”Has THIS ever happened at YOUR WORKPLACE?”

---

Two office drones stand around the water cooler.

”So… I do ALL this work! I’m *this* close to getting the sign-off… THEN, Boss tells me ‘Penderson’ll take it from here!’”

”Ooof… Tough break.” His coworker empathetically raises his water-cup.

”It’s absurd! Penderson’s stealing the commission on an account I poured my sweat, tears, and BLOOD into!”

”Man... That SUCKS.”

Another coworker rushes up! ”GUYS! That language’s offensive to… Y’know…” She gestures off-camera!

The pair glance over...

”Oh…uh.” The drone scratches his neck. ”Sorry, Aloysius...”

The camera pans over…

To a fanged creature in a black cape… and a business-casual polo shirt.

Aloysius’s lip puffs out.

He throws away his virgin goat, appetite ruined…

Suddenly, Mark Flynn bursts in from off-camera!

”NEVER AGAIN!”

”Hi, I’m Mic-...”

…Flynn feels at his face…

”...Whoops! One sec. The star’s… in his trailer.”

Flynn jogs off-set!

”Keep rolling!”

…

……

”HI!” ‘Micheal Graves’, wearing his Dark Warrior mask, enters stage-right!

”I’m Micheal Graves with the Wrestling Union!”

”Some claim the Union only promotes the interests of certain wrestlers! Non-fantastical, human wrestlers!”

‘Graves’ spits disgustedly!

“FALSE! The Union’s for EVERYONE!”

“Regardless if you’re a vampire!

“Werewolf!”

“Time-traveler!”

“Gorilla!”

“Or Woman!”

---

STARWIPE!

”Hence, the Union’s next big objective… Making the XWF more accommodating to Vampiric-Americans!”

‘Graves’ passes a cubicle where a young vampire intern types at their laptop…

“Ekaterina!”” A chubby manager strolls beside the vamp’s desk. ”Could you work on the company homepage?”

”Seems like something you could… SINK your TEETH into!” The manager chuckles at his joke.

A hand suddenly squeezes the manager’s shoulder.

It’s ‘Graves’.

”Pal, that’s a micro-aggression in *this* office.”

…

”The punishment for that? Is a MACRO-aggression.”

‘Graves’ BOOTS the manager’s stomach! The manager meekly collapses into a ball…

‘Graves’ scoops the manager’s neck-scruff… And HEAVES him into the wall face-first!

The manager collapses to the floor with a squishy THUD!

---

”That’s right!”

“Only blood-suckers the Wrestling Union opposes?”

“The blood-sucking corporate stooges robbing the working class of solidarity by pitting them against one-another!”

“Working-class Vampires? A-okay!”

---

“We’re making numerous changes to the XWF workplace to accommodate vampires, or…” Finger-quotes. “The Hemoglobin-deficient.”

“Changes like…”

---

“Complimentary bloodbags in company fridges!”

Two lady-vampires punch Kool-aid straws into bloodbags.

”Blood of every type and dietary preference!” ‘Graves’ glances at one vampire’s bloodbag label.

”...Diet AB-Positive?” ‘Graves’ eyes the lady-vampire up-and-down. ”Girrrrrrl, like you need diet anything!” ‘Graves’ winks.

The lady-vampires giggle, charmed…

---

“In-house Counseling for you AND your familiar!”

An 1800s-looking man sits beside his vampire sire.

”It’s like I’ve lost myself! I’m not ME when I’m around him!”

”Because you’re my FAMILIAR, Derek! You’re *not* yourself because you’re under my THRALL! I’ve told you that a THOUSAND times!” The Vampire spins away, hurt. ”It’s like YOU only listen when I’m COMPELLING you!”

”Hey, now!” ‘Graves’ interjects, now sporting a sweater-vest and khaki’s. ”Derek may be your familiar… but it sounds like you’re both unfamiliar.. with active listening.”

…Vampire and Familiar look at each other…

But, finally…

Truly see each other.

