F LIVE!!! FROM THE BROADMOOR WORLD ARENA IN COLORADO SPRINGS, COLORADO! Thias Watts - vs - Billy "Bass" Ackwards Referee: Mister Referee Dean Rose - vs - John Black X-Treme Rules! Referee: Virginia Hymen Maria Salvatore - vs - Valerie Vladivostok Referee: MARTY HISTORIC SCIENCE DO-OVER BREAK! ELON MUSK REDOES NIKOLA TESLA'S 1899 LIGHTNING BOLT MISTAKE! AS SOON AS HE RETURNS OUR CALLS! Big Money Oswald & Big Preesh - vs - Joey Oddjobs & The Big Upps Three On Two! Referee: Ari Silverstein TNGB TESTY FESTY! BATTLE OF THE CENTURY AS BOBBY BOURBON AND THUNDER KNUCKLES COMPETE TO SEE WHICH NO GOOD BASTARD CAN CONSUME MORE ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTER!! Job Guy - vs - Christian Morphine Referee: HoloRef Dot Gif Andre Dixon - vs - Terry Borden Flag Match! Each competitor will have a flag in their corner of their choosing. The winner will be whomever removes their opponent's flag! Referee: John X ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP Ruby - vs - Lord Raab 2 out of 3 Falls! Referee: Chaz Bobo

SO MUCH PYRO YOU CAN’T BELIEVE IT! HOW IS THERE PYRO LEFT IN THE WORLD WHEN SO MUCH OF IT IS USED ON THURSDAY NIGHTS ON ANARCHY!?!?!?

One errant bottle rocket misfire zips into the crowd and there’s a small fire. Luckily a busty woman in Lycana cosplay is happy to take off her tight tee shirt and put the flames out with it. Cameras move away quickly though, because titties are bad.

VIOLENCE IS FINE THOUGH!!!

Elsewhere in the crowd a couple of drunks have had a few too many SILVER BULLETS and are throwing some hands. The cameras linger there because society allows for this to be seen by children, but not the loving, beautiful, angelic breasts of a woman.

It’s really a shame.

Oh! And Vinnie’s at his desk like he always is!


Vinnie Lane: “FOLKS! We have to hurry before someone cuts me off, it happens literally every single Anarchy. So let’s just run through the card real quick! We’vegotdebutsoutthebuttwithThiasWattsChrstian
MorphineandMariaSalvatoreaswellas…”


Vinnie looks around suspiciously. Nothing seems to be happening at the ramp. Everyone is just watching him deliver his opening remarks.


Vinnie Lane: “Um. Okay… well… Ruby’s defending the Anarchy Title against Lord Raab tonight too. Lok I’m going to be honest, I didn’t prepare any opening stuff, I never get to do this. Can we just go to the ring?”

Thias Watts - vs - Billy "Bass" Ackwards Referee: Mister Referee

In the ring, the final few strains of Kenny Chesney’s indelible hit, “She thinks My Tractor’s Sexy” fade away. Billy “Bass” Ackwards stands in his corner warming up.


Vinnie Lane: “Looks like Billy Bass has been hitting the gym pretty hard! With empty beer cans that he throws from his truck…”

Thias ducks his head under the base of the XTron and steps out onto the ramp. Shirtless and wearing only black jeans and black boots, Thias scans the crowd mean-mugging everyone. He ignores the boos from the crowd and walks to the ring, reaching the top rope from the floor and pulling himself up onto the apron before stepping over the top rope.


Vinnie Lane: “WOW! Look at the size of this dude! Ned Kaye made sure to get the biggest bodyguard possible by the looks of things...”

DING! DING! DING!!!

Mister Referee calls for the bell and Ackwards charges Thias Watts, clubbing him in the chest with a big overhead forearm. Watts doesn’t budge. Ackwards throws a punch, which barely makes Watts move his head. A kick to the gut is shrugged off. Ackwards then backs into the
ropes and comes running off… only to be flattened by a huge big boot.


Vinnie Lane: “Dear lord, Ackwards hit the mat hard! That’s a nearly 300 pound man that Watts just knocked to the ground like a bully at school!”


Thias Watts stands and waits as Billy “Bass” Ackwards slowly gets back to his feet. As soon as he does, he scoops him up in a huge body slam that seems effortless. Watts pulls Ackwards up by his mullet and then flings him into the ropes with an Irish whip - on the rebound, Watts flattens him again with a clothesline while roaring like a wild animal.


Vinnie Lane: “This Thias Watts is a monster! He could end this any time he wanted to!”


Watts once again pulls Ackwards up, who is clearly reeling and barely able to stand. Watts flings him with a whip into a corner, following closely and smashing him immediately on impact with a big splash. Ackwards staggers out and Watts grabs him and flips him upside down, drilling him to the mat with a tombstone piledriver! Thais with a pin!




1!














2!!







Watts pulls Ackwards off the mat!


Vinnie Lane: “Oh come ON! Ackwards is finished, Watts! Get this over with, there’s no need to keep punishing the man...”


Thais Watts stands back and waits as Billy “Bass” Ackwards struggles and slowly rolls over onto his hands and knees. He then leaps in the air and comes down with a vicious curb stomp to the back of Ackwards’ head!


Vinnie Lane: “Ackwards just Got Slept!”


Watts then stands over Ackwards with one foot on the downed man’s chest.




1!






























2!!






































3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Thias Watts

Vinnie Lane: “That was hard to watch. Ackwards was finished from the opening bell!”

Dean Rose - vs - John Black X-Treme Rules! Referee: Virginia Hymen

Vinnie Lane: "Well folks, since we no longer have a stiff for Commissioner, how about we have a little fun? Coming up next is X-Treme Rules! The Internet Champion, Dean Rose is squaring off against the one, the only, John Black!"

Gun shots sounds blast on the X-Tron, the smoke arises on the entrance way and the camera pans around the arena, and then it pin points Black who's coming out of the entrance stage. He takes a look around the ring, and he walks down the ring ignoring some of the fans, then he gets to the steel steps he goes at it with one of the fans, and he pushes one of them on the floor. Then JB smiles and climbs the steps and enters the ring, then stands in the ring rising a fist in the air.

the lights go bright gold and purple, Sarah M.G walks out from behind the curtain dressed in a beautiful outfit. She smiles and points at the curtain. Out walks Dean Rose, his music begins playing as he swaggers down the ramp. Internet Championship making his shoulder sparkle under the bright lights. Dean hands the belt to Sarah M.G. and enters the ring.


