Last Time on The Adventures of our Fearsome Foursome…

And now, the adventure continues!

I don’t know if you’ve ever been thrown into a pool unexpectedly? That sucks, right?

Now, Imagine you’re just kneeling in front of some tablet computer… And suddenly, boom. In the middle of the ocean.

The waves were choppy, the black night made it impossible to see your hand in front of your face.

To stay here was death. Flynn knew that.

Flynn swam calmly, focusedly, fully aware of the statistics that his body, while well maintained, would give out after about 7 to 10 miles. He wasn’t a long distance swimmer, and in fact, the musculature he’d built up for fighting would weigh him down over time.

If he was 11 miles from land, he’d die out here.

If he was swimming in the wrong direction, he’d die out here.

Thankfully, by luck or not panicking or the Optimal Path… Whatever you choose to believe, Flynn had managed to reach some shore after about 4 and a half miles…

He crawled onto the shore, dry-heaving, emptying a half-gallon of ocean water that had gotten into his stomach.

That’s when the spotlights from several beach towers shown down on him.

“STAY WHERE YOU ARE, ESCAPEE! WE HAVE YOU SURROUNDED!”

He heard a rushing of footsteps on the beach… He managed to trip one from the ground before a nightstick caught him in the side of the head…

Hey, fuck you, you try swimming 5 miles then you see how you do fighting seven guys.

***

Flynn’s eyes flutter. He feels the cold metal of a chair on his back.

”Ah, good, you’re finally awake.”

Flynn squints. He tries to straighten himself, but his arms are bound… The metal clinking clarifies he’s handcuffed to the chair.

“Where am I?”

“Oh goodness… I was hoping you’d have the answer to that question, Mark Flynn.”

Flynn peers out the corner of his eyes.

And sees dressed in an orange jumpsuit… The North Korean War Criminal.

“Oh, good. You’re alive.” Flynn says, genuinely relieved. “Didn’t realize you were much of a swimmer, NK.”

“Oh, I quickly accounted for the wind and the tide and relaxed my breathing to float. Within a few minutes, the current drifted me to dry land.”

“...Huh. Neat.”

“How did you escape the ocean, Mark Flynn?”

“...Yeah. Pretty much the same way.”

NK smiles, delighted at the overlap in thinking.

Flynn finally has a moment to take in his surroundings. It looks like Flynn and NK are seated at a desk… in a courtroom. Facing the judge’s bench.

Based on Flynn’s handful of times in court, he knew that based on how he was on the far-side from the jury box… He and NK must be on the defense.

“...Now, how’d we get here?”

“Well…” NK reaches in the back of his orange sweatpants and retrieves the manual for the W.E.I.R.D. “The last I recall, Mark Flynn, you hit the button rapidly to utilize the teleportation functionality of the W.E.I.R.D…”

Flynn peers at NK’s free hands… “Why aren’t you handcuffed, NK?”

NK lifts his arm and demonstrates the dangling metal on his hand. “Oh, I was. Don’t feel too special, Mark Flynn!” NK chortles, as if Flynn was trying to impress him with the fact that he had been physically detained. NK finally finds the page…

“Yes, here we are. Quantum Micro Tunnel Functionality… Clause 3: ‘If the user has failed to input valid dimensions, a warning message will display, notifying the user of potential danger in their input.”

Flynn bites his lip. “...Yeah, okay, I’m vaguely remembering that.”

“If the user proceeds with invalid dimensional coordinates, said user will be transported via Tesla's Quantum Micro Tunnel technology always exits in an open field on a tropical island in the middle of the Pacific ocean…”

“Huh. So maybe the island in this… dimension was… sunk? Or destroyed?”

“Conceivable, Mark Flynn. We were definitely deposited in the middle of the ocean, which deviates from the write-up here in the manual…”

“NK, just cut it out with the manual! You’ve probably read it cover-to-cover by now and haven’t found an IOTA of valuable info in there!”

