Lord of Violence Championship: Keiran King © - vs - Jacki O'Lantern
The bell rings and Kieran is reeling from Jacki's wild dive. He tries to get his feet underneath him but Jacki gives him no time to ground himself. She wails upon him with six months worth of frustration. Kieran gets his arms up over his head, but Jacki is possessed and Kieran doesn't even have time to take the Lord of Violence championship off as he back pedals up the aisle, away from the challenger. Jacki presses the attack, catching King in the back of the head with an elbow and then shoving him into the barrier. She grabs his head, and drives him into the barrier once again, this time face first. Two more follow, and King is looking in serious trouble. He tries to climb over the barricade and into the crowd but Jacki isn't giving him any space. She drives her bodyweight into him and topples him. King crashes to the ground at the feet of some of the locals on the other side, and Jacki clambers over.
Seeing King on the ground, she puts a couple of boots to him before noticing the glint if metal still around his waist. Wrestling against his body, she unclasps the Lord of Violence championship and holds it up for the crowd to see. They roar in appreciation while she signals her intent. In the meantime, King is able to use Jacki's posturing to put some distance between himself and Jacki. He pulls himself to his feet and starts to increase the gap, heading up one of the pathways through the crowd. A few overzealous fans give him a smack on the back, which he swipes away at. Looking back, he notices Jacki has begun to follow him. She quickens her pace, the Lord of Violence championship still in her arms. When she thinks King isn't looking, she winds up and prepares to clobber him in the back of the head with the belt. But King was playing possum! He grabs a nearby fan's halal hotdog and squints it into Jacki's face. It causes absolutely zero damage (although maybe some to her pride), but it does confuse Jacki long enough for Kieran to deliver a fierce elbow to her jaw that causes her to wobble on her feet and drop the championship.
With the momentum now swung in King's favour, the two begin to brawl up and down the aisles in the stands. Each time Jacki looks to mount a little comeback, King has a devious way out of it. A combination of thumbs to the eyes, bites, hair pulls, and repeated creative uses of some of the paraphernalia he finds in the crowd, all serve to keep Jacki at bay. He splashes a drink in her face, smacks her with an iPhone, trips her onto an empty chair, and even manages to strangle her with the robe of a Saudi dignitary. Each time, however, Jacki fights her way back into the contest.
Their brawling takes them out of the aisles and into the fans themselves. King literally tramples across the crowd while Jacki shows a little more respect. Again that gives Kieran an advantage, which he uses to pepper in some free, open shots to Jacki's head and upper body. Fighting still, they wind up high above one of the entrance ways into the stadium, and start taking turns smashing each other off the metal railing that prevents them from falling to the concrete below. With the advantage still on his side, this gives King a devious idea. He rakes at Jacki's eyes again to gain some leverage, and then hoists Jacki up onto the railing. He's going to send her over!
Jacki sits, straddled over the railing, as Kieran pushes some more fans out of the way and takes a few steps back. He then launches his attack. Superkick! But Jacki ducked! Still straddled over the railing, she has one opportunity to use King's momentum against him and she throws her body weight just right, dragging King over the railing too. With both competitors delicately balanced, they continue to exchange blows as if there wasn't a solid concrete ground 15 feet below. They don't care, they just keep wailing on each other. Kieran again tries to take over and tries to slam Jacki's head into the railing like she had done many times in this match to him.
Jacki starts to slip!
King does it again!
Jacki's going to fall!
Again from King!
That's it! That's got to be enough!
Jacki begins to fall!
She grabs Kieran's leg on the way, pulling him down too!
With a horrendous CRASH, both Kieran King and Jacki O'Lantern fall to the ground! The ref has no clue what to do, and just opts to wait. Eventually, King begins to stir and starts crawling through the entrance tunnel. Once more this time at a snail's pace, Jacki pursues.
The two disappear into the bowels of the stadium, but the match is not yet over! It'll continue backstage soon enough!
For now, there's a show that still needs to go on!
The camera cuts backstage to where Jacki O'Lantern walks the hallways - her match against Kieran King is still technically underway!
That match continues - right now!
"Quit hiding, Kieran!"
She shouts down the corridor, but there's no sign of Kieran anywhere. Random staff members and average Joes steer clear of the face-painted Queen of Trickery. As she makes her way along the path, she pokes her nose into the various other doorways along the way. Among the sights she sees are Madame Leveau in a trance-like state as she plays with the forces of voodoo; Chris Mosh staring lovingly into his own eyes in a mirror; and Darren Dangerous doing something that is really best left unspoken about. It involved a funnel, a goldfish, and about a pound of butter. Any further details are likely to result in Madness being taken off the air forever.
By the time Jacki rounds a corner at the end of the corridor, she starts to get frustrated. But just then, a familiar sound…
Meow…
Wait a minute!
In her determination to find Kieran, she didn't even realise where in the building she was! She bolts for the nearest door, which is to Kieran King's dressing room!
Meow…
She bursts through the door and finds her cats still in the cage where she saw them earlier in the night. She approaches, but…
"You really fell for the same trick twice, huh?"
Jacki spins just in time to see a baseball bat swung at her! She tries to move out of the way, and the bat swings wildly over her head. Unfortunately, Jacki isn't lucky enough on the second attempt, which catches her squarely in the abdomen. Doubled over, she looks up and sees that of course the wielder is none other than King himself. King lifts the bat once more and brings it crashing down on Jacki's back. He tosses it to the side and covers. In the tight space, the referee takes some time to get into a good position, and that gives Jacki enough time to kick out at 2. King grumbles something in the direction of the cats before dragging Jacki to her feet and tossing her clean out the doorway. She spills back out into the corridor.
