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X-treme Wrestling Federation »   » Archives » Relentless Day 1 (August 22nd) PPV RP Archive
Universal Truths RP 11
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The Enigma Offline
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#1
08-22-2014, 04:35 AM




Friday, August 22, 2014 – 10:15AM EST – On Board Air Darkness One, Somewhere Over America



The day is upon us. XWF Relentless. While I have been working for the XWF for about seven months this will be my first Pay Per View and with it the first Trios title defense for the team made up two former Universal Champions and me. Do I stack up compared to Sebastian Duke and Azrael Erebus? Absolutely not. But am I better than each and every single one of our opponents. You’re damn right I am. I’ve already taken the United States title from the man who believes that “Gold claims him”. Zoey Ryback? Please. Another chick who thought that she could come into the XWF and play out her drama on the XWF airwaves. And Loverboy? Don’t even get me started on this crack pot.

The trip from Connecticut to Phoenix is several hours long by plane, even a private one such as Air Darkness One. One of the ways I chose to kill time, and apparently brain cells was to watch some of the recent promos from our opponents. First let’s talk about Clean Lucena’s attempt at trash talk. If you can even call it that. I guess I could put on my professor’s robe and do a little math lesson just like Clean but what would be the fun in that? Especially when I could just play a video from youtube at the end of my promo which shows that I basically stole all my material from someone else but butchered the language a little bit. Sounds like an excellent strategy. Why didn’t I think of that?

You know what, fuck it. I’ll do it anyway. Just call me Professor Gerald Lambeau.

You ready for this Lucena?

There are three of us, and there are three of you. That means that each of us has a thirty three and one third change of making a pin for our team. On the inverse we each have the same chance of being pinned. But that’s just simple numbers, on the surface with absolutely no context. Let’s add context. On one side of the ring we have a team that has won a combined eighteen XWF titles. E-I-G-H-T-E-E-N. On the other side of the ring we have a team that has won a combined…wait for it…










Wait for it…




















Keep waiting…


























One title.

O-N-E.

So eighteen titles to one title. And there is actually a discussion as to who is going to win this match? Really? Are you sure.

Now let’s do a little more math. Eighteen minus one equals seventeen.

Seventeen. By my count it will take seventeen seconds for the current champions to retain their titles.

How did I come up with that number? Well, I didn’t. In fact I asked my Good friend Will Hunting.


[Image: goodwill.jpg]


That’s right. I called up my friend Will Hunting and he immediately put down his janitors mop and ran over to the nearest window he could find and ran the numbers. He came up with two different numbers. The first, we’ve already reviewed. Seventeen. The other is zero. As in, the team made up of Loverboy, Lucena and Ryback have a zero percent chance of winning this match.

Now, I could have asked Will to film himself running the numbers on the window in the library and then post it to youtube but that takes away all the fun of this. So instead I’ll just leave Lucena with one final thought before I move on to the team’s resident clown and that’s this. Lucena, I’ve already taken one title from you, now I am going to prevent you from winning another. And after I’ve done that I want you to talk to me about how “Gold claims you”. Oh and by the way, just because I’m the kind of guy that looks out for the common man, I am going to drop off a set of Rosetta Stone Version Four, English Edition, levels one through five. Put it to good use. Or don’t. I’m sure you could sell it on Ebay and make a couple bucks.

Now, Loverboy. I was hoping that you would bury your head in the sand after the last verbal ass rape I gave you but apparently you like that sort of thing and so here we are again. Back for another.

I find it funny that you Loverboy claim to know me so well, that the mystery surrounding Enigma is so simple and so transparent that you know everything there is to know about me and yet, when you speak about me you are so off base that I wonder if you are either or just deaf and blind.

You claim that I haven’t spent time talking about Relentless and yet here is evidence of two instances in which I did exactly that.

Exhibit A

Exhibit B

Tell me again how I haven’t talked about relentless and I’ll show you a with a big mouth. And now I’m not talking about Peter Gilmour either.

Then you cop up some bogus bullshit about me entertaining the idea of Azrael’s loyalty to our team at the Pay Per View. You’re right, I did entertain it, after you brought up the ridiculous notion, and then I dismissed it just as quickly as I am going to dismiss you and your teammates tonight.

