http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=27188

My comeback RP, constructive feedback wanted, please be kind, I'm a rusty trombone.

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Dude, this is great. Very well done I must say. Dat cliffhanger dough. Well done, in my opinion, an RP of the month candidate. Welcome BACK!

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I wanted to see more promo. But I really enjoyed it- glad you're back.

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4x Star Of The Month
August '24(As Misty Waters), August ‘21, May ‘17, October ‘16

3x RP Of The Month
What light through sonder... my perception breaks.
Tranquility: For Old Times Sake
Manifest Victory

Thanks guys, means a lot. Sorry Dolly, there'll me more where that came from.

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1x Briefcase Holder
1x Television Champion
1x Universal Champion

The story building is great, I think it's a great return promo considering I know nothing about your character. Gave me a little insight into his history.

I'm not sure how your character used to be, so do forgive me if I jump to assumptions, but I've realised a lot of the guys here have little quirks that make their character dialogue unique. Be it the curse words they use, the sentence structure etc, I feel like the dialogue coming out of Davids was a little generic, nothing there popped out and hit me you know?

But I mean, that's me trying hard and digging deep to find something to critique. I had a lot of fun reading through it, some incredible work there, welcome back.

(04-13-2017, 10:52 AM)DannyImperial Said: The story building is great, I think it's a great return promo considering I know nothing about your character. Gave me a little insight into his history.

I'm not sure how your character used to be, so do forgive me if I jump to assumptions, but I've realised a lot of the guys here have little quirks that make their character dialogue unique. Be it the curse words they use, the sentence structure etc, I feel like the dialogue coming out of Davids was a little generic, nothing there popped out and hit me you know?

But I mean, that's me trying hard and digging deep to find something to critique. I had a lot of fun reading through it, some incredible work there, welcome back.

I think this is great feedback for ANY roleplayer. Something that really follows through on the writing concept of 'show, don't tell.' You can get a lot across with a character just by the way he speaks or behaves, which allows you to not have to just spell it out in exposition, which can bog down and take up space.

Something to keep in mind for everyone.

This was a great return RP man. I really missed the Davids character but there was one thing missing from it.

Where was all the gay sex?

I remember in your older rps Davids used to take dicks two and three at a time.

Dicks errwhere.

#MakeDavidsGayAgain

(04-13-2017, 10:52 AM)DannyImperial Said: The story building is great, I think it's a great return promo considering I know nothing about your character. Gave me a little insight into his history.

I'm not sure how your character used to be, so do forgive me if I jump to assumptions, but I've realised a lot of the guys here have little quirks that make their character dialogue unique. Be it the curse words they use, the sentence structure etc, I feel like the dialogue coming out of Davids was a little generic, nothing there popped out and hit me you know?

But I mean, that's me trying hard and digging deep to find something to critique. I had a lot of fun reading through it, some incredible work there, welcome back.

Thanks Danny, I'll take that on board. I guess I take for granted that people will assume Davids is a husky talking Brit and that doesn't come across enough in my writing. I'll work on it.

Thanks everyone for the feedback, it's much appreciated.

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What about my feedback? I feel like mine was extremely insightful and really hit the nail on the head.

(04-13-2017, 01:54 PM)Tommy Gunn Said: What about my feedback? I feel like mine was extremely insightful and really hit the nail on the head.

Uh yeah cheers

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Lets get a beer. And by a beer I mean several. You're buying.