Following after her, King stomps on Jacki's fingers as she tries to get to her feet. This brings her up onto her knees which allows King to drive her head into the wall. Dazed and confused, Jacki can't figure out which way is up. King grabs hold of her again and hurls her down the hallway once more. Jacki bounces along the ground as she falls. King, meanwhile, takes his time, stalking his challenger. Just as she tries to get to her feet again, he's there with a knee to the side of the head and Jacki crawls down the hallway trying to get to a safe distance. It's to no avail. King uses whatever he can find to punish Jacki. He hits her with a clipboard, a trash can, a mop, and so on. He even takes a bowl of hot stew that one of the staff has and pours it onto Jacki before bouncing the bowl off her head. Everything and anything he can think of gets systematically thrown in her direction, leaving a trail of trash behind them. King seems in no hurry. Content to strike with discrete efforts rather than even trying to cover her again. Perhaps ironically given his opponent, he seems possessed, like a monster out of a horror movie.
Still Jacki tries to put distance between the two, but this particular hallway is nearing its end as well. She hits the wall and tries to use it to support herself standing up. King is having none of that. He darts forward with his knee again, trying to sandwich Jacki's head between it and the wall - with force! But Jacki moves! King's knee cracks against the wall and he lets out a mighty yelp. Somehow Jacki Digs deep and finds it within her to get up. King hobbles towards her and she drops down, kicking him right in the knee. He crumples to the floor! Jacki tries to follow-up with a DDT, but King rakes at her face. Unhappy with the momentum beginning to balance out, he scampers for the nearest door as quick as he can on an injured leg.
The door reads 'CAR PARK'.
Jacki follows after. But King is nowhere to be seen.
This match will continue, but the show still goes on in the meantime!
The camera cuts to the back where it once again picks up Jacki O'Lantern on the hunt for Kieran King. She's in the car park this time. Not the car park for the regular rabble. That's a short distance away across a bit of parkland. Instead, she's out the back near the production truck where talent, staff, management, and Saudi representatives all enter from.
A sound catches her attention.
Meow…
"I'm not falling for that again, Kieran!"
She knows he's here. Somewhere.
"You should."
His voice sounds echoic and almost electronic.
Meow…
Suddenly, an engine roars to life! Louder than any regular car, it takes Jacki by complete surprise!
The sound is deafening, making it hard for Jacki to think. She steps out from between a row of cars, and inexplicably, there in the middle of the car park, is Kieran King driving a monster truck!
Because reasons!
Jacki's eyes widen when she sees what else is there.
It's the cage full of her cats! And Kieran King's monster truck is pointed right at them!
WTF!
He speaks to her through an intercom.
"Last chance, Jacki! Forfeit the match, or the cats become dog food, just like I used to think they were when I was like 3 years old."
"You're a monster!"
"Correction. I'm a champion. But it would be pretty monstrous if somebody had a chance to save some adorable little kitties and decided to be a selfish asshole and prioritised getting a piece of fancy jewellery instead. Ball's in your court!"
Kieran revs the engine. A commotion comes from off screen, and a bunch of XWF personnel file out into the car park and run towards the monster truck, putting themselves between King and the cat cage.
"Stop!"
"Don't do it!"
"Cats are people too!"
They plead with King to reconsider. He revs the engine again.
Then an engine revs again.
An engine.
Not his.
Headlights blast their way through the shadows to the side of the screen, and the sound of an engine even louder than Kieran's vibrates the very molecules of reality and makes Suzie the Deaf Cafeteria Lady be able to hear again for the first time since she came back from Bosnia in the 90s.
It's Jacki O'Lantern! And she has her own monster truck!!!
OMG! Please nobody ask why there just happen to be two monster trucks lying around!
"Oh shit…"
Kieran's truck is turned in the opposite direction to Jacki's, with his entire side exposed. He quickly tries to get the mammoth vehicle moving, but Jacki is quicker on the draw. She charges her truck forward, never once considering to hit the brakes.
CRAAAAAAAAASH!!!!!!!
Jacki's monster truck careens into the side of Kieran's. Sparks fly! Engines die! Rednecks around the world spit in the palm!
An eerie silence befalls the gathered staff. A slow banging interrupts it, and Jacki's door flies open. Triumphantly, she stands at the edge of her truck.
The sight of Kieran struggling within his own draws her attention.
"You fucking psycho! My leg is stuck! Trapped! It might be fucking gone for all I know! You're a goddamn crazy bitch! I wasn't really going to run them over! I was just trying to get you to fucking quit!"
Jacki looks stoic and resolute.
"Don't fuck with my cats."
She clambers from her truck to Kieran's over the crinkled steel and steaming engine. Reaching his truck, she fights against the door to get it open. Kieran is helpless within.
Eventually she gets it, and as soon as the door opens, Kieran slumps out of the cabin and onto the hood of her truck. He can't stand. Jacki looks down at him, with no fucks given.
Then she pulls him up and hits No Fucks Given.
The cover is just a formality at this point.
1… 2… 3.
Jacki O'Lantern has
finally gained revenge on Kieran King, and regained the Lord of Violence.
Looking into the cabin of Kieran's monster truck, she spies an extra set of keys. Her eyes widen with glee. Snatching them up, she drops from the truck to the ground, landing in a super badass hero pose. A surge of adrenaline takes over and she strides over to the cage her cats are in.
The keys unlock the cage.
She has her championship, and her cats.
Except one.
A little black cat bolts from the enclosure and bounds up onto the truck where Kieran still lays.
It nuzzles into his body.
Meow…
Jacki looks back and smiles, realising she may have also gotten what she was after all along. She may have softened King up a bit.
If he recovers that is…
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