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**Vincent Lane** · **08-26-2017, 04:53 AM**

Battle Thread!

Deadline is Wednesday night, 8/30/17, at 11:59 pm board time!

As the MAIN EVENT of this house show and as it is for the Federweight Title, posts will be allowed up to 500 words!

Kris Cruze · (08-28-2017)

You know, I had a few different approaches to this, but I couldn't bridge the gap between them. Much like your incestuous dna couldn't bridge the gap between your front teeth. God's Gift doesn't have time for the likes of you, Calypso. Your backwoods, balding, bastardized style is no match for KC.

That's short for Kris Cruze.

A name you'll never forget by the time we're done here. Like I told Greg the fucboi from Grindr when he arrived to my hotel room.

“I'm gonna come hard, and you won't be able to handle it.”

But I figure you're used to that treatment, right? At first glance it looks like somebody rode you hard and put you away wet.

Though that is an insult to me and every gay man in America.

I watched you walk over Kruzer, but that's not exactly a bragging point. I mean, that dude got plastic surgery to look like Chris Chaos. At first I thought he'd win the award for being ugly as sin, but then you strolled back in here looking like goddamn Captain Short Bus.

With a God-like record of 1-99, I can't say I've got much to work with in terms of fear.

I mean, your crowning achievement is beating Ghost Tank.
That's like being the smartest kid with down syndrome.

So I'll go ahead and let you lay that title at my feet, you won't be the first man on your knees in front of me, and you won't be the last.

So sit back and watch KC steal the show here in the XWF, much like he's done everywhere else.

God's Gift has arrived, and just in time to wreck your rectum in the most pleasurable way.

The Blue Tango · (08-28-2017)

Playing the game around here seems like the same level over and over again. You ever get that feeling? It can be like a skipping CD or a broken record. Calypso, the five-time and current XWF Federweight Champ, walks into the scene and everyone attacks the same things over and over again. My shoes. My hats. My weight. My hair, or the lack of. My teeth. What is this? A damn beauty pagent? A best dressed competition? I know I'm not the prettiest color in the gay little rainbow your riding, KC, but get with the program, bruh. I mean, I know I'm the best dressed around here, so that ain't no thang, but seriously, dude-o.... Don't follow the fad set by the community of insecure closet dwellers that you've recently broken away from. It's... just gay. Can I ask you something? Who did you come out to? Some chunky piece of meat you met at a night club on night? Your best friend? You see your mum naked when you were young, maybe? Too many showers with dad? Maybe you're like a lot of them and just decided you wanted a label and started tucking back your package? I'm no homo-phobe or anything like that, I'm just curious because you seem to be using your sexuality as one of your strengths. I knew of one other guy to do that and he's no longer with us. He was a closet dweller, too. In fact, that's where I first met the guy in one of the most horrid experiences in my entire life. My entire loft is carpeted now, including kitchen and lav, because I still can't look at a broom right.

What you should do, bruh, is look a little closer at those accolades you've so unkindly shit all over. First of all, do YOU have a win? I know what Calypso has done here doesn't exactly pose the greatest threat of all time, I mean, I've scared a few neighbor's kids at their birthday party before... Not sure why... But I'm not out here to strike fear into the hearts of my competition. As the five-time Federweight Champion, it doesn't appear that I really have to. What you might want to be scared of is talking about this crap and losing in the end. That would back-up all that "smack" you've been spewing, huh dude? Secondly, have YOU beaten Ghost Tank? In a meat-hook match (GT's doman), mind you? Whether you think it's an achievement or not, your opinion matters nyuh. Until you beat ANYBODY, I think you should check thyself before thy wrecks itself.

Next time, do something a little better than picking up all the guns of my fallen foes. They shot blanks then and they're shooting them now. It's time to go to the gun store and spend a little money for your effort. You silly goose.

Kris Cruze · (08-29-2017)

Well, that ignorance ridden response was pretty much what I had expected from someone less talented than Ringo Starr.

First of all, of course I weighed in on all the obvious shortcomings you cunty little shit, why wouldn’t I? I knew damn well if I came out here and I just threw a few grade school insults your way you’d feel compelled to defend yourself.

Oh hey, look at that, you did just what I had anticipated. Except, you actually did it more poorly than I originally anticipated. KC gave you a little more credit Mr. Five Time, but you showed up, showed out, and cemented the fact that God’s Gift is the better man.

It’s not about your looks, not in the grand scheme of things. But for God sakes man, have a little respect for yourself. Take a shower, brush your tooth, whatever you need to do wash off the stench of Pabst Blue Ribbon and failure.

