After coming to my senses and calming down, Lauren and Frankie helped me to the shower.  When I came out, I felt a lot better.  The two of them had gone to lay down while I stayed up and brewed a pot of coffee.  Sipping away as the buzz slowly crept its way from my body, I used her phone to call Lewis DeVille.

Naturally, he didn’t answer on the first try.

Or the tenth.

He would eventually though.

”Hello?” he said through his weariness.

”Doc, I need you to come out to the house,” I greeted him.

”What?” he asked as he tried to make sense of things.  ”Who is this?”

It just dawned on me that he doesn’t recognize Lauren’s number.  ”Thaddeus,” I replied.

”Duke?” he asked foolishly.

”Do you know many people named Thaddeus?”

”Fair point but it’s three in the morning,” he argues.

”It is,” I agreed.  ”But mental illness doesn’t take a day off.”

”No.  No it doesn’t,” DeVille agreed.  ”Twenty minutes okay?”

”I guess it’ll have to be,” I answered before ending the call.

In the meantime, I continued to try and sober up the best I could.  Remembering the last hour or so, I can recognize that something is certainly off.  Flying off the handle hasn’t been typical.  Only in my most stressful of times have I lashed out like I did tonight.  Maybe an outsider's perspective differs from my own, but while maybe it doesn’t seem so bad, I’m well enough to know where this all leads if it's left unchecked.

My house is an open house.  We’re not shy of feelings.  We’re not angry people by nature.  This is a house of love and not a house of broken things and potential violence.

Door bell.

Both Minkah and Mufasa are aroused by the chimes ringing through the house.  Both are goodest boys and are ready to protect their daddy.

”It’s okay guys,” I said to them as I made my way to the front door.

”Thaddeus,” he greeted me on the front stoop.

”Come on in Doc,” I said as I stepped aside.

”You’ve been drinking,” he said before warmly greeting the dog and the lion.

”Yeah,” I answered.  ”Coffee?”

”Black,” he replied before following me to the kitchen.

Stepping over the broken glass still strewn about the hardwood floor, I reach into the cabinet above the counter for a mug.

”What happened here?” he asked as he took a seat in the stool at the island.

”I fell,” I answered truthfully while placing the mug of coffee in front of him.

”Drunk?” he asked while I retrieved the broom and dustpan to clean up the glass.

”Little bit, yeah,” I replied.

”Are you still?”

”Kinda,” I answered as I put away the broom and took a seat across from him.

”What happened here tonight?” he asked as he looked me up and down.  ”You have stubble.”

”Five o’clock shadow,” I said while running my hand up and down my jawline.  ”Only took two weeks this time,” I joked.  ”A sudden panic attack happened here tonight.”

”Panic attack,” he repeated.  ”How long since your last one?”

”I don’t know,” I thought.  ”A couple years maybe.”

”What’s different now?” he asked after a sip of his coffee.

”I haven’t slept in two weeks,” I answered quickly.

”Why not?”

”How the hell should I know?” I asked a bit defensively.  ”If I knew, I wouldn’t need you.”

”Thaddeus,” he scolds.  ”You know the process.  Trust the process.”

”If I know the process, then again, why do I need you?” I prodded.

”Because you lack the clarity to ask yourself the correct questions,” he replied.  ”These sleeping troubles.  Before you lost the ability almost entirely, when did they begin?”

”About a week or two before we moved here,” I answered.

”So it’s not the move that triggered them,” he makes a note.  ”Can you remember when they started?”

”The day I showed Frankie this place,” I answered him quickly.

”What happened that day?”

”Nothing,” I answered while twirling my dog tags with my fingers.

”Something happened,” Lewis argued.  ”It could’ve been anything Thaddeus.  Think!”

”Nothing happened!” I argued back.

”Did you see something that day that triggered a memory?  Did you hear something?  Anything at all?”

”Doc, I swear to god,” I argued vehemently.  ”I took the day off work.  We came and saw this place.  Loved it.  Put an offer in on it.  I went and picked up Frankie, then we went on the Harley to Brooklyn, then came out here.”

”Did your Harley backfire by chance?” he asked and for a moment, I looked at him with a perplexed look.

”It’s a finely tuned machine, Lew.  It didn’t backfire.”

”S no bangs?  No loud noises?”

”Doc!  How many times do I…”  At once, my voice trailed off.

”There was something, wasn’t there?” he asked.

For a moment, I didn’t answer.  Instead, I was recalling that day in my mind.

”There was an explosion, but it was in my head,” I began.  ”I was telling Frankie we were moving and he took a walk to process.  I stood there on the pier and I heard this… over the Sound.

“It wasn’t real, but I heard it.”

”What did you hear?”

”An explosion,” I answered him.  ”I looked over the water and I was thrown back to three years ago when Ares Project missiles struck my plane.  I was launched out the back like a cannon but… the plane hit the water and exploded on impact.  I remember watching the tail slip beneath the waves.

“So many people died that day.”

”And your sleep has steadily deteriorated since that day?”

I nodded my confirmation.

”How much sleep are you getting right now?” DeVille asked as he leaned forward.

”An hour maybe,” I answered.  ”Ninety minutes, tops.”

”And what wakes you up?”

”A dream,” I replied.  ”It’s all a blur except for the end.”

”How does it end?” he asked.

”By falling into a black hole.”

”A black hole,” he repeated.  ”Like… in space?”

”No.  A literal hole.”

”Can we take this into the other room?” he asked.  ”I want to try something.”

”Yeah,” I replied as we both stepped off of our stools and headed toward the family room.  ”But I have to warn you, if you plan to take advantage of me in my vulnerable state, it’ll require much more booze than I’ve had,” I joked.

”Speaking of,” he prefaces.  ”Have you been drinking a lot?”

”The last few days, a week maybe.  Yeah,” I answered him honestly.  ”Way too much.”

”Lay on the sofa,” he instructed as he sat in an armchair.  ”When you fall into this black hole, what happens then?”

”I scream,” I answered.  ”In the dream and in real life.  It wakes me up and I’m drenched with sweat.”

Doctor Deville reaches into his pants pocket and retrieves a tiny baggie with a pill inside then tosses it to me.

”What’s this?”

”Something to help you sleep,” he answered.  ”I want you to swallow that pill, and I want you to fall asleep.”

”Doc, you know I don’t like drugs,” I protested.

”I know Thaddeus,” he replied.  ”But desperate times call for desperate measures.  What I want you to do is finish that dream.  Go wherever it takes you.”

”What if it doesn’t help?” I asked him.  ”What if I fall into the hole and I scream and wake up again?”

”We’ll cross the bridge if we come to it,” he answered without answering anything.  ”But let’s try.”

”Alright Doc,” I relented with a sigh.  After some hesitation, I swallowed the pill without aid and closed my eyes.  I’m not sure how much time passed, but it wasn’t much.  Soon, I was…