy up to his feet and pushes him into the ring. Frodo pins Tommy.
1...
2...
KICK OUT!!
Frodo takes Tommy and spends the next minute or so setting him up on the top turnbuckle. This really tests Frodo's midget strength as he has to hoist that 250 pound man. Eventually he has himself and Tommy in position for the top rope choke slam, but Tommy has had enough time to recover and punches Frodo in the jaw. Tommy then slaps his hand around the throat of Frodo. Oh shit, is he gonna steal Frodo's finisher?! Tommy takes Frodo and CHOKESLAMS him off the top rope and to the outside where the table is still set up, AND FRODO CRASHES THROUGH THE TABLE!
Tommy descends from the top rope, limping from when Frodo attacked his knees. Tommy sorts through the rubble to find Frodo. He places Frodo inside of the ring and pins him.
JOEY STYLES: "Is Gunn going to beat Frodo with his own finisher?"
MARK FLYNN: "Yep. No way do you kick out of a chokeslam of the top rope through a table. Ballgame.”
1...
2...
KICK OUT by Frodo.
MARK FLYNN: "NO FUCKING WAY!”
JOEY STYLES: "HOW IN THE HELL DID FRODO KICK OUT OF THAT ONE?!?"
Gunn looks down at Frodo who is half conscious and decides enough is enough. He picks his opponent up, locks him in and lifts him up in the air....
Holding him there...
Still holding him there...
and down!!
THUMP!!!
Gunn whips Frodo down to the mat to complete the Killshot and now hooks the leg for the pin.
1...
2...
3!!
JOEY STYLES: "And a hard fought victory for Tommy Gunn. Frodo gave it everything he had but Gunn was just too much for him."
MARK FLYNN: "Frodo bit, scratched and clawed from beginning to end, though! Kicking out of everything he could! Very impressive showing.”
Tommy Gunn stands up and looks down at his fallen opponent, grabs Frodo by the back of the neck and pulls his face up off the mat, he then leans in...
TOMMY GUNN: "Tell your brother, that's two."
Gunn drops Frodo's head and walks off to the back.
JOEY STYLES: "And now it's time for the Main Event. Two members of the Heyman Alliance, current European Champion Kendall Sawyer will be teaming up with Vellore Brommer to take on Gilmour Classic and The Imperial Eroticon."
The Heyman Alliance theme song plays as Kendall Sawyer and Vellore Brommer accompanied by their manager Paul Heyman make their way to the ring.
Gilmour Classic's theme song plays as the man rumbles and tumbles his way down to the ring, the arena shaking as he does so. Being dragged behind him is Maria Brink, lead singer of In This Moment, she appears to be chained up like a dog being yanked down the aisle by Gilmour Classic with his manager OOC giggling like a school girl as he follows the couple and of course lagging behind all of them is Jennifer Johnson, some tranny they found on the street.
JOEY STYLES: "Next week we will all get to witness the marriage of Gilmour Classic and Maria Brink, right here on Monday Night Madness."
MARK FLYNN: "Wait, sorry. Who is Jennifer Johnson?”
JOEY STYLES: "Just some tranny they found on the street."
MARK FLYNN: "Ah. Dumb question, I suppose."
As Jason Derulo's Fight For You plays, The Imperial Eroticon gracefully makes his way down to the ring, ready to do battle.
MAIN EVENT
≡The Imperial Erotican≡ & Gilmour Classic
- vs -
The Heyman Alliance
Kendall Sawyer & Vellore Brommer
Standard Tag Team Match |
JOEY STYLES: "And now it's time for the main event, a week after facing each other Gilmour Classic and ≡The Imperial Erotican≡ will team up to take on two members of the Heyman Alliance. Vellore Brommer and current European Champion Kendall Sawyer."
MARK FLYNN: "The last time Gilmour Classic and Erotican were in the ring together, Erotican was physically devoured by a bear. I can tell you that will have a huge effect on their psychology as a team tonight.”
The bell rings and both Gilmour and Sawyer initially stare back at each other without any response. Sawyer seems a bit more determined and makes the initial contact by delivering a few left hand punches near the face of Gilmour. Classic Gilmour takes a few and seems stunned just long enough for Sawyer to land a DDT that slams Gilmour's head into the mat..