“I mean, I did discover this…”

NK reaches down to Flynn’s handcuffed wrist… And his finger rests just above Flynn’s wrist… Suddenly, Flynn’s previously empty wrist is once again wearing the W.E.I.R.D. Flynn is mesmerized, looking backwards down the chair at his arm.

“What the f-”

“Optical sensor, blocking lightwaves during long periods of inactivity or perceived danger. Rendering the W.E.I.R.D. effectively invisible.”

NK taps the bottom of a page in the manual.

“Section 8, Clause 3: Anti-Theft Protection.”

“...Huh. Okay, cool. That’s… Good to know. Any other features I should know about?”

“Well, we attempted to utilize the Quantum Micro Tunneler’s Undo feature… And nothing happened.”

Flynn squinted, confused. “Who is ‘we’?”

At that moment, behind NK, Ash Q. leans forward.

“Hi hi!”

Flynn is taken aback, startled.

“Who the Hell are you?”

NK blushes, embarrassed.

“Ah, how rude of me to not introduce you! Mark Flynn, this is Miss Ashley Quinn. She apparently joined us after our teleportation excursion.”

“...We had a tag-along?”

“TWO ACTUALLY!”

Right in Flynn’s ear, Jenny Myst pops up and shouts. Flynn falls backwards in his chair… which he is still handcuffed to.

NK leans over Flynn’s chair.

“And THIS is Miss Jennifer Myst.”

“...Okay.”

Flynn takes a deep breath and tucks his legs up to his chest. In an incredible feat of control and balance, he kicks his legs up, driving his back and the chair against the ground… With juuuuust enough power to restabilize the chair.

Jenny, Ash and NK all politely clap at this feat.

Flynn seethes. “Why am I the only one who’s handcuffed?!?”

Jenny, Ash and NK all raise their wrists to demonstrate their dangling chains. They previously were handcuffed, they all just broke out.

…Flynn sighs.

“Okay. Let’s start over at the top. We’re in some parallel dimension. Some dimension that was supposed to have a desert island but didn’t. And we’ve got two dimension-hopping hitch hikers with us?”

“Hey! That’s all relative! You ever think about how WE might be on our own journey and YOU might be the ride-along!”

“Ignoring that thought. NK, what do you mean the undo button on the Quantum… Whatsy-Whosit didn’t work?”

“I believe you’ll find it’s actually called a ‘Buster-Outer’. I decided it earlier, that’s what it’s called now.”

“I didn’t say it didn’t work, Mark Flynn. Only that nothing happened.” NK flips open the pages of the section on Quantum Micro Tunneling… Jenny and Ash both lean forward to read-along with NK. Flynn tries to lean forward too… But he’s still handcuffed to the chair. He exhales frustratedly.

NK’s finger traces the manual. “IF the last command input into the W.E.I.R.D. was a function of the Quantum Micro Tunneler, then pressing undo… or opening the history option and selecting a previous common destination from the current position in spacetime… Should reset back to the previous coordinates.” NK snaps the manual shut.

“However! Pressing the undo button in our current state…” NK reaches down to Flynn’s wrist and flicks the display with his index finger. A little chime plays.

“The success sound plays as if the command is recognized without error… But, then nothing happens.”

Flynn sighs, leaning back in his chair.

“Welp. Guess your manual doesn’t know what the fuck it’s talking about.” Flynn leans over to Myst.

“Listen up. What’s most likely happened is the teleporter…”

“Quantum Micro-Tunneler.”

“Buster-Outer.”

“WHATEVER IT’S CALLED.”

Flynn rapidly turns on Ash Q. “Before we move on, do you some stupid joke name you want to throw in the mix?”

“...I had a few, but go ahead.”

Flynn sighs.

“THE THING… teleported us to some alternate dimension. Now, we know from studying Omega’s past adventures that whenever he goes to some new dimension, he usually ends up at the homebase for that dimension’s Jay Omega.”

Flynn nods, coming to terms with the situation as he logically reasons it out.

