And now… The Epilogue

***

Flynn and NK are standing shoulder-to-shoulder, having just finished telling this whole story.

In Davenport’s office.

Davenport has remained silent for the entirety of the story, never breaking eye contact with Flynn.

…Although halfway through, a vein in her forehead started very visibly pulsating.

“Anything else?”

Flynn looks at NK. NK shakes his head at Flynn.

“No, I think we covered it all.”

“So, I’ll try to summarize what you’ve told me to make sure I have it.”

Davenport sits back in her desk chair, staring daggers at Flynn.

“You wanted to investigate Thaddeus Duke and the Illuminatus State’s ongoing military conflict with the Ares Project for the XWF’s potential involvement. I said I wanted proof.”

“So NK secured you a meeting with Dolly Waters and Coreytopia as the commune had a previously tenuous friendship with the Illuminatus State.”

“THEN, having discovered that your lead had hit a dead-end, you decided to follow a lead on a completely separate matter, driving from Chicago, Illinois to Louisville, Kentucky.”

“...To be fair, we thought it was worth looking into how someone could be in two places at once.”

…

“So, you break into an XWF arena… Discover a frozen show with a frozen audience. Run into an XWF employee, pretend that you’ve been sent to join her as fellow XWF employees. You learnt that all of this is part of an XWF production team scheme… Using TIME TRAVEL to re-record botched segments…”

“...There was a very helpful informational video that explained all that very nicely.”

“THEN! Flynn, you got… what did you call it?”

Flynn clears his throat uncomfortably, “...Time dysplasia.”

“And, of course, that required medical attention. Which allowed NK to be kidnapped by a non-frozen FXWer, his dimensional counterpart… Who, unrelated to anything you two were there for, wanted to freeze the entire multiverse?”

“He thought it would create a perfect endless peace.”

“Right. Then, Flynn recovered from Time Dysplasia… After having fought past versions from himself in his own head… One of which was Robert Miles, an old wrestling alter-ego… And based on that, you think you’ve uncovered RM’s identity as Robert Miles.”

Flynn squints. “...I didn’t FIGHT Robert Miles. The VISION ended once he was revealed.”

“Ah. Very important distinction.”

Davenport makes a note on a sheet of paper… Still never breaking eye contact with Flynn.

“So, Flynn wakes up… to discover that some conspiracy theorist who…” Davenport checks her notes… “Believes Bobby Bourbon is the real President… was trying to break down the door to his recovery room… With a sword. Do I have that correct?”

NK squeezes his thumb and index near each other.

“Very close. He believes ROBBIE Bourbon is the true president. And that Bobby Bourbon is a deep-state duplicate designed to shake the faith of those in his flock…”

Davenport nods, then amends her notes again.

“SO. Flynn and this XWFer you two ran into… Evade this swordsman. Meanwhile, NK and his duplicate were in the executive suite. And NK agreed to help him hack into the vault containing the time delay.”

NK chuckles.

“Under false pretenses, Agent Marie Davenport! I actually slowly sussed out his true intentions… Only pretending to aid his quest.”

Davenport nods. “Yes, I have that here in my notes… To continue… Then, Flynn and the XWFer made it to the Executive Suite… Encountered NK and his double. And it was at this point that the swordsman burst through the window of the executive suite.”

”You forgot about the F-Tron collapsing!”

Davenport squints, then flips back a page… “Ah, wait here it is. Under structural damage: The Collapse of one three-ton TitanTron.”

Flynn bites his bottom lip.

“Okay, but that wasn’t us. Maria and I were in the stairwell at the time.”

“And UK and I were in the Executive Suite!”

Davenport tilts her head, pretending to be confused. “Well… Then I guess it must have fallen by itself!”

Davenport rolls her eyes. “It’s obvious that the swordsman did it to climb up the catwalk to the Suite. I don’t care about the F-Tron falling.”

“You don’t?”

