A small helicopter style drone hovers outside a pole barn on BWP's ranch in Lake, Michigan. It is live recording for the XWFverse and obviously filming what is about to be another one of those BWP epic promos.

Bam!

The mystery machine comes smashing through the pole barn door. Throwing sheet like metal and aluminum framing all over Pig's dirt driveway. The drone catches BWP driving the replica of the cartoon Mystery Machine. His head banging to the dope beats of a Lamb of God mix tape. An actor dressed like shaggy sits in the passenger seat. In between the two is an actor in a Scooby Doo costume. The three head bang and take turns passing one of Bearded War Pig's famous hog legs (a really fat fucking joint).

Suddenly, a phone on the dashboard begins to flash and vibrate. Pig grabs it and clicks the green accept button on the screen and screams into the microphone side without turning down the music.

"It's your favorite Pig! What the fuck can I do you for?" BWP grabs the Hog's leg from Scooby and takes a few puffs before passing it back.

"Hello?! Hello!? BWP?!" Someone screams on the other end of the phone.

"You got him, who the fuck is asking?" BWP looks to Shaggy and Scooby shrugging his shoulders before continuing to head bang while driving down his dirt drive.

"What the fuck? Chelsea! I think you called some satanic cult. I guess I haven't been grabbing you by the pussy enough! Get me Bearded Fucking War Pig, now!" President Donald Trump hollers at his secretary.

BWP just chuckles before turning down the volume of the Mystery Van's bumping ass sound system.

"Yo Mr. President, don't go grabbing too much. She dialed the right number, I am just hanging out with Scooby and the gang. Going on a blunt or twelve route if you know what I mean."

"Of course I know what you mean, I smoked so much weed and did so much coke when I was fucking that whore face McGee Stormy Daniels. They don't call me Dirty Donald in Compton for no reason, yah know."

"Yeah, yeah. Mr. President so what seems to be such a big deal that you are contacting me after so long of not? I thought I told you all I was done in the business of saving the world from their own stupidity?!"

"I know but my secret squirrel spy program informed me you are with Scooby and the Gang. Which happens to be perfect because we have a problem with this ghost tank that is raping bears in Russia. My brother Putin has been begging me to ask for the help of well the rowdiest war fighter there ever was and the best gang of teenagers I knew who dealt with ghosts. You know since it is the ghost of a tank who rapes bears." Donald Trump explains in a fake horrified voice.

Bearded War Pig slams on the brakes and Shaggy swallows the roach of the Hog's leg as he was puffing on it like some crackhead. Choking and gagging from the hot embers on the back of his throat.

"You know what Mr. President I think I can get the gang on board and we will solve Putin's Ghost Tank problem. It will cost you though. I mean big tax breaks for my corporation and Stormy's number if you still got it."

"Done and done. Now please get to Russia and stop the bear raping. Putin also asks you don't let it be known you stopped this bear ravaging ghost tank. He has a manly man reputation to up hold and if his people find out he had to call on a United States War Veteran/Washed out wrestler and a gang of teenagers to save the bears of their lands he would be the laugh of a century." Donald proclaims as if he is the manliest man ever.

"You got it boss man, no problemo, just let my main man Mattis know the Pig's back and fuck that bullshit about washed out wrestler. Since you obviously didn't hear I am back in the XWF, probably the only reason I am going to bail you and that Russian turd out of the shit once again. BWP out mother fucker!" BWP clicks the end call button and tosses his phone back up on the dash.

Lighting up another Hog's leg Pig turns to Scoobs and Shags after taking a couple puffs and exhaling in their face.

"So how fucking much weed will it take to get you guys on board to head to Russia and bust the mystery of a bear raping Ghost Tank?" Bearded War Pig places the Hog's leg between his lips and smiles popping the dash console open revealing a few bricks of high grade medical marihuana.

"Wow Scooby we haven't had that much weed since, well we never had that much bud, bud. I'm game if you are Scoobs." Shaggy says to his best friend.

"Ris rost tank doesn't rape dog's does he raggy?" Scooby asks.

Shaggy looks to BWP who just shrugs his shoulders Scooby still stares at his best bud Shaggy for an answer.

"No you heard Mr. President he only rapes bears of Russian decadency. No worries Scooby, no worries at all. Plus we will have Bearded War Pig there. Not just us two stoners, two whores, and a blonde pretty boy bitch. But a real life Marine, he is use to killing animal fuckers for his country. He was in Afghanistan, home of the goat fuckers." Shaggy explains to his worried friend.

"Rokay Russia has good food right?"

"Most likely no, they are a communist country, most of them are probably poor and eat nuclear waste, it's okay though we will stock the fuck up on munchies before we take off. Which you two can do while I prepare our arsenal for this animal abusing ghost. So lets finish this joint and get this show on the fucking road. Sound good gents?" BWP took lead on answering Scooby about the food in Russia.

Shaggy and Scooby nod in agreement as they all three begin joking about whatever while smoking their dooby before preparing for Russia and the mystery of the bear raping ghost tank.

TBC...