Oh no, what have you done, Calypso?!

You’ve insulted my openly admitted sexual orientation, how could you?!

Please.

Do you really think you’d have shook by calling me gay?

You silly

, I’m the gayest fucking guy at the pride parade, and fucking proud of it. You wanna talk about the game being the same, that I’m the broken record? Do you know many unintelligent, closed minded, Trump supporters like yourself have tried to chastise me for being gay?

Millions.

Psst, Calypso, your hypocrite is showing.

You’re curious as to where I came out, whether it was some club or family, friends, what have you? Well the answer is simple, Calypso.

I was never in.

From puberty I knew that for my time on this beautiful planet, I wanted my mouth, my ass, and my hands to be filled with so many dicks that if they all thrusted in succession it would cause a tidal wave so large it would wipe out the western part of the United States.

You’re goddamn right I use my sexuality as a strength. If you looked this fuckin’ good, wouldn’t you? It’s made me money beyond my wildest dreams, it’s given me pleasure beyond my wildest dreams, and it has given me everything that you will never have.

You asked KC if he has a win in the XWF, and I’ll give you credit, you’re right. I do not yet have a win, and that’s fine.

The sad part is, Calypso, I don’t need to have a win here to already be the obvious successor to your title. You went on and on about beating Ghost Tank once again like it was an accomplishment. I mean, I beat Chasm for the Heavy Metalweight Title, and you don’t see me bragging.

Because he’s a goddamn Canadian cuck who would just love to see me split your asshole while he watched and beat his dick like it owed him money.

Looks to me like you’re the one shooting blanks while I’m firing off rockets.

Bitch.

Ciao!

The Blue Tango · (08-29-2017)

No, no, no, no, no! Calypso wasn't bashing the gays! He loves ALL people and has lots, LOTS of gay friends, dude! Black ones-- I mean, African American ones too! Even gay bl---- African American friends! I swear! Chill bruh! I mean, they're no walking Gay Pride Movement like you are or anything, but they're proud of their heritage and Calypso is proud to be their friend.

I will give you people credit though. I've never met a tougher person than one that can take a dick in their ass. That has to take some real inner strength for sure. Pain tolerance too. I mean, yeah, you probably love it... But that thing wasn't always a meat market.... And with your confidence and out-goingness I figured you'd be the broom in the bedroom.... I guess not.

Now, you yell at Calypso for the supposed gay bash, but you went ahead and did some stereo-typing yourself didn't ya, dude? Pabst Blue Ribbon? I don't even know what the fuck that is. Do I look like I live in a trailer park to you? I live in mid city New York, New York in a VERY immaculate apartment. Rachel Rae lived three floors up from where I live. It was before I moved in, but dude, you think that bitch would settle for some shit hole? You people have no idea about Calypso, do you? It's always the same things. Look! This shirt is a Saint Laurent. $450 dollars. These slacks? Givenchy track pants, $1095. I'm not even going to get started on my fedoras, dude. To see a gap in a bro's tooth and assume he's a meth addict or whatever is pretty damn shallow, if you ask me. I tried a retainer but it didn't work, okay?

Okay, you basically said I was feeding out of your hand there so let's start something new. You're God's Gift, huh? God's? Dude if that guy wanted to end the world he'd hit it with a comet not send you. Sending a plague to end procreation would be a decent and smiting tactic, but I think when he decides he's had enough that'll be it. Didn't the church, well... some of them... just accept gay marriage a few years ago anyway? Before that they hit you with stones and didn't let you in the military. Hell, some dudes hung you AND stoned you. Some still do! And they still don't want you in the Army. People must take that blasphemy thing pretty damn seriously.

You know what I'm taking seriously? THIS. My Federweight Title. My chance to shine once again and slap the taste of a thousand cocks out of your mouth. The Federweight Championship has never had a more dominant keeper than Calypso, bruh, and it's staying right where it belongs. The Universal Champion couldn't even keep up with the dance, dude. What makes you think YOU can? Cha! Cha! Cha!

Kris Cruze · (08-29-2017)

Oh Christ, you again? I thought I laid you to rest earlier, but I guess you broke out the Hulkamania Startup Kit and stepped up once more.

Well..

Alright..

I don’t give a shit if you’re bashing gays you ignorant fuck. I bash my people because they are frilly little fruits who can’t take a dick like a real man.

