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Ned Kaye · (01-16-2020)

January 13th, 2019

The scene fades into an empty, dimly lit SWAT car. In a swift second, a group of SWAT officers throw in a figure, pressing him against the wall, barrel of an automatic rifle pushing into his cheek and screaming in his ear.

"You talk when we fucking say you do!"

He's surrounded, but after some the officers through some cuffs on him and get seated, it's plain to see who they've arrested: none other than Notorious Ned Kaye. One of the officers, in a fit of frustration, raises his boot to kick Kaye's face against the steel wall of the car.

"No, no, no, NO, NO, N-"

The scene freezes as the boot connects with Ned's chin, a record scratch being heard simultaneously. It's at this point that narration from the Notorious One himself starts.

Yeah, that's me.

Now, you might be wondering, how does the XWF's resident "good guy" go from jobbing to Kieran Overton on Sunday due to mysterious circumstances to ending up in the back of a SWAT truck being treated with like some criminal? Well, it's a long story, but it starts with a night of streaming, scheming assholes on the internet, and a few comments on the subject of X-Treme Champion Fuzz. But if you think it starts crazy, just realize that in about a day, I will be escorted to Anarchy under FBI surveillance, escape the same night and be branded an international criminal just in time for Fuzz and Noah's degenerate Burning Man. Now, if you'll excuse me for one second.

The scene resumes, the officer's boot knocking Ned to his side, body limp against the cold metal floor. Kaye's eyes are wide open as he breathes heavily, some slight blood trickling from his mouth. Once again, the moment pauses.

Alright, it was better to just count my losses there and get that over with, but regardless, focusing on the PPV chosen by a man whose first name sends chills down his spine wasn't going to help right now. Instead, formulating an escape was more imperative and although I was well aware of my ultimate victory over the authorities to retain my freedom, for continuity purposes, I was going to need to think of my plan now. Thankfully, I wouldn't have to worry about actually making it to C**t Fest because, luckily for me, beating up a group of armed federal officers is basically the least controversial thing that someone's done this year. Hell, this wasn't really even my fault! However, I doubt that the court would take Xbux as a valid payment of bail and I wasn't too interested whether surviving a SWAT Team earned me any of Lacklan's cool points. What I needed at this moment was get my plan together.

Okay, firstly, I know that I'm going to be facing Boris and Raphael Blackwater. Now, as rude as this might sound, Raphael is equally likely to show up and lose as he is to not show up at all. I hate to talk like that, but I'd probably be a bit less sassy if I didn't still have the imprint of a gun barrel in my skin. That meant that the biggest obstacle was going to be Boris, who I am fairly certain is fully capable of snapping me in half like a toothpick. Especially after my beatings by Santos and Overton, I wouldn't put it past him to try. But as much fun as it would be to simple survive facing this mountain of a man, winning would be far more preferable for my plan and my ability to walk.

Alright, so Boris is definitely a more physical opponent than I like facing, so using a lot of his own muscle to his disadvantage would serve me pretty well, especially since trying to overpower him would just be asking for a repeat of Relentless where I stumbled out with a broken leg and no cat. Thankfully, I can at least see my little buddy at the XWF Performance Center. Anyway, before I even step into the ring, I should drop a burner phone off with Daniel. He can be a lot of things sometimes, but a bad friend he is not. After that, a good idea would be-

Wait a minute!

That cat I see at the Performance Center has a small white streak over his eye! Deepthroat is completely black! Someone set up a fake cat to distract me! That's very unlike Noah... On second thought, that's exactly like Noah.

Goddammit, that Marmite slurping bastard still has my cat! That's enough to put me in a sour mood without the imminent threat of death.

Well, back to my original train of thought. If I'm gonna give D a burner phone, who should it contact? Drew would be able to get me a car, no questions asked, which should likely raise many questions on how devoted he is to that pirate gimmick. Aside from that, who else? ...Rob's dad for sure. After our recent meet up, I think he and I are on the same page. Besides Ethan is with him and can keep him safe. All that leaves is how I can get out of there. I'll need a distraction so I can land a disguise. Maybe Thunder Knuckles? He's typically willing to do whatever for the Xbux, so cutting off a few lights for a minute should be right up his alley. That just leaves a disguise...

Ned looks around, eyeing a fellow with a fairly similar body type to himself. The officer sneers at Ned, laughing to himself.

"Whatcha looking at, wrestle-boy? You wanna grapple me in my bed tonight? Worried I might hit you with a steel chair?"

That's the disguise covered.

Ned smirks, a small trail of blood leaking down his chin.

This might just be crazy enough to work. Hopefully.

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