Quote:NEW XWF Universal Champion
CHARLIE NICKLES |
”WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
”Shhhhhhh…”
Mark Flynn rocks his son(-slash-clone-of-his-former-tag-partner), NK,…
”What’s wrong?” Flynn inspects NK’s face.
”Food? Changies?”
”WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!” NK’s tiny arms tremble.
”Is he… *yaaaaaaaawn*... scared?” Irwin, Flynn’s #1 fan, suggests exhaustedly…
”Scared? What could he be scared of?”
”Of… *yaaaaaaaaawn*...” Irwin points at the television…
Replaying Nickles’ Uni victory.
”...Chuckster? What’s scary about him, Irmano?”
”D’you… believe in past lives, Mister Flynn?”
”...Whatchu talkin’ bout, Ir-dawg?”
”Dolly told me… Our souls bear trauma from lives we’ve... lived before…”
”Just saying… You beat Nickles… riiiiiight before you.. threw OG NK into an electrical box.”
”...Chuck’s a trigger for NK’s past-life trauma? ...That’s some hoodoo, voodoo, BULLSH-...”
”WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!”
As Charlie’s promo replays.
Quote:[nickles]You can’t be a father and a champion[/nickles]
Flynn sneers.
”Rich…”
“Coming from Mister Fatherhood Olympics…”
…
Suddenly, Flynn lights up!
“The air’s ELECTRIC at South Broadway Athletic Club! For the first-ever Fatherhood Olympics!”
“Fatherhood fans eager to watch the world’s best fathers compete!
But the real story? Flynn versus Nickles!”
Flynn stretches…
“Mark Flynn’s on a mission! To prove fathers *can* be champions!”
Meanwhile, “Charlie Nickles”* drinks a budweiser…
(*“Charlie Nickles” played by Sir Lionel Pennyfarthing!)
In the front row…
”WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!” NK scrambles in Irwin’s lap, cowering away from ‘Charlie’.
Flynn jogs over, cradling NK in his arms.
”M’boy… I promise… there’s nothing to fear…”
“Charlie Nickles, the bad boy of competitive fatherhood, claims you can’t be both! Can he prove it by dominating this competition?”
”PLEASE RISE FOR FATHERHOOD’S NATIONAL ANTHEM!”
Flynn gently pushes a bike-riding girl… She teeters…
”DON’T LEGGO!”
”You’re doing great…”
She increases speed…
Flynn gently removes his hands…
…The girl’s still upright!
”Flawless!”
Meanwhile, ‘Nickles’?
Shoves his boy off and vamooses with the bike!
”That’s headed for the nearest pawnshop!”
| DROPPING-OFF KIDS AT SWIMMING |
Flynn parks a mini-van carrying four dummies.
”Masterful drop-off lane usage …”
”But will he remind the childr-”
”NO SWIMMING FOR THIRTY MINUTES AFTER YOU EAT!”
”Sensational!”
”What about Nickles?”
…Cut to a helicopter above the ocean.
‘Charlie’ hangs onto the chopper’s side…
He tosses out a crash-test dummy… Face covered in burlap!
SINKS LIKE A STONE!
”Entering our final event, Flynn and Charlie’s medal count is even!”
”How? Charlie’s been horrific!”
”Simple! Charlie mugged every father that medalled”
…Flynn and ‘Charlie’ stand before a high shelf!
Atop? Chips!
”No third fall at Rebellion meant we never saw Charlie climb!”
‘Charlie’ reaches backwards…
Revealing a sky-high ladder!
He throws it down! It clatters metallically!
”Wow! That must be twenty feet!”
…Flynn reaches backwards!
Another ladder!
He lays it down!
….Two feet taller than ‘Charlie’’s!
A toddler between the pair…
Rubs his belly…
And points at the chips!
”The signal!!”
Both competitors scoop their equipment…
Set their ladders!
Flynn’s faster!
…But he hits his ladder’s peak!
Charlie still has rungs!
”What happened?!?”
”Flynn’s ladder was longer grounded! Now it’s shorter!?!”
