Previously...

The Story Continues!

***


The ‘Animal Storage’ door presses inwards…

A hand paws around the corner. Its fingers find a lightswitch.

Flick. The light buzzes unwelcomingly…

Kato side-steps inside.

The walls are draped in cubic cages.

Inside? Animal-like statues.

Rats screeching and baring teeth defensively.

Dogs growling, their jaws reared to rip flesh.

Cats… Snakes… Ferrets…

All frightened.

Frozen.

Preserved in permanent fear.

Above each cage…

A red X.

”Bizarre.”

Kato turns to leave.

His jaw drops.

Scribbled into the wall around the exit…

A madman’s experiments…

Kato yelps, frightened… but squeezes cracker-snack packs he stacked in his back-pocket for courage. He approaches the notes…

“Dog… Failure… Cat… Failure…”

As Kato speed-reads… He misses… At the room’s end…

A cage door opening…

A giant cage… Beneath a green checkmark.

“Stoat… Failure.”

A hideous, black snout sniffs the floor… Gnarled, twisted hooves skitter silently…

“Sloth… Failure.”

Its massive, furry body creeps near-soundlessly… Were Kato listening closely…

He’d hear… A rumbling belly…

“Pig… Success?”

Kato gets closer…

“My work bears fruit. My world… Frozen. In Peace. Beautifully.”

Kato’s brow furrows, perplexed. The creature creeps nearer…

Five feet…

“Tests found one animal immune to the Broadcast Delay… With this knowledge, I shall freeze every dimension across reality. To spread peace across the multiverse.”

Two…

“To complete my mission.”

Inches…

“As United Korean Peace Offic-“

A squeal.

Kato spins, terrified!

Face-to-face with a 600-pound, tusked abomination.

HotDog.

“OOIINNKK!”


Kato screams.

***


Behold this perfect menagerie.

Fans ecstatic. Parents holding their children close. Familial love, preserved eternally.

FXW Shove-It in perpetual cryostasis.

Never battling again.

Never glamorizing violence to impressionable young minds.

UK surveys down from the skybox this perfect scene. UK’s dreams realized.

He’d spent his life working to abolish violence. Then… his mission came to fruition, by chance.

XWF froze Ned Kaye’s funding. And Kaye froze his universe…

In one act.

UK had achieved his life’s goal.

Permanent and irrevocable peace.

…

And this triumph would spread even further.

With one password.

Mere seconds away…

“Comrade UK?”

UK jolts. He’d been deep in thought while NK de-scrambled the letters he’d obtained from rm_xwf’s keyboard…

Quote:I,O,P,A,S,D,K,N

“… Yes, Comrade NK?”

“…In your Dimension, is IOPASDKN a word?”

…

“...No.”

NK nods, grinning. “Aha! It’s not one in mine, either.” NK scratches out a line in his notebook.

…

“NK. May I remind you? This computer is XWF property. Thus, if a word didn’t exist in your reality, it would NOT likely be a password this device’s administrator would use.”

NK strokes his chin, thoughtfully.

“AHA! You’re correct, UK! I’ll focus on combinations of significance to my universe.”

NK nods respectfully, resuming work.

UK sighs, smiling jovially.

Perhaps Mere MINUTES away…

UK waited nine months months to spread peace across the multiverse.

He’ll wait a little longer.

“This computer is XWF’s, then?”

…

“As I said, Comrade NK.”

“...Fascinating.”

UK turns to NK, amused.

“How is the computer’s ownership fascinating?”

NK scratches his face. The pencil rotates around his writing hand’s thumb.

“I merely mean…”

NK’s hand flips two pages back in his notebook.

“I noted, on my arena tour, personnel wore FXW shirts. The cameras bear FXW’s logo. The announce table exhibits FXW’s insignia.”

“And?”

“Yet this computer is XWF’s?”

“Indeed. This office was set-up by the XWF post-freeze.”

“Yet… Comrade UK, YOU discovered this space.”

…UK’s eyebrow twitches, betraying a twinge of impatience.

“What do you mean ‘I discovered it’?”

NK, almost absent-mindedly, flips another page back…

“Shove-It took place on the arena’s first floor. All FXW equipment, the entire staff… All on floor 1.”

“So, what drew YOU to floor 6 to discover this office?”

…

UK’s smile gleams.

“You’ll recall, NK. I’ve been here nine months… The only mobile FXW employee. I’ve had… time. I’ve occupied that time exploring. Hence how I learned the ventilation system.”

NK nods, delightedly satisfied.

