[ooc note-- since i know someone's going to say i shouldn't post feedback threads if i don't want feedback... i'll just combine all of mine into one. i do want feedback. i just don't want to be forced to change my character, or shorten my writing... and i don't feel i should shorten my work, because i returned to e-fedding for two reasons. 1) to do something i love so as to help with my emotions... and 2) so that i could prepare to focus on my story series. if anyone wishes to leave feedback for me... please do so here.

Thank you.]


Ok... I posted the following in Character Development and was hoping for some sort of response, but all DS said was some garbage about drugs... I'm straight edge. Bite me.

Anywayz... if ANYONE would respond to this, I'd greatly appreciate it. First off, the first post is from 2007. My work has become much better than then, but it's the backstory for my character [which I'm going to edit for XWF] and I'm very proud of it... it explains a lot of things.

But what I REALLY want feedback on is the post I made in response to N.A.Z.i. If anyone could let me know what they think, I'd appreciate it. Thank you.

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=6229

~ ~ ~

And the following is the Prologue to the series of stories I'm planning on working on. The main reason I wanted to return to e-fedding, is because it's what ignited my passion for writing... and since it's been two to three years since I last seriously wrote, I thought this would be the best way to RE-ignite my passion, so I can truly focus on my short story series... which I entitled "The NeverEnding Epic".

In 2011... I was laying on the kitchen floor... outside, it was storming... and this idea came to me. For years, I had wanted to do something with multipe fictional universes... everything you can think of, The Simpsons, Harry Potter, Twilight, F.R.I.E.N.D.s... Super Mario, Poke'Mon, SuperMan... the Wizard of Oz, Star Wars, A Christmas Carol... anything. I wanted to mesh every fictional universe I've ever enjoyed, from books, movies, tv, video games, comic books, cartoons... whatever.

Over the years, I've thought of making a video game, cuz I used to make them in MultiMedia Fusion... I've thought of making videos with multiple different shows and movies, and I still plan on doing that at some point... but on that night, laying on the kitchen floor, staring up at the ceiling... an idea came to. To write. Parralel dimensions... not just the fictional universes themselves, but alternate versions... the show from the 90s, Sliders, inspired me a bit... as well as this piece by Jennifer Stone, "Invasion of the Nothing", which I included in the intro...

... and of course, the NeverEnding Story. The villain in my story is The Nothing, which I actually took from JennStone's piece, BUT, I do Believe in the back of my mind was 'Story'... despite the fact tgat I don't even think I named my story after the film. But it was one of my absolute faves back in the day, along with Labyrinth and Return to Oz. And I know it had a huge impact on me.

The thing is... this prologue is a HUGE contrast to what I have planned... the Prologue is based on the backstory of my e-fed character... and that's what the first book in the series is going to focus on... the early years of the brothers Reeve and Axl. And their abusive father, and the mother that leaves due to being beaten all the time... and the black bat.

PLEASE... if ANYONE checks out this piece, let me know what you think.

Thank you.

http://shanomacbry.tumblr.com/post/36056375757/the-never-ending-epic-prologue-the-black-bat

~ ~ ~

The following are a few of the old roleplays I did as my parody character, Jack Hoff. Hoping that maybe someone will check out a couple of these out and let me know what they think... though, again, I'd REALLY like to know what people think of the Prologue I posted for my story series...

The character was kind of in the vein of the Blue World Order, in that he would make fun of the other wrestlers... there's also one in which he parodies the UnderTaker [who wasn't a part of the fed, it was just... Halloween or somethin'. Who the hell knows.] Would LOVE to get people's reactions. But bare in mind, these are from '08, and I've further developed my style since then... though, I began around '01, so this is much closer to my current style than where I started from.