SMACK!!!
Great move by the current European Champion Kendall Sawyer. However Gilmour gets up immediately and seems a bit stunned to expect such force from a woman.
JOEY STYLES: “Looks like Sawyer has been hitting the weights. I bet that muscle bound dickhead Tommy Gunn has been helping her like he did at the Royale.”
MARK FLYNN: "That may be so, but Gilmour has a head like a cave. Hollow and invincible. If he’s been maintaining his steady of diet of cookie dough and Elmer’s Glue he kept up back in 2013 at the peak of his career, I guarantee that his head is exactly the wrong place to attack. A DDT is a direct command for the brain to shut down from an outside party but it can’t work if the brain in question is too fucking stupid to comprehend English.”
Sawyer goes back to work on Gilmour hitting the beefy buffoon with a knife edge chop and then a low blow followed by a clothesline. With Gilmour on his back Sawyer follows with a series of elbow and kneed drops to Gilmour’s face.
Sawyer moves in for a cover…
1…
2…
BROKEN UP my Eroticon, who dropped an elbow to the back of Sawyer’s head.
Brommer jumps into the ring but the ref get’s in his way and orders him back out of the ring. With his back turned Eroticon grabs Sawyer by the hair and tosses her into the corner.
The Imperial Eroticon smashes her in the face haymaker punch .
Brommer is screaming at the ref and pointing to what is going on behind him, Even Heyman is getting in on the action, yelling at the ref.
With Sawyer still in the corner, a bit wobbly from the punch to the face Eroticon wastes no time with a barrage of moves. He’ s now got Sawyer locked up with a hold, keeping him from attacking Gilmour, who is just now starting to stir.
JOEY STYLES: “The team of Gilmour and Erotican successfully isolating Kendall Sawyer.”
MARK FLYNN: "Yup, I’d say Sawyer’s best chance at this point would be making it back to her corner for the tag, perhaps distracting Gilmour by having him chase a flashlight beam or jingling a set of keys at him.”
Broomer is finally out of the ring and the ref turns around. He seems what is going on and quickly makes his way over to Eroticon and demands that he get out of the ring, but by this time Gilmour has risen to his feet. He's now taken the upper hand by irish whipping Sawyer into the opposite ropes and leveraging himself with momentum against the ropes on the other side, soars into Sawyer's face with a vicious flying elbow to the face!!
Sawyer is immediately knocked out by the move and falls back to the mat.
Gilmour with the cover...
1...
2...
KICKOUT BY SAWYER...
JOEY STYLES: “Impressive kick out by Sawyer there, I honestly thought she was completely out but somehow she seems to have gotten a second wind.”
Sawyer get’s to her feet ahead of Gilmour, and she goes on the offensive again.
Brommer is pounding on the top turnbuckle, itching to get into the match.
Sawyer delivers a few chops across the chest, a head butt, and then goes for a Hurricanrana but Gilmour counters and turns the move into a massive powerbomb!!
JOEY STYLES: “Hell of a counter there by Gilmour Classic!”
Gilmour falls to one knee due to fatigue. He reaches out…
MARK FLYNN: “Gilmour exhausted after three and a half minutes of strenuous exercise. A new personal record, I imagine.”
Still reaching for the tag...
Reaching.....
MARK FLYNN: “The anticipation is killing me.”
Gilmour’s hand barely makes contact with his partner but it’s enough and Eroticon and sprints into the ring. Sawyer sees him coming but is still unable to avoid it…
CLOTHESLINE!!
And Sawyer is back down to the mat.
Gilmour crawls back outside the mat as Eroticon now takes the upper hand on Sawyer...
JOEY STYLES: “Brommer is still yelling for a tag, Heyman is starting to look nervous.”
Sawyer gets to her feet but falls victim to a devastating spinning roundhouse kick from Eroticon, who then proceeds to lift her back up and sets her up for a spinning back breaker...
The cover...
1...
2..
ANOTHER KICKOUT BY SAWYER!!!
JOEY STYLES: “Sawyer digs deep and finds a way to stay alive in this match.”
MARK FLYNN: “Sawyer showing the world she didn’t become European Champion by accident. But she needs to make it back to her corner if she wants the W tonight.”
