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Noah Jackson · (04-14-2023)

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Ring ring.

Ring ring.

"Who dis?"

"Cunt!"

The very audible and long sigh on the over end makes me think Sar figured out "who dis" is.

"Heyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy Noah! So happy to hear from you!"

"Cut the pleasantries ya dog! Did you try to interfere in me match versus Skeletor?"

There's a brief silence on the other end as Sarah finally clicks on who I'm referring to.

"Oh, yes, I did try but I got into a... Sticky situation."

"Ha. Cum."

"Ugh! No you degenerate. I just couldn't come in time."

I stifle a snicker.

"Oh em gee. You are a child."

"You walked into that one cunt, you know it. Anyway! I just wanted to say I don't need ya help EVER! If you even think about tryna interfere in one of me matches ever again I'll drop ya cunt!"

"Pfft yes, Noah, you certainly had a handle on the match as you got dropped on the back of your head and lost in embarrassing fashion AND ANOTHER THING! I didn't try to interfere on your behalf, it was much more personal."

I roll my eyes as I turn the wheel of the car to avoid crashing into some cunt and honk me horn.

"... Are you driving? Noah, I know you're stupid but safety first! Please listen to me I am an EXCELLENT driver!"

"Shut it! You're on speaker anyhow, cunt. And I don't give a shit about your motives! Sid played a low-down dirty trick on me-"

"She said look behind you."

"A LOW DOWN DIRTY TRIC-"

"Literal children don't even fall for that stuff."

"FUCK OFF! I HAVE ADHD!"

"... Do you?"

"Probably! AS I WAS SAYING!!! Just... Fuck off! I don't need or want ya help!"

"Wow. This is the thanks I get for trying to help? Fine! You go play angry little teenager on your own, Noah, I wasn't planning to help you in the future anyway."

"Good!"

A moment of silence passes as I huff.

"But thank you for trying..."

"... You're welcome."

"... Say you wanna han-"

"K bye!"

She hangs up abruptly.

"CUNT!"

I turn a sharp right and speed down the road and drift into an empty space like a sick cunt and jump out the Skyline with a duffel bag in tow and march my way towards the gym shouldering it open and looking around at the empty place, the simple machines, the faded dumbells, the boxing ring that looks like it belongs in 1920. And I spot the cunt I'm after, Ned Kaye sits up resting the weights by his side as he looks me up and down with a raised eyebrow, I give a toothy smile and nod.

"G'day, cunt!"

I walk over beside him and clap his shoulder as I take a seat on the bench press beside him. He finally finds his words.

"H-hey, Noah... W-what are you doing here?"

"Ah was in the area, cunt."

I place the duffel bag next to me feet.

"Oh, you got business in New York?"

"Nah. Just thought I'd come say hello."

Ned scoffs and side-eyes me.

"Noah, you live in Illinois... You didn't fly here just to say hello, right?"

I laugh and wave him off.

"Nah, cunt, didn't fly here just to see ya!"

"Oh good!"

"I drove!"

I begin to dig into me duffel bag.

"Oh!"

I pull out two beers and crack one open and pass another to Ned who hesitates.

"Get that down ya, cunt."

"I don't really drink, Noah, sorry."

"Yeah, cunt, it's non-alcoholic. No wuckas."

Ned doesn't say anything as a barely visible smile comes to his face and he slowly grabs the tinnie off me; I start to drink mine and it doesn't taste all that bad! No idea why cunts want to drink beer without getting tanked but fuck it. I notice Ned taps on the top of his and palms it, slowly spinning it in between his hands.

"Listen, not that I don't appreciate you dropping in but I got to ask... Why are you here?"

I gulp down the beer and raise an eyebrow.

"You think I got some interior motives, cunt?" [

"Ulterior."

He interjects trying to correct me even though he is WRONG!

"Nah, ulterior means outside don't it? If I had ulterior motives I'd announce 'em. Interior motives means I'm keepin' 'em inside!"

I tap my temple as Ned succumbs to my superior knowledge with a pained expression. He goes to say something but a voice pierces the air and we both turn to it.

"Hey, Ned I'm going to get coffee you want... Oh."

