I fell further and further into the abyss.

Further than I ever thought possible.

With every second that passed the flames grew hotter, the burns more severe.

Just one step was all it took, and it was nothing but a downward spiral from there.

My whole being: soul, spirit, body and all, was falling into an inferno far beyond my control, far beyond my comprehension.

But how did I even get here?

As I turned to the right, I saw nothing but vermin falling beside me. I saw nothing but my own failures and my own mistakes, I saw nothing but the disgusting face of the Unknown Soldier I had drafted in the second round. I drafted him, the most vile creature on the roster, and here I was just two weeks later: already halfway down the highway to hell, being shepherded down a funnel to SATAN!

Was this his plan all along? Did Soldier even care about War Games, or was this an elaborate trick? Was Soldier about to sell my soul to HIS Dark Master? And if he was…how was I going to stop it, now that I was falling straight into the devil’s lap?

I drafted him out of necessity, out of desperation. Not just to win a match, no- I didn’t NEED Soldier to win at War Games. I needed Soldier so that I could learn more about myself, and about the dark necklace of mi madre. I grew up in this world so sure of myself, so sure of my family’s legacy, so sure that I would always be on the right side of history.

But now? After all I’ve learned since her death?

Now I’m not sure of anything…I haven’t been sure of mierda since the first time I took the mask off! It seems like every day I learn something new about my family legacy, about mi madre’s dark secrets…and now I’m left wondering: has my family EVER been on the right side of ANYTHING?

And if they haven’t….how could I ever hope to break that cycle? I used to think I was so honorable, so noble, so much better than the filthy brutes that litter this industry……but then I drafted three of the filthiest brutes on the payroll to my team.

Why did I do that?

When was this falling going to stop?

¡¿QUÉ MIERDA ME PASA?!

Who have I become? I have always been THE bastard daughter of THE bastard, so why should my acceptance of that change anything? That bastard’s blood has always flown through me, bubbling just beneath the surface, swimming in my veins…so why did it feel different now?

Why do *I* feel different now?

I bet it’s all Tommy Wish’s fault…..he ruined my Anarchy title reign, my 24/7 freestyle reign, he practically ruined my life when he locked me into that room for months on end! I don’t know if I’ve ever hated anyone as much as I hate Tommy Wish….I think I might hate him more than I ever hated The Nickleman. I was set to compete in the Cannabis Cup as an XWF double-champion, I could have made my legacy then and there: until Tommy Wish came along to drag me down to his depths, just like the Unknown Soldier was doing to me now.

As I kept on falling, further and further into the depths of darkness, I couldn’t help but second guess every step I had taken along this path.

I drafted Mercy because I wanted a secret weapon in my back pocket. I drafted Unknown Soldier because I wanted to unlock the secrets buried deep inside my soul. Now, I’m asking myself the question everyone else has been asking me for weeks…..WHY THE F**K DID I DRAFT TOMMY WISH?!?!

As the flames grew hotter still I could feel my blood boiling inside my melting flesh. The Unknown Soldier just laughed as his own painted face began to liquify. I think back to the night of the draft as I closed my eyes, or rather, as my eye sockets melted over my eyes, shrouding them in a burning darkness.

If I’m bound to go to hell, I may as well confront my own personal demons along the way- and the THUG turned FREAK has been obsessed with possessing me for months. So why did I ever draft him? I hate him, I want to see his insides go outside, I want to see his career snuffed out, just like he tried to do to mine.

So why do I want to stand shoulder-to-shoulder with him at War Games? After all he’s put me through, shouldn’t I want to make him tap out of life, once and for all? You’d think so…but sometimes, life isn’t that simple. Trust me, I wish my life was as simple as I once believed it was.

Before I try to open my eyes I realize that I drafted Tommy Wish because, even through it all, I don’t blame him for what happened. He’s just a creepy idiot who can’t control his impulses. The true villain, as cliche as it sounds, was this cruel world that didn’t care enough about their Anarchy champion to organize a twenty-minute search party. If I’m going to get revenge for what happened to me, Tommy Wish can’t be the target….he’d be all too happy to submit to me.

If I ever want to get revenge for the way I was so easily discarded by the XWF like human trash, I need to aim a lot higher than Tommy Wish. I need to aim for the entire world, for the entire UNIVERSE….I will need to make those cosmos burn, forevermore! And what better way to start my quest for vengeance than by waging war against the whole roster, all at once, until it submits?

They always said hell hath no fury like a latina woman’s scorn, but that was never actually true- not until now. Not until this very moment, when the Latina Submission Machina finally landed into the very depths of hell where her madre shall lay for eternity!

UMPH!

LSM and the Unknown Soldier finally crash onto the hard rock floor of Satan’s demesne. As LSM opens her eyes she looks up and sees the not-so pearly gates of the Underworld. Soldier picks himself up off the ground and, after brushing some hell dust off his shoulders, offers a helping hand to his team captain. LSM looks at him skeptically, still unsure of his intentions.

