http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=22872 -- Diary Entry #1: Give In.

this is a thread i've put together to seek feedback so i'll know if i'm moving in the right direction. the first rp is one i made as a C.D. piece, and i'd like to know what everyone/someone/anyone thinks. thank ya kindly.

thank ya hun! ^_^ it just came to me, so I thought i'd run with it. I've done it before with one of my female characters, and it garnered some feedback, so I decided to re-post this one so it would be open to reactions. i'm glad to share debuts with you, we both came here around the same time. if we do get that match together I know we'll burn the house down. peace, darlin'. ^.^

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=23004

I wrote this as an rp for Madness but didn't get it in on time. It's Diary Entry #2... if ya like it, lemme know. Peace.

I'm new around here so take that for what it's worth.

Reads like a solid promo to me, nothing ground breaking but solid.

Silly little thing, and I didn't read your first diary promo you posted here, But if you're writing in a 'diary' why refer directly to your opponents. The diary idea is a cool idea but here it doesn't really add anything. Feels like you put a (solid) promo in between Dear Diary and Sincerely Yours.

Again that's a small thing and it doesn't hurt the promo, it just doesn't help it either. I'd just encourage you that if you're going to use the diary format take advantage of it. Your promos would stand out if they read like an actual diary entry if that makes sense.

It could be a fun way to do character development but I'm not sure how it works for a promo leading up to a match. I'm sure you could make it work but it kind of leaves your opponent in an odd place. Are they replying to a diary entry? Did they read your personal diary? Are you sending pages to the production team to post? is it vlog?

Those sort of technical things have never bothered me. If i was replying I'd just ignore the dear diary bit and take it for what it is...a promo. But some people may get hung up on that.

To: The Real McCoy [thought that might be a cool nickname for a banner or something. :^P ]

Thank you man, I didn't quite get what you meant at first, but I know what you mean now. In other words, don't talk like I'm talking directly to them since it's a diary... I lke the 'v-log' thing, so I'll go ahead and treat them as an online journal from now on. Ophelia also has a real diary which he writes in, but that's only for storyline, non-match purposes. He's a writer, so I'm sure he wouldn't have a problem seperating the two. Thanks for the advice bro, I sincerely appreciate it, and it'll help tremendously. Peace.

Who is your inspiration you base your promos on? The whole goth thing works, but I feel its too one dimensional. Add maybe a few more character flaws, and some off the wall quirks to really make Ophelia pop. It's tough being new, but as you progress, so should Ophelia. But other than that....good work.

I like your work man, just one thing though, one piece of advice is don't use the same color text for everyone as in, give a different color text for different characters speech ad use a different color for your narrative,don't make everything grey, makes it confusing sometimes picking out whats narrative, whats speech and who it is that speaking, if you use color codes it makes your RPs alot easier to digest.


Oh slightly off topic but just giving you a friendly heads up, the word limit for shove it is 2000 words, anything after that gets cut off, your RP for shove it was like 2600 words, which means the last 600 words of your RP ( which was pretty much your entire email to Alexis) is going to get cut off and voided, if you post another RP just make sure its 2000 words or less to avoid costing yourself points man, other then that keep it up!

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Yeah, check and see if it acceptable to cut that end piece off and repost as part of another RP or something. I'd hate for your work to go to waste.

Thanks guys. I do understand the word count thing, I'm gonna try and keep it under 2000 from now on, I just love to write and get carried away. >__< But, as far as dialogue, I know I haven't always kept true to it [sometimes I use quotation marks], but from now on, I'm gonna keep all dialogue in this format;

Person1: blah blah blah
Person2: yadda yadda

And Equinox, as you may be able to tell with my latest [Diary/Reboot], I had the final bit show the chemistry/relationship between Alice and Ophelia. I know the goth thing's been done to death since the beginning of e-fedding practically, but I do intend on seperating O.M., as his main characteristic is Vice and playing the devil's advocate, ala Sean O'Haire. So there's that.

But again, thank you all for the kind words and advice... I know most of you have a pretty good idea of who I am, but I want to try this character for a bit, as my main had kinda started to get on people's nerves .-. Anywayz, any more feedback like Trax, Lane and E. gave would be seriously appreciated, and Trax, best of luck in our match bro. Peace.