Shortly after the events of Warfare we see Theo Pryce walking the halls of the Crypto Dot Com arena. Theo can be seen muttering to himself when a lovely production assistant named Rose approaches him.
“Mr Pryce.” The young lady says as she raises the microphone on her headset up towards her ear rather than having it down at her mouth.
“Yes?” Theo responds as he turns towards the woman.
“I have a note here for you.” She says as she reaches out with her right hand and presents Theo a folded piece of paper.
“A note? What does it say?” Theo asks as he reaches out and takes the paper from her hand.
“I don’t know sir. I didn’t read it. I was just handed the note and told to go find you.”
“And found me you have. Thank you.”
Theo unfolds the note and begins reading it as Rose disappears down the hallway.
“Seriously?” Theo says exasperated as he crumples up the piece of paper and tosses it into a nearby trash can.
| Approximately 45 minutes later |
As we fade back in we see Theo Pryce walking through a set of glass double doors towards a middle aged woman who is standing behind a small podium with a sign affixed to it that says
“Please Wait To Be Seated.”
“Will anyone be joining you sir?” The woman asks as she reaches towards the side of the podium to pull out a glossy multi sheet document.
“I’m meeting someone.” Theo says as he scans over the area looking for someone.
“I assume he’s already here.”
“I see. Can you describe the person you’re looking for.” The woman replies as she joins in the search without even knowing who or what she’s looking for.
“I see him.” Theo responds as he points towards a man seated by himself in an oversized booth in the back corner of the restaurant.
“Very good sir.” She says as she hands Theo the menu.
Theo graciously takes the menu and then walks himself towards the back of the restaurant. As he approaches the booth his long time friend Mark Flynn stares determinedly at his phone…
…
Theo exhales, before dropping his menu on the table! Flynn glances up at the sound of laminate hitting wood!
Flynn makes clear eye contact with Theo, before his eyes widen and he ducks behind… a newspaper?
”The AUTUMN LEAVES may come early this YEAR.” He says.
…
Theo sighs and sits down at the table.
”What do you want, Mark?”
Flynn hides behind his newspaper… Which shivers.
”Say the other half of the code phrase, TED!”
”You didn’t give me a code phrase!”
Flynn crumples the paper, tossing it to the floor!
”Because it could have been intercepted, T-Man! Every data transmission, every hand-off of valuable intel is a WEAKNESS. An opportunity for those working against us to STRIKE at our greatest strength: What WE know and THEY don’t.”
”Even our presence at this very place must be CONCEALED… Our movements TRACELESS! Any evidence of our being here DELETED from every mi-”
”Stupendously Sausage and Sauerkraut Stuffed-Crust Pizza for… Mark Flynn?”
…
Suddenly, a high-schooler on roller skates slides up to their table and drops off the pizza.
She shoots off her hip a handful of parmesan packets… Then, skates away as quick as she came!
”HEY! TWO SURGE SODAS PLEASE!” Flynn calls after the server-on-wheels.
…
”What was that about… ‘traceless’ movements, Flynn? You gave her your full name!”
Ollie Otter’s Frequent Trotter Treasure Trove Cove Rewards Card!
”I HAVE A ONE-OF-A-KIND OLLIE OTTER’S FREQUENT TROTTER TREASURE TROVE COVE REWARDS CARD AT OLLIE OTTER’S PIZZA POND.”
”...Frequent… trotter?”
”I’m a member of the exclusive restaurant app’s walking club, TED.” Flynn spits, as he carefully scoops a slice of sausage and sauerkraut into his slophole (
see ‘mouth’).
“Do you understand how much money I’d leave on the table if I didn’t swipe that card on every visit? NOT EVEN THINKING ABOUT THE FREE $20 IN TOKENS FOR EVERY $100 I SPEND!!!”
”Don’t they give those cards to everyone who walks in the door Mark?”
”What are you trying to say, Teddy?
Theo considers arguing his point further, but his eyes follow a gaggle of children skate by to approach the animatronic band of antropromorphic animals on stage. They hop and dance excitedly to a seven-foot otter clearly waving its hand OVER an electric guitar.
”You’ve got to be kidding me.” Theo sighs, resting his chin in his hand.
”Checking out the band?” Flynn says, slurping a little bit of cheese into his gob.
”I maintain! They are the most UNDERRATED act in music.”
