For pretty much the entirety of 2021, behind the scenes the heads have been putting out fires due to parts of my past. Parts I'm not real proud of. That past has had repercussions for this fed, those in it, and those that run it. I've been silent publicly about it all for a long time and I think now is as good a time as any to break that silence and publicly take ownership of things people might hear and have heard.

Five years ago, as I was transitioning from Sebastian Duke to Thaddeus, I wrote some things meant to come across as more hardcore or edgy. Pushing the envelope I guess. In retrospect, it was just fucking disgusting. Most of you are already aware of all of this but I want to make it known those things are not representative of me as a writer or more importantly, as a man. Everytime I am reminded of that stuff it embarrasses me. And it should. Disgusting, disturbing, insert adjective.

A couple years ago, I was pretty angry at Theo and Vinnie for awhile and said some petty shit, running down their character as people, and their integrity as judges/fedheads. To this day, I don't know why I felt so angry with them. Misplaced anger, perhaps... masking anger I had in my real life. Even then, even if that was the case, it isn't an excuse.

During that same period I tried to steal some talent from here for another fed. While I didn't think of of it as 'poaching', because I never asked anyone to come with me to that fed 'instead of' XWF, poaching is exactly what it was. I've at times been nasty to some people in the Discord and in private conversations and used some terminology I'm not real proud of when it comes to the two of them and even Page, who has since become a damn good friend which makes me feel even worse about it. As fate would have it, not long after Page and I hit it off this go 'round, I owned up to things I said about him TO him before any of this stuff got started. I judged him unfairly based on past animosities.

While I firmly believe my mental state at the time played a big role in some things that were going on, I'm not going to blame any of this stuff on that. I did the things I did, I said the things I said. While I regret all of it, I also own all of it. This fed is full of good people for forgiving the bad parts of me and accepting the good. I'm no saint. I don't pretend to be one. I know that some of the things I wrote and said may give people pause or the impression that I am a pedophile but that could not be further from the truth. I made mistakes yes. I said and wrote things I shouldn't have yes. But I am not, nor have I ever been a pedophile.

Vinnie and I have crossed these bridges and bygones are bygones, but the disruptions that have come as a result of this stuff affects all of you and I apologize for all of it.

I'm fully aware of the piece of shit I was being a couple years ago. I'm not proud of it in the slightest. Not one bit. Again, that shit isn't a representative of who I am as a man and I've regretted it. My main goal when I came back here last summer was to 'right the ship' so to speak. To again become an esteemed member of this community that we all love. If anyone ever feels like I'm not living up to that, please reach out to me.

To those I hurt and/or disappointed by my past transgressions, I fully 100% apologize for all of it and accept responsibility for my own actions. Especially to Vinny and Theo who are continuously trying to put out fires that most of us never see: I'm sorry you have to deal with that because for whatever reason, I chose to be an asshole.

To the XWF community: I'm sorry my past actions hurt this community and continue to today.