“I care more about insubordination and possible treason, but we’re building up to that.”

“...Ah.”

“So, swordsman breaks through the glass. He knocks out the 2nd NK, Flynn kicks a… gun into the swordsman’s face? Where did this gun come from?”

Flynn side-eyes NK. NK blushes.

“It was in our possession from the beginning… But not accounted for amongst our expeditionary supplies.”

“Uh-huh. And then how did it leave your possession?”

NK blushes twice as hard.

“Um. It was… purloined, as it were.”

“Purloined?”

NK swallows and then lifts his right hand.

“It was in my hand. And then it wasn’t.”

Marie makes another note.

“And then it was on the floor next to Flynn’s feet. And Flynn, you… kicked the gun?”

“Yes.”

“Did you consider picking up and shooting the gun?”

“I don’t like using guns.”

“So you kicked the gun.”

“Yes.”

“Into an enemy combatant’s face.”

“Yes.”

Davenport makes another note.

“Okay… Then, a fire just appears. Tell me more about that.”

Flynn’s brow furrows, curiously. He looks at NK. NK is equally perplexed.

“So… We… Actually, we have no idea how that happened.”

Davenport shuts the folder she’s been making notes.

“Well. The boys at the lab checked the scene… Apparently the fire started at the loading dock.”

…

…A single bead of sweat forms at the top of NK’s forehead.

“Did either of you check out that area?”

Flynn shakes his head.

“No.”

NK mutters quietly, “I thought it was the bathroom… Comrade Maria had printed the map upside down…”

“What was that?”

NK’s body stiffens. “NOTHING! No! Neither Mark Flynn nor myself went anywhere near the loading dock! For any purpose at all! Haha.”

…

Davenport re-opens her folder.

“All right. So, THAT’S when you called.”

Flynn nods. “Yes.”

“Only to ignore my orders and do whatever you wanted.”

“To save the lives of the people in the arena. Yes, Agent Davenport.”

…There’s clear static between Flynn and Marie over the argument they’d had over the phone.

“So. NOW. We have 10,000 extradimensional refugees that we have no idea how to send home… You let the XWF-loving conspiracy theorist escape… And the computer with the valuable intel on it was… destroyed?”

Flynn closes his eyes, furious, remembering that detail.

NK’s body naturally turns like a dog that got caught evacuating his bladder on the family couch…

“Yes.”

Davenport exasperatedly closes the folder.

“So, we come away with nothing.”

NK peers at Flynn, then Davenport.

“Well… Not nothing! We have Comrade Maria! She is an XWF employee! Perhaps we can gather her testimony to goings-on at that facility!”

Davenport shakes her head. “You mean the young lady that keeps calling you Ricky and Kyodai? She seemed nice, but… I’m not sure how much value she has in terms of sharing what was going on around her at the time of her employment…”

“...The United Korean Peace Officer! He is still in our custody! Perhaps we could interrogate him!”

“He’s clammed his mouth up tight. He won’t say anything except ask for a lawyer which… Honestly, we don’t have many laws on the books on the rights of extra-dimensional beings. But either way, he’s not gonna be a resource any time soon…”

“Ah! Comrade Hot Dog, though! He may be friendly to our cause and you’ll find he is most intelligent!”

“The giant pig? I’m sorry, I’m not calling a deposition to interview a swine, no matter how many doctoral degrees in mad science he has.”

“Bigot.” Flynn mutters under his breath.

NK scratches his head, then snaps his fingers! “What of the FXWers we saved? Surely, they’d be most enthused to work with us!”

“We’re counseling them now… They’ve lost six months of their lives, with apparently no recollection of anything. It’s like two hours ago it was April and now it’s October.”

“But the sheer fact that they exist! That their memory is gone! It means that something was done to them!”

“True. But unfortunately, the crime scene burnt down, along with the records and the relevant films and internal data… The chain of custody has been broken. Anything tying XWF to the KFC Yum! Center burnt up to ashes. Our evidence for pursuing this case any further is entirely circumstantial.”

