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Noah Jackson · (01-06-2020)

Bee Sting

Fuck deep thoughts and internal monologues, let's just get this shit over with. Swig of VB and go.

"Let's start with Scully and the bullshit that dropped out of his front asshole. "

"The

writers over at Castle GreyScull gave a silver platter of extra chromosomes to the human version of a dehumidifier this week as the cunt added literally nothing to his reputation or even this match. To prove that he isn't a washed-up bloated whale carcass on the beaches of failure, the cunt said he won the Uni from Lane this one time, you know the only fucking thing this sad cunt can cling on to, and immediately admitted he lost that title to Peter Gilmour..."

"Y'know, the cunt who can't keep track on what match he's supposed to be in."

"He even said to Big D that he's never no-showed a match, so this cunt actually tried his hardest and couldn't beat Peter fucking Gilmour."

"Y'know, Peter Gilmour, the cunt who lost to a small child."

"So, Scully tried and lost and that is his only claim to fame, this is the only fucking thing that keeps the cunt from hanging himself because despite being shit and actually knowing he's shit, in the back of his head he's constantly thinking 'what if?' He even admitted he lost the Xtreme Title to Ghost Tank."

"Y'know who Ghost Tank is? Me neither, apparently he's a Blobfish according to Lane. So Scully lost to a Blobfish, great job cunt."

"Then there's shit like this."

I WILL ram it down your throats that I have the XWF TV Championship. I will come out to the ring; Every Savage and I will be successful to the annoyance of the people. To the annoyance of the roster and more importantly, to rub it in the face of XWF management, who DO NOT want to see Scully with a title around his waist!

"Cunt, no one gives a shit about you. It's a lot different from people hating you. Hating requires some form of effort from other people and nobody wants to waste a nanosecond of their day to give two shits about you. You don't think management want you to have the title? Then why did Atticus Black come out and make sure this match happened? Why were you in a number one contender's match for the TV title? If management didn't want to see you with a title, then why the fuck are they giving you chances!? Are you that fucking dense? I didn't want to give you or Big D the time of day BUT Atticus, management, came out and made sure you got a fucking chance you dumb prick."

I am not stupid, I am not deluded.

"Yes you fucking are, you are mind-numbingly stupid and delusional because it seems like you have cunts writing your shit for promos but as soon as you're out in the wild you bumble over your words like a cunt with a stutter singing 'Rap God'. When it's not a promo and you don't actually want to look like a fucking failure, you say the dumbest shit in the fucking world with a smug smile on your face while everyone is pointing and laughing at you. As I said previously, you were mentally disabled at least twice in the past and you're actually sitting there now in full earnest and saying 'you're not dumb'. You are a fucking contradiction you stupid little prick. I'm not stupid despite being kicked in the head by horse or some shit, I've never no-showed a match I've just no-showed the entire company for months on end, I'm not a bad wrestler who can't make good promos, people just don't like me."

"The only thing you've got right in this white, crusty dog turd of a promo is that D doesn't deserve a title shot, everything else is you reaching at straws to find any reason that you're not a waste of space. You complain about not having a one on one, cunt you could have had it! If you turned up for a match on Savage, obviously you were free since you decided interrupting my shit was a good idea. But no, you just didn't bother to get your name in. You say you're gonna win the TV title now but I haven't seen your name on the list for Cunt-Fest! If you just thought, for a fucking second, just prepared since you're a sick cunt who always shows up for a match you could have got your one on one. But no, you're a scared tiny pussy who gets too wrapped in knowing you're going to lose so don't even fucking bother preparing for the future. Any cunt with at least one eyeball could have seen that the card for Savage already went up and I was on it before having the TV title and Blackwater was on it, when Lethal Loterry went up, the card was changed... But you're like 'LOL fucking management, right guys?' ... You fucking

dickhead. Management are fucking shit, I know that but fuck me, at least I go after plausible reasons why they are shit, what you went after was just embarrassing."

"If you just THOUGHT first, our one on one would have been done with and you could've gone back to being a sad cunt wanking over that one win you're proud of."

Noah Jackson, the great Noah Jackson who calls people a Cunt religiously as an insult but also refers to himself as a Cunt like it’s an achievement, a title to be proud of. Makes sense?! Only to the idiots who wank over your promo’s. P.S That isn’t me! Hell, why worry about other people? I should just worry about myself. By the way, don’t get it twisted, It doesn’t mean I am at all worried about me, in the way that I should be terrified of YOU! I am worried of what I’ll do to you!