“Naturally! Over nine months, you’d learn the whole arena”

“Precisely!”

“In fact, you’d likely memorize this facility’s layout in days, with your superior Korean intellect and flawless cheekbones!”

UK laughs, faux-modestly. “...Wellllllllll… Perhaps.”

“Leaving you much time to occupy. That unoccupied time could drive someone quite mad.”

UK jerks at NK’s …accusation? NK is…

Mimicking UK’s friendly open smile. Replicating UK’s mask…

UK scowls scornfully.

“WHAT are you implying?”

NK’s hands immediately raise up in acquiescence.

“Oh, I… I apologize, Comrade UK!”

NK shuts his log and stands, bowing subserviently at the waist.

“Forgive my poorly-worded thought! I meant that 9 months without stimuli explains why FLARK MYNN went insane, dissecting your FXW roster-mates. I would never impugn YOUR mental faculties.”

…

UK’s smile returns.

“Ah. No, forgive ME, Comrade NK.”

UK bows, less deeply than NK…

“I apologize. I only wish to solve this password quickly… We near my mission’s fulfillment.”

“You mean ‘saving your frozen FXW associates.”

…

UK grins.

“Precisely. As such, I may be… impatient.”

NK’s lips quiver, like a scolded puppy.

“Naturally. Forgive me. The question weighed on my mind! A distraction!”

In one fluid motion, NK opens his notebook, returning to his decoding page.

“Now, I can fully focus!”

UK smiles, returning to the window.

NK glances down at his notebook.

Where He’s scratched out…

An empty line.

…

The most important part of interrogation?

The illusion that no interrogation is occurring.

***


“TODAY YOU DIE, ENEMIES OF FREEDOM!”

Flynn’s hand juts out to grab the wall’s edge, pulling himself and Maria mid-sprint down the right-hand corridor…

Plan-A was exhausting the 300-plus-pound sword-wielding maniac pursuing them.

Unfortunately, this dude never skips cardio. Despite a lengthy chase, the BOB-Anon hadn’t slowed, nor had his voice even gotten hoarse screaming over the still-blaring fire alarm.

“YOU SEX-TRAFFICKERS CAN’T HIDE BEHIND YOUR LIZARD-BANKS ANYMORE!!!”

Flynn and Maria turned another corner…

Entering a catering area with dozens of frozen FXW superstars.

They dash just past the vending machine, beside a Drunk Atty vomiting eternally into a bucket, like a frozen fountain, with a crying intern holding her hair.

Flynn stops on a dime, eyeing several routes… One past the curtain toward the arena’s wrestling ring… Another to the staircase up to the Executive Suite! Their goal!

“IT’S OVER FOR YOU HILLARY LOVERS!”

Flynn drags Maria forward… But she resists.

“Wait!...I have an idea!”

***

BOB-Anon bursts around the corner, quick as a hiccupping cheetah!

As he stops, he bowls over a few statue people. A road agent gets toppled into a foursome stuck mid-posing for a group photo. They all fall like bowling pins.

The BOB-Anon glances around…

At leagues of frozen FXW-ers.

Some snacking on charcuterie.

Others signing contracts, allowing their likeness to be used (or frozen) by XWF.

Two beside the vending machine, one’s face buried in a bucket…

“FIGHT ME, SNOWFLAKES!”

The BOB-Anon sprints forward… through the curtain.

Toward the ring.

…

“Phew!” Maria releases Flynn’s mangy moptop. She sighs, relieved. “He’s gone.”

Flynn and Maria had stowed Drunk Atty and the intern just behind the vending machine, taking their positions.

Flynn retches, disgusted, as he peels his face from Drunk Atty’s puke bucket.

Admittedly, the vomit had no odor in temporal stasis. Still… gross.

“Can’t believe that worked…”

“Of course! I’ve won many Solo Hide-n-Seek games pulling the ol’ switcheroo!”

Flynn sighs.

…

“Um. Good work.”

Flynn scratches his neck, uncomfortable dispensing compliments…

“Shucks! Thanks, Kyodai!”

…

Flynn squints. Is she actually oblivious or is he being fucked with?

…

Whatever.

“Anyway, let's disable that fire alarm.”

They slip towards the stairs…

***

The BOB-Anon emerges through the curtain!

…

And sees no movement.

…

He lifts his free non-sword-wielding hand...

And punches himself in the face rapidly.

“I CAN’T FAIL! BOB IS COUNTING ON ME! I MUST #SAVETHECHILDREN!”