Vinnie Lane: "I’m not sure what’s more impressive. That Dean Rose has managed to keep that Internet Championship this long, or that Sarah Michelle Gellar is still his valet. Both of those things have to have Rose’s confidence sky-high!"


Virginia Hyman calls for the bell and Black and Rose meet in the center of the ring trading punches right off the bat! Dean starts gaining the upper hand, connecting with multiple stiff jabs flush to JB’s face. Rose gets JB on the ropes and continues wailing on him.


Vinnie Lane: "Wow, dude! Dean Rose is kicking ass here to start off!"


JB ducks under a series of punches and goes to counter Rose by locking in a rear-naked choke, but he can’t move. SMG has grabbed his legs from outside of the ring! JB turns trying to shake SMG loose, but it’s too late.

Dean Rose connects with a sick big boot that sends JB tumbling over the top rope and spilling out onto the floor. Dean Rose steps out of the ring and hovers over JB as SMG cheers him on. Rose lifts JB and hives his head between his legs. It looks like Dean Rose is about to powerbomb JB onto the steel steps!

But JB is fighting back! GHe sends an upercut into Dean’s crotch, causing the internet champ to fold over. JB reaches under the ring and starts pulling out items left and right.

Vinnie Lane: “A baseball bat! A KENDO STICK! A STEEL CHAIR?! All of John Black’s favorites!”

JB picks up the bat and starts lining up Rose. After tapping the bat against the ground a few times he pulls the bat over his head and swings!

BUT FROM BEHIND!

IT’S SARAH MICHELLE GELLER!

SMG grabs the bat away from JB’s hands, he turns back looking enraged and goes to grab SMG, but Dean Rose runs and rams JB’s favorite steel chair into his spine. JB hollers out in pain dropping to his knees. Rose connects with a sick chair blow to the side of JB’s head as he falls.

Dean Rose flips off the booing crowd and yanks JB up rolling him into the ring. Dean climbs through the ropes as JB is crawling up to his knees. Dean punts him in the head, picks JB back up holding him horizontally in the air, and flips him over his head with a well-executed fall-away slam.

Vinnie Lane: “Veteran John Black getting dominated here in the early going by the rookie Dean Rose!”

Dean covers JB

1!
























2!!
















NO!!!

JB kicks out, and Dean rises from the pin looking frustrated.

HEY BABE!

SMG throws the chair into the ring to her husband. Dean smiles and lines JB up as one half of the THUGZ goes to stand. Dean charges with a wild swinging chair shot

BUT JB DUCKS!


Vinnie Lane: “BLACKAJACKA! I’ve always wanted to say that.”


JB Suplexs Dean on his head! There’s an awful sound from the impact that echoes around the arena!


JB covers Dean! This is it!


1!





















2!!



















NO!!!

WTF? Sarah Michelle Geller has just struck referee Virginia Hyman across the back with a kendo stick, breaking the pinfall!


Vinnie Lane:”OH! Uncalled for! Someone needs to go check on Hyman! Sarah struck her hard! That’ll be a suspension!”


JB is pissed! He stands, towering over the little WB star. SMG swings the kendo stick, but JB snatches it easily from her hands and starts laughing as SMG cowers away into the corner of the ring, holding her hands up.

FROM BEHIND!

A SIDE SLAM! THAT’S THE NAME OF THE TRADEMARK MOVE! A SIDE SLAM!

Dean smashes JB to the mat!

He hooks the leg!


!

!!

!!!


There’s no ref! Hyman is still down! But suddenly! Running down the ramp its…


Vinnie Lane:” REFEREE RICHARD WANG! WNAG IS HERE FOR HYMAN!”


Wang slides under the ropes and counts the fall!



1!























2!!
































3!!NOOOOO
JB KICKS OUT!


UNBELIEVABLE!

Dean Rose is irate. He backs Wang into a corner, pointing a finger in his face and threatening him.


Vinnie Lane:”Okay! Now Dean Rose is working on a suspension!”


*CRACK!*


JB breaks the kendo stick over Dean Roses head. He crumbles to the mat near the ropes! JB COVERS!


1!




















2!!











3!!NOOO
AGAIN IT’S SMG! She grabs Wang… by the leg! And pulls him out of the ring.


Vinnie Lane:”How is JB going to overcome what is turning into a handicap match! It’s like he needs a tag team partner or some- LOOK IT’S TOMMY WISH!”


Tommy Wish has seen enough! He runs down the ramp and scoops Sarah Michelle Geller onto his shoulder and carries her away up the ramp.

”HEY! GET BACK HERE YOU CUNT!”

Dean Rose at Tommy who ignores him and keeps walking as SMG pounds on his back screaming.

Dean Rose turns around, BUT DOESN’T REALIZE THAT JB HAS BEEN CREEPING!

BLACKLISTED!

JB hits the Death Valley Driver!

He covers!


1!










2!!






















3!!!

Winner by Pinfall- John Black

Maria Salvatore - vs - Valerie Vladivostok Referee: MARTY

Valerie Vladivostok stands in the ring egging on the Colorado crowd with her classic “Mother Russia” routine.

Vinnie Lane: “The people of Colorado love their 1980s xenophobia!”

Vinnie Lane: “Here comes a newcomer to Anarchy and the XWF… Maria Salvatore has been around the block in this business. My fiance Roxy says her nickname is the Pumpkin Queen! I didn’t ask why...”


Maria walks down to the ring saying FUHGEDDABOUDIT a lot and talking with her hands in a threatening manner. Someone in the crowd hands her a plate of spaghetti and she readily eats a bite, exclaiming “AY! Dat’s a-spicy meat-a-ball-a!”

Eventually she gets to the ring and waits for MARTY to stop vacuuming up crumbs in a corner and call for the bell.

DING! DING! DING!!!

Maria starts off with a lock up, grabbing Vladivostok in a side headlock and flipping her to the ground with a takedown. Maria immediately pops up and starts playing to the crowd, waving her hands around and saying “Mangia! Mangia!”


Vinnie Lane: “Looks like Salvatore wants this crowd to eat it up!”