Flynn helplessly paws, chips out-of-reach…
As ‘Nickles’ snags it!
[nickles]”YESSSSSSSSSSSS!”[/nickles] ‘Nickles’ devours the chips… AND shoves over the toddler in celebration!
A commentator approaches Flynn!
”Flynn, what happened? Your ladder was longer until it stood upright!”
Flynn scratches his head.
”...My ladder gets longer when it’s lying?”
Flynn snaps his fingers.
”Guess I shouldn’t have used… Gepetto’s Ladder!”
…
……GROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAN!
”Those groans are DEAFENING!”
”Which means…”
A committee member emerges…
Awarding Flynn the Worst-Dad-Joke Medal!
”The Dad-Joke medal counts QUINTUPLE! Flynn wins!”
Nickles furiously tosses his chips!
[nickles]”Wait! Uh… Two JEWS walk into… PAY ATTENTION TO MEEEEEEE!”[/nickles]
…
Meanwhile…
”Heeeeeeeeeeeheee…”
NK smiles.
”THIS? Is a challenge.
How’s ANYONE beating Charlie…
At a WALKING-OUT match?
Charlie’s got years of practice…
Walking-out on his wife and kids.
At this point, I’m a bigger part of Tyler‘s life than Charlie.
Yep, Chuck.
We chat.
Even after Tyler stopped being a convenient promo prop.
Though… Leaving Tyler fatherless?
Still better than your ‘actively’ parenting LSM.
The daughter you manipulated.
Abused.
And murdered.
…
Chuck.
I’ve watched you run your mouth.
Claiming you can’t be a champion and a father.”
‘Graves’ lifts his Anarchy belt…
*And* carefully raises a swaddled NK.
“Another thing I can do that you can’t, Charles-In-Charge.
Ask yourself, Chuck.
Is it impossible to be a father *and* a champion?
OR.
Did *you* choose ONE over the other?
CHOOSE the TV title over Connie?
PICK the Uni over Tyler and Emily?
PREFER cocaine… over LSM’s life?
…
LSM mastered aerial flips… O’Connor rolls…
But her biggest roll? ROLLING in her GRAVE over how you’ve bastardized her in death.
A spirit of unforgiving vengeance, fueling your ascent?
That’s not LSM.
Robyn was a good soul.
You promised her mentorship…
Fatherhood.
That you’d make her Universal champion.
Then, you black-bagged her face and dropped her in the ocean.
…Now?
Our entire industry must suffer for LSM’s death?
…Chuck.
Wrestling? Didn’t kill LSM.
Your opponent-of-the-week? Who once snubbed LSM years ago? Didn’t kill LSM.
Blame the stewardess that gave LSM peanuts on her flight to her XWF tryout.
Blame Scoops McGee for being her wall poster when LSM dreamed luchadora dreams as a niña pequeña.
But when your fingers point outward…
Notice your fingers pointing back atcha, Chuck?
YOU.
MURDERED.
YOUR DAUGHTER.
….
Nooooo. I was a puppet!
Blame wrestling! Blame Gepetto!
YOU willingly sacrificed LSM.
…For The Universal championship?
Six pounds of brass.
Painted to look gold.
…
You know what keeps me up at night, Chuck?
I know in my heart.
If Robyn still lived?
She’d forgive you.
She saw something decent in you.
And you proved her wrong.
Now? *You’re* exploiting your daughter’s corpse.
Take the mask off that phantasm…
And… C-T-Egads!
It’s you, Chuck.
Puppeteering your dead child.
YOU were Gepetto all along.
…
Sobering?
That’s the difference between us, Chuckster.
I’ve climbed the mountaintop.
Held that belt.
I dated Goldie while she left you on read for YEARS.
And I’d NEVER choose…”
‘Graves’ lifts the Anarchy title.
“This?”
…’Graves’ drops the belt...
“Over this.” ‘Graves’ cradles his son.
NK coos peacefully…
”Shhhhhh.”
”There’s nothing to fear.”
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