He howls furiously, stomping the metal ramp, desperately.

…

That’s when he sees…

A figure.

A shadow in the skybox.

Watching over the arena.

“...Of course.”

“WHERE WOULD THE GLOBALISTS HIDE?!? WHERE THEY COULD MONITOR THEIR NEFARIOUS SCHEMES! ABOVE!”

The BOB-Anon…

Turns…

And begins free-climbing the X-Tron…

To Be Continued…

***

“Question, Rob.”

Flynn spins toward the camera, grinning.

“How does deja vu feel?”

“Again, APEX snags the tag titles. And AGAIN, Jimbo dives off the deep end.”

NK cackles.

“We love Jim Caedus.”

Flynn wrings his hand dismissively, like that’s obvious.

“Love ya, Jimmy.”

“We ADORE Jim Caedus… Despite his request that we…” NK checks his notes, “Kill Ourselves.”

“After weeks of Jim piggybacking, borrowing our roasts against Dolly and LSM.”

“Almost like Jim Caedus…”

“Is full of shit.”

Flynn and NK nod thoughtfully.

“Jimbo fake-quit twice last month.”

“And keeps wandering into Post-Show segments to scream at people…”

“Some of whom aren’t around! Like Hamlet yelling at ghosts!”

“Robert Main, why does your partner have a meltdown every time he sees Charles Nickles?”

“Or TK.”

“Or Dock.”

“Or Gravy.”

“Or Big Money Oswald.”

“Or…Derrick Diamond, apparently?”

“Mark Flynn, we’d have an easier time making a list of people that Jim Caedus ISN’T enraged by.”

”Right? ‘Corey Smith’ is a trigger for Jimmy! And Corey isn’t even around until Jim brings HIM up!”

“I have a hypothesis, Mark Flynn.”

“I’m all ears.”

“Consider the following. Corey Smith won 2021’s Leap of Faith… Defeating Jim Caedus. He won 2021’s WarGames as captain. Jim Caedus lost in round one.”

“All true. What’s your point, NK?”

“Perhaps Corey Smith reminds Jim Caedus that even in Comrade Alias’ absence, no one believes Jim Caedus is THE GUY.”

…

“Holmes.”

Flynn nods his head, delighted.

“You’ve cracked the case.”

Flynn and NK chuckle.

“But, let’s focus.”

“We’re not fighting Jim Caedus.”

“No, Mark Flynn. We’re fighting the Main brothers.”

…

Flynn and NK burst out, laughing hysterically.

Flynn stomps his feet. NK pounds his chest, so he doesn’t die guffawing.

Flynn slaps NK on the back, as both regain their breaths.

“Sorry, APEX. But… We gotta know…”

“What ARE you thinking?”

“Last time, you ran two Universal Champions.”

“Jim Caedus and Robert Main.”

“Arguably…”

“And by ‘arguably’, we have two arguments to the contrary.”

NK points at himself and Flynn.

“But ARGUABLY… The Greatest Tandem of All-Time.”

…

Flynn leans into the camera, until his face occupies the whole frame.

“And we pounded you like cheap drums.”

NK shoves Flynn to steal the frame.

“We pummeled you like red-headed stepchildren.”

Flynn pushes NK to the side…

“You needed BIASED officiating to steal our belts.”

NK’s hand grabs the camera’s side and yanks it toward him.

“CHEATING to obtain your ill-gotten gold.”

Finally, Flynn and NK share the spotlight…

“And when we EARNED our rematch, going undefeated for two months…”

“You chose… to SUB OUT Jim Caedus…”

Flynn lifts a hand.

“And SUB IN Oliver Main?!?!”

Then, his other hand…

Flynn stares at both hands, weighing the two.

The Caedus hand shoots down to the ground and the Ollie hand lifts up above his head.

“Shit, if you wanted to lose, You could have just mailed us the titles and saved all four of us airfare to Iceland.”

NK tut-tuts.

“Remarkably poor choice, fellows. I understand benching Drew Archyle, since he lost APEX’s record-setting title reign.”

“Drew ‘Couldn’t Find the Exit in a Broom Closet’ Archyle.”

“But, let’s compare teams…”

“In one corner…”

Flynn points at NK.

“The man who beat UGWC champion, Centurion.”

NK delivers a thumbs up.

“Congratulations, Comrade Centurion! Superstar of the Month!”

“NK’s the only guy to beat Cent in December. And take note… He won BEFORE the SOTM Curse.”

Flynn winks.

“Alongside him, you have…”

NK points at Flynn.