She stops short coming from the back and looks at us both.

"I'm sorry didn't know you had company."

"Yeah, sorry, this is Noah Jackson. We... Work together."

I tip two finger to her in a salute.

"How ya goin'"

"Hey, yeah you're the guy that stole Ned's cat."

"Technically he was gifted to me by a pirate king."

She looks to Ned who reluctantly nods in agreement.

"And Noah, this is Darcy."

"Darcy!?"

"That is my name, yes."

"Yeesh... Ya parents must have hated you."

She gives a solitary 'Hm' as she looks to Ned with a look that screams, what is this man doing here!? Ned exhales deeply as he taps my knee to grab my attention.

"Noah, as I was saying, why are you here exactly?"

"Fuck me, am I on trial?"

"I'm just wondering, given our history, I'm a little wary."

"Fair." I take a long sip of the ""beer"" and burp. "During March Madness in your promo you said we could be friends, so here I am."

Darcy lets out a quiet "Aw" from behind me as Ned is taken back, his eyes assessing my face as he clears his throat.

"Right... Yeah..."

There is an awkward silence made even awkwarder when Ned finally opens up the can and gulps the contents down and lets out a satisfied sigh. He gives a nod and smiles at me.

"That is some fine fake beer."

Darcy breathes a sigh of relief knowing her boyfriend isn't relapsing just because some sick cunt wants to be buddies. I shoot a smile at Ned and we clink our cans together.

"Okay, I'll let you boys be. Ned, coffee?"

"Please, just black."

"Sure, and Noah? You want me grab you one?"

"Ah fuck yeah, cunt! Could I get a choccy milk, please? Already had four coffees in the past few hours think another would make me shit me pants."

She blinks slowly at me and forces a smile.

"Sure!"

She walks over to Ned and plants a kiss on his cheek and whispers something in his ear that gets a laugh before leaving, Ned watches her go.

"She seems nice."

"Yeah, she is."

We both take a sip of beer.

"... So, tell me how to beat Isaiah King."

"There's the "interior" motive."

I point at him and click me tongue.

"Now ya gettin' it. And usually, I'd just do it on me own and trash the shit cunt in the ring and verbally but King is... Weird."

"How do you mean?"

"You ended his win streak and one of your biggest points in ya promos to throw him off his game was how the cunt has no one and you've got this big ol' group of friends to cradle your sack and not do tag matches with."

"Are you asking for my help here or just being a dick?"

"Both as well as makin' coversation and bonding with ya. Keep up, cunt. How am I gonna throw the cunt off his game? Be ignored by me dad and keep getting texts from an unknown number? Yeah, that's really gonna drive the nail into the coffin. Plus, you fucked him more mentally than I could do, right now anyway, he went from some cocky prick to stalking in the crowd to riding bikes and introing Warfare! You fucked him up, cunt! That cunt was a force! He was a top guy! And you!" I prod Ned's chest. "You, cunt, you ruined him!"

Ned throws his head from side to side.

"I didn't intend to "ruin" him, it was mind games, getting inside his skull. But what won me that match was passion, drive, hard work and endless training. It was Steven Cooper's ghost pushing me to be the best I could possibly be. It was me wanting to prove myself once again! If you want to beat him, Noah, you need to work for it."

I take a sip of beer nodding me head.

"Nah don't wanna. Plus I ain't got no mentor whose gonna pop his clogs any time soon. OH! How's your cholesterol? You feelin' a blood clot comin' on?"

"Not really no."

"Fuck..."

"... Wait hold up, you consider me a mentor?"

"What? Nah, cunt. You're just the closest wrestler to me right now."

Ned scoffs as I finish up my tin and dig into the duffel bag to pull another out. Ned watches as I do so.

"King is just... Eh to me right now. I know he's a solid worker; but eh! You know what I mean?"

"No not at all."

"Like... I know he should be worth the effort but I ain't feelin' it cunt. I feel like I'm too good for him, like I'm stepping down."

"Thinking like that is what's gonna cost you the match."