"Holy fucking paper defence, Batcunt. You're so fucking scared of me you're trying to hide any weak attack you're saying with the thinnest layer of cover. Oh, you call people cunts? HA! But also yourself a cunt!? That's very odd, I would say! Sips tea and tries to stop his bottom lip from quivering... Cunt, you are embarrassing to watch. Every word here if you running up to a big jump only to stop short and walk away for another run-up and when you finally work up the courage to make that jump you fall short and land in an open sewer. There's honestly not much I need to say about what you've just said here because I guarantee every cunt watching that part rubbed their temples and muttered 'Jesus, Scully what the fuck, man?' Because it's that fucking shit."

"This is your moment to get back into the limelight, this is your shot to win a title and go into a high-tier match ON YOUR OPPONENT'S PAY-PER-VIEW and this is what you bring? This right fucking here is your A-game? This is meant to be the shit to get me rattled and strike a hot iron into my chest?"

"You are fucking this up. Do you actually remember how to do your job or has the

set in again and now pretty colours are fucking your flow?"

"Then you go about how I don't have a backbone? How I should have stood up to Atticus and said 'NO! What about me and Scully, one on one which nobody wants to see because no one knows who the fuck Scully is!' Cunt, in case you forget, YOU were there too! You actually had a mic and I remember pretty distinctly that you stood there smiling like an idiot when Black came up with this fucking match. You got cucked and called out by Big D, he went out first and you acted like a little bitch, biting your bottom lip as D stole your moment, you threw a fucking tantrum like a toddler instead of saying, 'NO! I'm the number one contender! Go away you balless having bitch!' You pussed out! Fuck yourself. If you remember, you were both acting like pissbabies so I called you shit cunts and told you neither of you deserved a shot, which you don't but hey, here we fucking are! Guess none of us get what we want in life."

"Then you call me a fucking brown-nose? Cunt, do just sit around with shit in your pants only thinking about yourself all day and night? Do you actually fucking know me at all? Apparently fucking not since all you know is I say cunt a lot and Fuzz is my..." I stop myself. "And Fuzz is my tag partner. Do you not actually know the ruckus we've caused? Did you not see me and Fuzz kick the shit out of Lane at Lethal Lottery? But yeah, cunt, we're just fake. Not like you at all who has just clung onto an anti-management bit because you have literally nothing else going on in your life to not make you a two-dimensional jizz stain. You wanna prove you're not a cuck, cunt? Go tell Atticus to kick Big D out of this match and make it a one on one, tell me how it goes you fucking balloon-headed twat. Also, you say the only thing I can do is bring up your past when you started with bringing up your fucking past!" I throw my arms out. "Kill yourself. Want to talk about now? While I've had 28 matches since joining in March of 2019, during my run you have lost to Robbie Bourbon, Unknown Soldier, beat some cunts at a shit match for a number one contendership for my title and you're using that win to fail at trying to defeat me, great job cunt and during all this you have zero title wins. So, this fifth or twentieth return of yours is pretty fucking trash, cunt. Let's all just stick to the part where you lost the Universal to Peter Gilmour. Gonna love your comeback next promo where you say 'woah, I got Noah angry.' Yeah, cunt that's basically the whole point in back and forths like this, get the other person a little nettled. Luckily for you I have more important things to be pissed about right now."

"Oh, thanks for making me beating Donovan less entertaining to watch. I'm ecstatic about it as you clearly tell. At least when I beat him on Warfare I didn't do it in an identical fashion. So, cheers for that I guess."

Curtista: I give you, the next XWF Television Champion, SCULLY!”

* Noah Jackson refuses to pay for the use of Centurion's likeness until, quote, "the shit cunt stops stealing my fucking material." unquote. - Steven P. Coolie, esq. *

"Next is Micro D who was so fucking shit he basically did my job of trashing him for me."

"Wow, cunt. You are about as depressed I am right now. The only difference is I don't mope around like a sad cunt, I do my job. I put myself into my work because I'm a good wrestler. Cunt, you're fucking useless. You can't even kill yourself right, that's fucking pathetic. It shows how fucking selfish you are, you're willing to leave your wife alone because you can't make it in the XWF. You got your friend, Ned who is obviously dealing with his own shit but no, you're such a fucking egotistical maniac that you want to overshadow his problems with your fucking own. Meanwhile, Kaye is just trying to be a friend and you want to play the sad sack emo cutting his own wrists for attention."

"I wish you broke your fucking neck, you shit cunt."

"You're a fucking coward."

"And I'm fucking happy! You remember what I said to you before I took the TV title from you? I wanted to be the reason you struggled to get out of bed in the morning. And I did it! I'm that sick! I have ruined your life and I am delighted. I'm thrilled that this shit cunt has just gone with the fact that he can't do anything right but he's still there with the charming hypocrite route. I told the cunt, being angry would be his downfall in our match and he replied that he's angry in every match he goes into but now! Now he admits being angry was his loss! So what is it, cunt?"

