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Noah Jackson · (03-15-2020)

The Joy of Painting with Keiran Overton

The cunting shot opens up with your boi, the hardest working cunt and the most sickest of sick standing at an easel with a paintbrush. Look at that handsome cunt, making Coronavirus look like a cold sore with how fucking sick he is. I look to the camera like this is an actual production, fucking I know right?

"Hello, I'm Noah Jackson and I'd like to welcome you to the inaugural and most likely one-off episode of The Cunt of Painting, on this episode we're gonna focus on painting the idea, the expression and general bullshittery of said lardy boy."

I dip my brush into the palette and get a nice dull beige colour and begin to dab the canvas.

"You wanna start with the blandest shit ever known to man, it doesn't matter what kind of pose or form you take as honestly it all matches up to complete nonsense no matter what. You think I say cunt without any reason whatsoever well once you see an Overton promo you start to realise how unnecessary swear words can actually be. So you just want to go in every random direction with the brush getting vague, beige strokes all over the canvas to match the bland and nonsensical aura of Kieran's persona. Next, you want to get some of your turpentine on the brush and just, ha, beat the devil out of it."

I repeatedly hit the brush against the wooden stand of the easel to get rid of all the paint whilst staring intently at the camera.

Very intently. Stone-faced and wild-eyed like the drunkard I am. After a while, I shake the brush dry and dip it in more turpentine and begin to go over the canvas again.

"Now with the turp soaked brush you wanna go over most of the paint you just added to really make sure you're entire picture means absolutely nothing. All the work you just did to randomly bullshit your way through something that could be considered a children's art piece has known been reduced to basically nothing, now, if we kept going at this painting for weeks to make sure we had a really accurate depiction of Overton we would completely erase any and all paint we added once a week to capture the essence of how backwards and husk-like that chubby cunt really is. But, since we have only today's session; every bit of work we start to do we'll just erase at random to REALLY understand how much of a useless fucktard we're dealing with, I mean this cunt is completely void of anything that makes a talented wrestler somewhat appealable so fuck it!"

"I mean, the fat cunt has lost almost every match he's in, got beaten by fucking Mastermind of all fucking people and NOW is in a match for MY championship! So yeah, FUCK IT! So, what!? Fuck it!"

"Here's what you do when painting with Kie, you start, realise it's shit and." I push over the easel. "And give up! I mean, why try or bother!? He's just going to do the exact same shit as normal so why should I even bother trying to do something fun? Why should I give any effort whatsoever?"

"I'm going to win. Why? Because I'm always going to win when it comes to this title."

"Kieran's going to lose because he's literal garbage, who gives a shit?"

"There is no fucking point, why try? Why fucking care? It amounts to nothing!"

"Overton is a dog shit cunt, I'm the sickest cunt. We're done! That's it! Finished!"

I walk out of the dark void of my spare room and exit out onto the hall; storming off in anger before my brow falling and it just going into a neutral state. I head downstairs and open up the fridge, taking out some, butter, ham and vegemite. To the cupboard where I take two pieces of bread before making a delicious sammich. Almost feel bad I'm not eating it; I walk out of the kitchen and unlock the basement door and head downstairs to see the sorry state of my evil alter self sat in the corner tossing a baseball againt the wall.

"G'day, cunt."

He holds the ball still for a minute while side-eyeing me before throwing it back against the wall to catch without saying the word. I give a slight sigh and hand him over half the sandwich while greedily eating my half.[/i[

"So, how's things?"

[i]I say spitting out crumbs in his general direction.

"I can't believe you. Even when you don't even try you get me locked down here and foil my plans with ease!"

"To be fair, cunt your plans were shit and you're fucking

. So, if it makes you feel any better it was really easy."

He tries to stifle a laugh as he bites his lip in anger.

"Why? Why do you get shit so fucking easy? Why do you get everything? Why do you get to be happy?"

I swallow the bite of sandwich and look out against the wall opposite me.

"... I'm fucking miserable, cunt."

He looks to me as I stare vacantly.

"I mean, I'm so fucking done I can barely create a promo against a z-lister like Overton. I'm just done, cunt... Truly fucking done."

I rest my head against the wall and just feel bad about how much of a fucking waste this has all been.

.....

OH and Fuzz should have a cook-off against Olive. Wanna see the cunt make a roast.

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