Flynn squeezes his fists at his sides, grimacing. “So, XWF gets away with it. Not even a smack on the wrist. Not a drop of egg on their face.”

Davenport’s glance narrows, betraying the slightest iota of anger. “Yes. Because of you, Flynn. Because of the choices you made.”

Flynn rolls his eyes, scoffing. “I’m not going to apologize because I didn’t throw away the lives of thousands of innocent people, Marie. Whether they were born in the XWF Dimension or not, our inaction would have killed them.”

“...Fine.”

“I THINK YOU…”

Flynn’s eyebrow raise, surprised.

“Fine?”

“I understand why you made the choice you made. It was a tough call. And you made what you thought was the humanitarian choice.”

”Just like I felt I was ordering you to do the humanitarian thing from my perspective.”

Davenport rises from the desk.

“I’d ask you, Flynn. In the future, don’t think about lives in the thousands. Think about the billions of lives on this planet. And what might happen to them if the XWF calls in the wrong planet-sized bogeyman before we find the beacon.”

…

Flynn opens his mou-

Davenport’s intercom buzzes.

“Agent Davenport!”

Davenport hits the button.

“Busy with a debriefing.”

“Channel 5. You’re going to want to see this…”

Davenport’s eyes narrow…

She hits a button on her remote…

***

”You’re hearing it here on XWF News first, folks! XWF Superstars Mark Flynn and North Korean War Criminal, apparently working for the United States Government, went on a rescue mission through Louisville, Kentucky! Saving extradimensional refugees from being frozen in time! We go now on the scene to Sandra… Sandra, what’s the word down there!”

We see footage of Flynn and NK sneaking into the arena… Then jump cut to Kato on top of Hot Dog, leading terrified FXWers out of the fiery inferno!

”Yep! You heard it right! Bad guys doing good! Apparently, the hottest new tag-team in the XWF, currently only a few days away from their chance to take on Those No Good Bastards for the XWF Tag Titles… Decided to take a break from training to take on a humanitarian mission! They discovered in an abandoned arena in Louisville, thousands of extra-dimensional people trapped in some sort of fire! Incredibly, all were saved! Encouraged by the heroism of their typically-less-than-heroic employees, an anonymous number of XWF shareholders making up a minority of company ownership have even offered to donate significant funds to help these and future extradimensional refugees.”

”That’s so nice to hear! A feel-good story indeed!”

***

*click*

All three in the room are stunned silent.

Finally, NK speaks up.

“...Why? Why would the XWF themselves report on this situation? Why would they acknowledge the existence of these extra-dimensional beings?”

Davenport leans back in her chair.

“Why would they make you two look good while doing it?”

Flynn stares out the window, up at the moon… Where just a few months ago, the XWF had faked holding a show. Or… maybe faked faking?

“They did it for a reason. They did it for… something.”

NK stares incredulously at Flynn. “SOME-THING?”

Flynn looks back and shrugs, at a loss for any other word. “Something.”

***

“Because, gentlemen, Our… product. Is not wrestling. We don’t… profit from combat sports. We are not a fighting business.”

Therese is walking around the table filling a network of champagne glasses.

Which… is bizarre because again, she’s the only person in the room. Everyone else is connected via phone.

But, as Phone #1 told her, along with many other valuable trade secrets…

Presentation is everything.

“What we actually sell… is stories. Intrigue. Human emotion. Larger-than-life characters that everyday people can see themselves in…”

Therese finishes filling the last glass, before circling back to the front of the room beside Phone #1.

“The acknowledgement of extra dimensional beings in our reality… Has caused a media firestorm. Every network news show just had its #1 story for the night upended by the knowledge that we are not alone in the universe.”

“This is what every brand dreams of… Being at the center of a POSITIVE media frenzy.”