Valerie Vladivostok crawls over to Maria and tries to roll her up! But Salvatore rolls through and throws a low angled dropkick right into Valerie’s face, then yanks her up roughly by the hair.

Salvatore hooks the arm of Vladivostok and then scoops her up into the air, turns around in a one-eighty allowing all the blood to rush to Valerie’s head, and then drops her hard in a brainbuster!


Vinnie Lane: “Big impact there from the Pumpkin Queen!”


Salvatore sends a hard shin kick into Vladivostok’s back, then drops down into a reverse chinlock, grinding her forearm into Valerie’s jaw.

Vladivostok eventually struggles through, getting to her feet and even slamming a couple elbows into Salvatore’s gut. But when she breaks free and hits the ropes, she’s met with a huge drop kick that sends her sprawling.

Maria pulls Vladivostok up and grabs her in a headlock again, then backs into a corner. She pulls herself up to the second rope… then flies off with a tornado DDT!


Vinnie Lane: “Maria Salvatore really doing her best to impress here tonight in her Anarchy debut!”


Salvatore stands and rubs her hands together as if to say she was done with the hard work. She pulls up Valerie Vladivostok, who now has a VERY noticeable wedgie, and spins her into an unprettier! The Off With Her Head!

Vladivostok is down and out on her face, and Salvatore then jumps to take advantage, locking Vladivostok up in her patented Sleepin Wit Da Fishes LeBell Lock variation!


Vinnie Lane: “Vladivostok with nowhere to go!”[color]


MARTY rams into Valerie Vladivostok a few times but gets no response from the limp Russian. MARTY then starts blinking red warning lights from his mouthpiece and the bell rings!

Winner by Submission - Maria Salvatore

[color=#ff1493]Vinnie Lane: “Wow! What a dominant performance from the newcomer Maria Salvatore! I hope she has a whole pumpkin ARMY!

HISTORIC SCIENCE DO-OVER BREAK! ELON MUSK REDOES NIKOLA TESLA'S 1899 LIGHTNING BOLT MISTAKE! AS SOON AS HE RETURNS OUR CALLS!

Vinnie Lane: “SO! We did finally get through to Mister Musk’s office, thanks to my awesome friend Centurion, who’s apparently been texting Grimes on WhatsApp for years. Who knew?”


Elon steps out onto a platform with his beautiful bride Grimes. She is holding their little baby named EE-Eye E I 0 or whatever. A moment later a curtain is pulled back and a huge Tesla Coil is revealed.

Grimes hands Elon a diamond encrusted microphone.

Elon Musk: “Welcome to Colorado Spronks, XWF! Invest in Bitcoin! Also, if you buy the new Cybertruck, you will automatically be put on the waiting list for the Neuralink Brain Chip. Be cool like Grimes and Lil Uzi Vert. Grimey Baby you wanna say something to the people?”

Elon hands the mic to his hottie wife in her basically see through top showing off her sick new all-white back tattoos. She holds up a fist.

Grimes: “MOTHERFUCK THE POLICE!”

She gets some applause.

Grimes: “And now you will watch my movie!”


Vinnie Lane: “Wait! No, hold on Grimes, this is…”


Grimes: “THEY WILL WATCH IT OR ELON AND I WILL TRANSPORT BACK TO OUR ASTEROID!”


Vinnie Lane: “Fine… fine I guess…”

90 MINUTES LATER

A production assistant shakes Vinnie Lane, who is now in a fetal position on his desk and sucking his thumb.


Vinnie Lane: “AH! Jesus, man, you can’t just startle me like that… are they done? Can we flip the switch now?”


Elon Musk: “We’re ready, Vincenzo. Everyone in the crowd has been lulled to sleep and implanted with a Neuralink Chip! Including you! You’re very welcome!”


Vinnie Lane: “What!? Dude!”


Elon Musk: “And now the Tesla Coil!”


Elon flips a massive switch on the coil, and then he and Grimes press buttons on their belt buckles and dematerialize!

Vinnie Lane: “Welp, the Musk family seems to have absconded back to their galaxy… but I got a sweet new Model X for it! Yay! Uh oh...”

Vinnie Lane: “Ohhhhh this isn’t great...”

Vinnie Lane: “WATCH OUT DUDE!”

Vinnie Lane: “AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!”

A hole in spacetime emerges, swallowing the stage and leaving a negative space behind. A hole in reality.


Vinnie Lane: “Man… they are gonna bill us a LOT over that!”

Big Money Oswald & Big Preesh - vs - Joey Oddjobs & The Big Upps Three On Two! Referee: Ari Silverstein

Vinnie Lane: "Last Anarchy, we got ourselves a massive upset when Big Ozzy somehow took a technical count out loss to three dudes. It’s an upset because these are the three dudes in question.”


Joey Oddjobs and The Big Upps stand in the corner, watching the rampway as the first of their opponents makes his way

Big Preesh struts to the ring throwing his hands up in the air in time with the music. He holds out the front of his BOB tee shirt and shouts about how much he loves being a part of the best group in pro wrestling. When he gets to the ring he punches the top turnbuckle like a speed bag and then shouts "YEAH BITCH!" with his arms raised before waiting for the bell to ring.


Vinnie Lane: "Well, here comes Big Preesh. I... I still cannot believe I have to say his name."

Oswald starts coming through the curtain, white smoke billowing from where he is emerging. As he walks out with an ornate cane, with images of skulls in gold and silver, as money falls from the rafters. The money having faces of himself. He walks forward with his cane, not even really needing it, simply using it as a prop just to show his "status" to the world. His hair tied into a tight bun laid against the back of his skull. He flips his cane in his hand, holding the base and swinging the topper from left to right as the crowd chants "MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! MAY-HEM, B. O. B.! " The topper of the cane is shown to reveal a platinum skull with horns literally made of onyx attached to the forehead of it. As he walks to the steps he smirks and says to the crowd as they continue to chant MAY-HEM, B. O. B. moving the cane and his other arm around like a conductor, until he gets in the ring with residual chants happening. He walks to his corner, he takes off all of the top portion of his suit, from jacket to dress shirt including his tie, leaving only his pants, soon placing full attention onto his opponent.


Vinnie Lane: "And there he is, wearing his Billion Dollar fake belt. WE STILL DON'T RECOGNIZE IT AS A CHAMPIONSHIP, OZ DUDE! KEEP GIVING US MONEY THOUGH!"