“The man who bested Peter Vaughn, Universal Title #1 contender.”

“The man who defeated Sebastian Duke, XWF Legend and one-half of the SECOND longest-reigning tag champs.”

Flynn presses his hand to his face, sharing a secret.

“By the way, I watched the tapes back. APEX were champs for 241 days. The Brotherhood, 231.”

“But, The Brotherhood had their FOURTH title defense? On day SIXTY.”

“Apex? Had their fourth-and-final title defense on DAY 229! ALMOST FOUR TIMES THE LENGTH! SAME NUMBER OF DEFENSES.”

NK lights up.

”Speaking of which, would you like a fun fact?”

Flynn turns to NK, ecstatic.

“I LOVE FUN FACTS!”

“The Brotherhood’s reign ended… Not when THEY lost the belts, but when Griffin beat Sebastian for the belts.”

Flynn’s eyes widen.

“Which Griffin held alone 42 days!”

Flynn slaps his knee, guffawing.

“APEX, you fucking LIARS!!!”

“Griffin held the gold for 273 consecutive days! Y’all were NEVER the longest-reigning tag team!”

NK pats Flynn on the back this time.

“That means Mark Flynn… You beat a CONTRIBUTOR… to the longest-reigning tag title reign.”

Flynn’s beaming.

“So… I can say I beat the longest-reigning champs… AND Sebastian Duke still can’t claim the record?”

NK nods proudly.

A tear runs down Flynn’s eye.

“I know it’s January… but this is the best Christmas ever!”

Flynn and NK point in unison.

“We dominated individually.”

“And as a team? We beat Can-Jap Connection.”

“Can-Am Express*.”

“Whatever.”

“We faced the only undefeated duo in the division!”

“We battled a team no one beat EVER! Undefeated for six months!”

“And we flattened ‘em.”

Flynn pumps his fist. NK does the same, matching Flynn’s excitement.

“...Now, check our opponents.”

“Rob Main.”

“Lost to THUNDER KNUCKLES.”

“Thunder Knuckles. Who we beat months ago.”

“Bob couldn’t beat TK.”

“And while APEX whines that it was a fluke….”

“To paraphrase Jim Caedus…”

Robert Main didn't do what was necessary to win. Period.

“Great Jim impression, NK.”

“Thank you, Mark Flynn.”

“Rob lost his ONLY match since November.”

“NK’s record since Bad Medicine? 2-0.”

“Mark Flynn’s record? 3-0.”

“Bob Main’s record? ZERO wins, 1 loss.”

“Before that… OMEGA hadn’t won a non-PPV match since September.”

“Watch our tag match at Bad Medicine.”

“Before officiating fucked us, you’ll notice we spend the match DECIMATING Omega.”

“HUMILIATING Robert Main.”

“That match was a MUGGING.”

“We struggled more versus SALT & PEPPER than Robert Main.”

“So… APEX. Knowing that… You’re subbing out Jimbo… for Ollie?”

“You’re SUBTRACTING the Universal Champion? And ADDING a child? Someone still checking their no-no square every morning for big boy hairs?”

“Someone so inexperienced, he’s not on the website’s roster section?”

“So gooseshit green, he’s never wrestled a match here?”

“APEX jumped the shark so hard, they’ve brought in an adorable child to revive interest in their dying brand.”

“And like the Brady Bunch, Cousin Ollie’s getting the whole APEX show canceled.”

Flynn and NK bump fists, miming an explosion between their fists.

“You’re the underdogs, APEX. The fool’s bet.”

“Like Jimmy losing $12,000 betting on your over-the-hill ass, Rob.”

“We could run the same strategy we did at Bad Medicine…”

“And smoke you feeble-minded buffoons back to your racecar beds.”

…

“But we won’t.”

“You won last time, APEX. But, you beat a developing team.”

“We learn from our failures.”

“You mocked us for early silence? We’re starting loud, guns blazing.”

“You claimed you’d destroy us to demonstrate APEX’s dominance! But you tripped on our hurdle and landed flat on your face.”

“Now, you’re running with a busted leg.”

“And we’re raising the bar twice as high.”

“We’re not JUST aiming to beat APEX.”

“Not JUST aiming to regain our titles.”

“We’re aiming to become the Greatest Tag Team of All-Time.”

Flynn and NK point dramatically.

“Rob, like you losing to TK will go down in history?”

“The Main brothers will get CANONIZED FOREVER as LOSERS…”

“By NK…”

“And Mark Flynn.”