‘Graves’ removes his glasses from the front of his ‘Dark Warrior’ mask.

”They’re gonna be okay.”

---

”And Dark rooms! For vampires seeking an escape from sunlight!”

Inside, vampires happily chat… Even with the door open, no light enters!

‘Graves’ politely closes the darkroom door.

”Conveniently located beside the ADA-mandated lactation suite!”

…Suddenly, a burping, bat-winged baby flaps outta the lactation suite.

…

”Okay, those… MAYBE shouldn’t be beside each other.”

---

”In light of these changes, we’re pleased to welcome XWF Grandslam Champion AND proud vampire, Vita Valenteen, back to Anarchy!”

‘Graves’ claps heartily!

”Now… WHY did Vita leave, given her lengthy XWF history?”

“Maybe because Vita allegedly murdered a man in 2022 to sate her vampiric bloodlust?!”

“Possible!”

“OR because Dolly made Vita feel awkward, asking if Dolly was SAFE simply sharing a room with Vita, making Vita feel unwelcome at work?”

“EQUALLY POSSIBLE!”

---

‘Graves’ eyes the camera.

”Vita. You and I have a match on the horizon.”

”Perhaps you’re worried, upon returning…”

“That you’ll be regarded as a FREAK.”

“An OTHER.”

“LESS-THAN.”

‘Graves’ shakes his head.

”Lemme promise with EVERY BEAT OF MY HEART. The Union HAS YOUR BACK.”

‘Graves’ raises a fist in solidarity.

”And I’ll prove it…”

“By BEATING THE EVER-LOVING SHIT OUTTA YOU!”

‘Graves’ taps his nose.

”Vita, maybe you’re thinking… Gravy talks a big game, but will he back it up with action?”

”Advocating for worker’s rights? Raising an Asian infant? I bet he’s going SAWFT!”

“Lemme prove what I’ll do for the Revolution… by BREAKING YOUR ARMS! Like I’d break down the systems of oppression preventing true class equality!”

“I’ll STOMP your face! Just like I’ll STOMP down communication barriers until Peter Principle has NO CHOICE but to acknowledge Union demands!”

“I’ll scratch, bite, and claw for every inch improving conditions for XWF employees, vampire-or-otherwise… Just like I’ll scratch, bite and claw YOUR FUCKING SKIN OFF, VALENTEEN!”

“And as you lay there, center of the ring…”

“Crippled, bruised, beaten within an inch of your un-life… You’ll think…”

“Wow.”

“Gravy CARES about me!”

”And I won’t use garlic! That’d be a HATE CRIME!”

“Won’t use a stake! That’d be BIGOTRY!”

“The only holy text I’ll wield?”

‘Graves’ retrieves from his pocket…

A small pamphlet!

“The Union Guidelines on how, in an equal-opportunity workplace…”

“TO DELIVER AN EQUAL-OPPORTUNITY ASS-WHOOPIN’!!”

‘Graves’ frisbees the union literature away!

”Vita, I will MASSACRE YOU!”

“DECIMATE YOU!”

“LEAVE YOU IN YOUR OWN BLOOD AND BILE!”

”NOT because you’re a vampire! But because you’re my opponent! And you deserve the same treatment as everyone else!”

…

‘Graves’ glances stage-left.

Someone from HAHAR (Human-and-Humanoid-Adjacent-Resources) holds a stamp over an evaluation sheet.

The Stamp reads…

"NOT INTOLERANT!"

…

The HAHAR inspector sniffs thoughtfully.

‘Graves’ sweats nervously, like an Olympic gymnast praying for a ten.

…

The HAHAR inspector…

Pockets the stamp!

…

Retrieves from their pocket…

Another stamp!

And stamps the sheet!

WITHIN ACCEPTABLE LEVELS OF INTOLERANCE!

”YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!”

Presented by the Wrestling Union… Within Acceptable Levels of Intolerance