http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=29156&pid=128375#pid128375

I know it doesn't have a lot of trash talk, but how is it overall?

You asked for this a while ago, sorry I'm just getting around do it.

First off, I want to say a few positive things. Firstly, you are in a unique place in this fed, as one of very few true honest to God face characters I think that in it of itself makes you stand out a great deal. I think if you stay and continue to work on your writing it could serve you well. It's nice to read about a character that isn't an asshole for a change, lol.

Secondly, I really really like the fact that you have taken on the challenge of a mute character. As I was reading, I couldn't help but wonder how the fuck you were going to pull this off. Having your camera guy, or others, read Kropotkin's words for him is an interesting twist on promo'ing, but in the long run it could be tough to keep up.

I also thought your character development did a fine job of alluding to what Kropotkin is all about, including his ideology and selflessness. He's quirky, giving, and heroic and I have an admitted soft spot for characters like that despite the assholes that I play alluding to otherwise.

As for the stuff to work on, I would trim your narration a bit to make it seem a bit less clunky. As always, my advice is to read things aloud and see how they sound. Does the language flow naturally, or does it sound stilted?

I also felt that the way the new camera man came into the picture was rushed and waaaay too convenient.

The biggest thing I think you need to work on is the trash talk. It was very rushed, very generic, and I think it's what really sunk you. You have two big things working against you for trash talk, which are ironically the things that I love about your character and make him so unique: being face and being mute. I think you can continue to have other people read Kropotkin's screeds to make up for the muteness, with maybe even some quips and asides from the reader if it's a very long promo he has to read.

As for being a face, you can be a good guy and still cut scathing promo's. I've done it before (not here, but in other feds). It's harder, but it's possible. I think Kropotkin has a lot to work with seeing as how this whole fed is full of egomaniacs, vicious killers, psychopaths, and narcissists. It's practically a rogue's gallery for him, to put it in comic book terms. Use that! There is no end of evils for him to slay. Have him get angry at the injustice and casual viciousness he sees. There is so much to mine there.

Hope that helps.

I used to be face and cut douchey promos.

It makes for a lot of fun, honestly.

Douchey promos are the best.

Educating the XWF since 06/08/17

Thank you, engy. I do have a direction where Kropotkin might get something that allows them (they're not a man), communicate a lot better. Will hopefully be able to get it for this Savage. That should help with the trash as well.