The oval office is a beautiful place. The lawn is always cut at a perfect length. The bushes are trimmed and the entire landscape smells fresh and green. The birds are chirping gayly in the morning light on this gorgeous early day. The pillars leading into its entrance stack up and tower long and high with shining reflections coming off a polished white stone. The paint on the side of the building is fresh and could possibly still be wet from a recent paint job. The architecture is immense and in mint condition, as every corner and every angle is sharpened perfectly to fit the shape of the building.

The doors, massive and constructed of perfect mahogany, fling open as we move closer and closer into the inner office. The lobby has sculpted marble swans handcrafted to precision and chiseled by the best artists. Pissing with their penises pure gold into a large fountain in the center of the room. The fountain stretches upwards all the way to the ceiling and the swans' streams being ejected from there holes are able to be so strong that they can actually almost reach the ceiling. In the center, a geyser of pure melted down liquid gold is shooting up about halfway to the ceiling, and it probably has to be at least 666 gallons of pure liquid gold.

The massive lounging chairs with enormous American flag pillows on their shoulders, litter the outline of the floor as long gold carpets split in the middle of the fountain leading off on two separate paths leading down two separate hallways. Even the trim on the wallpaper is etched in natural 24 karat solid gold with red, white, and blue stripes painted in the large inner area of the wall that is etched in the gold trim. A giant blistering chandelier hangs on the top of the ceiling blasting an almost unbearably bright light blinding you when you immediately enter the room. The doors leading into the office are engraved with wooden widdled objects perfectly sculpted of two bald eagles' heads on the door handles and as they twist open we enter.....

Everything is immaculate....









Everything is clean....










Everything is wonderful....
















Everything is peaceful...




















Everything is perfect...



































































Except for our fucking President....












SATAN! -- "Fake news! Fake news! Fake news! Fake news! Fake news!"

He's in his specialty room in the center of the oval office with his cock out just rubbing it all over everything. His shirt is drenched in beer and unkempt from head to toe looking as if he had just been out all night partying his mother fucking ass off. From his laptop to the furniture to the top of his desk to his office chair to his curtains he wipes his sickening member. Dragging it everywhere all over everything and smearing his disgusting dick juices all over the complete interior of his office. Acting like a chimp that just got its first erection and figured out what to do with it. Of course, he's raging hard and grinding his gonads all over random inanimate objects while laughing maniacally and screaming out random names of Democrat leaders.

SATAN! -- "Fuck you Nancy Pelosi! Eat my shit Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez! Suck my dick Chuck Schumer! Wait, maybe Ocasio-Cortez should suck my dick, she's actually kind of hot."


His eyes then catch at the end of the room an enormous round spherical globe with a map of the world painted to exact replicas of mountains sticking upon its surface. It's held up by a golden platform and a giant gold arch wrapping around the globe remaining just outside the reach of the mountains. His eyes light up as he starts rubbing and slobbering his repulsive meat stick all over the globe, spinning it and laughing sadistically to himself while screaming out the names of random countries.

SATAN! -- "Lick my balls China! Suck my ass Syria! Engulf my farts into your esophagus Europe!"

He keeps spinning the globe faster and faster and slathering the globe in his dripping wet, probably never been washed, wang sweat with also minor drops of semen splurging out of his schlong. Faster and faster he spins the globe as his eyes bulge wider and wider and his wicked screams grow with intensity until finally, you guessed it....

























WHAM! --------------- SNAP!

His dick gets caught in the golden arch engulfing itself around the globe and holding it in the air. It stops the entire globe as the arch snaps like a tree branch and the president screams like a little bitch as his family jewels were slammed and nearly shattered all over the room.

SATAN! -- "OUCH FUCK!"

He starts rubbing his private parts and continues screaming and whining like a complete pussy. That is, until, he spots a specific piece of paper placed directly in front of his desk, almost as if it were meant for him to be seen by whoever placed it there. As he investigates, it is revealed that in giant black bold lettering, stacked on an enormous pile of other documents, the piece of paper reads 'ARTICLES OF IMPEACHMENT.' His hard-on is still honing upwards and a sinister smile crosses his face as he begins degrading the piece of paper with his dick, wiping and smearing it even harder and faster then he had before.

SATAN! -- "Impeach this you fucking !"

