Monday September 2nd 2019

It's another gorgeous day in Las Vegas home of the XWF's Undefeated and Undisputed Universal...No wait...that's not right. Rewind....





Ok let's try this again.

It's another gorgeous day in Las Vegas home of Universal Champion and 1/3rd of the XWF's longest reigning tag team in history, Robert "The Omega" Main. And of course his roommate resident squatter Drew Archyle. As the scene fades in we see Drew Archyle traversing down a long hallway towards a set of wooden double doors, a silver tray of food in his hands and a chef's hat on his head. When Drew reaches the doors he places the tray of food up against the left door using it as leverage so that he can use his right hand to open the right door. Once it's open Drew enters the room which from the looks of it appears to be Robert Main's bedroom though it's hard to tell with all the blinds drawn so as to allow as little light to enter the room as possible.


Wakey wakey eggs and bakey. Drew says as he places the tray of food down at the foot of the bed, an action that results in the slumbering body currently occupying the bed to start rolling around almost kicking the food onto the floor.


On the opposite side of the room Drew walks over to the blackout curtains and with both hands tosses them open allowing a almost blinding amount of sunshine to illuminate the previously pitch black room.


Come on Robert time to get on with your day. I made your favorite breakfast. Two poached eggs with extra crispy bacon and four pieces of white toast. There is coffee in the kitchen if you want it. But you've got to get out of bed. You've been in here crying for two days since you lost the title.

I haven't been crying. I've been sick. I told you that.

Crying. Sick. What's the difference really?

Is there a reason you're here other than to pester me? It's way too early for this Drew. Robert asks as he pulls himself up into a seated position. The golden silk blankets covering his lower half, exposing his moderately hairy but muscular chest.

Yes several reasons actually. Some work related and some of a more personal nature. Figured we should get it out of the way now so we can focus on more important business later. Raven is on his way over as he and I have some strategizing to do for our upcoming tag match but in the meantime I wanted to discuss a few things with you if you have a minute.


Drew walks over to the tray of food, lifts it up and then walks it forward a few feet and places it in front of Robert.


And there is no better way to a Main's heart than by serving them breakfast in bed.

Was that a pun?

Yeah. Was it bad?

Wasn't your best.

I'll try harder next time. Any who, so here's the deal. I left a voicemail with your father yesterday and I'm waiting to hear back from him but in the meantime I always wanted to discuss this with you.

You called me father? Why would you do that?

Because it's time Robert.

Time for what Drew?

Well as you know Kayla and I have been fornicating for a while, mostly here under your roof...

Please stop! I don't want to hear about what you and my sister are doing. You don't have a sister so you have no idea how uncomfortable this conversation is.

You're right. I apologize. Sometimes I don't know where my head is at. Between the comas and the repeated beatings it's a wonder the thing works at all. Let me start over. Drew pauses for a few seconds to collect his thoughts and then after a series of deep breaths begins anew. Robert ss you know your sister and I have been making sweet sweet love under your roof for many months now. I've loved your sister since we were kids. You know this. I think it's finally time...

Oh my God you're not going to do what I think you're going to do are you? THAT'S why you called my father? To ask for his blessing?

Blessing? What? Is your father also the Pope? No I called him because I had some legal advice I wanted but didn't want to involve Kayla. OH. MY. GOD. Wait a second. Did you think I was going to propose? Is that what craziness is running through your mind right now? Good God man. Losing that title has really fucked up your head hasn't it? Kayla and I have already talked about getting married. She's not ready and I sure as shit am not ready. For all I know I could drop dead tomorrow of a brain aneurysm. That last thing I want to do is make your sister a widow. No the reason I wanted to talk to you is that I was thinking of asking Kayla to move in with me and I wanted to get your thoughts.

Move in with you? Drew you live here. With me. In my house. Rent free I might add.

Right I know. That's why I wanted your thoughts. Why else would I ask you if not for the fact that this is your house. You don't see me asking Neal if it's a good idea.

Who the fuck is Neal?

Uh the mail man you ignorant asshole. You don't even know the name of the man who delivers you your most intimate parcels and packages? Does this mean you don't give him a gift during the holidays.

People do that?

Jesus Christ on a Cross Robert, yes people do that. How can you treat your mail man with such disdain? What did he ever do to you? Neal is a sweet man with a wife and kids. One of which has polio. Did you know that Robert? No of course you didn't. How could you? You didn't even know the man's name. I am disgusted with your right now Robert. Disgusted and ashamed.

Does that mean you'll leave me alone to eat in peace?

Is that what you want? To be left alone?

Yes.More than anything in the world.

Then no. You don't deserve to get what you want. No after what you just told me. But we'll get back to that later. Right now I want to know how you feel about Kayla moving in with me.

How do I feel about it? How do I feel about it? I do not want my sister moving in with me. Why would you think I'd want that?

I don't know Robert. I guess I was under this misguided belief that you love your sister and you'd want what is best for her.

I do Drew but trust me, her moving in here is not what is best for her. Or you. Or me for that matter.

Ok. Well I have to be honest with you Robert. I didn't see this coming so I'm a little hurt right now but I'll pull through. On to Plan B. How would you feel about us living in the guest house?

I don't have a guest house. Robert says as he finishes off his second poached egg and takes a big bite of his extra crispy bacon, part of which falls back onto the plate.

You haven't looked outside lately have you?

Is that what that banging is?

No but I scared you there for a second. Ok fine. So Kayla can't move in and we can't live in the guest house that doesn't exist. Guess I'll have to figure something else out.

You make a salary Drew. A pretty good one from what my sister tells me. Go buy or rent a place with her. Or. Here's an idea, move in with her.