Sawyer is not giving up here and now she seems to have gained some strength, she picks himself up at the same time as Eroticon, she ducks a punch and lands a standing dropkick that sends Eroticon flinging back to the corner, giving Sawyer the opening she needs.
Sawyer leaps at Brommer, slapping hands with her partner.
Gilmour slaps Eroticon on the back and climbs back into the ring.
Gilmour and Brommer now come running at each other in the ring, Brommer delivers a few right hands that seem to have little to no effect on Gilmour. Gilmour side steps Brommer and grabs him from the side, he lands in the middle of the ring after a devastating Russian leg sweep…
Gilmour runs to the ropes, bounces off goes then lands a leg drop right onto Brommer’ face. Gilmour is now setting himself up for an even bigger move as he taunts Brommer. Brommer reaches up and kicks Gilmour in the crotch and then kips up.
JOEY STYLES: “Lot of crotch kicks tonight...”
MARK FLYNN: “Maybe the XWF is training their developmental superstars with Women’s Self-Defense courses.“
Brommer takes out Gilmour with a single leg take down. He manages to get the rotund Gilmour up to his feet and tosses him to the corner. Brommer delivers a kick to the side of Gilmour’s and then pulls him down with a Guard Pull. With Brommer on his back he locks Gilmour into a triangle chock hold.
Brommer has him locked in and locked in good.
JOEY STYLES: “Brommer going for the choke out…”
MARK FLYNN: “A great strategy against anyone who isn’t Gilmour. He’s too comfortable not getting enough oxygen to the brain. He came out of the womb not getting enough oxygen to the brain. If anything, this may be the environment he thrives in.”
The ref is checking Gilmour’s arm…
Gilmour is now starting to lose steam…
He goes down to one knee…
The ref checks his arm again…
Still stays up.
Gilmour somehow manages to power through it…
POWERBOMB!!!
AND ANOTHER!!!
AND ANOTHER!!!
JOEY STYLES: “Where does Gilmour get the strength?!?”
MARK FLYNN: “He must think Brommer stole his Play-Doh. GILMOUR HUNGRY! GILMOUR WANT SNACK BACK!”
Gilmour flops on top of Brommer for an inadvertent cover…
1…
2…
3!!!
| Winner - Gilmour Classic and ≡The Imperial Erotican≡ |
Suddenly and without warning, as all 4 competitors are making their way to the back Ozymandias appears on the screen again.
OZYMANDIAS: "Ladies and Gentlemen, before we end tonight's broadcast I want to fill you in on some changes to next week's main event. Originally next week's Main Event was to be a Fatal Four Way, involving the current nWo World Champion Hollywood Hogan, John Samuels, Jon Plex and Kendall Sawyer. However in a moment of genius I have decided to add a 5th participant to the event...and that person is the current United States Champion Azrael Erebus."
The fans start going insane, three champions in one match.
OZYMANDIAS: "But that's not all. This match will see the end of the European and United State's titles, Kendall Sawyer and Azrael Erebus will go down in the history books as the last people to ever hold those titles as they will be merged with the current XWF World Title. Five people will enter, 3 championship belts will be brought to the ring, only one will leave. Whoever scores the pin fall next week will be the new XWF World Champion. Ladies and Gentlemen, next week is going to be an historic..."
The X-Tron flickers to nothing but static. A few seconds later, a voice is heard...
Voice:
Uh oh, I think I broke it. Ozy is going to be so angry with me.
The X-Tron turns off as a man walks out from the back. He's wearing a nice dark blue suit and a nice Halloween mask over his head that resembles Charlie Sheen.
Voice:
My name is Charlie Sheen.
The fans seem confused as this man is clearly wearing a rubber mask.
Voice:
Just kidding. That was my attempt at a joke, you know, to break the ice and all. Allow me to introduce myself to you!
He holds his hand out like he's announcing something exciting and raises his pitch.
Voice:
My name is Faceless!
Some of the fans laugh... They remember years ago when "Faceless" was in the XWF and was revealed to be Shane
under the mask. Wait a minute... what's this guy implying exactly? He laughs and shakes his head...
Faceless:
I know, I know... some of you remember way back when there was a Faceless and he turned out to be . Well, guess what? It's true this time around too! I'm Shane !
