Starlight, Star bright

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=28681&pid=126635#pid126635

Gentlemen and Ladies... Abovementioned now I wish to present my very first roleplay
for my very first match.

I would suggest adding a storyline and a larger cast of characters to your roleplays. Who is Rosalina? What kind of person is she? What are her motivations for being a wrestler. Why should I care? These are all questions that you have left unanswered.

If you start setting scenes, introducing other characters for her to interact with, and writing storylines that allow us to get to know the character and her motivations, it would go a long way towards developing your character and setting you down the path of winning matches. Right now all you have is a small set up and some generic trash talk.

I don't say that to be mean either, I'm legitimately trying to point you in the right direction.

As always, I advise you to read the works of some of the veterans around here. James Raven, Doc D'Ville, Thaddeus Duke, Chris Chaos, etc. All of them put up very high quality work that you could learn from.

I was actually talking to Theo earlier and we both agreed that it would be interesting to see a sort of gritty re-imagining of the Mario universe. There's definitely some potential to make it your own that way.

I agree with Graves here though. It needs some sort of development. Something that makes me want to read the next one.

I think I can probably do that but with limited access on my phone its not easy but when I get my computer it should be easier

and reno if you wanna see something check out Chasm vs me for the hmw title just now!

It wasn't bad for a first Roleplay and I do see some promise and if you take what everyone but Reno said to heart I can see you doing big things

Here you go Reno

Nice one!

had to get a good mental picture of my opponent and yours was the best sorry about using your sig

Perhaps this second Roleplay will be more helpful in filling the holes Mr. Graves said I left behind

I Am No Princess!
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=28694

(07-26-2017, 10:29 AM)Rosalina Said: Perhaps this second Roleplay will be more helpful in filling the holes Mr. Graves said I left behind

I Am No Princess!
http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=28694

It's better than the first one somewhat. Here are some tips here:

-Lose the large images. They can work in moderation, but it feels like every roleplay you do half of them are just images.

-What are Rosalina's reasons for competing here? We know that she came to Brooklyn with Mario to be with him, but aside from that we don't know anything.

-Some additional story would be nice. You did try with your RP, however it would be nice to have more than "Rosalina flew to Central Park."

If any of these seem particularly harsh, I apologize, but hopefully these can help shape your RPs for the better.

The story in this R.p is that she came to the XWF with Mario but they had agreed to be independent of each other no love interest stuff here!

It tells the audience that unlike most women she is completely independent and depends on herself to get through life, that she can do good and bad by herself and not need a man in her life to give her direction and tells you who she is...Lady Rosalina:
Queen of the Stars, mother to a countless number of children and new ones constantly being born.

The idea is spreading a positive in somewhat way message that if you want to do something and make something of yourself in the world that you should depend on your own power to do it not anyone else's!

(07-26-2017, 11:22 AM)Rosalina Said: The story in this R.p is that she came to the XWF with Mario but they had agreed to be independent of each other no love interest stuff here!

It tells the audience that unlike most women she is completely independent and depends on herself to get through life, that she can do good and bad by herself and not need a man in her life to give her direction and tells you who she is...Lady Rosalina:
Queen of the Stars, mother to a countless number of children and new ones constantly being born.

The idea is spreading a positive in somewhat way message that if you want to do something and make something of yourself in the world that you should depend on your own power to do it not anyone else's!

By story, I had meant what is your character doing? We get a brief overview of her going to Central Park and she expresses a goal for herself-- she wants to be fully independent and self-sufficient, which is fine, but we need more.

I'm with Lane on this one, a gritty reimagining of the Mario Universe would be great here. Maybe explore Rosalina wanting to be a mother to the Lumas? Go more into her backstory with her becoming the figure that she is (yes, I'm aware of Rosalina's books in SMG1, but there are people here who haven't played that game and you can still explore the events between the books and the events of the SMG games). Maybe explore more of her trying to be independent like how you brought up in your recent RP. There's a lot of potential with this character.

Sounds good thank you much!

Your RP's are serviceable considering you're new and don't really know how any of this works yet. If you do continue to use Rosalina and Mario, I agree with the other people in the thread. Try a different take on Mario and Rosalina. Trust me as someone who tried to make Shinsuke Nakamura into a character here: using a premade good guy character is storytelling poison that usually ends up being boring. It also comes across autistic as hell, where it feels like you aren't really making an effort to work with the rest of the people here. I say that because I'm autistic, and as mentioned earlier, my attempts didn't work too well.