Battle thread

Deadline is Thursday 9/11, @ 12 noon PST.

"Who the fuck is Lux Ferre and why the hell should I care? That is a goddamn rhyme! Yeah that's right mother fucker I opened up with a goddamn rhyme! What the fuck are you going to do you juggalo looking bitch? Fuck. People have called me a clown in the past because I liked to have a joke as much of the next guy but look at me now! I'm actually going to fight Krusty!"

"I'm honestly stuck for words here. I'm the Television champ and I'm up against some mother fucker who probably wont even talk shit back because he's either too scared or too fucking to spew a coherent sentence out of that herpes and black lipstick ridden shithole he calls a mouth! What's the special occasion Shane? You put me up against some fucking kid who raided his mum's makeup cabinet. Giving me the easiest target I've ever seen in this place. Is this my congratulations for winning my title? I would have gladly accepted a bigger pay day but killing one of the members of ICP is a whole lot more satisfying."

"Look at you! Son of Kamala with the intelligence and over all worthlessness to boot! Swagmire would have a field day with your wannabe tribal, spear chucking skinny ass. Maybe I can kick my feet up for this match, I've been needed to finish Zelda: A Link Between Worlds for a while now but shit just keeps getting in the way you know. Might as well if this fight goes the way me and the rest of the XWF think, no, know how it's going to end."

"Hopefully English is your first language and you can prove me and the rest of the world wrong. But you won't, I know you won't. Even if you tried to fight back you will be dead and buried quicker than Frodo goes through rape victims. You're time here will be shorter than your idols, the Insane Clown Posse's time at the number one spot in the charts. Which I'm guessing, unless the rest of America is as dumb as you look, isn't very long at all. Maybe they had 10 minutes on top of the chart once when they were relevant, but hey! 10 minutes that's a long time. It's ten times longer than our match will be."

"You, my cross dressing skid mark of Earth, have the utmost pleasure of being my first recognized homicide in the XWF. What a privilege!"

*Gator strums a ukulele next to some girl*

"You guys enjoying this riveting back and forth? I know I am. Here, let me play you a song to drown out the silence."

"You know, in the original booking for this house show, I was meant to go up against some other fuck in make up called Scott Charlotte. Shane, did you change my opponents around thinking I wouldn't notice?"

"Whatever it's fine. I've been pretty stressed out lately so it's nice to just take some time off while still on the payroll."

*Gator lifts up his ukulele again and begins to strum it*

"Been practicing quite a lot since this match, hope you guys like it."

*Gator walks in front of the camera brushing his teeth, seemingly unaware. He looks at the camera still brushing*

"Oh, dor dill here."

*Gator spits and wipes his mouth before adjusting his mouth back to normal*

"Most people would stop talking to a ghost at this point but I'm not taking any chances. Fuck you, you suck I'm better blah blah blah who wants to here another ukulele song?"

*Stock sound of children shouting yay plays and the girl from before joins Gator*

"Alright, this next song is about outdated social media."

"Okay this may be a little unorthodox but I'm just going to chalk this up as a win, see I'm writing it on my backstage win loss sheet now. Okay so, Gator, with the help of Shane's guillotine, killed Lux Ferre on the 11th of September. It's a shame no ones allowed to bring camera into the house show, because I'm sure it's going to be a great sight when your headless body starts shooting out shit filled condoms."

*Gator lifts up his ukulele once more and the girl joins him again*

"So this is my last song for the week.... collude."