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Noah Jackson · (01-17-2020)

Call of The Coont

Deep in the heart of Australia a young mad scientist works effortlessly on a cure for a most dire disease!

"Finally!"

Our Australian aristocrat astounds us! Holding a vial of a garish green ooze.

"The cure to eradicate men with tiny little vaginas! But not in an anti-transgender way, that would be most foul! It's 2020 for goodness sake! No, this cure would stop the infestation of little pissbabies who like to cry and make excuses for not being sick! Sick like me! DOCTOR NOAH JACKSON!"

Our hero laughs a laugh most laughish! Proud of his work he moves over to his cages of test animals... EVIL TEST ANIMALS that our hero is trying to cure of evil! He opens a cage to one of the koala bears; it claws and bites as Noah opens the cage.

"Quit being a little cunt, you dang dropbear!"

As our hero grabs the corrupt Koala it digs its fangs into deep into Noah's hand causing him to howl in pain and spill the ooze over himself! Dr. Jackson throws the eucalyptus eater aside as he pulsates in a horrid green glow; he pushes his palms against his eyes as his body doubles over.

"Curses! I have been corrupted by this most fiendish fuck! The cure was only supposed to be used on the pettiest of pissbabies!!! The Sick Cunt energy I'm exuding... Is... Too... SICK!"

Our hero has become taken over! He raises with a cackle his hands upturned to the sky!

"Muahahahahaha I am no longer Doctor Noah Jackson I am..."

THE COONT!

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NOW...

Years after his horrific accident we find The Coont, as he now calls himself, deep in the heart of the Australian Wilderness.

"SOON! I will have my revenge on those malicious marsupials that cursed me! Muhahahahahaha!!!"

The evilest Coont begins thrashing jerry cans of petrol around the bushes and the surrounding area, laughing as he does.

"Once I have sufficiently doused this area in flammable liquid I shall set it alight using a spark from this cigarette which I shall light using this handy pocket lighter! Setting the local flora on fire which shall spread throughout the bush and ignite the tress which the cunt wildlife call home! Killing them all and leaving a barren wasteland! Muhahahahahahaha!!!"

A most devilish plot from The Coont! He tosses one of the cans away and places a cigarette in his mouth but hesitates to light as he sees vehicles approach.

"Well, well, well if it isn't my old nemesises... Nemesisi? Whatever, RUBY and THE PINK MIST! Well caped cunts, come out and try and stop me!"

It seems some true heroes have come to intercept this arson! One of them exits the vehicle and lifts a megaphone

"Sir, this is the police, please approach the vehicle with your hands in the air."

The good people of the police and fire department surround The Coont and his ring of gasoline! Noah Jackson shifts his eyes.

"Aha! So the devious duo have opted OUT to face myself!? BAH! The banana-lime creampie WOULD run away rather than face my father once more and lose! The cowardly cunt! And of course, The Pink Mist! Once my assistant and true love when we worked in the lab has chosen to quit and run away rather than lose once more to The Coont!?"

"Sir, if you do not move towards the vehicle we will be forced to shoot."

It appears The Coont is in some deep shit as the police aim their weapons as the firemen ready their hose. What will he do to escape this one!?"

"... Eat shit, cunts!"

The Coont his lighter to the ground and ignites the area and runs away in the confusion as the police take fire; Noah barely dodges the bullets and dives into a nearby car where the fiendish Fintch is waiting; The Coont motions his father to drive and the two escape leaving dust in their wake. As they make their exit; The Coont sits up with a long exhale.

FUZZ: "Noah."

"Sup cunt?"

FUZZ: "What are you doing?"

"Playing superheroes. Wanna join? Got you a mask."

Fuzz simply stays unmoving.

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Fuzz shifts his eyes at his 'son.'

"So sick."

"Anyway, The Sick Cunts shall do battle against the dastardly duo known as Ruby and The Pink Mist! Once more the evil Vincent Lane has decided to just use the same card again because he lacks any creativity so I must face my beloved! And you, FATHER! You will fight the shit cunt known as Ruby once more in a match that is not a singles! If only my cure wasn't wasted! I could have removed Lane's tight vagina and he would be sick! So sick to not give us a match that people have seen before! But noooooooo! We have to go through the fucking wash again, cunt!"

"We have both proven we can beat Ruby and The Pink Mist, I multiple times in the latter! And though it pains me to do so, I musn't refuse a challenge so this time my efforts shall go against the one they call Ruby and I will defeat her and de-mask her once more! As everyone knows I made that cunt give up the first time around, as that is my super power!"

"I'm so sick, I make other people surrender in one way or another!"

"Muhahahahhaha!!!!"

The villain turns to the camera, what does he have planned?

"Also, donate to WWF's Australia Bushfire Appeal if you can. Shit's cooked... Literally. If I fucking donate than what the fuck is stopping you cunts?"

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