Theo shakes his head…
”No, I….”
…
”Wait, are you…” Theo twists his head toward Flynn.
“Sorry, are you saying you believe the band of aquatic rodents is the MOST underrated act in all of music?”
”First off, Ollie Otter is an OTTER. That makes him a member of the weasel family!”
…
”The backing band, though? WWell-spotted. Entirely beavers and, thus, all rodents.”
”Not even kind-of my point.”
”SECOND.” Flynn cuts in.
”Ollie Otter and his Beaver Dam Jam Band basically INVENTED the pizza music genre in the early 80s! A feat he gets NO credit for!”
”...Pizza music?”
”Have you even HEARD their greatest hits?” Flynn sticks up a finger.
”I Don’t Need All Your Love, But I’d Take a Slice!” Another finger.
”Girl, I’ll Call You Meat, Cuz I’m a Meat Lover!!” A third finger!
”Stuff You Like Stuffed Crust!”
”...These sound inappropriately sexual for ‘pizza party chain’ music.”
”Ollie Otter isn’t playing what six-to-nine year olds WANT to hear… He’s playing what they NEED. What will fill their souls AND their stomachs!”
…
Theo exhales, somewhat surprised he has to ask this next question.
"...Flynn, you do realize those ‘animals’ are… machines, right?"
Flynn waves off Theo’s comment.
"I mean, duh, Theo."
...
"OBVIOUSLY, they've been corporatized into the machine that is the music industry. I'm just saying, if you go back and listen to their EARLY work? O.O. and his BDJB…”
“You acronym-ized it like you have to mention this band *frequently*...”
“HAD to play the music the suits wanted, but embedded within that mainstream airplay, they were actually tapping into the essence of what REAL MUSIC IS ABOUT. And a huge part of that is still in their discography today."
…Theo glances upwards so he can briefly tune into the jam band’s tunes…
…
"...Flynn, they're playing a song where the only lyrics are the words 'pizza par-tay'... Over and over."
"...You don't get ART, Ted."
…Theo exhales, before looking back at the stage area.
”Well.” Flynn takes in another bite of sauerkraut.
”If you’re not jamming on the band, what the Hell’s so interesting over there… Flynn peers over Ted’s head.
‘Molly Muskrat’, the Jam Band’s manager character, is wheeling a birthday cake in front of an eight-year-old girl. The child’s face is lit up with wonder. Like she’s just found out magic is real and it is in this building.
”Ahhhhh!” Flynn claps his hands.
”The dessert, huh? The options here are DECADENT!” Flynn raises a hand and snaps his fingers!
”Garçon!”
Theo smacks Flynn’s hand out of the air! Flynn shockedly recoils to his chest, sucking the pizza grease of the knuckle Theo just smacked.
Theo sits back, thoughtfully.
”Just thinking about…” Theo smiles.
”My kids. They just stopped being this age. They grow up real fast.”
…
”...You don’t have kids.”
…
”Yes, I do, Mark.”
”WHAT?!?” Flynn is beside himself, aghast!
”W-w-well! …How come I haven’t met them?!?”
”Mark, you’ve definitely seen my kids. My wife brings them when we do corporate events.”
”WHOA, WHOA WHOA.”
…
”WHOA.”
…
”WHOOOOOOOOOOOOA NOW.”
…
”You’re MARRIED?!?”
…
”Flynn. You’ve MET my wife. On several occasions.”
Just off-screen, Theo waves and shakes hands with a few of his co-workers… The vibe is more relaxed that your typical Saturday Night Impact (the most popular program on Saturday Nights)!
”Oh! And thiiiiis is Mark Flynn! My old trios partner… Mark, this i-”
Flynn turns around, with a small plate of crab rangoons… He shoves one in his mouth… Clearly enraptured in their flavor…
”Oh my God… Where have you been all my life?” Flynn mutters, as Theo grins, feeling he’s successfully made the work-obligated introduction, before moving on to other co-workers.
Rampage’s Christmas Party!
(Remember Former TV champion Rampage!)
The North Korean War Criminal cuts a rug on the disco floor, executing perfectly timed steps that would greatly please the Glorious Leader if he believed in Western holiday festivities. Which he does not!
Meanwhile, over by the snack table… Flynn peruses through lackluster snack options… He grimaces at the fruit trays… He full-on scowls at the baby carrots and ranch dip…
Then, in the corner of the table, almost hidden behind a stack of napkins.
