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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » High Stakes Battle Royale RP Board
Broken Compass
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Thaddeus Duke Offline
Lionhearted
Management Lv. 2


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Some of everyone

(cheered; very rarely plays dirty but isn't lame either; many likable qualities)


#1
11-28-2020, 08:28 PM


Random Neighborhood || Somewhere in Connecticut || 7:14 PM


After my session with Doctor D’Ville this afternoon, I drove around for several hours. I thought about the things he told me that, really, I’m not sure if he told me, or if it was just some things I already thought but buried deep inside. My life, specifically my love life is in absolute turmoil. Elizabeth is wonderful. She’s beautiful, strong, guides me with a firm hand but a soft touch. She’s everything to me yet all I can think about is someone else entirely. Someone I hurt so deeply that he may never really recover from that emotional trauma and in turn, that crushes me entirely. I’m not an evil person. I never do things to just simply do things. No matter how shitty the reasons might seem to those that can’t see my life through my eyes, me doing what I did was absolutely selfish and I have never disagreed with that or tried to sugarcoat that in any way. I’ve never tried to convince myself or anyone else that I was right to do what I did. I was wrong. It was wrong when I did it. It remained wrong when I returned to my life and resumed being Thaddeus Duke. It remains wrong now. It will stay wrong for the rest of my days.

I let Garrett think I was dead for nearly a year and I asked him to forgive me. I in no way deserve to be forgiven for doing something so cold and so… fucking heartless. He’s trying though and the fact that he’s even trying to forgive me speaks volumes to the character he possesses. The fact I did what I did, makes me question my own. Maybe even more so than D’Ville. Often, I play the good guy. And I am for the most part. Yet I am human, and I have flaws like anyone else.

That one is a big one.

I parked my car like an hour ago and to be honest, I don’t even know where I parked it. It’s pouring rain and my hoodie and my jeans are soaked through. I just started walking and thinking as the night began to fall. So here I am in this little suburb, probably looking like a menace to anyone who realizes I’m even out here roaming their neighborhood.

After rounding a corner, a dog on a dimly lit porch begins to bark and chases after me. I don’t run. Instead I stop and look at him. He’s a rather well maintained chocolate lab protected by one of those invisible pet fence things. As I look at him, he stops his barking and his pursuit of me. He just stands there, his coat becoming drenched with rain much like the guy he’s staring at. Slowly he approaches me as I step inside the yard. The dog gives me his warning growl, but I just bend down and hold out my hand. From the dim light emanating from the porch, I can see his nose twitch as he works his sniffer.

With his head down and his eyes locked on mine, he steps toward me and I lean in closer. After a quick sniff of my hand, he wags his tail, then licks my fingers. Kneeling down in the pooling water collecting on the concrete sidewalk leading to the porch belonging to the dogs loving family, he approaches me and his tail wags back and forth so much that his whole rear end wags with it.

”Who’s a good boy?” I ask of the beautiful pooch. I’m pretty sure he’s not gonna answer that question, but I mean, ya gotta ask. It’s in the handbook and everything. He licks my face as I pet his ears and his neck and I can’t help but smile. I always had a love for animals. Dogs especially and it makes me wonder how I ended up with a pair of former circus lions as house pets and not a dozen dogs.

Maybe one day, after the boys cross the rainbow bridge.

”What’s your name, huh?” I ask him, again, I’m not expecting him to be like “Joe, what’s yours?” I take a look at his collar and the tag hanging off of it. Magnus.

”Magnus is a sweet boy huh?” I say as he licks my face some more while I continue to pet his ears. ”Okay Magnus, I gotta go. You be a good boy now.”

Patting his head as I stand up, I give him one more scratch of his ear before turning to continue my journey. Magnus whimpers a couple times as I walk away, almost making me want to steal him. Just before I’m out of his sight I turn to look back and he’s slowly making his way back to the dry porch. Such a goodest boy.



Resuming my walk to absolutely nowhere, I’m reminded that one, I have no idea where I am; two, I have no fucking idea where I parked my car and three, I left my phone in said car that is now lost. Rounding another bend, I start to wonder to myself if I should maybe stop some place, a lit up house or something, to ask for directions. If nothing else, to find out where the hell I am. And maybe to use their phone.

I consider for a moment, going back to the house where Magnus lives. Partly to pet him again, and partly because I know his family is awake. Nevertheless, I continue on. Down the block I’m currently on, a house is all lit up.

That’s the one.

Porch light is on. Lights on upstairs and down.

On the sidewalk by the street right in front of that lit up house, something stops me and I don’t know why. The house is familiar to me and again, I don’t know why. It’s not fear or anything like that, because why would I fear some random ass house in the middle of suburbia? To be quite honest, I don’t know what’s stopping me from going up the walk and just knocking on the door. I really can’t put my finger on it. It’s kind of like when you’re dreaming but in the dream you’re aware that you’re dreaming so your mind starts to act off script to force change within said dream. Dreams are obdurate, they resist your attempt to change course. This isn’t a dream though. I know this because the rain and my drenched clothes have made me freezing fucking cold.

Suddenly, I’m no longer on the sidewalk, but on the well lit front porch of this house and I’ve already knocked on the door… and I remember none of it. I don’t remember walking up the sidewalk, I don’t remember climbing the porch steps, and I don’t remember raising my arm to knock. Yet I did, and here I stand. Nervous as nervous can be with my heart nearly pounding out of my chest and again, I don’t know why.

How long have I been on this porch? How long did it take me to knock on the door?