Oswald looks at Big Preesh, as Oswald smirks and steps behind the ropes, standing on the apron, holding the tag rope as Joey starts the match for the trio. The bell rings and Big Preesh runs up and Joey tries to lock up but Big Preesh immediately throws him into Oddjobs's corner, brushing himself off as BP flexes at him

"OH YEA MUDDAFUCKAS! BIG PREESH IN DA HIZZHOUSE!"

The crowd calls out his name as Oswald claps for Big Preesh and looks at the crowd which then makes them clap as he gives them a stern look.

Joey goes to run at BP once more, only to get crossbodied!


Vinnie Lane: "That dude just got flattened like a pancake! Ouch! Someone get some Aunt Jemima's!"


An intern runs over to Vinnie and whispers into his ear while wearing a face mask. As this is happening, Big Preesh is throwing Joey around the ring with fall away slams.


Vinnie Lane: "Wait... what? They changed the name? The hell's the new name? Pearl Milling Company? Oooo...kay..."


He gathers himself, all the while Big Preesh has grabbed The Big Upps and pulled them in, flinging them onto their backs before he jumps up and splashes onto them. All the while this is happening, Oswald is clapping and looking amused with Big Preesh. Who then takes this cue to look at Oswald and points at him, before looking around and people cheer for Oz to be tagged in. So, Big Preesh throws each person into Oswald's corner, and splashing into them, pinning them against the corner as Oswald slaps his back and climbs over the top rope.


Vinnie Lane: "Okay then, someone get Joey some Pearl Milling Company Syrup... That just sounds bad, man. It doesn't roll off the tongue well."


Seeing Oswald was in the ring, Vinnie spoke up once again


Vinnie Lane: "So, it looks like the Big Money Man is coming into play. Let's see what he does here!"


With Big Preesh's help, Oswald places his back into the corner as BP begins placing all three on the top turnbuckle, stacked on each other's shoulders.


Vinnie Lane: "Wait, he's going to powerbomb all three of them!? I knew he was strong, but Jesus! One of them has to have a family, right? Does it matter?"


Oswald adds insult to injury as he begins to perform lunges, walking forward, dropping to a knee then walking forth, keeping the three towered on his shoulders, before turning around and throwing the three down in a triple stack Powerbomb.


Vinnie Lane: "DANG, DUDE! I think one of them fell so hard he broke a tooth and it flew out of his mouth!"


Oswald looks at Big Preesh, giving a nod as they toss The Big Upps into the ropes, then popping them up into the air, with one floating over towards Oswald. As they float in the air, Joey watches, and Big Preesh catches him offguard by performing his Big Brain Chop as Oswald finishes up the double DELETION!

After spiking them, he throws them out of the ring like they're nothing more than sacks of potatoes to him. He goes over to the downed Joey Oddjobs, yanking him up belly to back only to be hit with six German Suplexes in a row, but on the sixth, Oz rolls through and slaps on a Kirifuda Clutch!


Vinnie Lane: "I like Tank Tracks better."


Ari goes over to Joey, who in the mighty arms of the Billion Dollar Champion, looks like his head is already about to pop off while he begins tapping!

Ari calls for the bell!

Winners by Submission - Big Preesh and Big Money Oswald!

Vinnie Lane: "And just like that, Big Money evens the record up. The wrong was righted! I feel kinda bad for the Upps though, they’ve had a rough week… anyway, let’s have a commercial.”

TNGB TESTY FESTY! BATTLE OF THE CENTURY AS BOBBY BOURBON AND THUNDER KNUCKLES COMPETE TO SEE WHICH NO GOOD BASTARD CAN CONSUME MORE ROCKY MOUNTAIN OYSTER!!

We come back and see Vinnie Lane standing beside a fenced in area where hay lays all around and a few bulls trot around back and forth. A large pile of dung lingers in a corner.

Well dudes, we’re here to show the tag team champs eating balls! Bull’s balls! Bring ‘em out!

No Good Bastard starts to play as both TK and Bobby, in matching burgundy and cream velvet tracksuits, TK wearing a sweatband, walk out. They both clack their Tag Team Championship belts with each other without looking and make their way to the pen beside Vinnie. Two stage hands roll out two wheelbarrows full of Rocky Mountain Oysters. Both TK and Bobby look less than pleased.

Guys, hey, the fans of Anarchy wanted to see you two! Go ahead and give them a show!

Bobby grabs a bull teste from the wheelbarrow, and like a real man would, engulfs it and swallows with one gulp. He rolls his eyes as Vinnie laughs.

Bruh…

That was fucking nasty.

Hey, this is a family show!

We hear a haughty laugh as Liza Minelli struts out in a ravishing black sequined evening gown. She high fives Vinnie.

Fuck.

TK shakes his head no and puts on a pair of rubber gloves. He grabs a Rocky Mountain Oyster. He puts it to his face, and wretches.

Hrrrrrkk!

Dry heaving immediately, he lowers the bull testicle and looks at Vinnie. Vinnie gestures at Thunder Knuckles to get on with it. TK raises the thing to his face again, his eyes locked in contact with Vinnie, staring at each other, not blinking, until the testicle is near TK’s lips. He immediately wretches a second time.

Huuuuuurbbbbbuuuuuuuuurrrrrh!

The guttural disgust with which TK reacts to having a bull testicle near his face resounds through the vile sounds he is making. With pure revulsion, he frowns.

God damn it!

TK, c’mon, so far your partner is up one to nothing!

Dude, I ate one, fucking eat one. For fuck’s sake. Just man up and put the bull testicle in your mouth.

You man up and put the bull testicle in your mouth!

I already fucking did, man! C’mon!

TK takes a deep breath. He raises the confounded bull testicle to his face once again. As soon as it’s there, he again wretches. He shakes his head no and looks at Bobby.

You win.

Oh, fuck this shit.

Yep.

Bobby shoves Vinnie, who runs off.

I beat you.

Why I aughta…

Wooba wooba wooba!

Vinnie makes a very silly sound and skedaddles, leaving Liza Manelli to her fate. TK clocks her with a right cross, dropping her like a sack of potatoes. The crowd sours and boos heartily at the XWF Tag Team Champions.

