Because it sure as hell isn't this halfwit who talks like how an ADHD addled, barely literate Gen Z'er writes. 

Madison pins Roger's pallid effeminate twinky body.

Hello my name is Roger and i do not understand why i have awoken from my days long slumber with the gorilla and the dastardly Tommy Thug whose guts i hate to have a lady touching me but it is ok because my lovely wife-to-be whose name used to be Humongous Molly and is now just regular Molly but still has some things that are humongous if you know what i mean and if you do please tell me because my brother the infamous necromancer that bitch Joseph Gordon-Levitt told me that joke and everyone laughed so now i am using it too even though i don't quite understand it but Molly told me that women will definitely try to touch me because i am a handsome boy and my mummy said the same before she died in an explosion of confetti at the end of last year to save the world and they told me to tell those women BE GONE YOU FOUL WHORE and then they will probably begone just like Madison is leaving like the very polite person she is ad i casuslly sit up and my shoulders leave the ground.

Thank you for listening to this kickout that i inexplicably had a talk of out loud.