But then who would take care of you? Who would cook and clean for you?

I can do those things on my own Drew. I never needed you to do those things, you just did them because you like to.

Sure you could Robert. Drew says trying to conceal his laughter behind his hand. Sure you could.


Drew looks down at his right wrist as if there was a watch there but there isn't because Drew doesn't believe in watches.


Well Raven should be here any minute so I better get back downstairs to greet him. Anyway before I go I had a quick thought I wanted to share with you about tomorrow night's Warfare. Specifically as it pertains to the Peter Gilmour versus BigD versus Mastermind match.

Lay it on me.


Fade out...

About Twenty Minutes Later

The front door to Casa De Main opens and there stands James Raven in all his legendary glory. The sun shining down on him just right as if God was shining a spotlight down on his favorite chosen son. A random flawless white dove appears out of no where and lands atop Jame's right shoulder just as a choir of angels starts to sing. Somewhere. Probably.


James the hell are you?

Fine Drew. I'm fine. How's Robert?

He has a "man cold".

I hear that's going around.

Really? Hold please.


Drew slams the door shut in Jame's face leaving him to wonder what the hell just happened. Thankfully he isn't left to wonder for two long as about two minutes later the door reopens and James is startled to see...





Drew what are you wearing?

Look James I just came out of another coma not too long ago. The last thing I can afford to do is come down with another illness while I have a compromised immune system.

You don't have a compromised immune system. You have a compromised cranium.

It's all connected James. Eight seasons of "House" taught me that. Now come on in, we have much to discuss.

We do?

I don't know. Probably.


Drew leads James through the home until they settle into the living room. Without even asking Drew pours James a drink and places it in front of him.


Ahhh you know me so well Drew. Thanks. So what's up? Why did you need to see me?

I have to say Jimbo when me and Robert won these tag titles back in January I wasn't really sure how long we would be able to hold onto them. I knew a target was going to be placed on our backs, especially with Robert taking the reigns of the fed as it's Universal Champion. Doubly so once Jim screwed us over again and went psycho for like the 50th time. But then you came in with your coiffed hair and perfect jawline and you saved the day like the super hero that you are. And now here we sit, thanks to your victory last Savage as the longest reigning and defending tag team champions in XWF history. Or well we will be on Thursday. But you get the point. Apex will now go down in history as not just one of the greatest factions of all time but until the record is broken, the greatest tag team of all time. And it isn't a hollow record either. Like "oh those guys held the titles for a long time but never defended them." We've now defended them 5 times successfully and next Savage will be the 6th.

What about Leap of Faith?

We don't talk about Leap of Faith. Leap of Faith never happened as far as I'm concerned and if MDK and Bill Blakk were that bent over what happened they could have, I don't know, put in an ounce of effort last week and maybe we'd have been facing them next Savage instead of The Arm Collectors. And who'd have thunk it right? The Arm Collectors are possibly the most random tag team this side of Peter Gilmour and Drezdin and yet here they are in the semi finals of the tag team tournament. This is their moment and they better hold onto it because they may never get it again.

Did you just quote Eminem?

The candy?

No the rapper.

The Candy Wrapper?

Jeez James I thought I was the one with the head trauma and here you are making absolutely no sense at all. What I was trying to say James before you sent us down that rabbit hole to nowhere is that Steve Justice and Hanari Carnes are about as likely a duo as peanut butter and marshmallow and yet here we are. Facing them with the titles on the line and I hope for their sake they don't take us as lightly as they took their last opponents. I get that Steve Justice is a former Xtreme Champion that probably could have had a decent run except he decided to fall asleep at the wheel and let Unknown Soldier win the title for like the 666th time. And really Justice has done next to nothing since then. And then there is his partner who I can't tell if he's actually Hispanic or just a white guy in brown face trying to play a Hispanic. It has to be the latter right? Because I've never seen an actual Hispanic person talk and act like he does. He's like a shitty parody of what a Hispanic person of is supposed to be. Or he's just the lamest Hispanic person of all time. Which is a real shame because Dominicans have a very rich history that this dude is just crapping all over. Honestly James it's kind of a shame to see guys like Justice and Carnes advance and get a shot at the belts when other teams who put in far more effort in and out of the ring have to watch from their couches dreaming of what could have been. Guys like Fuzz and Noah Jackson. Hell even Lux and the traitor who shall not be named. Which reminds me Jim, I need you to set up a sit down with me and the traitor. He can bring someone with him if it helps.

A sit down? Have you been watching The Sopranos again?

Never seen it. Should I?

It's one of the greatest shows of all time, so yeah probably. So how then do you know about a sit down and why do you want one?

Jim I've worked for several mob bosses in my day. I have a bit of a gray past that I don't want to talk about lest you think less of me as a man. I'm not proud of some to the things I've done but if you must know, while working for said mob bosses I had the displeasure of attending a few sit downs.

What was it like?

Awkward. Extremely awkward. But that's neither here nor there. I need you to set one up with the traitor. I figure if you do it he'll feel safe and more likely to attend.

He'll attend regardless. But why can't we just call him on the phone and talk to him?

He went against the family James. That is not something you hash out over the phone. It's unprofessional. Besides, I don't even own a phone. You know this.

I do. We can call him on mine.

No James. Drew says as he reaches in and puts his arm on Raven's shoulder. It has to be this way. Please get it done for me James. Now, I need a cat nap. Please feel free to make yourself at home. I'll be up in a few hours.


Drew disappears down the hallway leaving James to freely roam Drew Main's home.

No homes were burned down during the filming of this episode of "A Day In The Life of Drew Archyle".