The fans don't know what to make of this situation. Could this man be telling the truth?
Shane?:
I'd also like to bring to everyone's attention a small piece of the puzzle that makes up what we'll call the XWF ownership contracts. Basically, there are documents that state if the XWF gets to a point where it seems that the current ownership isn't delivering, then SHANE automatically assumes complete control of the company! This clause was actually how Jonathyn Brown was finally removed from power a few years ago; he had lost control of his company and Shane assumed control. How that clause got into the contracts is none of your concern, but what IS of your concern is that I'M BACK and ready to do it all over again.
A low murmur among the fans as they still don't know what the hell's going on here.
Shane?:
That's right! The XWF is in need of another era to save it. Tell me... Can anybody even tell me who really owns the XWF right now? Can anybody tell me who's been making the decisions that need to be made? That answer is simple - NOBODY. This company has turned into a bigger mess than Peter Gilmour's backside after a complimentary night at the Big Parm Shack on Main Street! It's disgusting! So, upon seeing all of this continue to get worse, I have decided to come back from the dead. What's under this mask isn't exactly a pretty sight so you're going to just have to trust me when I say I'm Shane ...
...and I am... the owner AND administrator of the XWF. I noticed that there's currently an unclaimed spot within the company that actually is called "Administrator" so I'm going to take that and make sure there's no confusion in the future. We don't need another "Administrator versus " fed wide struggle for power... No we don't! I will run it all!
Oh, and as for the nWo and Hogan, all I can say is... SUCK MY DICK!
Many of the fans laugh their asses off at that and a small "suck my dick" chant erupts. Where's Gilly when you need him?!?
Shane?:
So with all that out of the way I am going to specifically address this big World title match Ozymandias was in the process of telling you all about. He's right! The US and European titles are being officially retired as their respective holders enter the match for the XWF World Championship! European Champion Kindle Soybean and United States Champion Asparagus Amongus can take those title belts home and hang them up over their fire places because they're theirs to keep. Congratulations! What Ozy DIDN'T tell you all is that there's been a small... well... upgrade made to this match.
The fans start to make some commotion. What's "Shane" talking about?
Shane?:
The nWo World Title was something that I think was brilliant and I commend the nWo for thinking of bringing it into the XWF... but the XWF hasn't had a World title in many years. The XWF simply doesn't NEED a World title...
The fans quiet down and listen as "Shane" waits a few seconds.
Shane?:
That's right! We're going to see five people enter that match and only ONE of them walk out a champion!
And that Champion will be the Champion of Champions...
THE XWF UNIVERSAL CHAMPION!
The fans explode at the mention of the highest ranking championship in all of XWF history making its long anticipated return! "Shane" might be smiling under the Sheen mask as he nods, just listening to the HOLY SHIT chants that are breaking out. He lets the fans quiet down a little before continuing...
Shane?:
The long time fans of XWF are going to see the return of "The Uni Title" as it's often been called by the XWF elite. Even during the time when the XWF had its own World Championship, the Universal Championship was above it! No title in the XWF has been more sought after and has more history behind it. The lengths men AND WOMEN will go to in order to procure this championship are unlike anything the XWF roster of today has heard of. For those who are new to what the Universal Championship stands for and what it demands... get ready for a rude awakening!
"Shane" starts to gyrate his hips like he's Ravishing Rick Rude! The fans for some odd reason ARE LOVING IT!
Shane?:
So get ready everyone, and especially the five of you who are entering the match for the Universal title! The person that walks out with that championship is going to instantly become the biggest target that the XWF has seen in half a decade. With the severe reduction in singles titles after the US and Euro belts are retired, ALL EYES from all shows will be on this top champion and he or she WILL be expected to fend off all comers! Get ready for a new era in the XWF! Not only will the world be watching, but the entire UNIVERSE will be!!!!
"Shane" drops the mic and takes a bow as he receives a massive ovation. Whether or not this is the real Shane
under that Charlie Sheen mask, we just don't know... but what we DO know is that he just took control over the entire company and changed our entire course in less than five minutes. What will happen when ONE CHAMPION walks out as the Universal Champion? With two less titles available to singles wrestlers, how much hell will this new champion have to endure? Business is about to pick up!
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