The phones in the room clap excitedly. In a frenzy themselves for maximizing profits.

“And the fact that two competitors of… middling stardom discovered the secret, has raised their …profile in a way that maximizes the return from previously missing revenue streams.”

“If we’d had Chris Page or Alias at the center of this story, the uptick would have been big, but they’re already top-earners, their merch flies off the shelves. But by setting Mark Flynn and his… tag partner toward Louisville. By telling them NOT to go… We guaranteed the biggest possible financial gain.”

Phone #1 allows himself the most modest chuckle.

“And gentlemen, if you’ll permit me… Stock prices are going… to the moon.”

“TO THE MOOOOON!”

“$XWF TO THE MOON!”

“$FLYNN TO THE MOON!”

“$MOON TO THE XWF! $XWF TO THE MOON!”

Phone #1 clears his throat and immediately the other phones go silent.

“Now, with the remaining time for this meeting… I’d like to go over our ...designs.. for 2022… You see, we’ve discov-”

Suddenly, in the corner of the room…

A chugging. A screeching.

A whirring and churning.

Therese turns to a fax machine, that had been left in the corner of the office space.

One that she previously was sure was unplugged.

Its green lights flash as it churns out a document.

The room goes quiet.

Therese walks to the corner and retrieves the fax.

Even Phone #1 is silent.

“What does it say?”

Therese reads…

Quote:From the Desk of XWF Chief Financial Officer, Theo Pryce

Effectively immediately, XWF is executing a 10,000:1 reverse-stock-split.

Sincerely,
Theo Pryce
XWF Chief Financial Officer

“What does that mean?”

“I don’t know! I’m googling it now!”

“My available funds in my RobinHood account went up!”

“RobinHood? You fuckin’ pleb.”

Another fax starts to print….

“WHERE DID MY XWF STOCKS GO?!? I HAD SEVEN!”

“CAN I GET MINE BACK? ARE THEY IN THE CLOUD?”

“DADDY THEO! DON’T GO TO THE MOON WITHOUT ME!”

Therese picks up the fax…

Quote:From the Desk of XWF Chief Financial Officer, Theo Pryce

Effectively immediately, non-XWF shareholders are no longer permitted on company phone lines.

Sincerely,
Theo Pryce
XWF Chief Financial Officer

Phone #1 grunts in pain.

Therese leans over to him. “Uh… are you all right sir?”

“...My head… It’s… It’s as if hundreds of screaming, panicking hobbyist daytraders cried out…

Then… were suddenly silenced.”

The room is now filled with a choir of dulled dial-tones. Hundreds of dead phone lines.

…Until finally, the fax machine whirs to life again. It shoots out another document.

Quote:From the Desk of XWF Chief Financial Officer, Theo Pryce

Effectively immediately, XWF is reverting our recent reverse-stock-split. XWF has issued returned stocks at their present values to those that lost shares. This offer excludes previous partners that the XWF has determined were operating in bad faith. We’ve opted to pursue our legal options to prevent these bad actors from purchasing company stock in the future.

We appreciate your understanding as we navigate these uncertain financial waters to excise bad-faith partners from our operations! We assure you that the XWF is going stronger than ever as it prepares to celebrate its 23rd anniversary as the world’s favorite form of wrestling entertainment.

Sincerely,
Theo Pryce
XWF Chief Financial Officer

The only two voices in the room are now… Are Phone #1… And Therese…

…

…

Then, in a flash, a much shorter fax shoots off the end of the machine… Almost directly into Therese’s hands.

Quote:From the Desk of XWF Chief Financial Officer, Theo Pryce

INTERNAL DOCUMENT

I don’t know who you are. And I don’t care. Don’t fuck with my company.

Sincerely,
Theo Pryce
XWF Chief Financial Officer

There’s a lengthy, uncomfortable silence…

Then a sigh.

“I suppose… From here… We’ll have to get… creative.”