Mr. Radio
Best in the Multiverse!
XWF FanBase: Some men, some teens, few women (the villain you love to hate; has cult following)
XWF Roster Page
Joined: Mon Jun 03 2013
Posts: 879
187,667
Likes Given: 753
Likes Received: 510 in 296 posts
Hates Given: 5
Hates Received: 13 in 12 posts
Hates Given: 5
Hates Received: 13 in 12 posts
Reputation:
77
X-Bux: ✘74,892
|
|
|
|
|
|
#MemeQueen Luca Torchwick
Waves don't die.
XWF FanBase: Women and gay men (physically attractive male on every level; can seduce you; that disarming smile; those bedroom eyes)
XWF Roster Page
Joined: Wed Jan 09 2013
Posts: 966
282,318
Likes Given: 512
Likes Received: 848 in 456 posts
Hates Given: 4
Hates Received: 16 in 15 posts
Hates Given: 4
Hates Received: 16 in 15 posts
Reputation:
115
X-Bux: ✘75,253
|
08-08-2013, 12:15 PM
Okay, this is something I've been seeing for a while, but couldn't put my finger on the wording of the issue. Now, this probably won't even be the best wording possible, but I hope it's enough to make the issue clear.
It feels like you're giving us the story, and not the characters. However, the characters are what makes you care about the story, not very much in the realm of vice versa. For example, this line: I told Shawn to take Bloodlust and go left. I would take Gunnar and Krios with me
Okay, could you have maybe put the dialogue in there? Not just what inevitably came about because of the discussion, but the actual discussion itself. That's the easiest way to really demonstrate traits of a character, and in turn, get people invested in the characters so that they will in turn get invested in the overarching story that you're writing.
|
|
|
|
The following 1 user Likes #MemeQueen Luca Torchwick's post:1 user Likes #MemeQueen Luca Torchwick's post
Rebel (08-08-2013)
|
|