I'm sure one or two of you may find some of this material humorous... hopefully... >.<

BTW-- Micah was upset about my making fun of Mr. XWF's profile. This guy right here? He's the one that originated that, as far as I go. He was the first character I used to truly lambaste others, and who was PURELY comedy-focused. He went over well... for a bit. Now, I've learned comedy must be balanded with a serious edge... which is part of the "New & iMPROVED" raYne. I call him 'The Storm 2.0 ' ... anywayz... here's the best of The Hoffster--

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff1.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff2.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff4_xoxo.htm

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff5.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff7_duff.htm

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff8_a.htm

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff8_b.htm

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff9.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1..._zawk.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff13.html

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff14.html

Here is the parody of the UnderTaker --

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff12.html

~ ~ ~

Two old roleplays, as raYne, from 2007 --

http://macbry.webs.com/rayne1.htm

http://macbry.webs.com/rayne2.htm

~ ~ ~

And HERE... is one of the very FIRST appearances of my character 'Legion', whom I've mentioned here before... he was made of both raYne, the light side, and Reeve, the dark.

THIS... is the ONE roleplay I REALLY wish a couple of you would check out. It's not even my best work... but it's a glimpse at the being that is Legion. And I would love for some feedback...

... just as I would in regards to the Prologue I posted in the other thread. If anyone would be so kind... I'd appreciate it.

http://www.angelfire.com/wizard2/monkey1/hoff11.html

~ ~ ~

BTW-- DS? This one's for you, buddy.





<3

... so... did you read both of those? And neither of them are "roleplays". The first is a bio, and the second is the prologue for my story series...

... if that's all the response I get, what truly is the point, seriously? I honestly thought people would say they like them... yet DS has made it clear he doesn't. I really thought he would say something else... but... nevermind.

Now I really don't know if there's a point in me writing anymore...



Really, even constructive criticism would have been welcome.

But this... I don't know. I really thought coming back to writing would help me, but it isn't...



And what's "out there" about a man that beats his wife? And then said wife leaves her two children?

I don't know why I returned to writing...

... so you really do mean I'm not a good writer.

... well, thank you.

Thank you for letting me know I'm not a good writer..

I'm glad you could be honest. A lot of people have told me I was good, I knew they were wrong...

Thank you for being honest.

+1 to your rep.

I'm gonna say it, this is as I know my opinion only but I find your RP's to be extremely dragged out and long. You can divide these up, leave us at a cliff hanger or breaking point so we'll read the next one. You obviously have a lot to write about so this should be easy for you to divide up.

... you are talking about those two actual ROLEPLAYS I posted the links to, just now, right? That were from 2007, btw? Because, the main two pieces in this thread, in the first post, are a bio... and a Prologue to an actual story series I wish to have published some day. Which NEEDS to be that long. Because it's legit writing. Not some "roleplay".

Would really appreciate feedback concerning the Prologue...

I'm talking about every single article you've written on this federation. This is a place where we roleplay...

[the following is three posts combined into one. i don't want to have a big number next to 'posts' simply because i double, triple, quadruple post... i don't like to clutter the forum. ... except for when it comes to videos, obviously. ... >.< ]



... The Prologue isn't meant for an e-fed. It's meant for a published work. And I posted it here for feedback. Nothing more, nothing less.

And as for my actual roleplays? They are what they are. I didn't ask for feedback on them. Yet you focused on them, and not the Prologue, simply so you could take a jab at me. But I'm not biting.

Take care.



Ok... Cam? I'll tell you why I write so much.

It's because I love to write.

Writing is my passion. It's what I do best.

That's why I dream of being published.

It's just how iAm... I write. And when I begin? I keep going till I have nothing left to write. Simple as.

Plus-- I'm introducing the character to XWF. So, I may write more now than I do eventually, as to introduce different key elements.

I'll say something, and over the past few days, I wouldn't have done this, but I'm learning... and I want to put all of this bullshit to an end. So--

I'm sorry. For being hostile. But iAm who iAm. Yes, what I do needs to change. But NOT who iAm. There is a huge difference.



"DO NOT try and force yourself to write more or less than what you are most comfortable with... it will only hurt your work because it will seem forced"

As it says in the rules... I write how I write. And I'm not going to force myself to do otherwise.

I love to read. Which is why I don't care how long something is... I'm going to read it.

I honestly am sorry for my attitude. And I'm working on that.

But iAm going to continue to write the way I do.

I sent my writing into a professional editor--
They seemed to like it.
That's good enough for me.

~ $

Rayne, what is the point in asking for feedback from your peers in XWF if all you plan on doing is counter arguing everything that people say. Take it as constructive criticism and learn from it. All you are going to do is piss people off and they will not provide feedback anymore.