Come on, we don’t have all day.

LSM reluctantly takes Soldier’s hand and is pulled up to her feet. LSM starts patting herself down, as if she were inspecting her body and her clothing for damage. Much to her surprise, she is perfectly fine. Her make-up even looks fresher now! Soldier chuckles softly to himself as LSM finally looks back up at him with a mix of anger and confusion.

The highway to hell is a bumpy road, I probably should have warned you. But you always come out ok in the end! The Big Guy takes care of people like us down here.

LSM raises her painted eyebrow inquisitive.

People like us?

HIS people!

I’m not his people.

LSM puts up her hands defensively. Soldier grabs a hold of LSM’s wrist. She tries to pull back, but he holds her firmly.

Let go!

See this?

Soldier points to a small black mark on LSM’s wrist. As the camera zooms in incredibly close on the small black mark, it becomes clear that it’s a tiny inverted cross.

Your mother marked you at birth so that you could travel between the planes. My mother did the same to me.

Soldier lets go of LSM’s wrist and holds up his own, revealing a similar black dot.

Wait, what?! Mi madre said it was a birthmark!

Don’t you know by now that all witches are liars?

LSM looks angrily at Soldier, but then she looks down at her wrist for inspection. When she looks closely and squints, she can make out the mark. Her jaw drops.

Now let’s go, they’re probably waiting for us by now!

Wait, hold up! Who’s waiting for us? You haven’t even told me what the hell we’re doing in hell, and I won’t let you sell my soul to Satan!

Soldier laughs and rolls his eyes.

Sell your soul to Satan? Girl, he already has it! Your mother beat me to that a LOOOOONG, LOOOOONG time ago!

…..

The killers are probably waiting for us! Fuck, we gav em' a week to prepare. I told the assistant to SATAN!’s right hand man that we were going to need two of the meanest motherfuckers they had. That must've leaked. Last I heard the killers holed up at some shitfole in the middle of the desert, and now we need to drag them out of there, and out of hell! Or at least parts of them…heh.

Soldier smirks as he starts walking up the stairs and through the gates of hell. LSM stomps her feet into the barren wastes of hell as she marches after him. LSM follows Soldier as he leads her through a barren landscape and over a hill. Once Unknown Soldier gets to the top of the hill he stops and turns around.

You coming? If we wait any longer they might just get more reinforcements!

What?

Just take a look!

As LSM finally reaches the top of the hill, she sees a sight she recognizes instantly: IT’S THE ALAMO! But this time she doesn’t see any tourists or gift shops, but instead, she sees torches and cannons perched atop the fort’s walls! Men bustle across the top of the fort as commands are shouted and battlebanners are raised. Wait…..do those flags have the BOB logo?!?!

Soldier….what the fuck is going on? Why the fuck is the Alamo here?

Are you kidding me? After the massacre that occurred there, this place has a permanent place in hell! It’s one of the only forts down here, because well, usually people are good at defending forts and massacres don’t happen there! But everything is bigger in Texas…especially the Ls they take!

Soldier cackles in laughter as LSM squints down at the fort. As she takes a longer look at The Alamo, she can tell that it’s being manned almost exclusively by skeleton soldiers! The bones of the dead men rattle as they run across the walls of the fort, but LSM notices their mouths never move. LSM starts looking around for the source of the shouts, and she sees none other than the members of SUDDEN DEATH ordering the skeleton men around!

Why the hell is BOB in hell?!

Well everyone in BOB is eventually going to hell because they’re all shitty people, but those guys aren’t actually members of BOB. This is all some dumbass psychological warfare shit, just illusions. Ever since that Space Wizard Anthony Hopkins got word that his ass was on the chopping block, he started pulling all sorts of Hannibal Lecter shit out of his pocket- or at least, that’s what the demon bats have been telling me in my sleep.

ANTHONY HOPKINS?!

Yeah, him and Ramirez are holed up in the Alamo with those corpses! I guess the Alamo used to be a Catholic mission or something, so apparently those skeletons are more than willing to go against our Dark Master’s directives.

YOUR Dark Master! And wait, why is Anthony Hopkins here?! He’s not dead, and he’s not a killer!

I told the Big Guy’s right hand man’s assistant that we needed the two nastiest, most irredeemable killers for a special satanic project we were working on. This is who they picked. They know more than we do, so I wouldn’t question it.

How are we supposed to take out all those skeleton guys?! They have guns and cannons, and we don’t have any of that!

But we have these, and down here, that means we have all the power!

Unknown Soldier holds up his pendant, which is now glowing as profusely as ever. LSM looks down at her own pendant and notices that it, too, is glowing once more. LSM looks back up at her Unknown Soldier as he beckons for her to press her pentagram to his.