Listen here, XWF, it’s Sunday, so that means it’s time for Anarchy. Motherfuckers, spark one up, crack a cold one, sit back, relax, because the god damned entertainment is here.

Bobby turns back to the camera.

Fuck yeah, TK, let’s do a move to an old lady, once and for all!

Bobby hoists Liza up and tosses her into the pen with the bulls. He then lifts her vertically, and as he does, TK rushes to the fence around the enclosure. He flies with the grace of an eagle…

RAINBOW LASER DEATH SEQUENCE!

...into a massive pile of bull dung!

That, poop! Liza Manelli just got annihilated through a pile of poop! We rented that dress! YOU NO GOOD BASTARDS!

Vinnie looks furiously on, his head poking out of the entrance curtain. We cut to commercial.

Hey y’all. My name is Homer Pigdickler.

We see the humble yet dignified Mr. Pigdickler standing before our very eyes, his hands tucked firmly behind his suspenders. His beard is long, and his face gaunt from years of hard work on the farm.

At Pigdickler farms, we know the importance of good sweetmeats. Most folk have come to rely on us for all their innards needs. Fresh liver, rich in iron and so lean. Tongue. Chitterlings. We also serve feet. But, most of y’all know of us from our world famous Rocky Mountain Oysters.

Mr. Pigdickler walks up and stands beside a bull.

We raise and rear the finest bulls, breeding them to have the biggest, most succulent testicles in the valley.

He squats, reaches out, and grabs the bull by the balls.

See, these are ripe, juicy, and delicious Rocky Mountain Oyster ready testicles.

Mr. Pigdickler smiles, nods, very proud of the balls he’s holding.

Pigdickler Farms. It’s what’s inside that counts!

Job Guy - vs - Christian Morphine Referee: HoloRef Dot Gif

Job Guy heads to the ring staring at all the boobies in the front row. He tries to touch some but he gets slapped.


Vinnie Lane: “Job better learn to keep his hands to himself! Leave the Colorado Rockies alone, dude!”

Christian Morphine walks out with an emo look on his face, and starts pouting. He doesn’t like the boobs in the crowd, they actually make him mad. He goes to the ring and tries to tell the crew person that takes his extra gear about his new band that’s totally cool and definitely going to make it.


Vinnie Lane: “Man… that dude just looks so SAD all the time! I hope this big match on Anarchy helps!”


The translucent form of HoloRef Dot Gif materializes in the middle of the ring and startles Job Guy, who was standing there drinking a 16 ounce bottle of Code Red. Job staggers back to his corner and HoloRef calls for the bell!

DING! DING! DING!!!

Job Guy slowly wanders to the center of the ring, holding up his dukes like he’s getting into a fist fight in the school halls. Morphine shrugs and drops Guy with a superkick!

Right away, Morphine pulls something out of his boot… it looks like a box cutter!


Vinnie Lane: “Hey HoloRef did you not check this dude’s gear? The guy’s got a blade in the ring!”


Christian Morphine drops to his knees and starts cutting at the canvas in the ring. He peels up a big section of it and then removes the small bit of padding underneath, exposing the patented All Apron™ Anarchy Ring Surface underneath!

Job Guy gets to his feet and sees Morphine exposing the hard flooring beneath the mat, and he heads for the hills and tries to exit through the ropes.

Morphine grabs Guy by his web belt and drags him back in. He locks him into a full Nelson and then yanks him backward, cracking Guy’s skull on the hard exposed ring surface with a snap dragon suplex!

Not letting up, Morphine pulls Job Guy up again and then hooks him in a head and arm suplex also onto the hard surface!


Vinnie Lane: “Job Guy is getting worked tonight! I think the dude is already out cold! Hey what’s Morphine doing now?!”


Christian Morphine crouches down and grabs his box cutter again, and then starts rubbing it against the casing of the bottom rope, fraying it. He keeps running the blade across the rope until the steel inside of the high tension cable is exposed!


Vinnie Lane: “Oh man! I’ve never seen anything like that before… what the heck is Morphine thinking here?”


Morphine slides Job Guy’s head underneath the damaged bottom rop and then slaps on his Cape Fear submission hold! Job’s head and neck are bent back underneath the metal cable and he wails in agony and kicks his feet.

HoloRef Dot Gif starts a five count, helpfully providing ethereal floating numbers right in front of her so that everyone can count along.



1!



2!



3!



4!



And right when HoloRef is about to hit the five, Christian Morphine lets go of the brutal submission hold, barely avoiding a disqualification.

Job Guy lies face down under the bottom rope, then pushes himself up onto his elbows and tries to crawl away as Christian Morphine stalks him.


Vinnie Lane: “Hard to believe Job Guy is even conscious after that brutal assault from Morphine. Looks like Morphine is climbing out onto the apron now…”


Morphine waits on the apron as Job Guy struggles to get to his feet on unsteady legs.

Job Guy stands and turns around just as Christian Morphine springboards from the apron and hits a flying cutter! The Lethal Injection!


Vinnie Lane: “Morphine got all of that cutter! And here’s the cover!”


HoloRef Dot Gif drops down and makes the count, with her hand phasing through the surface of the ring just a bit. Rendering is hard.




1!












2!!




























3!!!

Winner by Pinfall - Christian Morphine

Vinnie Lane: “We’re gonna need some time to repair the ring here folks, let’s hit a commercial break…”

Andre Dixon - vs - Terry Borden Flag Match! Each competitor will have a flag in their corner of their choosing. The winner will be whomever removes their opponent's flag! Referee: John X

Andre Dixon walks down the entrance ramp as his theme music plays. A black and green BOB flag is held high in the sky by a proud Dre. The fans boo as Dre waves the flag around on his way to the ring. Dixon steps up the stairs, sticks his flag in the allocated space on the back of the turnbuckle, and then ducks under the top rope as he steps into the ring. Dre cracks his knuckles and rolls his head around on his neck as he waits for his opponent.

Terry Borden walks out onto the entrance ramp with a moderate pop from the crowd. Terry waves the American flag from side to side as his theme music plays. Dre and John X look to each other before both taking a knee and raising a fist. Terry grows incensed when he notices the civil resistance in the ring. Terry points a finger at Dre before charging down to the ring. Terry leaps over the steel steps onto the ringside apron. Terry runs over to the far turnbuckle and places the American Flag in it’s allocated spot katty korner to the BoB Flag.