But do you know what the best part about all of this is? You Loverboy seem to think that because I haven’t spent all my time preparing for the match or talking about the match that it is somehow an indictment of me and my strategy. You see Loverboy, I don’t need to spend all my time prior to a match in the gym getting trained one on one by some asshole named Alex to increase my chances of winning. Especially in a match that is as one sided as this one. I could spend my entire week in a drunken stupor like Tony Santos usually does and just like him, I could walk, or stumble into the ring and still walk, or fall out victorious. That’s not bravado that’s just stating the facts. You think that because you have spoken about the match and about the Pay Per View in all of your promos that makes you better than me? More relevant than me? Really? If you really believe that than I’ve got some beach front property in Iowa that I can sell you.

Forget it, I’ve said all I can about these jokers. I’m not worried about them or this match. We will walk in the champs and walk out just the same. Is there a team that is capable of actually challenging us for the titles? Possible. But it most definitely is not the team we are facing tonight, take that to the bank.

Now if you don’t mind, I’d like to take a quick little nap.




SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Eric, can are you awake?”



Son of a bitch. My eyes were closed for what? Five maybe six seconds? I open them up and see Sebastian standing above me, the item in his hand.



SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Do you have a second?”

ENIGMA: “Yes.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I understand that you have worked out all the financials with your contact and he has been paid in full?”

ENIGMA: “That is correct.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Good.”

“Would he be willing to find something else for me?”

ENIGMA: “I don’t see why not, that is what he does.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Very good. We can talk about the details after the Pay Per View.”

“Are you ready?”

ENIGMA: “To talk about the details or the Pay Per View?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Relentless.”

ENIGMA: “Yes I’m ready. I was ready the second this match was announced.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I expected as such. What are some of your thoughts about the rest of the event?”

ENIGMA: “I’ll be curious to see if Azrael has the strength to compete two nights in a row. I’m certainly not worried about them beating the two made up of bimbo one and bimbo two. And Blizzard and the Za? Not really all that intimidating.”

“The X-treme title match? I would be shocked if Mystica didn’t walk out the champ. Steve David’s little reign as TV champ is about to come to an end whether by Gator and Socrates hand or by Cains, that much I am sure of.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “And what of the Universal Title?”

ENIGMA: “Well I fear that now that the title is not around your or Azrael’s waist that the title will now become a disgrace much like the X-treme title.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Why do you say that?”

ENIGMA: “Because Morbid Angel lucked into winning his match verses Azrael and then conveniently he decided to take five weeks off. And then when he finally has to defend his title he quits five minutes after the match was announced.”

“And now a career coward like Eli James is going to claim the top title in the fed. The guy finally gets what he has always wanted and yet it will be always be tainted. Just like the time he claims to have won the European Title when in fact all he did was accept the gift that Sid Feder gave him. They didn’t have a match. They didn’t have a week which featured back and forth promos leading upto a match. Eli convinced Sid to join the Congregation and in return for Eli allowing Sid to do that his price was a European Title reign. Sure Eli will say that he then did the honorable thing and handed the title off to another member of his Congregation but an honorable man wouldn’t claim to have won something that he never actually fought for.”

“And that is exactly what will happen on Sunday night in his match with Morbid Angel. He will win the title because Morbid Angel is a disgrace and then Eli will walk around as the worst Universal Champion since the guy he took the title from. His name will forever be linked to greats like you and Azrael and it makes me sick.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Good.”

“Very good. Use that tonight in our match. Take that feeling of disgust and take it out on our opponents.”

ENIGMA: “Of course.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Now, I have another matter to talk to you about.”



This ought to be good.



SEBASTIAN DUKE: “I want to talk to you about Asmodeus.”

ENIGMA: “Pourquoi devons-nous parler de lui?”

“Je comprends que vous et lui êtes Butting tête, mais pour le moment hs n'est pas ma préoccupation.”

“Et jusqu'à ce que le match est terminé, il ne devrait pas être la vôtre non plus.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “What?”

ENIGMA: “What? What’s the problem?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “You were just speaking French.”

ENIGMA: “What? Stop screwing around.”

“I don’t speak French.”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Clearly you do, you just were.”



I look into Sebastian's eyes and I see something, something that I have never seen in him before. Concern.




ENIGMA: “What are you talking about?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE: “Eric.”

ENIGMA: “Yes?”

SEBASTIAN DUKE:Eric Nigel Martin.”



Sebastian says my name, my full name and suddenly everything becomes clear. Everything comes back into focus.

Fade To Clarity.



I have come to believe that the whole world is an enigma, a harmless enigma that is made terrible by our own mad attempt to interpret it as though it had an underlying truth.
~Umberto Eco


[Image: LoylT4w.jpg]
[Image: TKO12Eu.jpg]

Former United States Champion
Former X-Treme Champion
Former Trios Tag Team Champions w/Sebastian Duke and Azrael Erebus
Former Ark/24-7 Champion x 2


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