“So, what must have happened is… We’re in some kind of Jay-Omega… court, maybe? Some Judge Jay Omega horseshit.”

“That geek?!? Who’d elected him judge?”

“Most likely a democratic majority of other Jay Omegas.”

“SO!” Flynn cuts in, silencing his fellow defendants(?)... “Obviously, we’re about to be tried in some interdimensional court for being caught with Omega’s device. Which means we’re busting out of here.”

“YEAH! BUSTER-OUTER TIME!”

“...Mark Flynn, your theory does demonstrate a system of logic. But, why would they know about the device if it was in its invisible mode?”

“Well, clearly Omega would have some… device detection… method.”

“Then, why would they leave it on your person?”

…Flynn squints… Then nods.

“...Yeah, okay! You’re right, NK! Jay must not know that I have it! Advantage: Us”

”Unless this isn’t Jay Omega’s court at all! What if we’ve really been captured by the orderlies! Who’ve come to take me back to the asylum?!?”

Flynn side-eyes Jenny. “Jesus Christ, it’s always about you, huh?”

“...Little bit.” Ash Q mutters. Jenny gives her partner a stern look and Q shuts her mouth.

“Listen here, Jenn. This is OUR cross-dimensional space adventure! With OUR tag-team rival, who is some kind of Space… Captain guy…”

“Space Captain… Guy? Is that his official title?”

“We’re not 100% sure yet on his whole deal.”

“We’re still actively investigating his, quote, ‘whole deal’, unquote.”

“BUT!” Flynn turns back to Jenny. “We’ve got a pretty good idea as to what’s going on here. And I can safely say… Sister, it’s got NOTHING to do with you.”

Myst pouts for a second… Then suddenly, a bailiff, wearing a masquerade mask, enters from a door on the side.

“ALL RISE! COURT IS NOW IN SESSION!”

Myst, Q and NK all rise with their hands behind their back… Flynn tries to rise, but he’s still handcuffed to a chair… He eventually sort of squats into a crouch… It’s the best he can do.

“THE HONORABLE JUDGE…”

The bailiff clears his throat.

“JENNY MYST PRESIDING!”

Suddenly, from the corner of the courtroom… 7 and a half feet tall… In a white wig and black robes…

It’s a giant Judge Jenny Myst. Face identical to the one sitting on the bench… But bigger.

Q is stunned.

NK is quizzical.

Flynn is seething angry, side-eyeing Jenny.

Myst has a smug face like she’s been proven completely correct.

The Judge Jenny Myst bangs her gavel once.

“The Trial to determine Jenn-Jenn’s sanity… BEGINS!”

***

“I’m back after a hella long time and Jen and I get tossed against the twins from the Shining, but if they were in the special class. It’s like a prom night dumpster baby decided to eat its twin but then reconsidered. I mean there were times when I looked tougher than hell but it was usually after Jen kicked my ass. If we were to beat the duck out of you two it would knock you from “no way in fucking hell” to “not with his dick” on the will you take her home at 2am scale. They’re too scared to even speak against us!”

"So, are we that scary?"

Ash nods, "you've been pretty scary lately."

"They haven't responded, and even if they do, what are they going to say? For real? I mean, we made them look stupid. All of the egg on the entire face. Including the mustaches. Over easy, gooey. We team up with the tag team champs to take on a group of vagabonds that, for some reason, two of whom are getting a tag title shot at the pay per view. This is madness!"

"This is Sparta!" Ash and Jenny high-five.

"Well placed."

"Thanks."

"But for realzzzzzz......I have a match on Anarchy, I have to face Bobby Bourbon at the Pay Per View, I am on a four match winning streak, and it seems like everyone wants to play with me all of the sudden! So many new friends! It is a real shame that I don't play well with others. I don't like to share my toys!

It is a problem I have always had.