Terry steps over the top rope before pointing his finger at Dre and John X while screaming at them about patriotism and the soldiers who died for their right to vote. John X reminds Terry Borden that black Americans are systematically excluded from democracy. Dre takes full advantage of the situation to punch Terry in the jaw! Terry falls back to the ropes as John X rings the bell!

Terry leans against the ropes as he wipes some saliva off of the corner of his mouth. Terry locks eyes with Dre as the cocky thug laughs at the old man. Terry takes a few steps towards Dixon before placing his hands up high and out wide. Dre looks confused for a second, but quickly takes the hint. Dre places it on top of Terry’s hands and the two men begin a classic test of strength. For a while they seem exactly even, but Terry eventually starts to gain the upper hand! Dre can’t seem to believe it!


Vinnie Lane: "Woah dude! Terry’s still got it!"


Dre kicks Terry in the left knee. Terry immediately releases the hold as he barely stops himself from buckling. Dixon immediately follows up with an uppercut and a left cross. Terry hits the mat. Andre puts his hand on his gut as he laughs at the fallen man. Dre delivers a few stiff kicks to his downed opponent after he’s gotten over his giggles.

Dre grabs Terry by the head before forcing him to his feet. Terry wobbles to his feet where he stands for only a brief moment before being DDTed to the mat! Terry looks out. Dre looks to Terry, then to the American flag. Dre pops up off of Borden and starts to walk over to the corner….but just before Dixon is out of reach, Terry grabs the man’s ankle and pulls it out from under him!

Andre falls to his stomach and Terry quickly crawls on top of him! It looks a bit awkward, but the crowd is going nuts as Terry starts delivering body blows from atop the back of Dixon! Dixon starts to move his hips from side to side as he struggles to gain a better position in this grappling contest.


Vinnie Lane: "This….this isn’t what it looks like!"



Borden continues to let the body blows fly, but eventually the wily Dixon is able to get his left arm out from underneath Terry. Dixon pushes himself up off of his left arm, forcing both Terry and himself to roll over to their sides! Terry tries to go for an impromptu chokehold as he begins to roll, but he doesn’t find any luck! Dixon quickly slides into a top mount position as Terry’s still trying to figure out how Dixon got out from underneath him.

Dixon delivers a few blows to Borden’s face that seem to stop the man’s thoughts all together. Dixon slides off of Terry. Andre walks around Terry’s body as the old man is slowly stirring beneath him. Dixon grabs the man’s left leg and stretches it out before walking right next to the man’s left knee. Dixon waits a few moments before leaping into the air and landing on top of the man’s knee!

Terry immediately wakes up from the pain. Terry clutches his left knee as he tries to roll away. It’s not luck. Dre hits Terry with a few boots before picking the larger man up. Dixon tosses his elder into the turnbuckle roughly. Terry lands backfirst against turnbuckle pads. Dixon waits a second before charging towards Terry!

Terry brings his right boot up! Dixon eats foot! Dixon is forced back by the leather shoe. Terry quickly bolts out of the corner and hits Dixon with a running bulldog!


Vinnie Lane: "Terry’s turning this one around! His Americanmaniacs are bringing him back, but he’s going to need his Americanmaniacs to get a whole lot louder if he’s going to put Andre away!"



Terry quickly picks Dixon up off the mat before leaning him against the ropes. The crowd goes nuts as Terry theatrically hits Dixon with four knife edge chops! Terry lets Dixon fall to the ground near the ropes as John X warns Terry about going over four chops. Terry tells John he’d never cheat, and John X looks at Terry with a bit of racial skepticism. Terry Borden just shrugs it off before running to the ropes on the far side off the ring!

Borden bounces off of the ropes and runs back towards the downed Dixon. Terry jumps to the skies before coming back down in a seated position! Terry attempts the Atomic Leg Drop of Death...but Dre slides out of the ring just in time! Terry’s left leg slams into nothing but mat! Dixon smiles as Terry yelps out from the unexpected pain.

As Terry goes to push himself to his feet, Andre reaches into the ring and sweeps the old man’s legs out from under him! Terry lands awkwardly on his left knee as he collapses to the ground. Andre Dixon slides into the ring and stands delivering a flurry of boots to the downed man. Terry squirms underneath the blows. Terry tries to crawl to the center of the ring to get away from Andre but it’s no use, for every inch of the ring that Terry covers he receives nothing but a boot to the back. John X warns Dixon about excessive force, then, halfway through the warning, John X remembers that the courts use a loose interpretation of excessive force to let police officers get off with nothing more than a warning. Dixon continues to stomp away at Terry as John X looks on.


Vinnie Lane: "Not cool, John! Do your job!"


John X glares at Vinnie as he screams something from inside the ring about slavery.


Vinnie Lane: "Woah man, not like that! I didn’t think he’d be able to hear me from there…"


Dixon picks Terry Borden up only to let him go. Dixon smiles as Terry takes a few wobbly steps before collapsing back to the ground. Dixon picks Terry Borden up once more before delivering a brutal spinebuster!


Vinnie Lane: "DEADLY FORCE! DEADLY FORCE!"


John X cringes as Terry Borden’s spine cracks. Dixon walks confidently to the corner of the ring hoisting up an American flag. Dre playfully salutes the flag before pulling it free from the flag holder.

Winner by Flag Capture- Andre Dixon

Dre walks to the other side of the ring and grabs the BOB flag as Terry Borden clutches his left knee while rolling around the ground. Dixon, two flags in hand, looks set to step out of the ring when an unfamiliar song blasts through the speakers……..

Vinnie Lane: "IT’S DEMOS! WHAT’S HE DOING HERE?! He might want revenge against Dixon for interfering in his Universal Championship match!"


Demos steps out onto the entrance ramp with a microphone in his right hand and a flag pole in his left hand. The North Korean flag waves proudly from the top of the flagpole. Demos stands atop the ramp as he stares daggers into the ring. Demos brings the microphone to his hand as he rests the flagpole against his left shoulder.


Demos: I don’t know which flag is more vile! Each of those diapers you wave with so much pride is nothing a cloth colored with sin and shit! Bloody, bloody shits. Blood, bloody sins. Those flags disgust the Demos!

So of course you wave them….

You are the amalgamation of everything I detest.