... the ONLY "feedback" I've been given is to cut my writing short. I've been told that for years... yet I've also been told that people enjoy it.

The Prologue is meant for an actual book. It's not going to be cut short.

And as far as roleplays are concerned... if Admin tells me to cut them down? I will. But the rules state we don't have to force ourselves to do so.

So I'm not.

If anyone will actually read what I wrote and give me some different feedback other than what I've been told eleventy bajillion times over the years?

I'll gladly accept it.

But I'm not going to "learn" from cutting my pieces down. I've been writing since before I was 13. I'm now 26. That's one thing I will not change.

But I would love it if someone actually read my Prologue and let me know what they thought.

You asked for feedback now you're bitching about it. You don't HAVE to cut your roleplays down. Management certainly won't thank you for it if you don't though and neither will anyone else. I would be willing to give more feedback on work that was XWF related. Everyone on these boards know that I am more than willing to help anyone on these boards out with their roleplays as much as I can. I'm not the best writer on the board or anywhere near close. I used to run a e-fed myself though so I know what I tend to enjoy and people generally appreciate my help.

Take my advice, concentrate on your character and base your character on someone that is not yourself.

... Thanks.

Take care.

So in other words, you're going to ignore everyone's advice and contnue to be ignorant and generally annoying?

1) Cut down my writing

2) Change my character

That's the advice I'm ignoring.

The things Alex told me?

I'm listening to.

Before... I thought her and Micah were the only ones against me.

I'm often wrong...
I'm glad when I realize it.

Again... take care.




And what I mean is, Alex actually spoke to me in a civil manner.

I appreciate that. And she didn't try to change me.

Now. Have a nice day.

Why do you ask for feedback if you're not willing to listen? Also for future reference, the feedback section is for XWF feedback.

Do you wish to know why I'm responding in this manner, instead of yelling as I kind wish I could?

Alex.

She made me realize my attitude will get me nowhere.

So I'm not going to give in.

My writing isn't the problem. It's my attitude.

And I'd say my attitude is much better now than it has been in the past few days.

Hope you've been well, Lord Steven.

<3


. . .


Ah, didn't know it couldn't be used for feedback in general.

And those are two things I will not do. I'm allowed that right.

Someone has already told me to change my character... I want to be who iAm.

Any other advice, criticism, feedback, etc. is welcome.

I go by Lord Lawson thank you very much. Or Archibald Lawson the III

I'll call you Burger King.

Love ya, BK.

<3

Call me what you want. You are clearly not worth the trouble of trying to help.

... The only "help" I've received is being told to change my character and cut my work short.

Alex made it clear I need to work on my attitude. Which is what I'm doing.

If I was really beyond help?

I would be typing in all caps and cursing right now. Especially since I've been up for two days.

Please. Leave me alone. Thank you.

No one cares how long you have been awake for, other people on these boards don't sleep it doesn't mean shit so stop bringing your life into it.

You haven't actually asked for any feedback on anything XWF relevant.

... I only mention that because of how I act when I don't take care of myself. Other people don't act the way I do. I'm not trying to bring my personal life into this. I'm simply trying to state why I often act the way I do.

But right now? I'm not acting that way.

And I already told you. I didn't know we could only ask for feedback on XWF material. For that, I truly am sorry. Lock the thread if you have to...

Ah fuck it I give up

Archie.. I just deleted 23 posts. Because of what you said. To try and show some form of initiative.

And there have been SEVERAL times that I wanted to blow up. But I didn't.

Unlike you, however?

I don't give up.

I'm going to keep trying to make you people happy.

Even though I shouldn't have to, given that I'm keeping my composure, unlike the past few days.

But I deleted the posts... and I'm going to do whatever it takes to prove that you're wrong.

I'm no longer trying to be negative. I'm no longer trying to be irritating.

YES, I was acting horribly the past few days.

But TODAY? I've been trying my damndest.

And that's all I can do.

I merged all of my requests for feedback into the original post, and I asked for feedback on my posts in reply to N.A.Z.i. ... I would greatly appreciate it if ANYONE could please let me know what they think of my responses to him, as they are, so far, my only "true" work here in XWF. I'm HOPING to get myself back to sleep, get some more rest, and wake up so I can work on my first real roleplay here... something I'm hoping will prove what I can do when I'm focused...