But now, it is even worse. You see, I don't have annoyances anymore, I don't even have dislikes. I have major, psychotic fucking hatreds, and unlike before, I can't control it. Also unlike before, I just ride the wave of emotion instead of trying to suppress it, to beat it down. The doctors at the asylum told me that expression was healthy. Problem is, my expression is often violent. My expression is often wayyyy too much. I am what the kids say these days, 'extra'. I love it. So now NK and Flynn get to see the real Jenny Myst, and what she is capable of. Better keep those titles close boys, because this whole 'I don't care about titles' thing.....it could change."

Ash gasps. "Are you threatening our tag partners?!"

"No. I am simply telling them that I don't trust anyone, even myself. I could wake up one day and decide I want to take the belts, and when that happens, I won't stop until I get what I want like a spoiled child! Whole tantrum and everything! Its a vibe.

But for now I am focused on this match, and on building momentum going into the Pay Per View. Why would I be anything else? These Omega boys can put on all the costumes they want and the sewar sisters can continue to be radio silent, what they do doesn't matter. This is about how I come out and perform. This about how I am back to prove myself after Bobby Bourbon levels of doubt. And that's pretty big. He's big and not the good big. Yuck.

So I am going to do my part in all this chaos. I am going to the ring and just have fun. What is life without fun? It's boring......and nobody likes boring! I have to say, Flynn and NK are goofy, and they...well....they get me. They understand where I am coming from. They understand that some of the most fun a person can have comes from a place of pain. They understand what it takes to be top competitors in this business but also not take any shit. They are tough cookies!

It makes me feel good to know that there is at least some new talent here. This place was a monotonous mess when I left, and I didn't expect much change getting back. I expected to be on the outside looking in, as usual, and for the first time in my life I was okay with that. I wanted to be so far off the radar you'd think I was a pilot for Malaysian Airlines. Like that old song says, 'you can't always get what you want'. Here I am, smack in the middle of the XWF television juggernaut, and booked on every card so far this month. So buy your tickets, your XWF tee shirts and 64oz. soda mugs, ice cream bars, and foam fingers---none of which feature me, by the way---and strap yourself in because Warfare gets a new meaning this week.

XWF wants a war? They've got one.

***

“Your honor…” Says Prosecuting Attorney Jenny Myst, wearing a pinstripe business suit and pants. “I may be an old country asylum lawyer… But even I can see that Jenny Myst is cuckoo for cocoa puffs bonkers”

“I OBJECT TO THIS WHOLE TRIAL! I DIDN’T EVEN GET TO GO TO RECESS YET!” Says Jenny Myst, the real Jenny Myst, sitting on the defense.

“Miss Myst, are you claiming this trial is, in any way, unfair?”

“OF COURSE, I AM! LOOK AT THE JURY BOX! HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY SAY THIS IS A JURY OF MY PEERS!”

The jury box, of course, contains 12 identical Jenny Mysts.

Flynn tries to lean to the left side… Away from all the Mysts in the room.

“Hey, NK?”

NK is currently flipping through manual pages.

“Yes, Mark Flynn?”

“...I’m starting to think that… We’re not in a Jay-Omega court.”

NK nods, still flipping. “Most astute Mark Flynn.”

“...But, we used the Quantico Mini-Tunnel.”

“Quantum Micro-Tunneler.*”

“So, we should be in some Jay Omega homebase, right?”

“We would be, Mark Flynn!” Finally, NK stops flipping. “IF we used the Quantum Micro-Tunneler!”

NK sticks his finger onto the top of Chapter 15: The Mind Tunneler.

“Unfortunately… I fear we actually used the Mind Tunneler. It is only the next feature over.”

“...Mind tunneler?”

NK lifts his finger into the air. “Indeed, Mark Flynn! We are not, in fact, in another dimension across space-time. We are, in fact, in the same dimension… The XWF Dimension! But, we have entered into a subconscious construct representing Jenny Myst’s mind! The mind tunneler’s targeting is apparently drawn to metal…”

Ash Q snaps her fingers! “Oh! Then maybe Jenny drew the mind tunneler’s targeting when she tried to whack y’all with Barney’s trash can lid!”

“She did what?!?”

