The following is a continuation of "Jenny Myst pegs Chris Chaos...and he likes it."


Bob

Bob-O

Robert

Robby

Robert-O

Bobby

Billy-Bob

Come on man, you can't ignore me forever just because me and Kayla did the nasty....like a dozen times.


The bus swerves again as Robert reaches backwards in a blind fit of rage and tries to grab a hold of Drew only to miss completely and almost fall out of his chair. Fortunately the action is so quick that Robert is able to quickly correct himself and the trajectory of the COOL Bus which had been rapidly approaching an a cliff.


Look Bob I don't really even understand what you are mad about? We broke up your sister's wedding because her fiance was a scumbag. We both want what is best for Kayla. Would you rather some other a-hole be violating your sister instead of me?

.........

Seriously man this is a good thing. I lo-.......I lo......Nope can't do it. I like your sister a lot. I always have you know this. Remember that time you caught us playing Doctor and Nurse in the playhouse out back? This is basically that. Look all I'm saying is, Kayla is a smart and pretty woman with a good career. She could easily have any guy she wanted. For the moment she picked me and for your own piece of mind you should be happy about that. I'm not perfect. I have like zero dollars and I live on your couch but you know how I feel about her. She could do A LOT worse than me.

You don't get it.

He speaks!

It's not that you and my sister are...you know. And it's not even that you didn't say anything about it until now. But what happens if things don't work out? What happens if things end badly as most relationships do? What then? I am stuck between my sister and my best friend.

Ohhhhh so this is about you and your feelings. How selfish of me for not considering them.

Fuck you!

Whoa whoa! You kiss my girlfriends mother with that mouth?


This time Robert shows some restraint and instead of reaching back to choke the life out of Drew he instead quickly turns his head and stares a hole right through the back of Drew's skull.


Look Bob I get it. I do. Maybe it was a little shitty of me to not ask you first, I probably should have but part of me was worried you might have said no.

I wouldn't have.

All evidence to the contrary.

Fair point. I just don't want anyone getting hurt. Not her and not you. Most relationships aren't successful, that's why I don't bother with them. I'd rather focus on my career. But I want you to hear this now, if you hurt her Drew, you and I are going to have a problem. You are like a brother to me Drew but she IS my sister. And she will always come first.

She usually does.

What?

Nothing Bob. Nothing. Drew responds as he chuckles under his breath.

Oh fuck you man. That shit isn't cool.

Get used to it. Anyway we should probably talk about Easter dinner. I'd like to host.

Host? Host where? You live in my house.

Exactly Bob. So I'm gonna need you to pick up some things, I made a list and checked it twice. You can come if you start being nice...wow a rhyme. I bet if i add a few more lines I can turn it into a poem and then I can be a real "radical."

What are you going on about?

Nothing. One of those "you had to be there moments." Anyway Easter. I'll cook the ham but you have to buy it. Your sister will bring a starch, probably potatoes. She knows that I love to dip my ham into my potatoes. Your mom is going to bring desert.

You talked to my mom?

Yeah bro. Every week. Don't you?

Wait a second...you talk to my mom every week?

Is there an echo in here? Yes I talk to your mom every week. You should really call her more often. She likes hearing from you.

She told you that?

Yes and she would probably tell you that herself...if you called her.

Why are you talking to my mom every week?

That's not the question you should be asking bud, the question you should be asking is, "why am I not calling my mom once a week?" She's your mom. She gave birth to you. She fed you, clothed you, nursed you back to health when you were sick. I wish my mom was still around. She isn't, so I talk to yours. She was always a better mother to me than my own mom was. You know that.

I get it. It's just weird...you...talking to my mom.

Give her a call Robert. She would love to hear from you. Anyway I'm gonna go take a dump and then a nap since it will be my turn to drive soon.

What are you talking about? You don't have a license. You can't drive this. We already had that discussion.

I thought you were joking. I'll have you know that last week I stumbled into a Dave and Busters and got some kid to pay for me to race him in some video game and I came in first place. First place Bob. Out of 10. I'm pretty sure I know how to drive but whatever. You want to do all the driving yourself who am I to stop you?

Drew get's up from his seat and walks to the back. With his right hand he taps a panel on the side of the bus and dims the lights in the back. Drew takes his shoes off and lays them at the foot of the bed before laying down in one of the Queen sized beds as the scene fades to black.

---

I spent some time the other day while Robert was giving me the silent treatment watching some old Eli James promos trying to see if I could find something interesting, something different, something that no one else could find to kind of poke at and you know what I found?

Nothing. Not a single thing. Eli James promos of 2019 are the same as Eli James promos in 2013. It's the same double talk. The same "those who judge me do so because they haven't walked in my shoes." News flash, no one as walked in Eli's shows, just like no one has walked in my shoes or Vinnie Lane's heels. But just because one hasn't experienced someone else's life moment by moment doesn't mean they can't look at someone and see that they are perpetrating a fraud. Eli James is not some great speaker of the truth. He is not here to enlighten anyone or to help lead them on a journey to self discovery. Rather the opposite in fact. Eli James is no dummy. He identifies those he can easily mentally manipulate and then he sits back and he waits. He waits for the opportune moment to strike and when that time comes he makes his move. He comes to you as a friend offering clarity and confidence. He comes to you as someone who can provide the light in your moment of darkness but deep down it's all part of Eli's game. He doesn't want to educate you, he doesn't want to provide clarity, he wants to keep you in the dark so that you can't see who he truly is. A phony. A fake. A fraud. A con man. Make no mistake he is extremely good at it. He's had people wrapped around his fingers for years and he'll do it again I'm sure. So to anyone out there watching this, open your eyes. Pay attention and don't believe what Eli or anyone tells you at face value. Always do your own research. Be a free thinker. I know it's hard sometimes. It's so easy to just let someone else do the work for you and to believe that they have your best intentions at heart but Eli doesn't. He never has and he never will. The evidence is out there to support that train of thought, go and find it and you'll see that I am just a guy dropping some truth bombs.

Speaking of dropping some truth bombs, what do you call two wrestlers who get forced to team together simply because management had absolutely no where else to place them on a card with 12 other matches? If you answered Eli James and NAZI you would be right. I know everyone likes to give teams names so might I suggest The Leftovers? Because that's exactly what these guys are. Leftovers. The scraps that you feed the family dog before throwing it in the trash. At the end of the day that's all these two really are. The stuff no one else wants. Eli and NAZI were better off just staying away and enjoying retirement or in NAZI's case his stalled out quest to rid of the world of non Aryans. How's that going anyway? Any progress since the last time I mentioned how what little progress you've made over the last few years was entirely due to others gifting you things? And here you are being gifted a title shot simply because there was no other match to be put in. But I guess you of all people are used to having things just given to you only for you to squander them away like the inept fool that you are. I expect that our match on the 31st will be no different. So I guess that's the good news for you, losing will just be more of the same in the life of NAZI.