He sees a full plate of Crab Rangoons.
”It’s you…”
As he stacks three or four onto his plate, Theo walks up behind Flynn, his partner just sliiiiiighty off-screen.
”Ah! Mark! Glad to see you out of the ‘office’.” Theo laughs charmingly, before nodding at the vision of loveliness that is his wife (though, she not visible within the camera view).
”It’s been a few years, do you remem-”
Flynn takes a bite of the rangoon… And his eyes swirl as his taste buds visit flavortown.
”How could I forget? What an absolute treat to encounter you again.”
Theo laughs politely. Before emerging back into the party festivities…
Flynn is tearing up at the corners of his eyes, as he sucks down another crab rangoon…
”I thought I’d never see you again…”
Theo’s head is buried in his hands.
As Flynn sits back in his booth seat, astounded.
”...Huh.”
”You really had no idea I had a FAMILY? Mark, we’ve worked together for eleven years!”
”EXCUUUUUUSE ME IF I WAS TOO BUSY KEEPING TRACK OF MORE IMPORTANT THINGS ABOUT YOU, TED! Like… how many days were you Universal champion?”
…
“FIFTY-FOUR DAYS!”
Flynn smugly chomps another slice of sausage, as if his point about knowing the *important* things about Theo has been proven.
Theo exhales, before looking at his watch.
”Look. Why did you call me here? I can’t imagine it was to check out your favorite animal music act.”
”IT WAS NOT.” Flynn wipes his forearm across his face.
”We’ve got to get our heads on straight! We’ve got a match against the Bastards in TWO WEEKS.”
”I think you mean ‘me and two partners’...”
”No, I mean us and SOME third guy! Cuz, obviously, one of your ‘two partners’ is ME!”
”...”
…
Flynn’s right twitches like a bug trapped in a spider’s web at Theo’s silence.
…
Theo half-smiles, raising a hand defensively.
”You’re right! You’re right! Just a joke!... I was, of course, hoping that you’d be willing to partner with me against the Bastards. But, I hadn’t asked yet, and I didn’t want to be presumptuous.”
Flynn sneers, impatiently.
”Well, when you’re presumptuous… You make a PRESUMPT out of YOU and US.”
”...What?”
”I’m saying that I’M IN, TEDDY.”
…Theo tries to smile at this news.
”Well, good. So that just leaves one more…”
”HOLD THE PHONE! You mean you don’t even have a third guy lined up?!?” Flynn is aghast, crust drips out the side of his mouth!
“Why did you even say ‘two partners’, then?”
Theo hoists his phone out of his pocket, as he side-eyes Flynn.
”No, that comment was made in the moment. I was attempting to mock the Bastards for going through third members like tissue paper… I mean, think about it… Nickles, B.o.B. D…”
Flynn nods, continuing Theo’s train of thought.
“Crash Rodriguez, Dolly Waters, Barney Green…”
“If you want to get used for a month, then thrown away, Bobby and TK’s sidekick position has constant turnover. You’d have to be pretty foolish to accept being their third…”
”Hence, why Noah Jackson took the gig.”
”Heheh, w-”
CHIIIIIIIIIIIIRP.
Theo’s phone buzzes.
”Oh, hold on…”
…
Theo hoists the phone up to his ear.
”Theo Pryce speaking.”
”BIG T!”
Vinnie has a pen, frantically scribbling around on a calendar featuring the hottest Hooters babes…
The calendar is from 1996 (which actually makes it sync up perfectly with 2024)...
”I had to move a couple hair appointments… My stylist was mucho dis-pleased-oh… But, I just opened up my Weekend! I can def partner with you and whoever you have in mind as your third for Relentless!”
”...Uh… actually, that’s very kind of you. B-”
”Who is it?”
”It’s Vinnie, shhhh.” Theo holds up a finger to his mouth, shushing Flynn.
”Is that In Like Flynn, MARK FLYNN!” Vinnie pumps his fist excitedly!
”Hey-OH! The dream team! It’s like Van Halen merging with Def Leppard AND Ollie Otter and the Beaver Dam Jam Band! We’re make those Bastards cry home to their mamas!”
”Um… Vinnie, I mean no offense. But it’s been a few years since I’ve regularly competed… I need the very best two people I can find for this match.”
