We find ourselves suddenly located just outside the Clink Prison Museum in London, England. This museum is dedicated to providing strange and unique people a way to explore torture methods from centuries-old methods from a long time ago. What kind of sick perverted freaks would want to spend time learning about how people used to be tortured centuries ago? A bright light suddenly turns on and reveals the inside of the museum and standing at the very center is XWF's own, Unknown Soldier!

Unknown Soldier: "Drezdin is an enormous raging fagget!"

Soldier says as he steps out of the shadows completely naked and into the light.

Unknown Soldier: "I know I'm not supposed to use that word on XWF programming anymore, but I think in this instance it's most certainly appropriate. If ever there were a definition of fagget, this mother fucker certainly takes the cake! I mean, despite his blatant homosexuality that my own personal friend crimson dong has told me about; he's also a fagget it the sense that he's an annoying and useless sack of shit! He's essentially an even shittier version of Ghost Tank, except quite possibly even more annoying.

All he does is scream and cry and point the finger at others and make excuses and pout and demand attention, and when he doesn't get it he threatens to quit. Or as he quotes it "quitting thie shit hole." So now twenty-five wrestlers in the XWF have to waste one night of our lives appeasing this because it's necessary to make a mockery out of this fool for some odd reason.

I guess if someone has to compete in the Special Olympics and look like the asshole that shuts up the , then I guess that might as well be the SATAN! worshipping super bad guy! Well, I got news for you drez, I'm not like that football team that lets the kids score a touchdown because everyone feels sorry for them."



Unknown Soldier: "I'm the mother fucking bad guy that trips you on your way into the end zone and then rapes you while you're down! It's a good thing this match doesn't take place in America, because they might be able to arrest me for a hate crime for people with disabilities after the match is over. They would come to that conclusion because of how severe the beating is I'm going to give you, and also because of the slur that comes slopping out of your mouth when you talk showing us all how fucking stupid you really are!

I can't wait to see what kind of mush mouth talk comes out of your mouth when you try to respond to this! Maybe you'll get smart and bring a interpreter into your promo so that all of us can try to understand it, or perhaps put some captions at the bottom that translates your fucking backward hillbilly mentally incompetent speech that comes out of your mouth. I'm at this torture museum so that I can train on every aspect of this match that you're trying to explain to everyone, but let's be honest, you're really the only person that understands inside that fucked up head of yours how this is going to really work. This way I'll be ready for any 'torture' or 'torcher' device that you're going to throw at me inside this cell or cage or whatever the fuck it is!

So, do me a favor, and just let me beat you to death and forget all these six silly little stipulations on how to end this match between us and we can save the XWF plenty of time and money instead of trickling down this little list of yours, however long it's going to be for you to drag it out until you 'quit.' I'll be doing the XWF a favor by killing you before you waste all of our time and go sliding out the door when you 'quit' and finally give us all a giant mic drop twenty-five years from now and act like your important because you got what you watned. Get the fuck out of my shit hole NOW, drezdin!

Unknown Soldier grabs a shit-filled condom out from out of a shadow somewhere behind him. It looks as if someone snuck around the corner behind him in the shadows and provided him with the shit-sickle. It's long, large, and brown and looks super disgusting.

Unknown Soldier: "Speaking of shit holes!"

Soldier shoves the shit-filled condom up his ass while shrieking loudly, but smiling at the same time as if he enjoys it.

Unknown Soldier: "Crimson Dong told me you like to shove things up his ass during your matches against him, so I wanted to be prepared for that as well!"

Soldier wiggles around a bit accepting the shit-filled condom settling inside his anus.

Unknown Soldier: "Eat my shit, drezdin! I'll be the mother fuckin' one to kick your bitch ass whole!"

Soldier dumps gasoline all over himself and then sets himself on fire! He then shoves his deformed demon dick in a "Vice" and starts to squeeze it together violently until it starts to turn blue and purple. His face turns to beat red and his lips start to bleed as he's biting down on them as hard as he can.

Unknown Soldier: "Now I'll be ready for this match whether it's a 'torcher' or 'torture' stipulation. I'll leave that up to drezdin to explain to everyone! Now, stop looking at my dicks you faggets, especially you drezdin!"