http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=29108

http://xwf99.com/showthread.php?tid=29123

Please give me feedback. I seriously want to improve my writing.

Guys, please. Im getting fucking tired of no one rating my stuff or not telling me how I did. Seriously, give feedback.

(08-26-2017, 08:38 AM)Chris Valerius Said: Guys, please. Im getting fucking tired of no one rating my stuff or not telling me how I did. Seriously, give feedback.

I will once I have the time to give them a serious read through. Give me a day or two.

Most of us read your stuff, dude, but a lot of us have to RP ourselves or other things going on. We will get to them, but can't always operate on your sched.

Chris,

I understand that asking for feedback is a vital part of helping to improve your writing skill set. However, it is optional, and not a requirement. I understand your frustrations, but practically demanding that the rest of the roster offer feedback isn't the way to go about it. From what I can tell, it's only been about 10 hours since your original post. As Jenny said, everybody has a different schedule, and that's just a part of life. So in the future, relax, kick back, and give it some time. The guys and gals here are pretty good about helping out when they have the time.

Best of luck with your feedback request.

I apologize to everyone, I'm just way too self-concious about this stuff.

(08-26-2017, 03:30 PM)Chris Valerius Said: I apologize to everyone, I'm just way too self-concious about this stuff.

Even more so than myself...

























And even I thought that was impossible.

Yeah, don't take this shit so seriously ya'all, my God is that a passport to hating yourself.

I rather enjoyed the first one, although the reaction to being asked if he was a positive nihilist was a bit of overkill. The idea of a masked vigilante saving him was rather comical, especially given his stance as being super tough.

Okay, I read your first one and here's my 2 cents. As a slice of life, I thought it was rather good. This paragraph in particular was VERY strong.

Quote:I really don't understand how people find Seattle depressing. It's surrounded with water except where it's surrounded by a mountain. It's like it's own beautiful, outlying pocket of Earth. It's not Seattle that's depressing, it's the people. Homeless people just kinda contemplating life and what role do frogs play in our ultimate demise. Lots of starving musicians who fetishize Kurt and Jimi and are really craving bullets with a side of late rent. Hipsters who only care about things they can tweet for virtual hearts that pop with confetti when touched. It's full of young liberal cynics who like the appeal of a place so artistically varied. And that's a great benefit of the place, but it also brings out the worst in people.

However, this didn't feel at all like a wrestling promo. It read more like an excerpt from a short story in some off beat literary publication. It's not a bad thing, but I would guess that's why you lost. I agree that the nihilist talk was a little on the nose (and that always makes me think of the nihilists from Lebowski, so maybe I'm biased). But I like how you are a self-identified sociopath without being some cackling supervillain character. Sociopaths are way overdone in efedding, but you handled it with grace. Perhaps exploring that side would be fodder for future roleplays.

Your dialogue was serviceable, but maybe a tad unrealistic in places (like the nihilist part). I find it helps to read things aloud and see if that sounds like something someone would actually say.

I guess my only other gripe is that I'm a sucker for promo's that have an overarching theme. I didn't feel like this had one, aside from giving some insight into who Chris is as a person.

Long story short, I think you definitely have some talent (that paragraph above truly was good), just work on incorporating trash talk/match discussion more and making dialogue a tad more naturalistic (it really wasn't bad, just needs a bit of fine tuning).