Threaded Mode | Linear Mode

Vita Frickin Valenteen · (07-07-2021)

As the Late Show opening theme plays, the camera pans the empty set as Vita sits back munching on chips from behind Stephen Colbert's desk.

As the music fades an audience track leads us into a close up of Vita, who isn't exactly cheering along. Vita pulls another chip out of the bag. She stares at it with a sense of indifference. As the fake applause fade away, Vita looks dead into the camera and carelessly stuffs the chip into her mouth. She chews slowly as the time awkwardly passes. Then she eats another.

Finally a brave member of the film crew speaks up.

"Um, should we stop recording?"

Nobody responds and Vita just keeps eating chips, and they're not even the low sodium kind that at least pretend to be good for you!

The silent murmurs of the men behind the camera begin fill the room with whispers of confusion.

"You know..." She speaks! But hesitates as she tries to decide what to say next. She eats a chip, the salty flavor washes over her tongue. "When I first joined the XWF, nobody knew me. I didn't have a reputation to uphold. I didn't have a "legacy" to chase. I was just a bright eyed girl, staring at the bright lights, mesmerized by the fact that at SIXTEEN, I found myself walking the very same halls as the larger than life superstars that I had grown up watching."

Vita chomps down another chip as she leans back and kicks her feet up on Stephen's desk.

"Like, six months later I'm Tag champ with Jessalyn, and X-Treme champion. Suddenly everyone's like, O-M-G, where'd this girl come from!?"

Vita leans forward and leans against the desk.

"Sound familiar? Because the way I see it, up to this point we've shared similar beginnings Geri. You came into Anarchy, and before anyone even learned your name, they learned your nick name, Geri two belts! Then what happened, huh?"

Vita pops another chip in her mouth.

"We both got dumb."

She pauses to allow the statement to sink in.

"I wasted the opportunity I had earned, and I threw a childish fit about it that embarrassingly lasted for months. You dropped you belts and fell into obscurity, returning much later with the news of a name change earned through questionable decisions and lack of natural self preservation when you married the dude that burnt down your house as an I love you."

Vita's eyes shift as she eats another chip.

"Nah, I think you might have screwed the pooch harder than me, but the fact remains that we're two talents that peaked early, stumbled out of the gate, and have struggled since to recover."

The audience laugh track plays as Vita's face contorts into a look of disdain.

"You hear them Geri? They're laughing at us, not with us. Me for losing to Steven Cooper last Warfare, and you for losing to, well, everyone else!"

The laugh track plays again as the volume is cranked up to the max.

"Have you grown accustomed to that sound Geri? You do realize it's why were booked in this late show brawl right? The offices think that we need the gimmick and celebrity, or nobody will care, and hey, maybe they're right. I mean, what have either of us done in recent memory? I've had my career derailed multiple times on account of BOB, and you've just done you're dandiest to avoid them, even while constantly flashing the #F-BOB hashtag. It's really impressive actually, your ability to avoid the very same fight that you pick. Seems like something a TOTAL coward would do, ya know? Then again, so is claiming amnesia for embarrassing career moves and not realizing that just because you pretend not to remember, that doesn't mean everyone else suddenly forgets."

The audience laugh track plays once more as Vita walks out from behind the desk and leans on the front.

Geri, this Warfare marks an opportunity for the two of us to change the narrative. Two women that the XWF has forgotten, two jokes, fighting on the set of a comedy show, with a comedian acting as the official. It's all a joke Geri, you, me, this match, but it doesn't have to be. I for one, look forward to getting my career back on track, and iof doing so means that I have to put you through Steven Colbert's Late Night desk, then that's exactly what I'm going to do."

The audience laugh track plays again as Vita walks towards the camera.

"Because I don't know about you Geri, but I grow tired of being the joke, and I aim to do something about it!"

The audience laugh track plays again as Vita walks by the camera, shoving it to the floor as she passes.

"And it's totally NOT going to be funny!"

After a moment the feed ends without a single joke or cutesy moment. Just a frustrated woman looking reestablish her place in the XWF.

Threaded Mode \| Linear Mode The (XWF) Late Show with VV!
Author	Message