He starts wheezing and sweating like a stuck pig while continuing his atrocious acts. He starts to slow down as his erection begins to fade and he starts to become flaccid. It's as if the paper he was trying to desecrate had possibly fought back from him fornicating with it any further and stifled his behavior. The 'ARTICLES OF IMPEACHMENT' has tamed his towering man tool!

SATAN! -- "N-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O-O!"

His attention turns quickly to a pencil sharpener as a look of bliss crosses his face. He starts making his way over towards the pencil sharpening device, holding his human horniness hovering over the top of it and attempting to awaken it. Walking so close over to the sharpener as the whining of it turning on and spinning inside begins. He's merely a few centimeters away from where he can jam his junk inside of it. Smiling as thoughts of erotic pleasure dance through his mind until.....






















His giant golden telephone rings on his desk and he shakes his head clearly disappointed with his sudden presidential duties interfering with his playtime.

SATAN! -- "Yes, this is the President speaking!"

Even though he holds the receiver to his ear, the voice comes emancipating from the speakerphone and projects itself throughout the entire room.

Theo Pryce -- "I wanted to call and personally thank you; Mr. President, for helping me with Lethal Lottery."

SATAN! -- "It was my pleasure good sir; now, do you want to come over and help me rub my dick all over everything and everyone?"

Theo Pryce -- "Not today SATAN! Not ever!"

The line cuts out as it's obvious that Theo hung up the phone on the other side. The President shrugs his shoulders and also hangs up the phone on the golden platform on which it was previously sitting. His eyes turn back to the pencil sharpener, but before he can continue his kooky nonsense....



































"WHOOSH! ------ CRASH! "

The glass windows immediately behind the President shatter as someone from outside has thrown a bloody and severed goat head through the window. The President looks a bit perturbed, but with ease and little to no fright lifts the goat head up and inspects it to see that a note is taped onto its face heavily reinforced with duct tape. He reads the not out loud while shaking his head up and down as if understanding exactly what it means. The note reads 'GO AHEAD'?

SATAN! -- "Go Ahead? Go Ahead? Ah, yes, this must be from my Soldier! Only he would come up with a pun that cheesy. He must be in need of my assistance!"

The President's pants drop completely to the floor and he reaches down to pull them back up. He leans his head out the window to see that nobody is in sight. The president pushes a button on his tie and a giant black helicopter comes swiftly up to the side of his window. He leaps onto it and it takes off quickly into the early afternoon cloudless sky as the scene fades to black.


The helicopter reappears, except for this time it is gliding over the dark night sky swallowed by a horizon of rows and rows of trees in a dense forest. As the chopper soars across the air, our maniac President leaning out over the metal steps with his body half hanging out the side of the helicopter. Both his tie and tongue flailing behind him and looking like a dog with its head stuck out the car window. He points to an open area where a lot of the trees have either been cut down or are missing. A giant cemetery envelope into your view that leads one to believe that it is somewhere stranded in the middle of nowhere surrounded by a dense forest keeping people from being able to easily access and visit it.

SATAN! -- "Over there!"

The pilot nods to him and starts swooping towards the ground as the aviator makes his way to the area where the President had been pointing. The helicopter comes close enough to the ground for the President to leap off and start walking towards a pair of two people who look like they are pounding on the ground with fists and wooden stakes with ultimate rage and concentration.

Pilot -- "Welcome to Colma, California cemetery. Mr. President!"

SATAN! -- "Yeah, whatever!"

The president snaps his finger and the chopper goes crashing off into the woods as if it had lost control somehow miraculously with the flick of a moment with the President's approval. The pilot is screaming with a high pitched shriek that could rip apart any eardrums as the chopper spins out of control before it crashes. The President holds some serious powers it may seem.

On the ground, the President is greeted by the dastardly duo of Unknown Soldier and Greggo pounding satanic bibles into the ground with a pair of plungers. Pulling them up and down and trying wholeheartedly to suck 'something' from out of the dirt directly beneath their feet. Poking and prodding and pushing deeper and deeper with every thrust!

SATAN! - "What in the hell is going on here?"

The pair tear their eyes from the ground and swing their heads up at the President looking a bit dumbfounded and excited at the exact same time with the realization of his arrival.

Greggo -- "We've got to abort the baby from deep inside the earth!"

SATAN! - "Uh, What?"

Soldier shakes off that answer and interrupts before Greggo can say anything else completely stupid and useless.