I made a specific point to say that many like yourself have tried to chastise ME for being gay, not the general gay population. I couldn’t give two fucks about the populus, I’m just in it for the hard dick, bro. I’ve done told you how proud I am, so your opinion, whether it be positive or negative has no effect on KC.

I’m gonna have to be honest with you, dude. You’re fucking setting my Gaydar off hardcore. Are you in the market for some dick, because I’m all about fucking you lifeless. If you’re skeptical, go back and visit our previous exchanges, they are exactly that. The process of stealing your life, because I am un-fucking-touchable.

The fact that you continued to advocate for the gay community when I’ve already said I don’t give a fuck, speaks volumes to your hetero status.

That was sarcasm,

.

Inner strength isn’t evolved from getting fucked in the ass. If it were you’d definitely be leaps and bounds above me right now, but the fact of the matter is you are not.

Pain?

Oh wait, you mean the pain of me hurting your feelings cause I was stereotypical towards you?

Well dude, when the dick fits, you suck it, you know?

Yes, of course you look like you live in a trailer park. You look like you are the product of a brother dad relationship. I don’t give a shit where you live now, the fact of the matter is, your DNA is more inbred than if I stuck you between two pieces of bread, bitch.

Oh no, now he’s listing his clothing selection.

Am I supposed to be impressed because you spend your welfare check on nice clothing? Fuck no. I’d be impressed if you’d fix that fucking gap in you teeth..

Oh..

You tried that?

Hmmm..

I’m sorry to hear that.

Except..

I’m not, because fuck you, that’s why.

That shit looks like a runway for dicks. Through the gap, on the tongue runway, and into the fucking stomach hanger.

Yeah motherfucker, God’s Gift. AKA Double G.

He sent me to rid the world of white trash like yourself, to make way for beautiful men that I can actually want to fuck unlike you.

Oh so now all of a sudden you’re taking this seriously? Get the fuck outta here with that shit. You’ve been going 100% since the first time we spoke, you’re just looking for a little self reassurance. Well, remember that KC AKA Double G got game like Milton Bradley and ain’t no stopping this shit right here, nigga!

The Blue Tango · **08-29-2017, 06:24 PM**

You're on a roll now aren't you KC? Good lawd, bruh. What part of all this made you think I just now started tuning in? If Calypso takes anything in the world seriously it's fine-tailored clothes, a gluten-free lifestyle, AND the Federweight Title. You think I was pulling punches? Sorry it seemed that way, KC-bruh, but Calypso always likes to tip toe then go out with a bang, ya know? I like to feel out and enjoy my new dance partner as much as possible. Which reminds me, for being the instructor ahead of the Gay Marching Band, you have like no rhythm dude. Stutter steps, tripping on my toes, running into Calypso... You're about as graceful as as a drunk ballerina.

If the dick fits, suck it? That's how you should start ending your promos, KC, it's so good. That's your "Nevermore" or, better yet, your "Suck my dick!" Your so creative. Is that part of the gay thing too? Some of the best clothing designers are gay so I assume you all have a decent sense of fashion. Maybe your calling isn't fashion or food, but coming up with witty things to say on television. Smart things that make Calypso and the world sit in "awe". If you're not coming up with Earth shattering quotes, you're twisting and mangling everything that comes out of my mouth and beating me over the head with it.

THAT was sarcasm.

So we're still going on about the trailer park thing, huh? Trust me, KC, Calypso isn't offended that you misunderstand him. I'm sure the world misunderstands your lifestyle sometimes, too. BUT YOU DON'T GIVE A FUCK, DO YA?! Puh-leaze, bruh. Calypso wasn't trying to impress you with his keen fashion sense or taste in fine gluten-free cuisine. He wasn't trying to out-gay you. Just proving a point. Calypso don't qualify for Welfare, he supported Berney and voted for Hil-Dawg, and he's Pro-Choice. If your GAYDAR is going off, maybe you're just starting to see past all the flaws you've been picking on this whole time. Like how white these crooked chompers are. Or the twinkle in my eye when I'm preparing an awesome meal or tweeking the functuay of my apartment. Maybe the dimples in my forehead or the way my ribs show through my back. You coming onto me bruh?

See, you can act as tough as you want but how is anyone supposed to take you seriously when all you end up coming back to is shoving dick in your mouth or ass? I'm going to wrap this up by reverting back to what's really important here and that's the fact that I've beaten Ghost Tank. Beating the monster springboarded my career to heights higher than anyone like you could ever imagine. Mr. Five Time? I like that. There you go again with your amazing imagination. It defines Calypso and fits perfectly. And hey, when the dick fits, suck it, right?

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