Demos narrows his eyes as he stares down the entrance ramp. Terry Borden, still clutching his injured knee, rolls out of the ring to receive medical attention. Andre Dixon, meanwhile, smiles and mockingly waves at Demos from right behind the ropes as he listens to the madman ramble on.

Demos: You are selfish, grotesque, wildly immoral! You are a thief beyond crime. You are a burglar beyond property. You come and you take what is most precious to all of us! You are not a home invader, not, but a soul invader! The Demos will not tolerate your evil any longer….you have cost me too much. You have cost me damn near everything!


Vinnie Lane: "Andre DID help Chris Page defend against Demos! He gave Chris Page the belt for the fatal blow!"


Demos: Did you think your trespasses against me would go unnoticed? Did you think your trespasses against my friends would bear you no cost? You are a FOOL! The Brotherhood will be weakened for all time when I put your lights out! The Demos will run you down on the next Anarchy.

But the Demos is noble. Honorable. The Demos is a people of dignity and pride!

Pick your terms, conditions, and stipulations Devil-Man! The Demos will treat you just as you have treated Ramesses and Henrietta, OSWALD AUTEM!

The Demos lets the microphone drop the crowd as the crowd gasps. Demos narrows his eyes as he stares down the ring at the very confused and humored man in the center of the ring. Demos turns about face as he militantly marches his North Korean flag to the back.


Vinnie Lane: "WAIT! Does Demos think that was OSWALD in the ring?!"


Dre shakes his head as he chuckles to himself. Andre steps beneath the top rope and hops down to the floor as he heads up the entrance ramp to take the two flags back to BOB’s locker room.

And then...

Following the match and the interruption from Demos, the crowd gives a standing ovation to Borden, who remains down on the mat. Borden crawls his way over to the ropes, when...

Vinnie Lane: "What is THIS now?”


The crowd gets whipped into a frenzy as the music of Boris begins to play! Out from the back comes the Slav Superstar, but he is accompanied by the same woman in a military uniform that we saw two weeks ago. The woman is screaming at Boris and pointing to the ring as the two walk down the ramp.

Boris climbs into the ring and looks around at the crowd. His body language says he is not having a good time, as he glances back over to the woman ringside.

Woman: DO IT!

Boris turns back to Borden, who finally gets to his feet...


CHEEKI BREEKI!!!!

Boris has his finishing hold locked in on Borden, as the crowd sits in stunned silence. Even Vinnie Lane appears to have no words as Boris chokes out the old legend and brings him down to the mat. The lady at ringside yells YES! YES! as Boris lays Borden down onto the mat, completely unconscious. Some in the crowd boo, but they mostly remain in silence, not sure what to make of what just happened. A dejected Boris quickly storms out of the ring, as the woman, now with a huge smile on her face, follows next to him up the ramp way.


Vinnie Lane: "Man, Terry just can NOT catch a break!”

There were three.

The Heartbreaker was the first one.

The Drug Dealer was the second one.

You were the third.

They are now gone.

But you are still here.

But not for long.

ANARCHY CHAMPIONSHIP Ruby - vs - Lord Raab 2 out of 3 Falls! Referee: Chaz Bobo

“Monster” by Skillet plays over the sound system as Lord Raab comes out through the curtain wearing his green and black wrestling trousers with his nickname The Green Disease German Monster on the front of them with Monster Energy logos on the side of his trousers with black gloves on both of his hands and wears a black and green mask and ignores the fans as he goes up the stairs before going in-between the ropes and crouches down in the corner moving backwards and forwards, rubbing his hands and moving his neck around while looking at his opponent with anger in his eyes while waiting for the match to start.

“Ruby” by Kaiser Chiefs starts and Ruby walks out onto the stage and poses at the top of the ramp wearing the XWF Anarchy Championship! She makes her way to the ring to an excited crowd!


Vinnie Lane: “Okay, dudes! It’s time for the Main Event to get underway! Anarchy Championship on the line!”[/color


Chaz Bobo takes the title from Ruby, shows it to Lord Raab and then holds it into the air.


[color=#FF1493]Vinnie Lane: “Ruby is going to have her hands full tonight with Lord Raab! The champ usually comes in working against a size advantage, but this one is XTREME! Lord Raab stands an entire foot and three inches above Ruby and doubles her in weight! Rubes is going to have her work cut out for her tonight in this Best of Three Falls Match!!”


Chaz Bobo calls for the bell and the match is underway! Lord Raab stands tall in the center of the ring as Ruby calculates her first move! She steps in and snaps a kick against the challenger’s left knee, but the big man is unfazed by it. Ruby lands another kick, which again Raab eats like nothing. He reaches back and over his head then slowly comes down with a powerful fist, but Ruby is quick and rolls out of the way dodging it! She runs past and bounces off the ropes! Leaping in the air she attempts a spinning wheel kick but is caught by Lord Raab and slammed to the ground with a big sidewalk slam! Lord Raab wraps her up for a quick cover!

Vinnie Lane: “Oh boy Lord Raab trying to get a pin out of the way! Chaz Bobo in position!”





1!












2!!













Ruby manages to kick out!!

She rolls towards the closest side and reaches for the ropes. Lord Raab watches and slowly stalks the champion. As Ruby starts pulling herself up, Raab grabs her by her hair and lifts her up the rest of the way. Holding Ruby by her head, he picks her up and throws her into the corner! Ruby bounced off the turnbuckle pad and hers demolished by a running back elbow from the challenger. Ruby stands for a moment before falling face down on the mat!

Lord Raab does less stalking here and stays after the champion. He picks her up by the waist and lifts her up and to his shoulders!


Vinnie Lane: “Oh, dude! Raab looking for a powerbomb!! But wait..!”


Ruby uses her agility to slide out of Lord Raab's current clumsy grasp and squeezes out to the mat. Ruby then flips back and reaches the big man's head with a pele kick!!


Vinnie Lane: “Ooooh!! Right in the mask!!”


Lord Raab's head snaps back and the blow takes him off his balance. He stumbles and leans against the top rope. Ruby runs up the turnbuckles, leaps off landing on Raab's shoulders, and pulls him to the outside with a hurricanrana!!

Lord Raab lands on his feet, Ruby sees this after landing on the apron and breaks for the ropes on the opposite side!


Vinnie Lane: “Can it be??”