“...Nothing, never mind. But it makes sense! This is how Jenny sees the world. The court system are a crock dedicated to lock her back up. And she’s paranoid everything is about her, which is why everyone here is some reflection of herself.”

Flynn scrunches his brow, but sees the logic.

“Okay, Ash. If this IS some metaphysical construct of Jenny’s mind… What do you think the odds are that we can get a fair trial here?”

“...Honestly, I’m surprised we haven’t already been found gui-”

“GUILTY!” Judge Jenny Myst bangs her gavel.

“Ah, there we go.”

“GUILTY! GUILTY GUILTY GUILTY!” Judge Jenny points to the masquerade bailiff, who walks in with a gurney and a straight jacket! “YOU ARE CERTIFIABLY INSANE, JENNY MYST! AND YOU ARE GOING BACK INTO THE ASYLUM FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE!”

Myst beside Flynn is panicking, frozen in fear at the idea of going back to the asylum… Flynn sighs, then sees behind the giant Judge Jenny Myst… A window…

“NOW! BEFORE WE LOCK YOU AWAY FOREVER! I’M GOING TO DRONE ON ABOUT HOW THIS IS ALL FAIR AND JUST!”

Flynn taps Jenny’s shoe with his boot. She looks up.

He tilts his head subtly and nods past the judge towards the window.

She thinks for a moment, then mouths We’re Bustin’ Out?

Flynn rolls his eyes and nods. Jenny is elated. Flynn taps NK’s foot and gives him the signal.

NK nods.

Flynn mutters under his breath, “Remember, timing is key, we’ve got to do this just ri-”

“AND FURTHERMORE, I…” Suddenly a steel folding chair flying through the air caves in Giant Judge Jenny’s face! A trail of blood floods in mid-air.

Jenny is already running past the judge and for the window.

“BUSTIN’ OOOOOOOUT!”

Flynn sighs.

“Dammit, I had a whole line ready about ‘approaching the bench’...”

He springs forward out of his chair, his handcuffed arms locked behind him! “NOW!”

NK and Q run forward behind Jenny who is trying to kick the window open… The bailiff sprints towards her with a baton… But Q catches the masked marshall with a punch to the eye, dropping the constable. His mask flutters to the ground onto his face.

Myst is still frustratedly kicking the window!

“THIS THING IS UNBREAKABLE! THERE’S NO WAY OUT!”

NK reaches the window… Then gently undoes the latch locking it shut.

“After you, Jennifer Mys-”

“OUTTA THE WAY!” Flynn, still handcuffed, rolling dives and shatters the glass of the now unlocked window!

Myst dives out!

NK hops out!

Q steps over the bailiff and hops out!

…

……

And now they’re… falling.

…Flynn looks down. And sees tens of thousands of feet between him and the ground.

“...Huh. Probably should have looked before we leapt…”

The four are now rapidly accelerating towards the ground.

“I guess this is some kind of metaphor in Miss Jenny Myst’s mind about the nature of the court being inaccessibly above those vulnerable populations… It’s a comment on inequality in access to the law an-”

“BLAH BLAH BLAH! NK, IF WE DIE IN JENNY’S MIND, WHAT HAPPENS?”

NK strokes his chin thoughtfully, his clothes rippling in the heavy upward winds.

“My, Mark Flynn, what a complicated question you’ve asked…”

NK taps his chin as the ground gets closer and closer…

Six thousand feet.

“TIME IS A FACTOR.”

“I suppose Miss Jenny Myst might wake up and recall all of this as some sort of dream…”

““Oh… That’s not so bad.”

“Of course, we and Ashley Quinn might disappear as her subconscious dissipates never to return. Like a dream, after about 30 seconds, Jennifer Myst might not even remember we’re in here.”

“...Okay, Jesus Christ, then let’s undo the brain tunneler…”

NK nods, swimming through the air towards Mark Flynn’s handcuffed wrists.

Five thousand feet…

Meanwhile, Jenny and Ash are falling a couple dozen feet away from the tag champs.

