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Dewey Gobblecoque · (05-11-2024)

GRAPPLING WITH GOBBLECOQUE

Match Highlights:

John Black vs. Michael Graves:
This match was like watching two dudes settle a parking spot dispute with everything but the kitchen sink. After a long and gruesome battle, John Black won, but honestly, the real winners were the fans who enjoy horror movies, only here, there was no popcorn and the screams were real!

Razor Blade vs. Harmon Grayson Hays:
Oh boy, Razor Blade must be feeling like the universe has it out for him. Once again, he was on the cusp of victory, only to have it snatched away by some hot bullshit... again. This time, after an intense match, Razor was about to clinch the win when HGH resorted to a gruesome Dick Punh while the ref wasn't looking. Classic dirty move, and effective! One lethal Injection Shot later, and Razor was left clutching his, uh, blades on the mat as HGH smirked his way to a controversial win.

Matthias Syn vs. Sean Parker:
Matthias came in hot, looking to stir things up. He tossed Sean around like a rag doll at times, which was both impressive and kind of funny, considering Sean looked genuinely surprised anyone would dare mess up his hair. Sean picked up the win, but more on that later.

Drama Alert:

"American Nightmare": Seriously, how much more of this can Razor take? You have to wonder when we’ll see that nice guy facade crack and a mean streak come out. I mean, there's only so much a guy can take before he starts fighting fire with fire, right? Keep an eye on Razor, if he gets pushed much further, we might just see a whole new side of him in the ring. And honestly, who could blame him? After getting screwed over more than a lightbulb at an electrician's convention, it's about time he flipped the switch on his inner bad boy.

Badmon Makes His Intentions Clear: Post-match, just when John Black thought he could catch his breath and maybe celebrate a little, Spencer Adams had to crash the party. Standing at the top of the ramp, Spencer threw down some hard truths, telling John that his Revolution was far from over and that a new challenger was on the horizon. You gotta feel for John. The guy barely gets through one disaster before another one's forecasted.

Oz's Intimidation Game on Jett: Talk about a power move! Oz took psychological warfare to a whole new level during his segment with Jett. He pretty much scared the living daylights out of our poor General Manager. Oz made it crystal clear: not only does he want a shot at the Revolution title whenever he feels like it, but he also managed to wrangle himself the role of special referee for the upcoming John Black vs. Spencer Adams match. Talk about stacking the deck! He cornered Jett with threats that sounded like they came straight out of a horror movie. Honestly, fingernails are still on the menu if things don’t go his way, so Jett better keep his end of the deal.

Centurion vs. Madison Dyson: Oh, the drama! Centurion is so desperate to fight Madison that he’s risking his career. It’s like betting your entire life savings on a scratch-off lottery ticket. Madison finally said yes, and her sass almost knocked Centurion out before the match even started! The mic might need therapy after the verbal beating it took...

HGH's Surprise Appearance: Just when you thought it was safe to go back to regular programming, HGH popped up in the main event like an ex at a wedding. He didn’t fight, but he sure did a lot of smirking and threatening, which is his version of saying hello.

Production Overload:
Michael Graves's entrance was so edgy it made the emo kids look mainstream.

Overall Take:
It’s the kind of event you tell your friends about because you’re not sure if it was brilliant or just bizarre. Grab your popcorn for the next one, because if this was any indication, we're in for a heck of a ride!

Rating: 4.5/5

Bottom line, if you're sleeping on Anarchy, you're missing out on some quality entertainment. Lately, XWF Anarchy has become the gift that keeps on giving.

Only the gift is sometimes a jack-in-the-box that punches you in the face. Can’t wait for the next episode to see what other madness they’ll throw at us!

-Dewey

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode GRAPPLING WITH GOBBLECOQUE \| Issue #001
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