Ruby leaps and attempts Trope Con Hero, but is caught by Lord Raab! He carries her over to the ring steps and piledrives her head first down on top of them! Ruby collapses to the floor and lies still as Chaz Bobo begins the count!


Vinnie Lane: “Raab better throw Rubes back into the ring…. Title can only exchange hands when…. Well, it's best of three Falls so I dunno. GET UP RUBY!!!”


Lord Raab takes Ruby and throws her back on his one shoulder and rams her back into the ring post! Again! And again! He then presses her up over his head and tosses her into the ring!


Vinnie Lane: “Raab's size advantage looks like it's paying off. Then again, this isn't the first time the advantage has not been in the champion's favor! You can't count Ruby out!”


Ruby rolls towards the center as Raab goes back to stalking as he creeps into the ring via ring steps. Ruby sees him coming and starts rolling away. When he reaches her he leaned down, Ruby grabs Lord Raab by his mask and pulls him forward into the middle turnbuckle head first!!


Vinnie Lane: “Ruby was playing possum!!!”


Ruby parkours up the ropes to the top turnbuckle and leaps off!!!


Vinnie Lane: “RUBY IN THE ROUGH!!!”


Ruby stomps the back of Lord Raab's head crushing it between her 100 lbs. frame and the turnbuckle!! He falls to his back and Ruby, with all her strength, hooks a leg!!!!





1!






2!!













3!!!

First Fall Awarded to Ruby

Ruby picks up the first fall, but barely as Lord Raab managed to kick out, but a half second too late! The kick out springs Ruby off of Raab allowing the challenger to get back to his feet rather quickly. Ruby springs off the ropes and soars with a drop kick that catches Raab slightly off guard. Ruby uses Raab's bent knee as a step ladder to spring herself in the air to catch him in another, but standing, Ruby in the Rough!!!! Raab grabs her by the ankle as she attempts this and like a ragdoll or an old, dusty rug, slams her onto the mat!!

Lord Raab wastes no time in getting the champ back to her feet…. He does so then wraps his big hand around her neck, lifts her high above his head, then slams her down!!


Vinnie Lane: “That's the Chokeinator!!! Raab could get one back here!!!”


He covers!!




1!








2!!














3!!!

Second Fall Awarded to Lord Raab

Vinnie Lane: “And just like that we are tied back up, dudes!! This Anarchy Title Match is RAD!! Hold on though… Lord Raab looks like he’s losing his mind!”


Raab is snarling and screaming, and he shoves Chaz Bobo aside as he heads out of the ring and grabs a steel chair.

Taking the chair, Raab gets back into the ring and waits as Ruby gets to her feet… then slams the steel into her skull and leaves her laying! Chaz Bobo looks like he’s about to call for the bell, and then Raab flattens HIM with a chair as well!


Vinnie Lane: “Raab’s taking this thing WAY too far! He just assaulted an XWF official! Get some help out here!”


A row of referees comes running down to the ring, some focusing on checking on Bobo and some trying to persuade Raab to drop the weapon.

With a wild swing, Raab takes out John X with a chair! Then Richard Wang! He turns his attention to MARTY, and a panel in MARTY’s chest opens, exposing a stun gun!

Raab gets tazed!

Raab quivers and drops the chair, falling to the mat and convulsing as MARTY blinks a message to the timekeepers.

Lord Raab has been DISQUALIFIED

Winner of the Match Two Falls to One - Ruby

As Chaz Bobo is helped to his feet, he raises Ruby’s hand in victory, the crowd jumps to their feet, but not for the reasons you would think.


Vinnie Lane: “Wait a minute!”


*CRACK*


Ruby drops to the ground as Chaz Bobo turns to see a chair wielding Miss Fury!


Vinnie Lane: “Miss Fury with the ambush attack! This is becoming habitual!”


Fury comes in with another shot across the back of Ruby for good measure!


*CRACK*


The crowd is on their feet booing. Chaz Bobo tries to get in Fury’s way and pays for it with a chair shot to the cranium!


*CRACK*


Vinnie Lane: “This may be Anarchy Miss Fury, but you can’t attack the officials! That’s going to be a fine young lady!”


Fury drops to the mat and locks Ruby into the Black Widow! Ruby struggles to free herself, but to no avail! Eventually she succumbs to the pain and passes out!


Vinnie Lane: “C’mon! She’s defenseless, STOP THIS!”


Miss Fury continues to rear back on the hold, throwing all of her weight into it as she tries to literally snap Ruby in half!


Vinnie Lane: “Somebody needs to stop this!”


Right on cue, the crowd jumps in anticipation as Centurion runs out from the back and down the stage! Miss Fury sees him coming and releases the hold, diving out the other side of the ring just as Cent slides in. An intense staredown between the two occurs before Fury escapes through the crowd with arena security.


Vinnie Lane: “Oh yeah, not so tough when your opponent can see you coming huh Miss Fury!?”


Centurion turns and checks on Ruby. Steaming, he looks out to Fury in the crowd hamming it up.


Vinnie Lane: “Miss Fury strikes again, but thank goodness Centurion was here to stop her before this escalated any further!”


The Camera centers on Centurion tending to Ruby as the crowd chants for the Anarchy Champion.


Vinnie Lane: “That’s all we’ve got for you tonight, ladies and germs, tune in two weeks from now for the next installment of XWF Anarchy!

SPECIAL THANKS: Doc D’Ville Miss Fury Boris Demos RL Edgar Ghost Tank Them No Good Bastards

The advertisement for the Pigdickler had me cracking up. Great show! Very fun read! Boris heel turn tho? Mmmm idk but I love it. fook amerikkka

"Mmm, a mystery. Pretty sure I know who the drug dealer is...but the other two?"

It's true, I hate boobs. And jobbers. And the Anarchy ring. And holograms, especially ones with BOOBS! YUCK!

OOC: Fun show, I'll probably give some proper feedback once I wake up a lil' bit. I was giggiling from what I've read so far.

Oswald, finished showering, just in time to hear Demos, or Charlie Nickles, whatever he wanted to be called, actually call him out. His servants began to dry him off and begin to dress him as he thinks on what the man is saying. Once he is fully dressed, he speaks.

"My stipulation, Demos, is thus:

Soul on a pole match.

First to get the poor soul hanging from the pole, wins. And we're doing it on MY show, Anarchy. Let's put you to the test."