…
”Ohhhhhhhh. Say no more, amigo Theo.”
Theo smiles, relieved.
”Do you want me to break the bad news to Marky Mark that he’s not our Funky Bunch? That he's outtie-five-thousand?”
”What? Mark is… outtie-five-thousand?”
Flynn stands up from his booth, furious!
”WHADDYA MEAN I’M OUTTIE-FIVE-THOUSAND!?!?”
Theo cradles the phone to his chest!
”I don’t even know what that means!” Pryce hisses, before shushing Flynn.
”Listen, T-Man. It’s all gonna be copacetic! With me and ‘maybe-Flynn, maybe-somebody else’ in your corner, we got this!”
“Now, the most important thing we gotta figure out is MATCHING OUTFITS! I’ll have my costume department call your costume department!”
*click*
…Theo exhales.
”Shit.”
”What happened? Did you just fire me from the team?!? What was that about me being outtie-five-thousand?”
”Flynn, you’re not out… You’re… whatever the opposite of ‘outtie-five-thousand’ is!”
Flynn rests a hand over his heart, breathing a sigh of relief.
”The problem is… Vinnie’s a little rusty. He’s one of the greats… but he also dropped a loss against Micheal Graves last PPV.”
”And that was before *I* started being Graves.”
”Yeah, I… what?”
”Nothing, go on.”
”I think we need a different third is my point… But, it’s hard to talk Vinnie out of something when he’s decided his way.”
Flynn grins.
”Ted. For once, we’re in complete agreement.” Flynn weaves his hands behind his head, confidently pressing his feet onto the table.
”And, never fear, Ted, my dear. I foresaw this exact possibility!”
”...What?”
Flynn wiggles his finger in a circle.
”This whole thing. Vinnie deciding he’s in on the team, calling you… ‘Outtie-five-thousand’... Everything! And I’ve already pre-deployed… let’s call them, necessary countermeasures…”
Vinnie is currently talking on a corded phone in the shape of a basketball, signed by Michael Jordan.
”D’Angelo, you’re MY personal trainer, okay? If I say I need to be in fighting shape in two weeks? You make it happen, dig? I’m willing to watch my Jazzercise videos on quadruple speed if it means being beach-body-ready f-”
Vinnie’s intercom buzzes!
”Mister Lane! Package for you!”
A box slides under Vinnie’s office door.
”Hold the phone, D. I’ll catch you on the flip!”
Vinnie hangs up his basketball shaped phone and sets it on his desk. (Because it’s completely round, it rolls to the floor)
…Vinnie eyes the box curiously, eyeing the label.
”From… Your Pal… Mark Flynn.”
Vinnie grins.
”That’s so dope of Marky Mark. Probably sent this to say ‘no harsh vibes’ after Theo kicked him outta the band!”
Vinnie quickly unwraps the package, revealing…
…
A pristine, never-before-used, mahogany paddle ball… With a ball red as a ruby and rubber as a new tire.
“No, dude.” Lane exhales.
“Theo needs me! I can’t be shirkin’ my workin’ when my COO needs his Bee-Arr-Oh!”
…
Lane picks the paddle off the table.
“One quick go.”
| ONE WEEK, SIX DAYS, TWENTY-THREE HOURS AND FORTY-SEVEN MINUTES LATER |
“Two… Thr- SHOOT!” Lane frustratedly tosses the paddleball on the table.
Theo smiles, raising his glass of Surge Cola.
”See, this? Is why you’re on the team.”
Flynn raises his own glass.
The two clink!
Sip…
…
Theo spits his onto the floor, wiping the remnants of green, 90s soda off his tongue
”Oh my god, that’s awful..”
…Flynn sips deeply.
”It’s an acquired taste, you philistine.”
Theo wipes his mouth clear of the neon green bile, before reaching into his breath pocket... And retrieving a slip of paper.
He slides it across the table to his Flynn.
Flynn eyes it suspiciously.
"...What's this? Your pizza order? Cuz I can call that roller skates girl back here..." Flynn raises his hands to clap for her attention...
"No. It's a list here of some guys that I think are worth considering for our partner."
Flynn grabs the paper off the table and immediately begins looking over the names. He runs across a few before getting to the third name on the list. He looks up at Theo and smiles as the scene...
Fades to black.
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