"Also, can we please talk about this shit he does?

"Newsflash Ned............NOBODY BELIEVES IN ME!"

"Why does this cunt talk with the laboured breaths of a fucking pug all the time? I don't want to sit through his dog shit promos and watch the cunt struggle to get his next sentence out like he's choking on a dick. BUY A FUCKIN' INHALER, CUNT! But you right, nobody does believe in you. You're bad wrestler, you're a shit promo, a crappy and indecisive human and you just tried to kill yourself, to do what? Garner interest? Make people give a shit? Didn't work, cunt believe me. No all it did is prove just how much a dumb fuck you are. People hate you because you cry when you win a title and you hold it and you're so proud of yourself but you lose it and you rip that belt apart but next week you're on the title again and somehow you simultaneously pine for it, but put it down. This is why people are so sick and tired of you. Nothing is your fault! No, I'm not shit, the title isn't worth shit."

"What actually happens if you ever win the Universal? I would say it'd never happen but if Scully can do it, anyone can."

"What happens when you repeat history and lose the Uni in your first defence? Do you kill yourself or do you say the title doesn't mean shit? Because honestly, cunt, it seems like those are your only two options based on how you live your life."

"There's also something else I want to teach you. Now, like I've said before you're desperate. You're a little slut for gold. So, you take the piss out of Fuzz for dodging Corey, Lux, The Engineer whatever you want to call him. If it was you, you'd say 'YES PLEASE' and you'd lose in a heartbeat, but hey, at least you'll try! But smart people would see what Engy is doing. Do I need to spell it out for you?"

"Okay, lesson time everyone! Come sit close to the whiteboard and listen to everything mister sick cunt has to say!"

"Engy is a scared little bitch."

"You see, Sarah Lacklan feels she has some claim to a Universal Title match as said in her promos leading to a match where my d- ... Fuzz, beat her. Engy, is scared of Lacklan because Sarah has beaten him before. Engineer starts panicking, he doesn't want to lose the Uni so quickly so he sees Fuzz. He sees Fuzz with a case and figures he can kill two birds with one stone. Dodge Lacklan and get rid of a briefcase holder because he'd rather take the risk of fighting someone he's never fought before than lose to Sarah Lacklan for a second time. Fuzz, see he's a prick but he's fucking smart, he doesn't want to give Engy what he wants. Fuzz wants to be on the upper hand, not play into Engy's."

"I figured this out pretty quick because I'm smart, unlike you, you

. It's like with how I won the TV title, I waited until I was on the up and up unlike you D who just keeps flailing and bouncing around so you stay circling the drain. If you just took your time for once maybe you'd be a name to be remembered. Just maybe."

"Or kill yourself, I don't care."

"Hey, there's a theme now! Both of you dull should have been abortions need to learn how to do your jobs properly! Prepare, think ahead, bide your time and get good at wrestling. Be just like the sickest cunt in the multiverse! Actually be an accomplished wrestler and not a bitter disappointment."

"We've got Scully who is a fly hovering around his own shit, just being a complete annoyance while Big D is using up the last of his venom in a bee sting before inevitably dying like a shit cunt. Luckily I'm not allergic to that shit."

"See you cunts at your loss, here's hoping you manage to get the title for a few seconds to build some self-esteem."

. . .

I slump back into the couch and take a drink of VB and look at the black mirror of the TV, my own reflection staring back at me. I hear the doorbell go and I don't react, only on the subsequent dings I pick myself up and shuffle my feet towards the door. Opening it I see Fuzz outside, he goes to speak but I slowly turn closing the door behind me he stops it and steps inside as I walk into the kitchen.

FUZZ: "Noah, listen!"

I keep my back to him as I approach the fridge to retrieve another beer, tossing the empty can in my hand towards the bin. Fuzz keeps his hands in his pockets as I lean on the island and look to him. He sighs

FUZZ: "I'm sorry. I know there's nothing I can do to take back what I did but at least let me try."

I nod slowly to myself and point a finger at the cunt.

"We do the DNA test again, no bullshit this time."

Fuzz raises his hands.

FUZZ: "No bullshit."

"And you're putting a pool in the panic room."

FUZZ: "... Fine."

I take a swig of VB and walk over to him.

"Then we're golden, cunt."

Fuzz breathes a laugh as we do our super-duper top-secret sick cunt handshake.

"Missed ya, dad."

Fuzz smiles placing a hand on my shoulder, he doesn't say anything but... He didn't need to.

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