Ash grabs Jenny’s arm.

Jenny grabs Ash’s other arm. The two stabilize each other’s flight downwards…

NK grabs Flynn’s wrist…

“Okay… Permit me a moment to reference the page… I believe it is one-hundred and eigh-” From his back-pocket… NK retrieves the manual… And it immediately flies upwards, slipping out of his grip, falling slower than our fearsome foursome.

Flynn and NK watch it fly up.

Flynn grimaces at NK.

NK swallows, the nods.

“Fear not, Mark Flynn! I had the section memorized! …Mostly.”

Four thousand feet…

NK opens the W.E.I.R.D. and combs through the functionality…

Three thousand feet.

“Jenny!”

“Ashy!”

NK navigates to the Mind Tunneler screen.

Two thousand feet… The ground is looking awfully close now…

“If we don’t live through this…”

“"..I wanted to tell you somethi----"

ONE THOUSAND FEET.

NK opens the menu and flips through exit.

“Are you sure you’d like to exit?”

“Mark Flynn, are we s-”

“YES!”

FIVE HUNDR-

CLICK!

The four are once again surrounded in white light…

ONE HUNDRED FEET…

…Eventually, a few seconds later, at ground level…

Only the manual hits the ground.

***

Back in the War Room.

We find standing in front of the chalkboard…

Flynn and NK.

”Just like Hell’s Belles covered, what’s left to say?”

”Double Trouble seems to believe there’s nothing to say this week.”

”And Erica and Erin seem to think if they book matches then do nothing to promote them, XWF will just keep sending them paychecks for losing matches.”

”I can’t argue with their math. When your American gas is $5 a gallon, one must figure out easy money!”

”Kinda wish the E sisters would just buy Barncoin like everybody else and stay off TV if they’re going to underwhelm this hard.”

Flynn and NK nod and pound fists.

”Of course, IF our opponents were to speak up!”

”Which is a big cowardly if as the clock runs closer and closer to midnight on Double Trouble’s undefeated Cinderella story run in the tag division.”

”But if we WERE to face Jaius Omegas! The great Centurion of Rome! The birthplace of WESTERN civilization”

NK spits on the ground.

“I might quote the great Chieftain of the Caledonian Confederacy, Calgacus. Who said of Rome, To robbery, slaughter, plunder, they give the lying name of empire; they make a solitude and call it peace…”

“Okay, can we get a CliffNotes version for the mouthbreathers in the audience like Erin and Erica?”

“Simply put, Mark Flynn, the Roman Empire was a pox on the planet. They claimed to bring peace and society to uncivilized lands, but they did so by destroying the peoples that had their own similarly-advanced cultures. They wrote the history books and destroyed other peoples' and thus are painted as a bastion of advancement. BUT they enslaved every nation they traveled to, they made a theatrical mockery of battle in their arenas while possessing no real military acumen, they became so obsessed with accumulation of land, they eventually bled their resources to attrition and collapsed at their own hand, too weak to be felled by an actual opponent in glorious war. They shriveled and died, an empire turned to dust by folly-ridden rule. A historically embarrassing accidental suicide. The Germanic Tribes did not defeat Rome, they merely discovered its flea-bitten corpse.”

Flynn blows hot air and bites his lip.

“Hot damn, NK. I don’t think you left any meat on the bone for me.” Flynn cackles and slaps the totalitarian on the back.

NK blushes. “I apologize, Mark Flynn!”

“Nah, don’t apologize! I love it! Just like I love Myst admitting she might come after us. You know who I want on my side? People that are hungry! People that can’t wait to get in that ring and fight! That’s who Hell’s Belles are. That’s who we are!”

“The opposite of our opponents at Warfare.”

Flynn and NK bump fists and point at the camera.

“Hey, Page. For the opening match? Tell the ring crew not to bother walking backstage. Tell them to hang around ringside.”

“Because this Wednesday? Against Double Trouble? Against Erin and Erica?”

“We’re aiming to take this win. In record-time.”