Unknown Soldier -- "No, knucklehead. Actually, Mr. President, the two of us were using the satanic bible written by Anton LaVey to resurrect him from the dead by sucking his ashes up with these here plungers and then performing a ritual that would bring him back from the dead."

SATAN! -- "Anton LaVey was a goofy cult hippie that passed out a bunch of date rape drugs to his followers and then wrote a silly cult story with crazy ideas to follow and live by, just to try and get laid. That's all anyone did in the year 1969! I mean, the Grateful dead had already been around since 1965 so there were plenty of dirty wooks and hippies roaming the planet by then. He used the book for power, money, and chics, sort of just like what Muhammed did with the Quran. All this while slicing up his wrists and writing poems about his "pain". He's essentially the first emo to ever exist drooling over the chance to be just like Edgar Allan Poe. The fuck you need that loser for?!"

Greggo -- "We need him to prove a point to Chris Page!"

SATAN! -- "Is that so?"

Unknown Soldier: "Yeah, I'm not sure where that coherent thought came from Greggo? It must be the paint chips he's been eating. It's probably best he says it anyways so that other people can actually understand and follow along with the story. Besides, it was my turn to talk anyway?"

The President nods his head as if he understands that final point Soldier made in his last statement most definitely.

SATAN! -- "I interject now for this very reason!"

The President says very sternly

SATAN! -- "All you have to do is say the magic words, you guys know that. What're the magic words, come on now..."

Greggo and Unknown Soldier answer quickly and loudly in unison.

Unknown Soldier - "Hail PRESIDENT!"

Greggo - "Hail PRESIDENT!"

The President doesn't look too thrilled by their initial response.

SATAN! -- "Come on now...."

The President pauses briefly before making another statement.

SATAN! -- "What's the super-secret magic words?"

The two get down on their hands and knees begging like a couple of children and whining in unison once again in front of the President looking like they were Ted Cruz and Mitch McConnell.

Unknown Soldier -- "Pretty please Hail PRESIDENT! with sugar on top!"

Greggo -- "Pretty please Hail PRESIDENT! with sugar on top!"

The President stands at attention as if he were a military soldier. He is very tight and precise and swings his hand out past his forehead giving a Nazi salute. Soldier and Greggo reciprocate the action and start marching. The President snaps his fingers again and a whirlwind of dust and dirt begins swinging together in a cyclone causing a tornado to develop almost exactly six feet tall by six feet wide by six feet long.

Eventually, it grows smaller and smaller as more and more dirt and dust material begin to conglomerate together to form the outline of a person. After a few more moments and a tight snap of the entire amount of material being slammed all together at once, a BIG BANG is heard and when the smoke settles it reveals none other than the one and only Anton LaVey. Author of the satanic bible in the flesh standing right before them all.

Anton LaVey - "Where the hell am I? Who the hell am I?"

SATAN! -- "Fuck, do I have to answer this same question every damn time!"

The President blurts out loudly.

SATAN! - "The first question you already answered correctly; as for the second, your name is Aiden Parker. You are the personal assistant and manager to my Soldier here and will do whatever he asks of you. You are his bitch and he is to do whatever with you in which he pleases. If he needs you to help him lose a wrestling match so that he doesn't look bad against someone like Ranma Saotome. You do it! Got it! I mean it! Make sure the referee sees you grab his opponent's foot and try to break up a pin so that he can get disqualified and not look bad, and possibly not even count that as a loss on his recent record! That way maybe he can get lucky and everyone else won't even realize it! "

Anton walks over towards Unknown Soldier and bows before him.

Anton LaVey Aiden Parker -- "What would you ask of me, my master?"

Unknown Soldier - "While you're down there, suck my dick!"

The President's cell phone starts ringing to the tune of 'God Bless America' as he turns to answer it and starts walking away from the disgusting sex scene as Greggo scampers over to join in on the fun with Soldier and Aiden Parker. The President turns his back so that the camera following him and projecting the scene that we are viewing doesn't see the perversions taking place directly behind him amongst the three of them on top of graves in the cemetery, desecrating them left and right. The camera focuses on the President walking off nonchalantly with his cell phone held up to his ear but the speakerphone turned on so that we all can hear.

SATAN! - "Yes, this is the President speaking!"

Sarah Huckabee-Sanders -- "They want another interview, and this time I can't just fill in and make up bullshit for you. They want the real thing and they want answers!"