"Usually I would agree... But right now, nah, I'm not seeing it. If it was during his hot streak, yeah cunt! Top game! Be in there throwing my best shit off at him; givin' both barrels! But... I got to the finals of March Madness despite everyone thinkin' I wouldn't make it past the first two rounds. I had Sidney Grey in the palm of me hand and blew it due to her genius intellect!"

"Didn't she just say "what's that behi-""

"EINSTEIN LEVEL GENIUS! And cunt treachery! Sid got me, cunt, and I'm beat up about it yeah, won't lie, but fuck, cunt... She won it! And she deserved that crown... But I can't stop thinkin' of what if things were different... If I won life would be a shit ton better and not just that... I could be Universal Champion right now! Can you imagine that, Ned!? Can you imagine how I feel?"

Ned takes a drink glaring at me.

"Yes, Noah, I know exactly how you feel I was in the same boat remember?"

"Oh right... Yeah... Sorry."

"It's fine. Continue."

"Right... Basically, what I'm saying is, I tasted the top, the tippy-top! I clawed my way through Anarchy, ran through the mid-card, got the TV and Tags and I blew it! I got hit by a fuckin' car, went through rehab and went back to square one. Ran through dark matches and house shows to come to a massive tourney to reach the top and blow it again."

I take a drink and hang me head a little; Ned sighs rubbing the back of his neck looking at me.

"Noah, I know it sucks. I truly do. But look where you are right now; you're not in a hospital bed and you're not fighting someone in a school gym. You've got a chance at the TV title! That is huge! That's another chance to prove you're someone! It's another path to get you back to where you want to be."

I sigh nodding me head.

"You're right... You're right... You're a good cunt, Ned."

"I try."

"... So any chance you could tell me King's one weakness to make my night go a lot easier?"

Ned laughs before looking around and leaning in a little closer.

"You really wanna know?"

I get all giddy and lean in to listen.

"Put down that fake beer and grab those weights, I'll spot you."

I back up and put the tin down as Ned chuckles standing up.

"Oh you cunt."

I lay down on the bench as Ned walks over to lift the weights with me.

"Less whining more reps."

"That is a shit line."

"Yeah I realized it was as soon as I said it."

We both share a laugh as the scene fades slowly to black.

"UGH!"

"Isaiah King is a cunt I've been campaigning against since I returned to TV."

"He is Thaddeus Duke but better looking and isn't a frustratingly smug cunt."

"Barely."

"He is Peter Vaughn with fewer accomplishments and accolades."

"But at least knows not to call me Nooey-poo or some dumb shit... Hopefully."

"He is Raion Kido but with less free time on his hands."

"And also isn't a sour asshole pretending to be a nice guy that everyone likes."

"Just another cunt spouting one-liners with zero fuckin' substance thinkin' that it will hit. King IS talented, I'm man enough to admit that he is, but talent doesn't mean shit when you've got knuckles connecting to the back of ya skull."

"King is good, but I'm a lot fuckin' better."

"Better talker, better wrestler, better lookin' and better at pogs! I'm fuckin' sick at pogs! TRY ME! The whole thing about you cunt just annoys me, because there is SOMETHING there but it's wrapped in the most mediocre generic bullshit I've ever seen! You could show you are someone who stands out but ya fuckin' can't get it done!"

"You lose to Kaye and you spiral... You rest, you come back and you TRY something new(ish) and it's still fuckin' nothing, cunt! What happens when you lose to me? That is what you should be thinkin' right now, cunt, 'cuz ya need to be planning on what happens when I drop you like a sack of shit and take back my title! Been a while but daddy's home, cunt. And what will become of King when he loses his fresh new crown?"

"Will he back down again and go sit in the crowd watching a better wrestler reach greater heights he could only think of, or will you realize this meandering shit you've grown accustomed to just ain't gonna fuckin' cut it anymore and you're finally going to reinvent yourself fully?"

"Think long and hard about it cunt because I promise you there is only one true ending for this match."

"Me leaving a champ and you broken and lost."

"I may have fucked my chances of getting me crown at March Madness, but at least I get to take down a fake king before I ruin the real one."

"And thanks for keeping me TV title nice and warm for me, cunt, polish her up for me, I wanna see this handsome mug shining back at me when I cradle her in me arms."

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