Trust me….

LSM looks down at her pentagram, then to the Alamo, then back to Soldier. When she drafted him, she couldn’t trust him as far as she could throw him…but now that they were standing shoulder-to-shoulder, what choice did she have? LSM bit her lip before giving in and pressing her scarlet glowing necklace against Unknown Soldier’s.

When the pentagrams touched, a large portal opened just overhead! A small stream of red magic drifted out of the touching pentagrams and up towards the gray portal, turning it crimson, and suddenly hellish hounds began to pour out of the portal and charge the Alamo! LSM’s eyes grew wide while Soldier’s grin grew wider. The skeletal soldiers of the Alamo began pounding the cannons and firing their muskets, and one by one the hounds of hell began to fall…but they never stopped coming out of the portal!

What do we do?

We can just stand here and talk shit, eventually the Alamo will be overrun just like it was before! These guys can’t defend it, not against the powers of our pentagram.

What, we can just sit here and talk shit and our magical amulets will do all the hard work?

Exactly.

Ay Dios Mio! It’s exactly like TNGB! Bourbon would always just stand around and talk shit, while TK did all the heavy lifting!

Yeah, pretty much. It’s really easy to win battles when someone else does all the dying and all the killing for you. Bourbon became a tag champion the same way an office worker becomes a 5 star general- with the blood, sweat, and tears of harder working bastards!

LSM shook her head in awe as the hounds of hell began scaling the walls of the Alamo. The skeletal musketman did their best, but they were simply outnumbered. The Bobby Bourbon and the Oswald illusions manning the walls began freaking out as they saw their situation, and suddenly Oswald pulled a horn off of his waistband! He blows into it, causing LSM to turn back to Soldier.

What’s he doing now?

He’s calling reinforcements!

Oh, of course BOB needed more reinforcements! Chris Page must be ashamed of what that group has turned into in his absence. After all, Chris Page founded the group, did he not?

I do believe that is the group’s origins, yes.

Chris Page founded the group, and now it’s fallen further than he ever thought it could. There was a time when BOB held the universal championship and the tag belts, but that was a long time ago! BOB has simply fallen off, and they haven’t accomplished caca as a group since they came back together! Chris Page is probably embarrassed that they started back up, tarnishing the brand that HE was the origins of.

Wait, is that him?

LSM looks over as Soldier points off into the distance. Sure enough, Chris Page is riding to the rescue on a white horse, carrying a new banner altogether. Next to Page and traveling at the same pace, a misshapen penis flops around on the ground towards the Alamo.

Those must be the reinforcements!

Chris Page coming to help BOB? That’s how you know they’re desperate! And what is that next to him?

I think that’s TK!

We can’t let them stop our hounds!

Oh, don’t you worry about that.

I’m not THAT worried about it because Chris Page is washed up and past his prime- but we still shouldn’t make this easy for him! Heck, if I have to, I’ll head down this hill and stop him myself! Chris Page should know better than to come around here anymore, after all, his XWF career permanently and LEGALLY ended when he lost to the guy Thunder Knuckles beat. So now, Chris Page has no official business in this company!

You know Soldier, I heard a rumor that Chris Page ‘doesn’t tap out, he passes out’! You know pretty much everyone says that until I have them in a toehold, but heck, I hope it’s true! If Chris Page doesn’t tap out, then it won’t OFFICIALLY be against the rules for me to keep that hold locked in for extra long! Because after all, Chris Page OFFICIALLY isn’t allowed to work in the XWF anymore! So it won’t TECHNICALLY be against the rules for me to keep an unconscious man in a chokehold for ten extra minutes, because TECHNICALLY Chris Page can’t wrestle anymore in the XWF, so TECHNICALLY I’m not doing anything to anyone!

Why are YOU emphasizing all YOUR words like that? You sound R-E-T-A-R-D-E-D!

You sound derivative!

As LSM and Soldier bicker, the hell hounds get over the walls and start ripping everything to shreds! As the skeletal soldiers fall, some of the hellhounds hop back out OVER the walls, and charge right at the lost dick and the white horse savior! Chris Page draws his sword as the flopping dick squirts out some jizz, but two seconds later they’re both squirting out blood as the hell hounds rip into them! LSM cringes as Soldier laughs. The Alamo suddenly grows quiet as the portal above their heads closes.

Well, time to go clean up the mess! Ramirez and Hopkins won’t chop themselves up!

Soldier places his pentagram back around his neck as he starts walking down the hill, towards the Alamo. LSM looks hesitant.

I don’t know about this….

Come on, LSM- we have to do this, for our team, and for SATAN! Would it make you more comfortable if we cut the cameras?

I think so, yeah…

The screen suddenly goes to black as Soldier and LSM walk towards the Alamo to do unspeakable things to the corpses of Hopkins and Ramirez.