SATAN! -- "Another interview! For fucks sake when will these people leave me alone! You know how much I hate doing those boring things! Fine, at least I can make one of these things actually interesting!"

The President walks over to a grave with the words 'LIZ WEINBERG' engraved on the tombstone. He snaps his fingers and a corpse comes flinging out of the grave as if sprung like a mousetrap. The zombie brushes the dirt off her shoulders and she's ironically holding a microphone and is staring and looking around the cemetery in complete shock and amazement.

Liz Weinberg - "Where the hell am I?! Who the hell am I?"

SATAN! - "The first question you already answered correctly; now, as for the second. Your name is Liz Weinberg, and you were a reporter for the Xtreme Wrestling Federation until Shane killed you because you were a raging and annoying stupid bitch."

Liz Weinberg - "Why am I here?"

SATAN! - "I needed to bring you back from the dead to prove a point and I need you to interview me to prove another point."

Liz Weinberg - "How am I supposed to interview you if I don't know who you are and I don't have any of my memories or any kind of idea about the current state of affairs of his wrestling federation that you speak of?"

The President snaps his fingers once again.


Liz Weinberg -- "Chris Page's sit down interview promo with Steve Sayors just aired, what have you got to say about it?"

SATAN! -- "I think the title of it says it all, Liz."

Liz Weinberg -- "Mr. President, what makes you think that abandoning the Kurds is a good idea. We've been helping them out for years when they battled Sadaam Hussein and then ISIS. If we abandon them now, will all of that be for naught?"

SATAN! -- "Fuck'em Liz. Fuck'em right in the ass! Kurds rhyme with the word turds so it's likely their nothing but shit anyway!"

Liz Weinberg -- "Chris Page mentioned something about 'stacking promos'. Do you have any idea what this means?"

SATAN! -- "Sounds like he thinks whoever runs their mouth the most is going to be the victor. You'd think he would know something like that is really fucking stupid to say since he's such a 'technical wrestler' that is hell-bent on preserving the sanctity of professional wrestling. That the PHYSICAL action that takes place in the center of the ring and the man who makes his opponent submit is the winner."

Liz Weinberg -- "Mr. President, did you actually try to obtain dirt on Joe Biden by bribing the Ukranian government? Are you at all concerned that you might get impeached?"

SATAN! -- "Hell naw bitch, I got the Senate pussy whipped!"

Liz Weinberg -- "Chris Page says that he's got everybody fooled and that he's been playing tricks this entire time by ignoring the initial match stipulations even though it's obvious he hasn't paid any attention and watched literally anybody else promos at all ever, and seems only egocentric about himself."

SATAN! -- "HaHa! That's a good one, Liz! That's exactly what anyone would expect someone to say who got caught with their fucking pants down and can't come up with anything clever to say. I mean, did he not issue his challenge in a promo talking about his match against Peter? Imagine if that were ignored like the match stipulation was in a promo against drezdin? Do you think he would just act like that was no big deal, or do you think he would be screaming and yelling like a three-year-old who didn't get a toy at WalMart about how his challenge never got answered? I'm pretty confident that's the definition of a hypocrite, Liz."

Liz Weinberg -- "Mr. President, why do you insist on banning vaping in America? What do you have against it? Do you believe that you are upholding good Christian morals by going through with this ban?"

SATAN! -- "Because vaping is for ; Liz, and that's the most Christian answer I can give you!"

Liz Weinberg -- "Chris Page spoke in Norweigian in his latest promo, what exactly is that supposed to prove?"

SATAN! -- "Yeah, he's really stretching for some kind of attention there, Liz. I guess he thinks that if he speaks in different languages he can get things past people and hope that someone trips and falls over their own intelligence and pride just like he already has."

Liz Weinberg - "Mr. President, who do you think will be your next democrat opponent in the 2020 election?"

SATAN! -- "Hilary Clinton!"

Liz Weinberg -- "Chris Page also said something about breaking the 'fourth wall'. What exactly does that mean?"

SATAN! -- "It means he's getting desperate. I should know I'm the mother fucking master of knowledge about walls, and I can tell you one thing is for sure. I'm the only one who's actually good at both building them up and breaking them down!"

The President reaches his hands over towards Liz Weinberg's crotch area. Clamping his hands together viciously as he makes his way closer and closer to her special place and the scene suddenly cuts to black.