The door opens and I’m throttled backwards by unseen forces. I nearly stumble off the porch and down the steps.

”Thad,” Garrett says from inside the doorway. ”What are you doing here?”

Looking around the porch quickly, it all floods back. Somehow, some way, I was drawn to Garrett’s house and never realized it. It never fucking clicked in my head that I knew where I was and where I was going this entire fucking time.

”I… I have no fucking clue,” I manage to spit out with honesty.

Garrett steps out onto his lit up front porch as I remain near the edge from my earlier stumble.

”You’re soaked! Are you okay?”

”G,” I reply. ”I really don’t know.”

Garrett advances toward me and I don’t take my eyes off of his as he wraps his arm over my sopping wet shoulders and starts guiding me inside.

”C’mon, let’s get you in the house.”

Once inside the house, he closes the door. I stand in his foyer, puddles forming beneath me on his hardwood flooring.

”I’ll get some towels, and please, don’t move. I just had the carpets done.”

”Yeah okay,” I manage to get out. I’m still so confused and it’s like I’m having some out of body experience. Like, I’m here, but I’m also watching myself be here and I’m not in control of anything. I control nothing. Not my motions or actions, not my words. I’m beginning to wonder if I’m even controlling my thoughts.

”Here,” Garrett says as he tosses a couple towels in my direction. I have like zero reflexes at the moment and the towels just hit me in the face and fall to the floor. He looks at me bewildered as a look of great concern now appears on his face.

”Thad,” he says as picks the towels up off the floor. ”You’re scaring me. What the hell is wrong? Tell me!”

”Garrett,” I reply but nothing follows.

Taking one of the towels, he places one on my head and starts to dry my still dripping hair before moving on to wipe down my face. I gently grab him by his neck. Not his throat mind you, but the side, my thumb beneath his chin.

”Thad,” he says as he looks at me with confusion, I look at him with...I don’t know what it is. I bring his face to mine and we lock lips.

Lust.

That was the look.

After removing my lips from his I stare into his green eyes and say nothing. I’m not sure what just happened. Yeah, clearly I kissed him, but it wasn’t planned. Despite it being entirely and utterly the most wrong thing to do...it felt right. How can something wrong, feel so fucking right?

”Thad, I...” he starts, but no words follow. I don’t know why, but I kiss him again. After, I stare at him, my jaw clenched so tight that my jaw muscles flex outward. I can describe it no other way except a burning, intense, passionate, lustful desire...and I can not resist it no matter how hard I try.

”Fuck,” he spits out, unable to unlock his eyes from mine.

”What?”

”You have no idea how much I missed you,” he replies.

”No,” I reply to him before pausing. ”I think I do.” Slowly, I feel myself regaining control of my senses, my motions, all of it.

He doesn’t say anything as I kick off my soaked sneakers still without unlocking our eyes. Garrett reaches for me, but changes his mind at the last second and runs his fingers through his hair before relaxing his arm again at his side. No words are exchanged between us, just looks of some internalized understanding. Grabbing a belt loop above my left pocket with one of his fingers, he gives a gentle tug. I look down at his hand and back into his eyes and say nothing, just a nod.



Some time later, I lie on Garrett’s bed staring up at the ceiling fan. My eyes following a single blade as it rotates around and around and around. So many thoughts and feelings coursing through my body. What’s done is done and there’s no turning back from what just happened. Feelings of shame and guilt creep in along with feelings of complete satisfaction. A type of satisfaction I haven’t felt in a very long time.

It’s right. And it’s so very very wrong. I have betrayed the trust of the woman I love, to lay with the man I similarly love. No matter what I do from this point and no matter how things shake out, there’s nothing I can do or say that will ever change what happened tonight.

Tears start to flow and my eyes begin to swell in response. I love two people more than anything in this world, and I somehow manage to find ways to continue to hurt them. Garrett, my god! How could I have ever done that to him? And Elizabeth? Fuck! She has been a rock for me, a crutch for me to lean on in my worst of times and I’ve betrayed her.

With my arms folded behind my head, I turn to look at Garrett, now asleep with his arm draped over my bare stomach. I’m flooded with the memories we shared together. The Halloween party at school. The dancing and singing. Curtis, whom we both loved and both miss so dearly. Traveling with him to Tennessee to meet his aunt and uncle who hosted us both so he could attend Pride. I’m reminded of the hecklers calling us f*ggots and how it hurt him so much. I’m reminded how I threatened one particular dude and asking him how he’d like to get his ass kicked by a f*ggot. Bet he wouldn’t share that particular fight story in the bar with all his toxic masculine friends. I’m reminded of giving him the best open mouth kiss I could manage in front of those same hecklers to put him at ease. I didn't care. He was my friend and I loved him. I’m reminded of holding his hand the entire time. I’m reminded of that night in his room after the festival. He was lying on the bed with me seated on the floor, my back to him. He leaned and wrapped his arms around my neck, his eyes filled with tears, thanking me for being there for him.

I think, mostly, I’m reminded of what I loved about him in the first place...


Everything.

[Image: wgqr9W2.png]
74-31-1
Semi-Retired


1x  XWF Universal Champion || 3x  XWF Xtreme Champion || 1x  XWF Supercontinental Champion (First)
1x  XWF Hart Champion (Last) || 2x  XWF Television Champion || 1x  XWF Tag Team Champion
1x  OCW Savage Champion || 1x IIW Tag Team Champion  || 2x  SOTM (9/20, 7/21)
2021 Male Wrestler of the Year (shared w/ Alias) || XWF Hall of Legends
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