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The Reverend Tholomew Plague · **09-05-2015, 01:57 PM**

Alright so I have now been back in the swing of things for about a month and I would like some advice

What are my strong points at role-playing and what do I need to improve on, which should I use more, my strengths to ensure victory or my weaknesses so they can become strengths?

Just General feedback and advice would be appreciated

~~Frodo mother fucking Smackins~~ · **09-05-2015, 03:02 PM**

Never mention A7X

The Reverend Tholomew Plague · **09-05-2015, 07:52 PM**

-.- Anything else

Bjorn Felhammen · **09-05-2015, 07:56 PM**

Needs more apathy

**Vincent Lane** · **09-05-2015, 08:09 PM**

Rev I'd say you need to round out your story. From what (admittedly little) I read this go round, you mostly just had a dialogue with the reader. That's great and it's important, too, but you need to build who your character is and what he does in ways other than just saying "this is who I am and this is what I do."

Show us Rev being who he says he is. The less you have to spell out for us the better. Show it to us.

Also, broaden up that color spectrum, man. All red everything hurts the old eyes.

Bjorn Felhammen · **09-05-2015, 08:15 PM**

Jimmy Jacobs.

The Reverend Tholomew Plague · **09-06-2015, 02:01 PM**

(09-05-2015, 08:09 PM)LoverboyVinnieLane Said: Rev I'd say you need to round out your story. From what (admittedly little) I read this go round, you mostly just had a dialogue with the reader. That's great and it's important, too, but you need to build who your character is and what he does in ways other than just saying "this is who I am and this is what I do."

Show us Rev being who he says he is. The less you have to spell out for us the better. Show it to us.

Also, broaden up that color spectrum, man. All red everything hurts the old eyes.

I think I could achieve this during wargames

~~Mia Dim~~ · **09-06-2015, 02:40 PM**

For starters, fix the errors in this opening paragraph.

Quote:So, Davids responded, and he didn't disappoint me either....I expected a great promo from him and I got just that, Davids, I never once said was better at dishing pain out then you.....however I LOVE PAIN, I endure pain........there is no amount of it that you can throw at me to make me surrender.......Mr. Davids, I am much smarter then you my dear friend.....

I think your biggest problem is grammar or lack of editing. It can be painful to read at times.

The cool thing about that, is that it only takes a minute to fix via Microsoft Word.

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